I’M TIRED, BOSS by Julianna Rowe
There is a scene in The Green Mile that has stayed with me for years. John Coffey is trying to explain a kind of tired that sleep won’t fix. He says, “I’m tired, boss.” I thought about those words today because, Lord help me, I’m tired, boss. Not sleepy tired, not I-worked-too-hard tired. I’m tired of watching people hurt people. I’m tired of families who could help one another choosing not to. I’m tired of pride getting in the way when somebody desperately needs help. I’m tired of worrying about people who won’t take care of themselves. I’m tired of medical tests and frightening phone calls and people I love being scared. I’m tired of politics dividing families, neighbors and an entire country until we barely recognize one another. I’m tired of people driving down the highway as though everybody else is an obstacle to be conquered, tailgating, honking, flipping people off and road raging because apparently getting to the next stoplight twelve seconds sooner has become a matter of national importance.
I’m tired of watching animals suffer because human beings decided they were expendable. I’m tired of hearing about wild horses being rounded up and wondering where they will eventually end up. I’m tired of floods swallowing people’s homes and fires burning through communities. I’m tired of turning on the television and seeing another disaster somewhere in the world. Now sharks seem to be showing up close enough to shore that I’m beginning to think they need beach chairs and sunscreen. I’m tired of wondering what we’re doing to this planet and what we’re leaving behind for the people and creatures who come after us.
And never, ever, leave out Bob. My little cat is making his way toward whatever comes next, and I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about time except love him while he is still here. That may be the hardest kind of tired there is. Loving something while knowing you cannot keep it forever.
Meanwhile, ordinary life has apparently received no notification that I am tired. I need new tires soon. I got a recall notice about the rear camera on my car. There are bills to pay, groceries to buy, jobs to keep doing, people to worry about and probably something somewhere in my apartment that needs batteries. Life does not look at you and say, “Good heavens, woman, you’ve had enough. We’ll suspend operations until further notice.” Nope. Tuesday shows up right on schedule.
We weren’t built to know about every fire, every flood, every war, every frightened family, every suffering animal and every political crisis happening across the planet before we’ve finished our morning toast. Yet here we are, carrying our own troubles while a little glowing screen delivers everybody else’s directly into our laps.
So yes. I’m tired, boss.
But then I remember something Dolly Parton said: “If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.”
Well, Dolly, some of us have apparently been issued the family-size rain package.
But she’s right. There wouldn’t be a rainbow without the rain. Maybe that’s what I need to remember when life seems to be pouring down faster than I can mop it up. I don’t have to like the rain. I can complain about it, shake my fist and wonder why everybody else seems to have an umbrella. But I can’t demand a life filled with rainbows and expect never to get wet.
Maybe that’s the trick. We don’t have to pretend the rain isn’t falling. We don’t have to call something wonderful when it isn’t. We can be angry, frightened, and even heartbroken. We can even say out loud, “I’m tired, boss.” Then we keep going. One more day, one more phone call, one more hug, one more prayer, and one more laugh when we thought we had temporarily forgotten how. One more sunrise, and one more chance for something good to happen.
People can disappoint us terribly, and another person can surprise us with extraordinary kindness on the very same day. Someone I love can be sick, and I can still be grateful that I get to love them. Bob can be nearing the end of his journey, and I can still hold that little body and know how lucky I was that our journeys crossed at all. The rain is real, but so is the rainbow.
So I’ll keep going and going and going like that old pink Energizer Bunny, although some days my bunny gets tripped up, four percent battery life and needs roadside assistance. But she’s still moving.
I’m tired, boss. But I’m still looking for the rainbow. And my astrology report says better days are on the way.....







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