Bulletproof lenses! by Diane Ogden

This would be EyeMart, Madison, Wisconsin!  Dr. Funkhouser is in photo doing an amazing eye exam on Cody Ogden.  This part of the exam dealt with astigmatism, and as usual Cody made it into comedy central.  Then onto the choosing of frames. I said, "Is this going to be like shoes when you were a little man?"  It didn't take hours like it did when he was a child choosing shoes... omg we would try on twenty some pair of shoes.  He did try on fifteen pair of glasses but it didn't take hours. He found a nice pair.  Then the sales lady came and talked the sales talk....I have to tell you it was hilarious.  She went on and on...we were very patient and polite while listening, until she said, "Yes, you will have one years insurance for all repairs and you will receive bullet proof lenses!"  Cody and I both went into brain comatose for only 1 second, and then we started laughing and Cody started his comedy routine regarding bullet proof glasses that went on and on. He had this startled look on his face that changed to huh? That changed to get real lady!  His response to her was, "Did you say these glass lenses were potentially bulletproof?" She said that THEY (EyeMart) were working on that. Cody said, "Do I need bulletproof lenses? Do you all provide bullet proof lenses to our soldiers?" She didn't know. DOI DUH.  I told them he didn't need bullet proof glass lenses until he gets elected....
The young salesgirl never flinched which we found odd after we had took off with this hilarious bullet proof lens deal.
Maybe she has been trained to do this because Wisconsin is just about to pass the gun concealment deal...so I guess its time for bullet proof eyewear.  Me, I don't want to be able to see if I cant move....say someone shoots me.  See?
Just another way to sell a lens! 
And we sure had a good time with it.  What's the good news for today?  You do not have to pay $29.95 extra for bullet proof lenses at LensCraft in Madison Wisconsin.  I promise.  But you do have to pay. Heck, we got two pair for $149.95.  Now he will get a audition and be able to get the Lasix surgery repair he needs and wants.  Heck that is worth $149.95 isn't it?  That would make the Happy News Lady very Happy! As well as it would her son, Cody.  But for now he has new non bullet proof lenses.
omg how far will we go for a $29.95 buck?  Pretty far it seems.....  Scaring folks into thinking they will get SHOT in the eyes.  DUH

One of Five Visits Mom.... by Diane Ogden

That would be Cody Ogden.  The cook, the carpenter, the comedian, the cowboy, the camper, the capable, the coolman, the carpet layer, the cardio trainer, the counselor, the clown, the climber, the celebrity, the caretaker, the car fixer, the cleaner, the colossal, the charming, the cheerful, the clever, the cooperative, the cameraman and much more came home this to be best man in his friends wedding next week.  We went out to the "funny farm" and listened to Grandma complain and Grandpa complain.  Picked apples, fed the pony, brushed dog, picked green and yellow beans, and tomatoes!  Came home and Cody cooked up a smashing tamale burrito thingy!  Fried green and yellow beans with tomatoes and chicken breast in a garlic and herb wrap.  And today I made an apple pie.   The good news is ALSWELL as my license plate reads.  Were all upright with no complaints on this end of town.
Maybe something more funny will happen tomorrow. But for now its all good.

Friends and Family! by Diane Ogden

I, me-itis, mwah, try to find humor in everything!  Sometimes when I shouldn't!  But today was a wowzer day.  My neighbor two floors up and one door down and one across got fired from her job after 19 years.  Yupsie nothing funny bout that one.  She failed a drug test but doesn't do drugs.  And they said, "No seconds honeybunny!"  She turned in her keys, drove to her doctors office for another drug test to see what the HELL happened because that sure didn't arise out of heaven unless she wins the lotto today or tomorrow.  Next she came to my door, the HELL being unannounced to me .....It was when I said, "How are you doing today?"  OMG the tears fell like falling rain. 
Next my neighbor across the street called and was still in bed at 3:00 p.m. I said, "What!! Get up !"  She said she was laying there wondering why she had been born.  I told her, "Don't know, just get up and keep going."  Her child stole her credit card as well as that child, whose 42, has some other serious issues.  Nothing funny bout that one. 
My Granddaughter had her 11th birthday last weekend but no party for this side of her family.  So my parents (the child's not so great Great Gparent's get all bent out of shape and drive to child's home (after threatening to go to child's school of which I sent out a YUGE red flag that was dissed. Means disregarded) They went to child's home in pouring wind blowing rain to give her some presents. They didn't go in, they had her come out and get into the car and have a mini car party!  I shouldn't tell doi. But come on, whats funny about that?  Nothing! Sounds like someone wanted to make a statement huh? 
Me, I had a ball buying the Grandchild what she asked for, and asking her if it would be okay to drop it off at daddy's work which will happen today.  Holy Jesus of Israel and Egypt and Wisconsin. 

