What Men Say When They Don't....."I'm Not Playing This Game" by Julianna Rowe

"I'm Not Playing This Game"   by Julianna Rowe

There is a certain kind of conversation that pretends to be about ideas, but isn't.  It starts with a question that sounds innocent enough.  But it's not asked to unerstand, it's asked to steer.

"Do you think such and such is wrong?"

"So what do you believe?"                            

"Oh, so your're liberal in that way then."

No matter how calmly I answer, the words keep shifting.  The meaning keeps moving.  The point is never the point.  I don't take the bait. I say what I believe plainly: Other poeple's lives are not mine to judge. They don't answer to me, and I don't answer for them.  That should be the end of it, but it never is.  Instead, the conversation tightens.  The language then sharpens and eventually it lands on the line l've heard more times than I can count: 

"You just want to have to have it your way.  You just want to be right." 

That's when I know exactly what's happening.  When someone runs out of curiosity, they reach for accusation. When they can't move you, they try to label you. Not because you're wrong, but because you won't surrender your ground. Here's what I've learned the hard way:  I don't owe anyone a debate to prove my values.  I don't need to defend neutrality. And I don't have to stay in a coversation that has turned into a power play.  So when the words start circling instead of landing, I stop. I say:

"I 'm not playing this game." 

And I leave.  I don't hang up because I'm defeated. I hang up because I recognize the pattern. I no longer confuse persistence with intelligence, or argument with truth, or volume with conviction.  Peace doesn't come from winning these coversations. It comes from refusing to have them at all.  And that's not avoidance. That's clarity.   Conversation over!

Tomorrow's topic: Surprise!