Boobs That Speak............... by Diane Ogden

Okay so don't you think the boobs on this page are speaking.  They are Madonna type boobs.  And O M G look at those girdles.  God said to gird up your loins and some designer totally misunderstood.  Not sure what the good book says about boobs...  oh yeah..in Solomon:

3 Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. 4 Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus. 5 Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses. 6 How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights! 7 Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. 8 I said, "I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit." May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples

 

Well let me say those breasts inside that armor do not appear like fawns, or twins of a gazelle, of clusters of the vine.  Ya think?  I wore a bra similar to that in high school and I wore a girdle, but it had separate leg openings. In fact wore it to Prom where it was probably removed sometime after midnight.  Or am I lying?  I cant imagine getting that thing off anyhow or way.  Looks like, and if I remember correctly it was like putting your hand into a finger cot.  Or like trying to put your car in the dryer...for lack of a better "splainatory." You could get one leg in and then forget getting the other one in.  It had to be two at a time, and then pull up with all your might.  I know that is what caused my back issues. LOL.    

 

And check out the price.  $7.50.  Why I cant buy a pound of organic meat for that price.   Or a pair of good socks.  Or good chocolate and on and on. 

Who ever came up with such nonsense for us women.  Who?

Who said it was okay to truss up like a work horse.  A good bra

(brassier) is one thing, but bullet shooters an all together a diff-

erent deal.  I am surprised Christian Grey didn't use these girdle's and brassier's on Anastasia Steele

in 50 Shades of Grey.  That is how I view them.  Like painful equipment before sex.  Yup......just like Prom for millions of girls back in the 50's. 

 

I was searching for some photo's from the 40's (I wasn't born then) Liar Liar pants on fire)

Okay so it was the LATE 40's, and I ran across these two pictures I knew I would have to save for some sort of a blogpost.  And here it is. 

 

At least the latest in girdles are not painful.  They are called SPANX...  hum, back to the 50 Shades of Grey again!   I seem to have hit on something. 

Notice the caption under the photo below:  "YOURS FOR A GLORIFIED LIFETIME.  L O L  And then under that line it says:  ....with LIFE'S magic fit, all the way.   I am laughing myself silly at how they put these words together. Key words just like on the internet now in 2013!  MAGIC, ALL THE WAY, (back in the 50's when a person heard "all the way" it meant sex.  Hey, did you guys "go all the way?"  It mean intercourse.  No, really, that is the truth.  Cross my heart.  Funny me, that's the name of a brassier.  Wait, its Cross Your Heart.  More key words tuned for bigger sales. How about one called, Cross Your Fawns?  I better not be making funnies about the Bible.  Erase Erase

 

Til next time, be well, be safe, be happy, and get rich so you can buy Spanx.  They don't hurt. 

Later's

Near Death Experience..................by Diane Ogden

Richard and I had been divorced for many years but had remained friends.  I had asked him to keep his eye out for our son a new vehicle which  we had been conversing over for some time.  This day Richard called me and asked me if I had time to go view a truck he found for Adam.  I said, "Sure."
And so I readied myself and met him at the park n car ride by the Interstate.  We headed out in his vehicle which was a large Ford F250.  Something a person feels quite safe in considering the size not to mention to a woman it sounds like a jet engine when it accelerates.
We had pleasant conversation about nothing for about an hour.  We reached the designated city where the truck was to be test driven which we did.  Richard found the truck to be less than what he expected.  It had some major problems so back in the jet engine F250 and we headed home.
Richards phone rang just as we were exiting the Interstate and merging onto a major highway that surrounds our home city, population approximately 300,000 making it a busier thoroughfare than the Interstate.  After glancing over at him a few times I noticed his facial expression to be way out of the normal range.  I quietly asked him if everything was alright.  He did not respond in any way. He just held on to that phone as though someone informed him of a death in the family.  It was almost like he wasn't there.  And in fact I don't think he was.  That is when he let go of the steering wheel and was holding the phone with both hands.  Why?  What was going on?  I took the wheel with my left hand to steady the jet truck and maintain the right lane.  I said, "Richard." In a pleading voice.  No response.  That is when the jet truck started taking  on speed.   I said loudly, "Richard!"  Nothing. No response. I didn't have time to look at him to see if he was dead or what.