Soooo....the Happy News for today is.  We are still upright, happy or not.  Let people walk there own path and you walk yours best you can. Hard isn't it? And don't drive in the pouring rain when you are 80 and 86 to have a car party in the great grandchild's driveway that will make you look foolish vs what your goal was. And no clue on the drug deal, just pray it works out because those tests are many times wrong.  Cold medicine can show up as cocaine. Truth.  Snopes it.  And if you have a 42 year old child run like hell!  Move! Lock the doors, turn off the phone.  Now I am going to work before anyone calls or knocks on my door with any more good news.  This is a new day, don't let them all run together like broken eggs.  Split them up with a good nites sleep and move on.

You Look Fabulous! by Diane Ogden

This is my latest purchase.
Cost me $7.00 at Target!
Perfect!
I hang this in my kitchen so every morning I look at myself
and it tells me I LOOK FABULOUS!
Cant get much better than waking up to "Whose the fairest in the land?"  huh? huh?
So go get one of your own!  Then you can brag too.
It doesn't matter what I look like, those words emanate my brain cells and I love it.  Comes with a little purple ribbon too.  Doesn't matter if it doesn't go with my decor..... 
Mr. DeMille I'm ready for my headshots!
Probably more like "Where's the Beef."
I'd take that if I could take my mirror along.

Esther Has a Concealed Weapon! by Diane Ogden

Today I spent some time with Esther.  The Colonel was working so we had some girl time. Esther told me about her shopping spree at The Shoebox in Black Earth.  She was so proud that she "got" $500 worth of shoes for $200.  That's how us girls look at our purchases, in terms of how much we saved, not how much we spent.  The Colonel on the other hand does not. He says people who need that many shoes or million dollar homes have a disease called conspicuous consumption. Although Esther and I don't see the comparison between the two. That just shows you how off the charts The Colonel really is regarding cash flow.
Tuesday, The Colonel received the credit card bill in the U.S. Mail, upon which time he went into Colonel rage in his den and then spread out down the hall to Esther's room where Esther and Harry (the dog) were sleeping.  He was ranting and raving about money and how things had to change or else.  Esther pretended to be asleep until she could not stand his voice one more second.  She sat up in her king size bed, pulled her "big gun" she had concealed under the sheets and pointed it directly at the colonel.  She absolutely enjoyed his eyes getting as big as his mouth was.  She said, "Thank You for my four pair of shoes Colonel and for our Grand Lexus's two pair, I really appreciate them. Anyway there wont be enough room in your coffin for all our money when you go.  And I suspect you don't want to go today so I suggest you say "your welcome" and exit the building before I shoot holes in your shoes and you need to go spend money on new feet, speaking of conspicuous! And let me add, you are not the military police, or my Kingdom Cop, rather you are acting like the KGB and no one likes them. Get a grip and do realize I have a good grip going on too."
Wisconsin's concealed weapon law has not gone into effect yet, but then Esther obviously doesn't know that.  She wouldn't shoot The Colonel.  Or would she?
The names have been changed to protect the guilty.... Esther really just used her finger under the sheets to scare The Colonel. It didnt work! Good story though huh?  It was almost the truth with a hint of stretch is all.
photo from: http://www.marshallmavs.com/

Hidden Messages by Diane Ogden

It is toward the end of September, 2011 most of these flower bushes have turned to green and the complex will be cutting them all back shortly. 

I took Gracie dog out for her morning podie when I noticed this one brand new beautiful white bloom directly ahead of my front window.  I am not a person who scratches for signs from the Universe (don't let me kid you!) but this one was fairly obvious.  It said, "Good mornin' Ms. D.  Take note when you think its all going to hell, (dying out) there is always something good in the midst, for you."

Always watch for the hidden messages that are usually right in front of your eyes.  

That is my happy news for today along with proof in pictures. 

Messin' With my Porch Again, Fall 2011

Do you see the TINY sign above the sunflower wreath on the window?  That TINY sign says,
"Be Nice or Go Away"
I have a client with a LARGE sign just like my TINY sign.  I was so proud when I found a sign just like theirs on EBay!  I snatched it up faster then a duck on a junebug.  The pride part came in when I saw the price....$.99.   Yes, 99 cents and that is when I pounced, then waited  impatiently watching for it to arrive every day.  It never did.
But one day I rec'd a TINY package with a TINY sign in it that you are seeing in that picture to the right.  No one can pull anything over on me as you can see.  O'well it works.  I would still like to have a larger one for my entrance door.  It certainly says it all, for me anyway.  The good news for today ....I'm still upright! And if your reading this, so are you!

