The Fake Fockers are having ANOTHER little Focker!...................by Julianna Rowe

Praise the Lord or whoever planted the latest "Fake Focker Fetus." I thought we would never get through the first little fake focker but we did and she is precious.  That was Seven years ago. That Fake Focker Baby Daddy left the State as there was no Union.  He is very lucky considering we had thoughts, I said thoughts....of, well, nevermind.

Then into our world comes a new Fake Focker Man. I call him "The Bachelor."  Like the TV Show.  Well to do farmer alias dump truck driver alias divorced.  Me being the Happy  one in the family of dysfunction....I thought it was a good thing. Never concerned about procreation considering Fake Focker Bachelor's first wife had to have invetro which lended them a son. And mother mary is she mad because she had to have invetro and Fake Focker Girlfriend didnt.

Anyway....back to the issue at hand. Why add to it? (Because it was an accident.  Little Fake Focker Fetus snuck right on in there on his own. ) They together had - One girl, One boy, two mamas, two daddy's. All's Good- Stop there. Because.... Now they have and cant ever get rid of:  One ugly mean dont-want any fake fockers in their life mother of Fake Focker Bachelor. And one ugly aunt with similar feelings. Add one x-wife who wants x-husband back and you have a war without a Motor Home. Dad of new found Fake Focker Bachelor Farmer is the quiet peacemaker who has taken to the field in his bigger than life tractor corn picker thang. No one has seen him in days or told him there is another Fake Focker Fetus growing day by day.  Me being the Happy one in this scenario says it will all be fine.

Probably not!

Fake Focker daughter cries all the time. Fake Focker Fetus Daddy never comes home as there is too much stress. Stays by his one ugly mean mother and drinks in the work shop while Fake Focker pregnant without invetro girlfriend cares for his invetro son and her first Fake Focker Baby while throwing up and crying on the way to school, dancing lessons, tutoring, grocery shopping etc.  Me being the Happy one in this family says it will all pass.  But thinking: What must the tiny new Fake Focker Fetus be feeling?

"He" will surely be a little stinker considering he snuck up on everyone like this.  But then that is a true Focker for sure.  Full of the dickens in a good way.

I don't know Yoga like the true Focker Mama so I cant sway ugly mean Focker Bachelor fetus babies mother back to our loving crazy Fake Focker happiness family. And my Fake Focker Fiance isnt as happy or creative as me. That being said he sort a sits by the sidelines playing solitaire on his iphone which is his way of hiding in a big tractor picking corn like Fake Focker Fetus's other Grandpa does. (But I do know about how she could keep her sweet husband home more often!  Nevermind....it would never work. )

This Fake Focker Baby Daddy will never leave the state like the first one!  We need a plan.....just in case. Actually, me being the Happy one in this family of fakers....I suspect it will all work out in the end.  That being said:  We are having another Fake Focker Baby!!!I probably shouldn't post this because no one really knows yet except the ugly ones.  So it's time to turn that around!

Meet our newest addition to the Fake Focker Family:   " Happy Fake Focker Fetus..."

This story is taken from facts out of the 1980's.  And actuated to make fun of life.  1/8 fiction....The rest my imagination. 

Who Would You Spend Your Last Day on Earth With?

Who would you spend your last day on earth with?  I said Who? Meaning only one person can be the answer. 

At first I thought about my children but which one would I chose? Impossible.

Next I thought about my boyfriend of several years. I quickly decided I had already spent several years with him so he was off the list.

Then I pondered quietly.  Who would I want to spend my last day on this earth with?  The day I would die and move onto "something" they, whoever they is, call heaven. Actually I believe Heaven has many rooms and we will all go there, to heaven that is.  Only difference is we will go to different rooms like in school. Some may need Kindergarten heaven.  Others my get a good Harvard Heaven window.  Some may get jail heaven idk..... Just depends on what energy you are carrying around.

So after a time of pondering the answer simply came to me quietly.

I would chose Dolly Parton to spend my last day on earth with.  Yup.  I wouldn't get sweet warm gentle kisses by choosing her like I would from my boyfriend.  I wouldn't get arms wrapped around me securely warding off any and all fear of what room I might end up in...  I wouldn't get my last chance to ever make physical love with my or any man.  But I found that was okay because what I like best in life is laughter and singing.  Who better to talk, sing, and laugh with on my last day of life.

Dolly is a sweet, smart, Godly woman. She  makes the cleverest jokes but so do I.  I suspect we would be going back and forth on that all day taking turns making one another laugh. And I would eat some wedding cake, drink a couple Scotch and Soda's and sing some duet's with her. Maybe even record them for my children.  She is a loving person so I figure she would put her tiny arm around me and maybe even sing an impromptu song about livin' and dyin'.  She would pray with me.  Then we would both cry a few times in between the considerable amount of giggling and hearty laughing.  I would listen to her stories of her life.  She could tell me about anything considering I wouldn't be around to share it.  She would take me for a ride in her convertible over the hills and we would glory at the trees, clouds, and the magnificent sun.

She would say in that sweet southern voice, "Awh honey, they are gonna just love you when you get to that next stop with Jesus. Why the table is already set up for you. And when my time comes I will be sure to find you no matter what room  your assigned to!"

They day would be filled with words of faith, love, and laughter from her tiny person to my person.

Well I'm not sick and or dying that I know of.  It just came to me today who I would want to spend that last day with.

I like my choice.