Grace on the Other Side of the Bed by Diane Ogden

Let me introduce you to Gracie Allen, or Miss Congeniality. And let me add I did not place her on My pillow on My bed! In fact I am not sure how she got there. She has her own bed but like her food, mine seems to be better. I was passing through my bouduare (sp) when I noticed the little human dog stretched out on my bed. I quickly ran for the camera which is never far from my person.... She never moved while I took about 19 picutures....I got up on my bed standing over her and again, she never moved! Crazy dog or Smart dog or both. So this is what I live with! Grace is very easy going, considerate, quiet, and so so sweet. We are definitely attached at the pillow...well not really eeww.... but attached for sure. She rides in a special doggie car seat so she can see out the windows as we travel afar. Yah right, farthest we go is Stoughton to the funny farm. She loves the chickens that look like her..same color and all. They are afraid of her even though she never barks at them just stand and stares. She likes PaPa Joe and the Grandchildren and her buddie cat Lucy. They play and share the apt. when I am gone during the day. I love her but she does not get birthday parties, weddings, or litter showers!! She is my dog...adn when I say, "Where's my dog?" She comes to see me....Tammy Wynette can stand by her man but me, I guess I am sleeping with the dog....what else is new? Reminds me of an art print I purchased at a sale....It says "The Woman With a Checkered Past.." I hung it in my laundry room...I love my puns.

And so the blogga saga continues..... what saga? There is no saga! Just a dog and an old woman with a checkered past... now that is a "saga not." Isn't that a city in Michigan? Just kidding. What is a saga anyway? Google says: its a: narrative telling the adventures of a hero or a family; And so it goes! I like Google's definition for sure.

Do You Ever Miss Your Grandma? by Diane Ogden

I was taking a shower this evening around 8:30 p.m. Nothing out of the ordinary when suddenly I found myself in tears.. I missed my Grandma. My Grandma Tillie Hiney. Who has a last name of Hiney? There is Hiney Wine with a mega zillion jokes, there is Judge Hjany whom I graduated with.... there is V J J type Hiney or is that the other end of the Hiney? I think so. Whichever and whatever I missed my Grandma Hiney Jungbluth who loved me unbelievably....like I don't remember any human being loving me forever like she did and does. No one with boobs like hers to lay my head upon. Does that sound odd? Too bad, it just means I remember the fat Gramma I used to nestle into...love is nestle-ing into. Whether that being a Grandmother, a good husband, a grown child, a friend, or a dog! Love is nestling into. Be it physical or mental. Grandma was a good woman. She never got what she deserved or did she? What do we deserve of life? What we give? She loved but she was pissed off too, and rightfully so. But even if we deserve to be pissed, we get pissed back then. Sucks huh? We, in reality, have to Dis the pissed and move past it, beyond it, and when I say beyond it I really mean that. Beyond this world past it.... Forgive and move on..... What a "hell" of a request. No, maybe its a "Heaven" of a request after all. I love and miss my Grandmother and I believe she has chosen never to come back "here" just as I have decided the same, after I leave this world... no way am I doing this crap again. I sure am glad she has been close to me all these years. Even as to throwing her picture off the wall to warn me of up and coming danger. Yup she did that! So this wasn't so funny a blog, but it is what it is for today. I feel her presence as I write all this . Love you Tillie, Dinny xxoo

I Feel Like the Biggest Loser by Diane Ogden

I said I feel like the biggest loser from that TV reality show... Not really! But really and only because I was going thru a million bins of old clothes and "stuff" for a garage sale at the "funny farm," (for all who might not know that is the old family homestead with issues) and I came across my old work out suit. Yup, I got it when I was 42, just after "BEARING," grrrrrr, my last of five children. I never did know when to quit. And have since learned only because my body said no more. And then my testosterone levels rose and I didn't want anymore thank God. Back to the work out.... It was late at night when I found the pretty aqua stretchy piece of Lycra and spandex.... I starred at it reminiscing the good old days...

