What Men Say When They Don't - "THE SAVING DEPARTMENT"

 "What Men Say When They Don't"

A series on language, clarity,and the quiet announcements people make before they disappear.  Hosted on? The Happy News Lady

While these pieces focus on men, the language of avoidance isn't gendered. Anyone who's disappeared will recognize it.

The Saving Department. I would like to reiterate a few things about myself before the series continues:

"I didn’t lose them. I graduated them. However many times. And then I retired."

I’ve been married three times, which sounds like a confession until you look closer. It wasn’t recklessness. It was recruitment. I had skills, real ones. Patience. Encouragement. Vision and the ability to see potential long before it showed up consistently.

Men noticed.  

They arrived unfinished, confused and a little stuck. Sometimes broken in places they hadn’t looked at yet. And I got to work. I supported, I explained and I smoothed edges. I believed harder than they did.

I didn’t marry husbands. I married projects. I became the calm, the compass, the translator of their own emotions. I carried the emotional labor quietly, assuming that love meant effort and effort meant loyalty.

And it worked—eventually.

They grew more confident. More stable. More certain of who they were and what they wanted. They stood taller. They moved forward. They looked around and realized they were ready for the next phase of their lives. Just not with the person who helped them get there.

That’s when the language changed.
“I think I need something different.”
“I just want to see what else is out there.”
“This doesn’t feel right anymore.”

Of course it didn’t. The work was done. So no, I didn’t lose them. I completed the assignment.Three diplomas issued. No tuition reimbursed. Eventually, I noticed the pattern. The way my strengths were mistaken for endless availability. The way care turned into expectation. The way being capable made me responsible for fixing what someone else wouldn’t face. That’s when I closed the department. No more unpaid internships. No more before-and-after transformations. No more men enrolling in my life for personal development credit. These days, if a man says, “I just need someone to help me figure things out,” I smile politely and say, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.” Because I’m no longer accepting applications. Retirement suits me.

Tomorrow's topic: "I Thought You Were Different"