"Miracle on Operating Street" by Julianna Rowe

 

"Miracle on Operating Street."by Julianna Rowe

I'll be taking a short break while I have said surgery, but don't count me out for long. If you know me at all, you know I'll probably come home with a notebook full of stories. Hospitals are full of interesting people, odd moments, and enough comedy to keep me writing for quite a while. So, hang in there with me. I'll be back as soon as I'm able, hopefully feeling better, definitely grateful, and almost certainly with something that will make us all laugh.

A few prayers to the great one would be wonderful…  Surgery:  July 13th  8 am.  Or just shoot me now.

While waiting for the big day to come, I made the mistake of Googling the surgery.  You know, what to expect and all.  It said: This surgery calls for the lithotomy position. I was like WHAT is that?  Again I pursued Google and it said:  The patient lies flat on their back with their legs elevated and spread apart, typically supported by padded stirrups. 

Yup, that will be me, riding a horse in an upside down position on July 13^th at 8 am! Apparently, whoever came up with this Lithotomy position the medical community owned a horse and thought, "Let's turn the patient upside down and see if that helps." And I was shown a photo of that position - live and in color on Google, legs in the air, looking like I'm auditioning for the world's least successful rodeo. I wasn't sure if they were fixing my bladder...or shoeing me. I half expected the nurse to walk in carrying a saddle. 

"Ma'am, just scoot down a little farther." Ma’am, Scoot??

Lady, at this point if I scoot any farther, I'm going to qualify for the Kentucky Derby. Forget anesthesia. Just blindfold me, anesthesia me out or and tell me I won a free vacation.  By the time they finish positioning me don't be surprised if somebody wanders in with a bale of hay and says, 'She's ready or she's ready for the glue factory.' I tell ya... this surgery better be worth it!"

Until then, keep the gate open and a diet coke waiting. I'll be over at Miracle on Operating Street, trying not to fall off my upside-down horse. I'll see you on the other side of the pasture... and I promise to bring home a few stories worth telling.   

 Love to you all, Julianna