S H U T U P and dream on. I decided to put it on and take a self portrait for the kids to find in the jewel box someday upon my demise! I have a stash of goodies in there for them. God I hope they don't miss them after all this. Rings Cody made me in art class in Jr. High. L's baby shoes and brush, newspaper articles, My account payables book from the better years, just in case no one tells them I was very successful once or twice. Back to Lycra and spandex! I stand up and begin to pull, pull, and then PULL some more of it onto my body. Now I am a couple inches shorter and seven pounds more than the last time I wore it. I continued pulling and then tried laying on the bed with my legs in the air still pulling. I figured if I could only stand on my head I could get this thang on easier! It was all about gravity and trying to stuff things into and it over them. Follow me? I finally got it on! I couldn't move to find the camera. I sat there wondering if getting if off would entail the same difficulty and if I even had the strength to do so. The heart institute could use it for patients after surgery...there is NO ROOM for blood clots in it because the blood cant even flow. Now you get why I felt like the biggest loser. Gravity and my spandex twenty years later. I will try it again one day and post the newest picture for you all. When I get the energy to fight it again and have the camera close by.

I Must Have Been Bored by Diane Ogden

I just had to have these little darlin's....

Beautifully embroidered "something....."

What a guy, such a happy face!

The used resting scarecrow....

I didn't take any snapshots, oops, they are called digitals now.... of my workday. I don't want to re-look at that. On my way home I stopped at a "garage sale." I don't stop at those too often anymore because I don't need too many things. Ya right! I came out of there with $9.00 worth and $3.50 of items sitting in a chair waiting for me due to no cash left. I ran to a store a mile away, bought a water and got $10.00 cash back. Than I came home with more goodies. I got a steam floor cleaner, a Conair hair setter as mine looks like a rusty truck roller over it and a dog at the same time. You try to pull all that icko hair off those rollers eeeww. Also I found a little bag of homemade cloth dolls I will post a picture of. And a beautifully embroidered "something." I will make a pillow out of it or frame it! The later I think. Surely I needed those items right? Sometime a little garage sale-ing wards off the big buys and satisfies the wanting desires for whatever.

Margarita Talks!... by Diane Ogden

"The Naughty Pinada "

