The Edge of Crestview....." A Novel and property
of Julianna Rowe
I will be sharing daily or every few days another chapter of
my novel:
THE EDGE OF CRESTVIEW
by Julianna
Rowe
Written: May 11, 2000
Rewritten on October 7,
2017, 2019, and again in 2022.
Introduction:
Crestview was a
beautiful mansion with a backyard cascading down a mountain's slope outside Los Angeles, California. Heavy bricks like giant ladders braced the home from sliding down the
hundreds-foot slope.
Within its walls lived the high fashion, well-to-do lives of
people searching for the same goals and holding the same demons they passed
on to me. That invisible cloud of cells
would lead me through many difficult times before I understood “their”
impossible dreams had not come to fruition and therefore had latched onto me,
the weak child. And when I eventually
did, I could let go of the anger, fear, and pain. I
replaced it with pity for the very people who had haunted me with
"their" delusive dreams. Who
hid their atrocious backgrounds and behavior behind the pretty walls of
Crestview. They are the only
touchable and untouchable force to put any blame on. Yet the lie within its borders would live on
even after the death of it and its people.
The party then moved on to another, then another. The Spirit of Crestview would only die
through time and the wisdom or its origin.... and of course, having the
willingness to learn. My spirit led me
through the pain and into the truth but not for many decades. I found the anger, strife, and horrors inside
Crestview's walls evil, as well as the money that covered up its sins.
It is written, "The truth shall set you
free." But before that could
happen, I allowed my life to be controlled and manipulated between the victim
role and the rebellion it birthed in me.
Rolling back and forth from submissive and compliant to non-compliant is simply the root of rejection.
This verbal equation would be the constant of my life for at least
forty-eight years. I was taught amid my
trials; "When the curses are gone, the blessings will flow." I couldn't find my curses as evident as they
were. They had become a way of
life. My eyes were blinded to what they
saw. For many times vanity obscured my
sight, blinding my existence and/or expectation of life. I drew in what I was. I attracted similar spirits and blew with the
wind, never being in touch with my inner person. I needed balance. The pendulum would sway and cause a wild ride
of life for many years until I understood the victim of the Crestview
generations within the swirls of my mind.
I no longer needed to rebel, yet before the wisdom came, the storms were
severe. As time moved more swiftly than
I realized, I began to hear the soft inner voice of God or the Spirit. I had a line of emotional thunderstorms that
would swell up and hold their own, drowning out the wisdom from that authentic
inner voice. The part of me still
somewhat detached from the rest was growing up, yet independent and
waring with my authentic self. That part
attached to others for security and a sense of love, even though a twisted
mind. I was no longer a child, crying
over everything and demanding, but instead of the teenage mentality "fairy
tale princess" with no castle, fickle, and looking for an external domain
rather than my own internal spirit.
Emotions wanted to lead. And the fear of abandonment held steady its
ground. When I was a little girl, I'd talk to myself. I would figure things out, calm myself down,
and comfort myself like I was my only best friend. That voice of comfort was the emotional voice
that took over my life. It became tough to distinguish the authentic inner voice from the emotional voice because the
latter was always looking for an answer elsewhere. It took many years for the emotions to catch
up with the mind and join the spirit as one.
But real beauty came from the ugliness of the generations of pain handed down mentally to me on a silver "mental" platter. When this
occurs, there is no limit to what we can do with our lives. I am proud I can now hear from the inner
spirit allowing me the opportunity to relay this wild ride in the form of a
novel.