I suspected in my mind and heart he had decided to take us both out together in some magnificent display or need for attention CRASH suicide. The problem was this could kill others also. But to tell you the truth my mind wasn't thinking anything rational at that moment.  We were now accelerated to over one hundred miles an hour and I was driving this jet from the right side of the steering wheel while screaming for Richard to please help me.  To take his foot off the pedal.  To wake up. All I recall during this part of my near death experience is total and unexplainable FEAR as the truck wavered over yellow lines and back again .........I knew it was over. Would I be ejected as I had unbuckled my seat belt to be able to reach the steering wheel.

 I felt every pound of that two or three ton truck sway against the very air that sustained my life but was about to also take it away forever.
Every cell in my body was frozen in a million tight knots as were all my blood vessels and muscles and tendons.  I was about to die and holding on to life by a thread as we were up to 120 mph.
Then something told my totally frazzled brain to turn the key off and I did. I am not sure how I did that.  And............ 
that was after I woke up and decided that dream was straight out of hell and I needed to finish it so I could move from the hideous state of fear I was presently in.  No way could I have even made it to the bathroom!  I finished the dream by changing the fact that Richard was going to take us both out in some fireball of double suicide along with others.  That he had had a seizure and was unconscious with his foot stiffened on the accelerator.  So I turned the key (fear) off and the jet truck slowly and without power steering came to a stop in the middle lane of the major highway.  I then dialed 911 but to my surprise there were already three or four squads out of nowhere all around me.

Others had called about a runaway jet truck on Highway 215 East. Richard was taken by ambulance to a local hospital and survived never to invite me on any little trips to anywhere. (He knew I would never get into that jet truck again!)   Me, I was able to get out of that bad dream, stand up, breath, and get to the rest room in time. 

Until then, be SAFE, be well, be happy, and getting rich wont stop the bad dreams.  Or will it?
Later's......Those dreams just wear me out!

Vintage Day..............by Diane Ogden

Today was a day of rest.  I have made it clear that the dust may live on here a bit longer.  I also told the dishes they may remain on the counter until tomorrow evening as there are enough glasses until then, although I am out of clean small spoons.  I informed the laundry it would have to deal with its own many different life odors one or three more days. I bought extra under's so I have time.

No, today was a do nothing day.  I checked my emails, my facebook, posted a photo on my friends blog, called my hairdresser who said he was working today and come on over.  Got the gray gone, some brown and blonde in!  And he blew it out straight.  Humm, not so sure about that.

Stopped at a little thrift shop and found a wicker clothes basket for $5.99, like new.  Stopped at the store for kitty milk for Bob the cat's fat tummy, and then to the Pink Poodle resale shop where I found the coolest shabby iron window planter.

  And a wicker elephant to match the chair I found in the garbage at the adjacent condo's.  A $500 chair in the garbage!  I still cannot find pillows to fit that thang under $169.00.  Do notice someone got stupid and put gold glitter under Mr. L.E. Phant and blue glitter on his eyes, and pink somewhere, I forgot.  People are going to think I did that.  doi.  I can sponge a tan color over the glitter, long as it doesn't rain too much.

 I also found a huge silk fern.  Love those huge silk ferns that require no water and leave no droppings anywhere.  All in all it was a good day for treasure hunting and a new doo.

  Not very interesting huh?  Would be if you found good stuff on a nice sunny Sunday. Oh and I am working diligently on my novel.  Reading it into my fancy phone and then listening to it so to catch errors.  I went back to my PDF version and tried to correct .....NOTSOMUCH!   I called my son in Los Angeles and asked him why I couldn't correct my book that we put on PDF?  He said, "Oh-oh... I hope you have the raw copy Ma.  Nope don't think so kiddo.  Guess I have to re type that whole book again.  Oh well, I am determined to get it done and published. 
So be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich so you can hire people to retype the book, correct the grammar, and publish it.  Laters

BAM, YOUR DEAD Part II............by Diane Ogden

Bam your dead, and you left some good "stuff" behind, AND your children were of the upper es-cha-launce of brain activity and went thru every piece of your property. I think they call that class. And they kept much of it or found good places for "it" being the treasures of their Mother!