It was one of my clients 40th birthday party. I was asked to help organize and host it with her. Actually I think I was her base of "moral" support. Take note of the word moral as it goes out the window as the evening passes. The caterer came from a local Mexican restaurant with the distinct smell of alcohol breath. Nice man in his 60's but....full of the booze! The gentleman of the house, a duly noted lawyer, commented that he would be drinking too if he had to drive around Madison on a Saturday night delivering for Qboda Mexican Resturant. Then a big deal of drama was directed at the Chips. One large bag for 30 people. B-day girl was sure we would run out. Ended up we had half a bag left but ran out of Rice which she only ordered last minute. We got the margarita glasses all popped together. You know those plastic champagne kind? Beer was in the tubs, food and drinking delivery driver and his breath out the door.... Then the people begin arriving. I was introduced to all of them of which I immediately forgot their names but never forgot their words as the night passed on. Lovely decorations, one came with a naughty pinata full of wondrous little items. I found B-day girl on the ground outside stuffing her cute little size 2 or 4 dress with condoms, heated lubricants, dog collars as well as many other women scrounging about the grass. (Like they never "got any.") I must say I was glad to be the photographer of this, this event vs one of the conspicuous grasper's of "rubbers" in the grass. (Can you picture that 8 x 10 glossy?)There were four milk gallon jugs of very strong margarita's and two tubs of beer. Within an hour after drinks began, people's conversations got louder and less meaningful. After another hour the men gravitated to the porch with their lawyer doctor stories. One woman pediatrician stuck with all the other tipsy degree'd women in the kitchen. Then there was the one pregnant sober woman, in fact her and I were the only sober ones left! The crowd consisted of many stay at home Mom's, one scrap booking Queen, two disgruntled wives, make that three, one being a city council woman who shouts intimidating sarcastic remarks to people for no reason .... all hovering in the small kitchen area. I heard stories! And the F bomb! B-day girl is in love or lust with her children's pediatrician Dr. Blume and is sure he will leave his wife and three children just for her. I think it was a joke?? Not sure what she will do with her husband and two children barely 20 feet away! I am sure it was the eight margaritas and several vodka cranberry shots that brought up her zen for the missing doc! Then there is Emily, who is a singer and married to a gorgeous hunk of a human man from the Aussie continent. When they walked in it was like movie stars had hit the scene. And then out comes the stories. He travels, cant stand his three children when he gets home. Let me mention the one man standing in the kitchen with all the women......Emily pulls up her shirt which exposes at least a six pack and then pulls down her bra to expose nothing. She is breastless! She didn't expose all of her nothings but all we could see were ribs.... I am laughing along with everyone else and very glad I forgot to take that picture. The guy next to me says she does this at every party. And his wife next to him had double E's. Ain't it funny how it goes? The breastless woman had more confidence than all of us. Not! Appearances are deceiving for sure... she commented on taking TWO Xanax that day. Well no wonder she was hanging on to whatever she could find as she walked. Drink and Xanax. duh. I was twenty years older than most of them. So what did I see? Carrying on with life best they can with what they know, taking pills and telling stories, bitching, complaining and fence jumping for greener grass (newer and better loves??). Most of the time they find their heads wrapped in the barbed wire while reaching for stars in the grass on the other side. Me, I just took pictures and wished for another chance at a family like all those unhappy ones. Birthday girl is a lucky woman.... and a good Mom and wife. Well not so sure on the last one.... Tequila brings out the truth and kills the manners of the best of us. Actually they all had a really fun time! Best part is I will get some jobs out of this deal! They liked me, they really liked me! (Oscars, Sally Fields)

That Isn't Funny.... by Diane Ogden

Actually I cant think of anything funny this past week. I want to.....I am searching for it.....waiting patiently for it. What is it? It is something funny! Anything funny! The adventures of Old Christine wasn't even funny tonight. Nor was the calendar I chose after finally finding a 16 month stack of them...meaning I get the rest of 2009 which I need. I get home and I have chosen the only 2010 twelve month! Still no calendar and isn't it fun to return things. Not! The pile of cat pueck isn't fun either... suppose I should get to that soon. Just kidding. I know, that wasn't funny either. Add another stupid hair cut that cost as much as five oil changes. I thought I should faint at the pay out desk. Cant anyone cut baby boomers hair anymore. We don't want that bowl cut thingy. She cut all my long hair off. I even showed her a picture of "how not to cut my hair!" Well maybe she mis- understood the not part. My pony tail is gone and I liked it...I wanted it....this isn't funny. It's the third not funny hair cut this year. So guess what? I am not cutting my hair for a year at least. Now I can get my oil changed. The G.T.T. (German Tank Tromper) Man upstairs has quieted down....he got two notices from the office to stop it! And that wasn't funny. We shall see how his Saturday nite drunk and then follies go this week. That is a 3:00 a.m. G.T.T. I bought a sugar free brownie today... For someone who hasn't had any sugar/chocolate for over two months, I ate it all! Then a couple hours later I had enough gas to get me to Texas and back.... That wasn't funny. My dog is in heat....that isn't funny either. I am helping a client throw her 40th birthday house party on Saturday serving Margarita's...that might turn out funny. I am still watching and waiting for my funnies. They used to be there every day and if not I found them and made them as well. Must be just a little drought time in the funny waters is all. It'll be fine, life is grey sometimes. Better than black...ewww.

