What Men Say When They Don't- YOU'RE TAKING THIS TOO PERSONALLY by Julianna Rowe

What Men Say When They Don't...... ACT V- Why Are You Being So Sensitive

A series on language, clarity, and the quiet announcements people make before theydisappear.  Hosted on The Happy News Lady  While these pieces focus on  men, the language of avoidance isn’t gendered.  

ACT V – Gaslighting

“You’re Taking It Too Personally.”

There is a moment in certain conversations when the subject quietly changes. Not because the issue has been resolved, but because someone has decided it should disappear. You may be explaining why something bothered you or perhaps you’re pointing out a comment that felt dismissive, or a tone that carried more bite than humor. You’re not attacking, rather simply describing what landed on your side of the conversation and that’s when the phrase appears.

“You’re taking it too personally.”

Which is interesting because if a comment is directed at you…spoken about you…or clearly meant for you…it would be rather difficult not to take it personally. Yet somehow the conversation shifts and suddenly the problem is no longer the remark itself. The problem is that you reacted to it and the suggestion is subtle but effective: If you were calmer…less emotional…less invested…none of this would even be an issue.

In other words, the responsibility quietly slides away from the person who spoke…and lands directly on the person who noticed. It’s a clever little maneuver because if every uncomfortable conversation can be dismissed as someone “taking things too personally,” then accountability never has to enter the room at all. But here’s the inconvenient truth. Most people who say this phrase aren’t trying to resolve the conversation. They’re trying to end it, preferably while walking away.

And that’s often the moment when the listener realizes something important. It isn’t that they’re taking things too personally. It’s that someone else would rather avoid the conversation entirely.

“Well now, didn’t that escalate more than necessary?” 

The Happy News Lady, signing off until tomorrow.