I walked into a clients home the day after I wrote the Bam...Your DEAD Part I, and was shocked at what I saw.  I saw a restoration of my faith in the "Afterlife of the dead mothers brochure."  Crass huh?  Where did all that class go I was talking about.  Where is the upper es-cha-launce of my brain activity?  I'll  tell you where...   it rose up like Jesus on the third day.  I was like a kid at a cupcake party when I started looking thru all those beautiful dresses, hats, purses, fur boa's and fur hand warmer, purple leather jacket and....jewelry too.  The dresses may not fit anyone, but they were amazing Gatzby dresses.  And she passed away last year for God sakes.  No kids ran to her home and stuffed it all in big BLACK dead garbage bags and drove it to a strange drop off.  Mother's life was dropped off.   Well not the Mother I saw thru photos and belongings.  Why I felt like I knew her.  Like she lived on even thru a stranger like myself.  I offered her property good energy and she in turn did like for me.  It was a good day after the Bam You Dead Part I!  Timing is everything they say and that is what I would consider "Perfect Timing."
Be well, Be safe, Be Happy, and don't die,  Unless your kids have class and upper es-cha-launce of the brain.  Obviously I cannot spell that so sound it out.  And that does not mean I am not smart.  I am.
Later's  And Good Nite......Darlings!                                

 

photos from www.facebook.com/AtticofTreasures2007

Bam!.........YOUR DEAD!.......................by Diane Ogden

Have you ever "wondered" what would happen to your home and your belongings when you DIE?
Some people would say, "Who cares, it's just stuff."  Others might feel or hope a few of their possessions would go to those who would care. Maybe even care about the items.  For instance I have a beautiful red velvet tufted duck down cushion love seat that was my Nana's.  I slept on it when I was four. I have a French Ottoman that was my Grandmother's.   A plant stand that was my Great Grandmother's....My Grandfather's dog tags and  aviator sunglasses that don't have a scratch on them.
Some jewelry, hair combs from the 40's, a pair of size 4 hunting boots from Nana, (I didn't get the bear rug from the bear she shot).  Old 35 mm slides,  and so on. 

I have seen and heard more times than I care to about a parent dying and the children whisk into the home and bag it all up and call a truck to come dispose of it.  It is meaningless to them because they didn't ever take the time to look or ask.  A blind man would have seen more than most of what I heard from these people regarding the personal possessions of their beloved Mother or Father.  The worst is when they take the photos and if they do not recognize the person.....TRASH.  I can understand if there are no other family members left to view the photos.  Why am I talking like this?  Because today I spoke to an old friend whose mother in law died.  The couple drove a few hours to her cabin and in one day bagged and trashed the entire place.  They cleaned it also which is the good side of the story.  Comments were made like, 'She just had a lot of junk, nothing of value!"  I thought I should climb through the phone and personally choke her for such disrespectful words.  While in the meantime I was looking at my great room thinking, OMG I don't really have anything worth a lot of money or value do I?  I was imagining my children coming in here with trash bags and stuffing and jabbing all my worldly possessions into big black TRASH bags and the big green garbage truck coming for them.  The photos, hair combs, the sweater I wanted so badly and waited until it went on sale to finally get it.  The CD I made for my children to let them know I could sing.  My report cards from first grade through graduation. The rings my son made me in art class.  My daughters baby shoes, and so on. The awards for being top salesperson in the company, top sales team in the company, executive leadership club.  The gold goblets, gold ware, award plaques, the Oscar.....

where will they go?  Will anyone look at them and know I was an executive leader once. Will anyone know that lamp was the second thing I ever bought when I started working after the children were born?  Or the ring was the first thing I bought for myself.  Will anyone look at the video's on my computer.  Or listen to the voice recorder on my Mr. Phone where/who I tell funny stories to. Will they check my contacts list and notify anyone?  Or will they just HURRY and stuff it all in bags, look around, and say, "There's really nothing of real value here."  Drive to the funeral home, talk cremation.  Cook or order some food and get it over with so we can get back to golfing and such. That is pretty much what I have seen and it sucks.  I wouldn't do that to anyone.  I would show respect.  I didn't get one item that was my fathers.  Not a shirt, not a cuff link, not a nadda.  I wanted to make all the Grands a quilt from his clothes.  The guys a throw pillow with "Papa" embroidered in one corner.  I wanted to make him a life book with all the cards and beautiful worded letters from people.  But they got thrown away like trash.  Yes I am upset at the words spoken to me today from that old friend about her mother-in-law.  She's gone.  But her spirit lives on.  I know I know.  Its just stuff.  Things.  But I also have a friend from grade school who wrote a little book called, "All Things Have a Voice!"  by Pamela Adger. People need to be still and listen to the things and the animals more often... Because all things have a voice. 