To Gracie From Lil' Bear by Diane Ogden

Upon checking my mail two days ago, I found a piece of paper stuck to the top of my mailbox. I wondered what the heck is this? I opened it and stood dead still in my tracks. Deer in headlight sort of! It was addressed to my little dog Gracie and was from one of my clients dog Lil' Bear. It was a doggy Birthday Party Invitation. Lil bear will be one years old September 1st. That being said... We are to r.s.v.p. and meet by the big rock on the grassy area. (central area of their condos) There will be treats and water. (For us or the dogs?) And gifts are optional!
S H U T U P!! I was still the deer stuck on the hiway in my complex Fourier when I realized I realized I will be going to this "function."
This is my client and she loves her dog.  Actually her Grand daughter who is 12 set all this up and did an excellent job. I was at her home today....on business, when I saw all these little treat bags for her doggie birthday party....there I stood doin' the deer thing again only on her turf this time. And on the refrigerator was a checklist for her party. And the last line said, "Have a good party," with a large check next to it. I will be at the big rock on the grassy area at the selected time Sept. 1st.  No matter, but I will tell you one thing for sure! If she ever has a wedding or funeral or litter shower, I will not be attending. This is the only "doggie duty" I will be succumbing to. See Gracie's personal treat bag below! (p.s. Gracie doesn't like other dogs)

The Monster Upstairs by Diane Ogden

inventorspot.com/files/images/big-foot.img_

This is what lives upstairs! This is what tromps around at 2:27 a.m. And all other hours of the day he is home. This is what causes me stress and sleepless nights and not the Seattle type. This is a man-boy in his early 20's living with a young lady and a small itty bitty "wiener" (dachshund) dog. How can anyone walk like a German tank? What causes the body inertia to hit the CARPETED floor to the point of waking me. Take into consideration I run a large cheap LOUD box fan next to my bed just for this reason....so he doesn't wake me. But he still wakes me.(and make note what it costs to run that large box fan every night) I have several solutions. First and worst is that I would like to be a man for an hour and beat the tar out of him. Yes beat him up. That is the level of "Tank Rage" I am at. My mentor would calmly tell me to bake him some chocolate chip cookies along with a kind note....I DON'T FEEL KIND! I feel very tired and this is the second night this week. He is disturbing my peace so maybe I should call the Po-lice. Maybe I should follow his tromping with my broom handle on the ceiling. Humm that would solve it huh? Not! Rather start an all out war with the German Tank ill mannered man-boy who walks on carpet like a stubborn farmer. He could be my Grandson by age... no respect....I feel like Rodney Daingerfield, but alive and not laughing. He is robbing me of my peace and as a side thought, this isn't healthy. Any ideas? Rent a pit bull, or be one with lipstick..eewww....I wouldn't even want to pretend I was like S.P. (Sarah Palin) Enough of the sicko ideas. Back to reality. I shall have a cup of hot tea and a half sandwich and try to recall happier days. I could hire someone....nah!!! My son says we are all one in this world and I must be kind so kindness is returned....And I was raised not to believe in "an eye for an eye." If I do I'll probably lose a tooth...(get it?)So any way I look at this I lose.... Why should I lose because I am fighting fighting. I should fight for my peace... eyes and teeth and all.. Where's my sling shot....Goliath is not going to win. If I just shoot The German Tank in the foot it wont count right? That is not considered attempted anything is it? Actually it would be looked upon as though "I was a bad shot," hit the foot and not the head so he ain't dead and will just keep tromping until I come up with an amiable plan. Obviously I am delirious from sleep deprivation at it is now 4:51 a.m. I have been plotting since 2:27 a.m. Positive stuff huh? Yeh, this will enhance my life further, sure. Pretty soon I can turn on a.m church service which might, and I repeat might pull me back on the good track. Until tomorrow night when the man-boy German Tank has to pee at 2:30ish a.m. No I wont wear ear plugs.....I wouldn't be able to hear the fire alarm or any other burglars if I did. OCD? Anxiety? Ya think? Or just Tank overload...

