Elevator Farters......by Diane Ogden

Do you think people that fart in elevators think it is funny?  Or do you think they just couldn't wait 30 little more seconds to the next floor?  Or do you think they are merely assholes, obviously!  Personally I know I am going to have a bad day if I walk into a rest room where someone has just done a poo in the only stall left.  But if I enter an elevator late in the day just after someone has done the fart.....what does that mean for me?  It means someone is a rotten, low down, smellin, good for nothin, disrespectful, and I hope not dis-eased!  Because I had to cover my face with my shirt to be able to breath the 30 LONG seconds to my floor.   I was scared someone would be waiting at the end of my ride and I would have to say,  "I didn't do it!  I did not leave that stink in that small elevator room." You know no one would believe me!  Rotten egged human being with no consideration tried to ruin the end of my day and blame his crap on me.   Well it didn't work.  I 'm fine....

Dolly's "Coat of Many Colors!" by Diane Ogden

I had three jobs today, it was hot, I was training a new person..... 
I, me, I-tis....had an appointment to get some rootin tootin root repair done at four p.m.
No not a root canal, rather fifty shades of gray, brown, yellow, lighter blonde and more gray.
Yes I have Dolly's many coat of colors on my head today.  I was looking forward to my appointment
which I made it to right on time!  I walked to the door and the door sign said closed.  I knocked.  I knocked again and again.  Nothing, Nadda, Zilch!  I knew my guy worked on Mondays so was he dead inside?  No answer on his phone either.  So back into the hot car to drive clear across town with one of those over the toilet stands shoved into my car from backseat left to front seat right...right up to the windshield.  Sweet!  Not!  Then my guy that does my "Coat of many colors" called.  We made a new time and I crawled home with the over the toilet space saver thingy.
I'm okay....  I have a great Milwaukee Brewers cap that saves me!

So Be Well, Be Happy, Be Safe, and get rich so you can have a better coat on your head instead of a baseball cap!  OMG my Grandbaby is laughing at me.....

Two Fireman and a Cop......by Diane Ogden

After a week or so I finally found something hilarious to write about.  Well, funny to me anyway and hoping I can portray it likewise.  So after a L O N G gruelling week at work after my helper quit mid week, and I hired ditzo amazon woman.... I found a good one but we hit it hard due to the four day week.  Poor woman!  Back to my point.  I am home, it be a Friday night, I am unwinding with a cocktail.  Where the hell did that word come from anyway?  Cock - tail!  Sure after several drinks several people get tail from cocks. Sorry....my bad huh?   Just sayin that is what I gather from such a word.

Okay I 'm back!  My phone rings.  It would be my Granddaughter.  She is huffing and puffing like anxiety huffs and puffs.  I say, "What's going on?"   She says in very fast talk like its special language of its own...fast talk that is....  "The EMS was here and I was running around the house cause blood was gushing out and Cody was home on break and had to go back to work or he would loose a point. " (A POINT??)  I waited for the story to come together which it finally did.  Seems she put something inside a long thin flower vase and was trying to root it out with a butter knife when the damn cheap thing from China's gates of hell broke.   At this point a piece of glass was stuck inside her body middle finger.  She pulled it out and blood came a gushing.  Point 2:  She begins running around the house and screams for her man-boy to HELP her.  He came with all good intentions checking it out....then said he thought it was fine and that he couldn't take her to hospital because he would lose ONE POINT...at the foundry job.  So she, being the good wife!!!  LOL  And caretaker, calls the EMT's.  Two hot fireman show up sirens blaring, neighbors checking it out, then a squad car with a hot cop arrives....meantime hot man-boy friend has left the scene for the foundry.  I must tell you I was laughing so hard I was in tears while listening to this saga of the cut finger folly dealy story.  So was my granddaughter by the way.  And so were the EMT's by the way.  Meantime her 18 month old son was in awh of the cool fellows visiting and his mom running about bleeding.  Didn't seem to upset him so much.  My Granddaughter was concerned what the neighbors might think and stated so. That is when the officer and the other gentlemen told her the neighbors were used to red flashing lites at this house in the past.  OMG....apparently the last renters were Jerry Springer losers.  Great, wonderful... I told her to make sure she goes out and discusses as well as laughs at herself regarding this eventful event being that she called the EMT's for a finger cut that didn't need stitches.  p.s.  Her man boy said he was glad to go back to work after the three day weekend....as he needed a break.  (Grand has anxiety issues. Ya think??)  Least we can laugh about and at it.  I told her, "How else can ya get three hot guys at your home giving you all sort of attention while your own man-boy trucks off to work so he doesn't lose ONE point!  I say it was all worth it.  She got some much needed attention and I got a new blog post.  p.p.s.  I told her to super glue the cut shut.  Soooo Be Happy, Be Well, and Be Safe.....and get rich so you can hire people to get stuck items out of cheap flower vases from China hell.