1936 General Electric Refrigerator.......by Diane Ogden

 

This refrigerator, a 1936 General Electric and lives at the old funny farm in the garage and belonged to my Great Grandmother Luella Kline Baker Anderson. Make a mental note that my Mother is 81 years and that was her Grandmother!

It runs great! The family has gone through MANY refrigerators while this one keeps on cooling! Steady she goes year after year..no repairs, winter and summer in the garage. No air conditioning out there and no heat. Through children and Grand Children and Great Grandchildren. Through party's and Christmas dinners, Thanksgiving's, New Years, Easter's, family reunions, tobacco harvests with many workers, Corn picking, bean picking, and everyday use to hold what the big honker in the kitchen cant hold because they just don't make them like they used to....

Later's.

Poopin' in the Wind............by Diane Ogden

I found myself, no my brain, to be utterly scattered one day last week.

 Well maybe three days for sure.
I was in the process of purchasing my new ride after many many years of no car payments.  I am a person who likes things in order.  Who makes LISTS.  Who has a regular schedule that if it gets off too much the brain gets scattered like say Humpty Dumpty's donkey. (ass when he fell) And that is exactly what happened to me one lovely damp day last week.
 I followed my morning routine to the T!  Showered, brushed teeth, made coffee, fed the herd, got the laundry out of the dryer, walked the dog, cleaned the litter boxes (2), put some makeup on, ate some food, made my lunch!  Looked around the apt. grabbed my lunch and glasses and keys and the bag I used to clean the litter and walked down the stairs to the old Buick where I sat the bag of litter on my trunk while I put the other items in my car. Got into my car  and drove away from the complex onto the frontage road and then onto a secondary hiway. I had driven about two miles down the hiway when I noticed this car speeding up in the lane to my right. I look over and freak the freak out!  The woman driver is so close to me I imagine for real this woman is going to collide with my car all the while one of her arms is outside its front drivers seat flailing all over the place and she is screaming.  O M G!  What the H can be going on?  I have to think which is very difficult at his moment.  I am thinking about HOW TO NOT OPEN the passenger side window because it may never go back up and I am in need of selling said old Buick.  But there she is bigger than life screaming and flailing and driving entirely too close.  She is trying to tell me something and pointing. Considering crazy lady is over the top.   I bit.  I hit the power button and down came the broken window. She is pointing to the back of my car.  Mind you we are trucking at 40-45 mph!!  No chit Charlie.  Now I am thinking I am on fire.  My car is on fire. 
Oh Lord it might blow up cause the gas tank is back there where she is pointing.  Then for some reason my brain became coherent and it heard the words, "There is a sack on your trunk!"  And that is when I realized there was three or four days of poop from three cats that could at any moment implode, explode, fly backwards and hit me and the inside of my car, or ........surely there were no convertibles in the area of the flying poop explosion.  There was no where to pull over!
I had set the HUGE bag of litter on the trunk while I did something else God only knows because I cant remember what it was.  Got into my car.......headed out down the road and onto the main secondary highway.
So I slowed down until I got to a turn off.....which happened to be right in front of my State Farm Agents Office....(should have set it outside there door and lit her up, I know, I know that is from the 60's only and I am certainly just kidding hum)

 I retrieved the huge heavy wet bag of poop and placed it IN the trunk where it stayed until I reached my first clients home where it found its way into their trash receptacle.  I only hoped it wouldn't get too hot before their trash day.  As for the crazy lady.  Jeez, you wudda thunk there was a million dollars in that bag riding high on the back of my Buick.
She could have caused a real serious accident.  Trying to drive closer to my car so I could hear her!  What a goose.  And now when I look back on the whole thing I laugh until I am in tears at that big bag of poop riding down the hiway at 45 mph on the back of the old Buick.  Reminds me of Christmas Vacation movie with Chevy Chase.  Who leaves a bag of poop on the back of their car and goes to work?  MWAH when the brain gets overloaded.
So until I find something funny, interesting, or not even useful.....be safe, be well, be happy, and get rich so its easier to keep your wits about you. Laters.

Grumpy Butt Day in Madison, Wisconsin..........by Diane Ogden

I woke up at 8:05 with the same thought I went to bed with.  "Have to get to the car was with the Buick so I can sell "her."  She has no plates on her!  My daughter was here and I decided I hadn't done anything illegal for about 30-40+ years and this was the day for it.  We couldn't get the plates off the new Honda CRV to put on the old Buick to "giter" to the car wash so once more I made an "adult" decision to go anyway.  I put an old license plate from 2001 in the back window like the OKIES and the Rednecks do off we went down the road.  No duck tape though.  Got to the car wash and asked if they would vacuum out the trunk.  They said, "Yes maam that will be $2.50 more."
Good Lord I agreed.  No one smiled.  That might just be because I asked the lil Mexcian man with the vacuum hose in his hand if he could speak English.  I was so embarr -ASS-ed of myself.  Of course he said yes.  I should have known better.  It just came out of my mouth like stupid on rye. 

