Have You Noticed the Crazy Facebook Ads Lately - by Julianna Rowe

Have You Noticed the Crazy Facebook Ads Lately:    By Julianna Rowe

If I see one more miracle ad on Facebook, I may need medication. Actually, scratch that. The ad is probably already pushing medication.

Every day I scroll through social media and discover that some poor woman who weighed 300 pounds on Monday became a size 3 by Thursday using an ancient secret discovered in a remote village where everyone lives to be 127 years old. Or is doing Tai Chi. Apparently all she had to do was drink a purple liquid, stand on one foot, and think positive thoughts.

And what about the meals delivered to my door.  Mediterranean, Korean, Spanish, all protein, big man’s meal, Factor, Home Chef, Goldbelly, and buy now pay later.  What?  Why I can even order human grade dog food that comes in dry ice with packaging that melts in water. At this point the hardest part isn't cooking. It's choosing.

Then there are the doctors who "don't want you to know." Know what? And that is after "follow below in first comment." And then an hour and a half video with an ending:  Order here.

If there is a secret cure for wrinkles, fat, arthritis, debt, loneliness, and mice, I promise you doctors know about it. And there is a belly shot you can order and its fat free.

Then there is the fellow who made $87 million from home while working only 12 minutes a week. Twelve minutes. I spend longer than that looking for my reading glasses.

Wait, I almost forgot the people who worked for ten years for the company who had gathered a portfolio of hundreds of clients but the new guy did it in four hours using AI.  The husband goes home and tells his wife he got fired and will have to door dash.  Wife says, oh no, you are going to learn that AI course and it only cost thirty thousand.  

The next ad tells me my knees hurt because I am missing a rare mineral only found in a Himalayan cave guarded by monks and goats.

Then I learn my belly fat is not my fault. It is apparently caused by a mysterious sleeping parasite, hormone imbalance, toxic liver, slow metabolism, hidden inflammation, bad gut bacteria, and Mercury being in retrograde. I am beginning to think my body is hosting a committee meeting.

And let's not forget the miracle gadgets, miracle mushroom coffee, celebrity teeth whitening, reverse-aging gummies, and a 104-year-old woman who swears her secret is eating buttered raisins while standing barefoot in the dew.

 Wait:  There are more: Neck stretchers. Belly patches. Magnetic socks. Copper bracelets. Electric shoes. Pillows that cure everything short of bad relatives.  And sheets that ground you to the earth as if you were hugging several trees all at once. One ad promised I could erase twenty years of aging in fourteen days. At my age, I'd settle for finding my car keys.

Some of the ads at the bottom of the page are so ridiculous I won't even click on them. No thank you. Grossville. Those photos do not pull me in they push me up up and away. If curiosity killed the cat, Facebook ads would finish off the entire litter.

The truth is, most of us know there are no magic shortcuts. Health takes work. Relationships take work. Money takes work. Even cleaning out a toaster takes work. Trust me on that one. At this point, if every miracle product actually worked, we'd all be skinny, rich, wrinkle-free, debt-free, pain-free, and living to be 147 years old. Instead, I think I'll save my money, drink my diet coke, and keep scrolling.

Although I have to admit... If I see an ad promising to get rid of mice, medical bills, and political arguments all at the same time, I might click it.

p.s.  That photo is of my Granddaughter, and she is single.