What Men Say When They Don't.......WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET IT GO? by Julianna Rowe

 ACT V – Gaslighting

 A series on language, clarity, and the quiet announcements people make before they disappear.  Hosted on The Happy News Lady 

While these pieces focus on  men, the language of avoidance isn’t gendered. 

Why Can’t You Just Let It Go?

“Why can’t you just let it go?”

That sentence almost always comes after something has happened, something has been said, or something has been done that never really got resolved in the first place. Because here’s the truth:

People don’t hold on to things for fun. They hold on to things because something still hurts, still doesn’t make sense, or still doesn’t feel finished.

But to the person who wants to move on quickly, it looks like nagging, or overreacting, or “Living in the past.”To the person who is still carrying it, it feels like, “You don’t understand why this mattered to me.”

And that’s where couples start talking in circles. One person is saying:

“Can we please talk about what happened so it doesn’t keep happening?”

The other person is saying:
“Why are we still talking about this? It’s over. Let it go.”

But “letting it go” only works when something has actually been settled, understood, apologized for, or changed. Otherwise, it doesn’t get let go… it gets stored.  And stored things have a way of coming back later. Usually during a completely different argument that started over something small like dishes, or being late, or a tone of voice.

Then suddenly someone says,
“And another thing…”
And now you’re not just talking about today anymore. You’re talking about the last five years. People don’t hold on because they want to fight. They hold on because they want closure, understanding, reassurance, or change. And sometimes, “Why can’t you just let it go?” really means:

“I don’t know how to fix this, so I just want it to disappear.”

But disappearing and resolving are two very different things. Letting go isn’t something you can demand from someone.

It’s something that usually shows up on its own when a person finally feels heard, safe, and like it won’t keep happening. Until then, it’s not that they can’t let it go.

It’s that, to them, it still matters.

“Well now, didn’t that escalate more than necessary?” The Happy News Lady signing off until tomorrow.