After such a social embarrassing moment we head on inside the Car Wash where they have two parrots who have lived there for as long as I can recall.  Probably at least twenty years. Seewee."  They came right down and twisted and turned their heads talking and clicking their beaks at her.  I went to the counter to communicate money with the young girl who must have gone out last night as she was sour grapes.  My Dad would have said, "Look at the puss on that face?"  Meaning she "aint" a happy girl person.  No matter what I said and all with a giant smile because I was happy I made the four mile trip and wasn't in jail for driving a vehicle without proper plates.  In fact with an old, I mean old used one (plate) sitting in the window.  At one point on the way a police cruiser pulled in behind me and I was quite sure it was all over but the booking.Turned out to be a security car, no po-po!  I know I would have only gotten a ticket that would have cost me more than the $75 plates needed to drive it until it is sold.  O well, we made it.  And on the way out, SeeWee's both said, "BYE" to us over and over. They were the only happy people we ran into at that car wash.  Even the customers were grumpbutts.  Must have been some bad energy floating around there.   Now all I have to do in go back out and get some FORSALE signs which I forgot!  Going on Craig's List today!!  OMG I have attachment issues.  Later on that. 

(My daughter has the ability to communicate with animals more so than most of us.....and so she did with said Parrots both named "SeeWee!")
So be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich so you can give your old cars away and not have to sell them.  Laters

 

"Folies Bergere" and the Parrot.................. by Diane Ogden

Two days ago I decided to purchase something I have wanted for years.  Why now?  Before the new used car payment becomes a part of my budget.  I bought a large beautiful colorful Parrot that sits in a ring.  This will go on my front porch this year.  He is so inviting. 

My next fun purchase is going to be a whimsical Boudoir Stool.  I have actually been looking for a larger table similar to this with long legs and high heels to no avail.  So for now this one shall be it for me. 

Probably not very exciting to anyone but me.  Yup I am very happy with my Parrot and my Folies Bergere Bouroir Stool...and my new used SUV. 

Laters.....

 

 

If I Should Die, Before I Wake......(Please let my bathroom be clean) by Diane Ogden

 

So what does my Bathroom have to do with Cemetery Lane? I will tell you. We are supposed to live each day as though it is our last, correct? Not too hard! I worked a long day today, came home a tad tired, walked the dog Gracie Allen, grabbed a bite of food, meandered into my bathroom for a shower, and noticed it was nasty in there. It is the bathroom off my bedroom, not the guest bathroom of course. Make up strewn about the counter, toothbrush lying out in the open, hot curlers with a basket of hot curler clips, and of course a blow dryer,  hair spray, a sink with spots of toothpaste, eeewww.....the mirror has specs of "do dah days" all over it. I was sure I would stick to the hairspray on the floor should I step out of the shower with wet feet. Dust on the towel holder....Along with yesterday's work clothes still aside the shower from yesterday. Lordie sakes alive! Should I die before I wake and anyone sees that mess I shall just die again. I pray the Lord my soul to take and get someone in here to clean it up before my family sees it. Who me? What a legacy that would be to leave in their last memory of me. S H U T - U P! But then there are a couple of kitchen drawers to die for also.  And we cant wash our underwear every day just in case we croak or a bus runs over us, can we? But we can be somewhat tidy in our homes and cars and minds just in case we bite the dust or ashes. Who thinks of all this stuff? Me, I do...the obsessive compulsive neurotic. I am not either, My Mother is.
So until we meet again, tomorrow or wherever......be safe, be happy, be well, and get rich so you can hire someone to clean your bathroom in case you croak and your family see's your dirty unders and such.    Laters

Have you ever been blindsided?