Mt.Shasta, California by Diane Ogden

My son is camping at Panther Meadows, Mt. Shasta, California as I write. I wanted to understand where he was and why. I came across this writing as I was researching on Google and found this woman's experience:

PART SIX John, most of the things that Mikel told me that afternoon were directed toward my personal growth. Unfortunately, my memory is not good enough to quote him word for word, but I am going to offer some of his thoughts to you, in my own words. I am sure we all realize that we are working simultaneously on several levels of existence toward the progress of the soul-self, the physical-self and the preservation of the school ground for those to follow. We are working toward our mass and individual spiritual growth, toward preserving our species, toward protecting and preserving our physical home (Planet Earth), toward getting beyond the duality we created on this Plane and toward reuniting with the Beingness and the Creative Source.We know there is only one power in the Universe-that which emanates from the Creative Source (by whatever name you chose to identify with). There are varying degrees of energy within that power which are identified as negative (black or evil) to positive (white or good). But it is the same line of power-only the intent differs.We choose from lifetime to lifetime which part of the energy line we feel will best further our spiritual soul-self growth and that of those we have chosen to work with. Once we pass through the rite of reincarnation we leave the protective womb and enter into an arena which is challenging, to say the least. We seldom bring memory forward with us on a conscious level so we are on our own where our development is concerned.Many distractions that take us away from our spiritual growth are presented by our teachers and those distractions become more enticing as technology progresses. We are given movies and videos through which we can live vicariously to experience the excitement we fail to find in our personal lives. We seek instant gratification much as we seek instant media reporting.We seek escape through legal and illegal drugs rather than through the pursuit of spiritual knowledge. The bent toward self has become a selfish one in that most of our desires center around physical and material possessions and pursuits. Smoke screens of all sorts are thrown up to occupy our minds. The list goes on and on but I am sure you understand what I am saying.Mikel told me to visualize the Universe as a jigsaw puzzle with only the border in place. There is a large box sitting beside the puzzle with all the pieces in it. Each piece represents a soul-self. It is up to me (each of us) to find out which piece represents me (us) and where it fits into the overall scheme of the puzzle. Only when all the pieces have been correctly placed into the puzzle will peace come to the Universe. If I attempt to place or force my soul-self into the wrong position, an imbalance naturally occurs. That imbalance causes a reaction such as the ripples on water-it not only affects me but it travels in a non-ending fashion and directly or indirectly affects everyone and everything in the entire puzzle (Universe). The search for our identity or place in the overall scheme of things, must start at our soul-self beginning if we are to find our proper niche in the puzzle. It is beneficial in each individual incarnation to delve into who we are, why we are here and what lessons we have chosen. But, unless we can see or visualize the whole picture, unless we can trace our progress (or lack thereof) from the beginning, we not only have difficulty in finding our niche in the puzzle, but we will have altered the shape of our piece and it will not fit into the puzzle in a proper manner which will enable it to enhance and support the surrounding pieces. Rather, it will cause discord and imbalance to flourish.On another level, we are approaching the introduction to soul-self forms other than those that we unite with on Planet Earth. (You must remember this was given to me some 30+ years ago. I had my introduction to some of those other soul-self forms by George Van Tassel at Giant Rock Airport in the form of "space brothers".) Again, those who are not evolved or open to growth will throw up barriers against a uniting with the new soul-self forms. These "other soul-self forms" or "space brothers" have always been around-much as our Guardian Angels and our Ascended Masters have. It is merely that another layer of the veil is being lifted and with the lifting of that veil, those whodo not want change in any form to occur on Planet Earth will introduce fear of the new soul-self forms. It is up to each individual to search that fear to ascertain if it is valid.These are a few of the thoughts that Mikel gave to me. I don't know if you have any interest in other things he said to me. If you do, let me know and I will give you more of what he said.I knew it was getting late and I needed to get back down to the valley. Mikel, sensing my desire to get back to my family, took my hand to lead me back to the tunnel. As we turned, I took one more look at the beckoning valley. There was a part of me that longed to stay in that valley and to once again flourish in an environment of love. But, my children called to me and I knew it was not my time to be with those below.As I emerged once again from the Mountain I saw that evening was descending upon us. I bade Mikel goodbye and set off in the truck to find Mother Mary and her group.John, I know this is a short one, but remembering all these things has stirred me greatly and I am going to close this section for now. I do hope I have explained things well enough to be understood. While the information is very clear in my mind, it is sometimes difficult for me to get it from my mind onto paper. http://onelight.com/telos/vishasta.html

