"Cult Desensitization" An excerpt from a novel written by Julianna Rowe

 

Chapter Twenty-Four – Cult Desensitization

I had been a professional in management for a large Insurance Company, a prayer warrior for the Lord, had the gift of discernment, which obviously needed a refresher course,  a full-time Nanny, a Hospice Volunteer, a Foster Parent, was married to a Viet Nam Veteran with PTSD, and and and obviously always helped others.  Then suddenly, I allowed fear to birth itself inside me.  Immoveable fear, mistrust, insecurity, and dependency. Of course, that was the sole purpose of the kidnapper, and he had succeeded. He could have been called the devil with blue eyes and a five-piece suit. That was the only way he could have tricked me, as I hadn’t overcome a few of my own curses to date.

I could no longer travel more than five miles from home, sometimes not even that far.  Before all that happened to me, I had shared with a friend I felt like I was on a basketball court with no opposing team. I sadly believed life was turning around for the better for me.  Listen when I tell you to never think that!  When things are going well, keep your guard up, your eyes open, and test the spirits that enter your surroundings.

I had a precious little girl.  Her father, the deceiver, came into my life as an Angel.  He knew exactly what my family and I needed.  But he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I lost our nanny, my job, my self-respect, and my children's respect.  He caused me to mistrust my faith because of my inability to distinguish good from evil, so I began reasoning.  Reasoning led to unbelief, then to self-pity and depression. Had I not caught hold of myself, I could have lost my soul. A simple incorrect decision caused a landslide in the wrong direction. I had sunk into my own desperation and despair.  My soul was nearly kidnapped by a mortal man whose “people” should have been told to check the Kool-aide before getting to know him. He was nothing more than emotional “Make Believe.” I could see glitter spewing from his ass when it was shit. That is how deceivers work, and this one was sent by Satan.

The ordeal was over, yet I still had trouble with anxiety issues.   My family physician ordered me to see an area Psychiatrist who dealt with cult desensitization.   He was a blind man but could see more than most of us, and he helped me tremendously through months of therapy.

Now I was alone with four children in an old two-flat, the oldest son living upstairs with his girlfriend he met at the local carnival. Yes, indeedy, a real live “Carnie!”

Later in life, I recalled a photo of my grandmother and one of her husbands, who was dressed like one of the Flying Wallendas Circus family.  There you have it!  Another ghastly character slipped in from the halls of Crestview Manor. 

This Carnie had come with trouble.

One evening she came running vigorously through my back entrance and out the front squealing something about seeing her dad on that television show “The Ten Most Wanted.”  I didn’t freak out immediately, but when the FBI in dark suits showed up at my door, I did.  They combed the neighborhood door to door.  You see, he had been calling his lovely daughter to meet up unbeknown to me.  Neighbors were pushing dressers against all entry doors as well as banishing weapons.  No, of course, I didn’t share my knowledge regarding it, and the FBI didn’t share it either for fear of causing an old-fashioned small-town mob incident.  I had just gotten rid of one loser husband, one loser con man, and then found an even bigger criminal on his way to meet his Carnival daughter upstairs.  And no, I didn’t tell the FBI. They already knew.  What a shit show we had going on.

I would be outside on more than one occasion and find dishes and moldy pans lying in the yard.  Burned pans of beans “Carnie Girl” didn’t want to wash, so she would throw them out the upstairs kitchen window to the green grass of home below.   Not to mention the sudden growth of a particular “weed” with spikey leaves growing alongside the foundation of the house that turned out to be marijuana.  I guess they were also throwing their “butts” out the windows.  Not to mention showing their butts!

I was once again beside myself.  Even my Grannie would have found this quite an unsurmountable situation.

The happy ending was her Mother came and fetched her, as they say in carnie's talk.  The FBI fetched her daddy, and my son stayed on with his demons.

Life was not easy.