Today I was picking up something in the sun room to take it to my Granddaughters who were in my bedroom. It has been a busy weekend meaning I have been going pretty fast at everything I have done so to complete the list of to do's.  That being said, I grabbed what I was after, turned around to walk back to the bedroom where Karli and Kennede were playing and something out of NOWHERE hit me really hard on the top left side of my head. Like a fist, to the place of confusing me.  I immediately stopping and looked all around and there was NOTHING.  NOTHING I TELL YOU!   I kept looking up and down and right and left. Nothing.  And I was hit hard!!  I immediately thought it was from the spirit world as I have heard of such things.  In fact it has happened to me in my sleep where something slaps my on my back or shoulder hard enough to woke me up. Dream or reality, it has happened more than once to me.  Some one obviously wants attention from another world.  Anyway!  The tears started to roll down my face as I became frightened.  This was no Angel of peace, this was a demon that smacked me hard.  Hard enough to give me a headache and I cant see a thing that could have caused it.  I even thought it might be my passed on Dad thumping me for something I said to my mentor about him. That was a mere momentary thought I assure you.

Then it hit me again....in my brain.  I had turned so quickly and as I turned LuLu, my daughters live in resident cat MAY HAVE LEAPED off the top of the antique wardrobe which is over seven foot tall and zeroed in on the top side of my head like a missile with all her 10 pounds to the place I had a headache as I said, and was confused also.  I noticed her over by the bar on the floor  now that I can think back. But that was fifteen feet from me and the fact it might have been her didn't dawn on me until five minutes after the missile hit (attack).  We had a major collision as she was in mid air. 

I would say weird....  She seems to be OK, nothing broken so far.  But then I haven't seem much of her since.  She may never sleep up there again.  And I may check on her whereabouts before I walk past there again.  I would say that was one in a million chance to happen. If in fact it did. And I thought it was satan's army whacking me out.   That is one fast cat ...... I must have been so shocked when it happened that I never saw or heard that cat jump.  And if she did hit me I never heard her meow, or scream, or hit the floor or run or anything. You know, now that I think about it.  Maybe she did it on purpose.  She is pretty ticked off at me for bringing that new cat Bob Ogden into this home.  And come to think of it, I never did she her actually jump or run off from me. So maybe it was Satan or ???  All I know is that is one of the strangest things that has every happened to me in my life. 

 

Sooo....until I experience another unexplainable thump on the head that felt like a real fist, or I find something funny or happy..... be well, be safe, be happy, and watch out for flying cats or satan's crowd.  Oh and get rich like me.

Laters

 

So I was to pick up my new used SUV this evening. Used Car Manager calls me and tells me he gets off at two and that my SUV will be delivered to them from the body shop (they repaired a keyed scratch) at five. I can come anytime after that. All I could think was omg the traffic from far west side to far east side at that time would be nutz. So I waited until 6:30. Gracie Allen, my 6 lb. dog and I drove cross town to said dealership. Got there and no one knew where my new used SUV was. I even walked the lot myself searching for my new used SUV. Nadda.

Everyone was looking for her (the new used SUV). Then the night manager called the day manager who showed up REAL FAST for mama mia... He searched for my new used SUV with no luck. Then he drove to the body shop down the road and drove back to tell me my new used SUV was behind locked gates and he was sure it would be delivered in the morning. I tell ya.....42 miles....well maybe 35 miles back and forth = 70 every time and I have two more times to go. Once to pick up my new used SUV no one could find.....and another to pic up my really used paid for BUICK with no plates. Okay....while the used car manager was out searching for my new used SUV I had to use the rest room. I had brought my lil dog Gracie along so off we went to the rest room. Why do they call it the rest room. I sure as heck am not in any sort of resting mode while squatting over a white porcelain or fiberglass pot! In fact while squatting, legs spread, pants grabbed so as not to have them catch the rain, all the while trying to bend down to find the one tissue link to grab and pull, all the while praying the one link doesn't tear and leave you to start all over.... I pulled, I got several links thank God. But I felt something wet on my right leg. I tucked my head down and looked between my legs to see turlet and noticed it to be off center between my legs. OMG I was not centered. I moved the body over a couple inches but noticed it might be too late. The poor maintenance man!! Who I have gotten to know from being at the dealership LATE so many times.

I only hope he didn't notice me going in there as he was next door at the men's rest room cleaning. Why is it called a rest room? No magazine racks that I noticed. And only low rise tissue holders. Should be electric ones like the hand towels. Motion detector toilet tissue. But then I suppose the floor would be totally decorated like a teens homecoming trees in their yards... "You been papered!"

