"Things Men Say That They Don't" - Why Are You Making This a Thing? by Julianna Rowe

"Things Man Say and Then They Don't"

A series on language, clarity, and the quiet announcements people make before they disappear.                  Hosted on:  The Happy News Lady

While these pieces focus on men, the language of avoicance isn't gendered.  Anyone who's disappeared will recognize it.

Why Are You Making This a Thing? 

As if the thing assembled itself overnight out of thin air and your audacity. You didn’t make it a thing.You noticed it was already one. If it truly wasn’t a thing, there would be nothing to explain, nothing to minimize, nothing to turn back on you. Questions don’t create problems, avoidance does. This phrase shows up when something has shifted but no one wants to name it.When behavior has changed, communication has thinned, or expectations have quietly been rewritten without your consent. Instead of addressing what’s happening, the focus gets redirected. Why are you bringing this up? Why are you uncomfortable? Why can’t you just let it go? Suddenly, the issue isn’t the silence, the inconsistency, or the missing explanation. The issue is that you noticed. Men use this line when they want the conversation to stop without actually resolving anything. It’s a shutdown phrase....not a question, but a signal that your awareness is inconvenient. Because if you don’t “make it a thing,” he doesn’t have to clarify his intentions. He doesn’t have to make a decision. He doesn’t have to admit that something has changed or that he wants different terms than before. Labeling your concern as unnecessary is easier than answering it. But noticing patterns isn’t provocation. it’s perception. And asking for clarity isn’t escalation.... it’s participation. You didn’t create tension by asking where you stand. You revealed tension that was already there. And when someone reacts more strongly to being asked a question than to the behavior that prompted it, that tells you everything you need to know. If it wasn’t a thing, it wouldn’t need to be dismissed.

Tomorrows topic:  "I Thought You Were Different"