"Mice & Money"
There comes a moment in life when you are standing in your
kitchen surrounded by air purifiers of which we now seem to be in a committed
relationship, vinegar bowls to kill odor, coffee grounds, incense, candles,
unpaid bills, unanswered texts, a sick cat named Bob, and the lingering smell
of something dead behind the refrigerator… and you suddenly realize:
“I’m one
inconvenience away from living in a tiny house with twelve wind chimes and no
forwarding address.”
This is not how I want to live. Not that I want to die or
even disappear. Just… not THIS. Sometimes
exhaustion doesn’t arrive dramatically, it arrives disguised as coping.
Still answer people kindly.
Still pay bills.
Still clean counters.
Still feed the cat.
Still laugh at inappropriate moments because if you don’t
laugh, you might unravel completely.
And one day your nervous system simply whispers:
“Enough.”
Not because you are weak. Because you have been strong for
too long. I think many women reach an age where they stop asking:
“How much more can I endure? At this point, if a raccoon
shows up asking for rent money, I may simply hand him the lease.”
…and start asking:
“Why am I enduring things that are slowly stealing my
peace?”
That question changes everything. No, life will never be
perfect. Bodies fail and money gets tight. People disappoint us. Medical bills
arrive like surprise party guests from hell. But there is a difference between
the normal hardships of life… and living in a constant state of emotional
survival. I know this now, and maybe healing doesn’t begin with giant dramatic
changes. Maybe it begins the moment a tired woman standing in a stinking
kitchen finally says:
“I deserve better than survival mode! My nervous system
would like to unsubscribe from this season of life."
Clean hit. No aftertaste and currently accepting donations
in the form of peace, quiet, and emotional support snacks.”
Julianna Rowe
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