Regardless, I finished......went to pick up my dog and put her right back down. I had peed miscentered, hit the edge of the seat which then sprayed all over my 6 lb. dog Gracie Allen. She didn't seem to mind, except she did sneeze a couple times.. I proceeded to PURELL my hands and my dogs back.....and then out we went to find out what solution to this situation was available...I know....I cant believe it either.

The manager knew the loaner 2013 Honda Civic he had given me two days ago while they repaired the long scratch on my now signed for new used SUV was hard for me to get in and out of. It is too low like a corvette and I am no youngen any more.... So he said he recalled me saying the Civic was hard to get in and out of so how about a new CRV.. OMG..... I said, "So isn't this going to ruin the feel of my new used Honda SUV? He laughed and said, "This one costs WAY MORE!. Gracie and I drove home on CLOUD NINETY NINE THOUSAND. I listened to XM comedy out of Canada and laughed all the way home. I don't want to go back and pick up my new used SUV Honda but I will and I will be happy... Poor dog! Always make sure you are centered when squatting in public REST ROOMS with no mag racks.  Those aren't rest rooms for craps sakes.  Oh that was a good line!!
So Be Happy, Be Safe, Be Well, and Get Rich so you can buy the brand new SUV with XM radio!!
Laters

The New Ride.............by Diane Ogden

The Happy News for today is I found a new ride. I will no longer have the oldest car in the garage.  Nor will I be the only one without a payment anymore. But I am happier. 
          

 Be Safe, Be Well, Be Happy, and get rich so you can find your new ride!    Laters

Buster............................by Diane Ogden

 

See, this is Buster! He has been sitting in my apt. for ten + years waiting for his best bud Chris (my son) to come get him. You see, Chris rec'd Buster as a Christmas gift when he was in High School. Okay move on 12 or so years later.    So finally Chris come home with a traveling partner Babbette. BUT...their car was overloaded with "stuff," so Buster had to stay.  I told Chris he needed to take Buster with them to Yellowstone. They had already traveled from L.A. to Sedona, to Texas, to Wisconsin, then New York, then back to Wisconsin, and now with Buster in tow, to Yellowstone. Personally I pushed for Buster! I felt Buster would give the many humans that viewed him a jolt for joy! Can you imagine seeing the amazing dog friend atop a car crossing country. Reminds me of the movie VACATION..when they put the dead Grandma on top the car (see below) and kept going. I laughed at that movie until I cried..and here we were again. BUT, no room for extra Buster/Grandma weight on the car.

 

Well shitski anyway. What a hoot this would a been huh? Buster trucking with the kids cross country, giving so many such joy! O well, Buster is now back in my spare bathroom sitting there alone again for God knows how many more years. I can't put Buster on top my car... I can't....wouldn't be the same!  Buster can wait, he's the best at waiting... he sat in Chris's room since the mid 90's...I better put a caretaker for him in my will for sure... I will!  Few years have passted and Buster now sits in my l.r.  I got bored last week and decided he needed some adornment.  Check out his new necklace!!  Ivory baby! Isn't he a proud boy. Or girl, actually not sure as he is not anatomically anything.  Humm, never really checked that in all these years.  The face just looked like a Buster.  In the wintertime I put him at my porch door.  Imagine any stranger that might try to 'break in" finding the face of Buster.  Works for me. 

So until next time, or until I find a funny, or some good news,  Be Happy, Be Safe, Be Well, and get rich cause its easier.. (I forgot to buy a lotto ticket, dang)  Laters

The Little Red Shoes Under Glass...........by Diane Ogden

There have been times in my life when the spirit moves me to make a left turn "out of the blue," which I listen to most of the time.  And each time spirit takes me to an unusual set of circumstances I would have otherwise missed.   And so, this story is one of those left turns my brain wasn't too busy to listen to.
It was rush hour, well not like Los Angeles rush hour, but none the less it was our little rush hour.  I told myself to relax in it, the rush hour that is.   And that is when I heard the still small voice shout, TURN LEFT!  The voice was so from outer space that I did exactly that.  I turned left, that being the opposite direction as home, but I still did it. And there it was not far down the street. My favorite store.  A store I have been known to frequent on occasion and while frequenting take photos of all the things I want.  Then I go home and put the favorites on my dream board.  And this day I was led directly to it.    I walked around the store gazing for a LONG time at the big and small unique items that seemed to take me to new places, making me feel like I am in a wonderful dream, same as some movies do to our senses, they take us away....