STUCK PICKLES!! by Diane Ogden

Maybe it's just me! Or should I say, "It could be just me!" I dislike ever saying "Just Me!" As it insinuates I am not important even to myself. Therefore I shall say, "It's not me, its the pickle jar!" Have you ever, of course you have, used your forefinger and thumb to pull a pickle from the small mouthed pickle jar? Even if you or I use a fork the pickle still gets stuck sideways in the mouth of the pickle jar. Who designed that darn jar anyway? Obviously someone who doesn't like pickles. Add the fact that the jar is tall, not short and round like it should be. Better find a LONG fork or LONG fingers for that one. I may purchase some wooden skewer sticks just for my pickle eating days. Wait, that wont help, they still get stuck sideways on their way out.....I find its like a video game, my pickle predicament is. It all depends on how you make your initial attack or should I say descent into the jar itself. Its all a calculated mathematical move that takes great fore thought. It'll save you time and frustration no doubt. Unless of course you buy the baby pickles..... nah, they aren't as good and crisp and satisfying....the little ones go down before the flavor hits your tongue...and they aren't a challenge either. Not that I need a pickle challenge! They come right out of the jar no matter how you pull them out. Pickles and People seem to be allot alike don't they? The babies are easier to get along with and the adults are fighters who hold back if anyone is trying to pull them through the mouth of a pickle jar or any area they don't wish to go. I still like the big ones! Pickles I mean, not people. www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/

Great Grandmother's Ice Box by Diane Ogden

This refrigerator, a 1936 General Electric lives at the old farm and belonged to my Great Grandmother Luella Kline Baker Anderson. Make a mental note that my Mother is 79 years and that was her Gma!

It runs great! The family has gone through MANY refrigerators while this one keeps on cooling! Steady she goes year after year..no repairs, winter and summer in the garage. Through children and Grand Children and Great Grandchildren. Through party's and Christmas dinners, Thanksgiving's, New Years, Easter's, family reunions, tobacco harvests with many workers, Corn picking, bean picking, and everyday use to hold what the big honker in the kitchen cant hold because they just don't make them like they used to....

I Ate Beet Greens Today by Diane Ogden

Gracie Allen dog and I went to the old home farm yesterday... We came back with four potatoes, a small bundle of beets, two green peppers, and best of all some short fat all natural carrots. My fav are the carrots. Some years Dad grows carrots so big you can eat one slice of one carrot as a meal. Not this year, been too cold in Wisconsin for the garden to flourish as usual. Hope that doesn't mean we will get the 90's in September and October this '09! I love Autumn with its crisp air that seems cleaner than usual......Back to beets. Mother tells me to cook the entire beet with the greens still attached. (I would trust her more if she hadn't tried to poison me a few times at Holiday gatherings by using milk and cream even though she knew I am highly allergic to such! It was more important for her food to be the best then for me to!! Don't worry I forgive her. Heck she was only a child when she had me and that fact still remains many decades later.) (It has only been in recent years I found I liked beets) I wasn't sure whether to boil them or steam them?? I guess I could have Googled it or called the old farm but I rather decided to steam them. They were very good, the greens, stems and all...except for the few pieces of dirt here and there. I thought I washed them thoroughly but obviously not. Dirt is quite crunchy when that comes between your teeth and your beets...crunchy like rocks. eeewww. Not as bad as egg shells. I got past it, although I did "HOPE" it wasn't manuer!! Not funny! But then for all we know it might heal us of something we didn't even know we had... I mean hey, Mare Horse Urine makes us women beautiful and fun much longer..... how weird is that?