What Men Say When They Don't - I'M NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP by Julianna Rowe

 "What Men Say When They Don't"- A series on language of avoidance. While these pieces focus on men, the language of avoidance isn't gendered. It's for anyone whose clarity, and the quiet announcement people make before they disappear. Hosted on?  The Happy News Lady

I’m Not Ready for a Relationship

“I’m not ready for a relationship,” he says, as if readiness is a permanent condition instead of a choice.

It sounds honest. Self-aware. Even responsible. But this phrase rarely means I don’t want connection. It usually means I don’t want commitment....right now, with you. Because somehow, readiness has a way of appearingwhen the circumstances are convenient, when the expectations are lighter, or when someone else asks less.

“I’m not ready” often arrives after intimacy has already been established, after time, attention, and emotional access have quietly been exchanged. The relationship is happening. It’s just not being named.

Men use this phrase to reset the terms without giving anything back. It allows closeness to continue while responsibility stays optional. You’re told not to expect consistency, not to ask for definition, and not to interpret behavior as intention. If you stay, you’re agreeing to wait. If you leave, you’re told you’re rushing things. Either way, the uncertainty is carried by you.

“I’m not ready for a relationship” often functions as a disclaimer...a way to keep benefits without obligation, and to soften the impact when effort eventually fades. Because when someone truly isn’t ready, they don’t hover in the doorway. They step back. They don’t initiate intimacy they can’t sustain responsibly. Readiness isn’t about time. It’s about alignment. People who want a relationship move toward clarity, not away from it. They don’t ask you to invest while warning you not to expect anything. So when you hear, “I’m not ready for a relationship,” pay attention to what follows. Does he reduce intimacy? Clarify boundaries? Communicate openly about limits? Or does everything stay the same...except your right to ask questions. Because if the connection continues but the responsibility does not, this isn’t about readiness. It’s about keeping options open while asking you to stay emotionally available. And you’re allowed to decide whether waiting for someone to be “ready” works for you when you’re already showing up. 

(reinforces patterns over promises)

Next topic: "I Don't Want to Hurt You"