I finally purchased something I have been searching for over a year. A glass stand with a glass cover. Picture a miniature cake dish on a pedestal with a cover. The purchase is for the little baby shoes Daniel made Danielle in "memory" of her baby. The spirit moved me to speak....at the counter....to two women who were so busy they didn't notice I was there for some time. When she, the owner, turned to me, I told her I found the perfect little "keeper" I had been looking for. The owner knew I had been searching for this piece for some time. I calmly said, "This is to display a pair of baby shoes for a baby that has passed on. The teenage Mother lost her baby before it was born and we as mother's know we, "never  forget." You could have heard a pin drop! I said, "Her Father is in prison unable to comfort her as he would like and need to, so he made her a pair of memory shoes out of red and silver candy wrappers." The two women were so touched it had to be God speaking from my spirit. Then the owner said, "Why don't you put a sprig of Christmas green in with the shoes and some snow flakes to give it life and keep its memory alive and for each season change something in or around it like in Autumn a colored leaf and in Spring a flower....and so on." I said, "That was a wonderful idea."

Then I told them someone on the Internet caught the photo of the artistic baby shoes made of paper candy wrappers I had posted and asked permission to use them in a magazine. These women were in total awe of my true story. Then they rang me up and as I left to walk away...I turned, looked back, and said, "The Young girl is my Granddaughter and the man is her Father,  my son." There was a spiritual moment in time that seemed like dreaming forever.....then.....

The one lady said, "Thank You for sharing."   And the shoes live on.  I wish the child had. 

So until next time.....  Be happy, Be Safe, and Be Well.....  And be WISE. Being Rich doesn't help with this one.

Captive Range......................by Diane Ogden

 

Have you ever noticed the various and many business's that have camera's installed. Banks where we keep our green paper that may end up worth little or nothing...yet no camera's at the Nursing Homes where our precious ones find themselves in their last days. Camera's in empty parking lots in case anyone is robbed... yet no camera's to view the living being robbed of their dignity and their will to live on. Camera's in office buildings to insure employee safety...yet none in nurse homes to ensure (discarded) humans safety. Am I being too harsh? Not a chance! I watch it every day when I visit Berdie. Some of the aides are very kind and a camera would show that kindness. Some are short tempered, impatient, loud, pointing of fingers at needy patients, self orientated and so on. Would it not be fun to have them all exchange places for even an hour. Let them sit on the toilet for 45 minutes because the aides are busy. I would like to see someone say: All the aides into wheel chairs! NOW! No you may not have more juice! Sorry your confused, sit there! Stay on that hard cold toilet until I get back! No I cant help you, I said No, I have to be somewhere else! And so on..in short loud curt voices....
If you take them, the aides and nurses that is, cookies and treats and kiss their naughty donkey's (ass's) maybe your auntie will get better care. But a camera would solve it all! And this is one of the Top Nurse Homes in our State. Its like I felt God told me a long time ago during a prayer time and while I was walking on a side walk avoiding stepping on ants. He said, "That is all you mean to the devil (and some people), in fact not even that much. He will step on you just to watch you suffer and make you think he is bigger than he is...so stay on the "right path" best you can and pray at all times for you and yours protection. You are the key to your own door."

p.s. This post is from two years ago.  My God Mother Berdus Knickmeier passed away alone in a tiny room at a nursing home the size of a walk in closet. (her $ ran out) Her bathroom door was a curtain and she had to have a roommate.  She helped people all her life and that is how her's ended. I call those places "dying Mills."    

Doberman Buster.............by Diane Ogden

I got bored today.  I was walking past Buster (this is a dog I bought for my 4th son Christopher when he was in high school....  not sure why...  When Christopher left for his world tour many years ago I got custody of Buster.  I tried to get Chris to put Buster on top of his car (like in VACATION with  Chevy Chase's Dead aunt or Romney's REAL dog OMG)  But he relingquished Buster to me...  So I move him around the house until such time as Christopher returns and reclaims him.   Back to my point.  I noticed Buster sitting there all alone and bored. That is when an idea raced into my mind.  They ususally do.  I ran to my jewel box. I chose three possible effects.  I then ran (well I actually walked) back to the l.r. and placed each effect on Buster..... I chose the right one then ran (well I actually walked) to my new camera and took a pic of the now happier Buster.( Actually I am the now happier.) If you have any ideas on how to keep him happy until his master returns I would be ever so grateful to hear such ideas. Until then.  Be safe, be happy, be well, and rich like me so you can take your Buster to doggie day care like I do.  He just sits there though!  I think he misses Chris. I do.