The Funny Farm Again.....by Diane Ogden

In case you do not know, the "funny farm" is where I was raised since 1900 and nevermind! I go there when I have to.  I go there to keep peace.  I go there when I need something from the infamous GRAINERY!  The grainery being were "we all" keep the belongings we don't wish to throw away.  The old awards, the old high school box containing love letters from our first loves and forever loves. sshhhh.  Baseball gloves, bats, ski's, snowboards, where mom (me) keeps five different stuffed animals loved by five different children in a plastic bedspread zippered bag.  Hicksville or what?  I picked up some fresh tomatoes....worked in the infamous grainery for three hours so as to not have to deal with the relatives.  Mother to be exact.  I do not have the wonderful relationship many of my fake facebook friends have with their M!  Enough of that. Maybe. 
I am watching Justin Timberlake and Lady GaGa on the season premier of Saturday Nite Live while trying to write about mummie and the funny farm...
I cleaned part of the grainery room where we all keep our goods.  The goods that HGTV tells people to throw away if you haven't looked at for 6 months or more. Not gonna happen. Keepin' it! All of it! The years of the JCPENNEY Christmas Catalogs, the bins of beads and jewels, the boxes or barbie doll patterns, the collection of buttons, the memories and trophies of all the sales  team and individual awards, gold goblets, gold dinnerware, rings, plaques.  My Grandfathers lunch pail that must be 100 years old by now, my 22 year old daughters baby clothes, my sons comic collection, a life size cardboard cut of Chubacka, and Bruce Lee, snowboards, Nintendo's, and last but not least, those frog guys.  You know those Ninja Turtles! I have a big box of them! Add an antique dresser or two, a couple junk boxes, tax records, and my son's (who is in prison) boots sitting on a dirty dusty sturdy shelf waiting for him.  Along side his boots, are my Grandmother's size 4 1/2 hunting boots.  She shot a bear for real in the 50's on a hunting trip in Wyoming.  Me, no way!  I don't believe in killing the wild friends.  Hell I cry when I pass a dead possum on the road holding its paws over its face, alone and scared.  I always say, "I'm sorry that happened to you (alone).  And then I continue driving to wherever I was going.  Then I find a way to smile and give someone a compliment when I get there.  Even if I am mad, sad, or otherwise.  I deal.  I could live in that grainery with all my STUFF.  Well only if it was remodeled of course.  And had a bathroom and shower and heat!  Yet my buttons and stuff are there, so I would be fine.

Making the Animals Happy...... by Diane Ogden

This would be a child's room that belongs to one of my clients.  Sometimes my helper makes the room look very nice but leaves all these precious little friends unattended and in a heap of a pile on the floor, under the bed and so on.  So my new rule is:  You may not leave until you make the animals happy!  I was so proud of her for making all these critter friends happy so when that little boy crawls into his cozy bed tonight he will be safe, safe, safe!  And he will sleep with his happy animals.   Aren't they something fun! 

Ghosts... by Diane Ogden

I am sure there are more family ghosts hanging around but these are the only ones I have photo's of. The only ones strong enough to manifest themselves into the camera's instant shudder movement.  Apparently cameras see more than humans do, or faster anyway.

This is the largest manifest I have ever seen.  And I saw it!  Not with  my naked eye, but after I shot the photo.  Then I shot another and another each time looking at the screen and the air in front of me. There was never a visible cloud except in the camera viewer.  I told whatever it was to leave unless it was a positive force and took photos of it as it ascended over to the side and then up up  and away.  No it was not fog, seriously.

This photo is my Grandfather, Emil Jungbluth.  This is just before he passed on.  You can see the spirit of something in a beam type form coming directly down on him.  I believe it was a positive force readying him for his passage.

I have the same type photo of my dog, below who passed away from cancer. The same foggy form coming directly down from the atmosphere.   

I have many more....

My Brand New HIDEOUS Boat Shoes that cost a zibillion! by Diane Ogden

Yes they are that big!  And I cried all the way home from the store that sold them to me.  I hate them!  Of course I know I am not supposed to say that! Chit! Cursing them surely will promote the healing of my back they are supposed to offer with a guarantee wont it? And I just woke up to post this as I wrote it yesterday and they are still under my desk waiting for me damscramit. Did I think they would disappear like a bad husband. Yup I dreamed it.
My only solice is I can return them three months from now if I chose.  I bet I chose.  Me being a feminine type woman has ever gone out for this look.  The German marathon woman look. Nope nadda.   I am only doing this so I don't end up in a wheel chair and so I can sleep at night and work a few years longer so I don't have to live under a bridge in my car with my dog and cat (imagine a litter box in my car with my pillow), dumpster diving for my everyday needs.  Shhhesssh. 
I have to take little steps, balance on the center, don't lean backwards or its trouble in the city for me.  The straps hurt the tops of my foot and the backs.  These glorious hunks of rubber from Switzerland via Germany only cost me $235.00. That would be the $money I was saving for my new TV!! That is when I threw up in my mouth. I also had to have an extra pair for when I got out of bed at night (who could bend over and strap those contraptions on at 3:00 a.m.) and for snow covered sidewalks while I carry the other pair of rubber goldmines.  That pair was only $145.00 plus one pair of socks.  The sales person must have seen thru my usual jolliness and on into my brainshock because he gave me $50 off and I had a $10.00 coupon.  Whooppie chit! I still hate them.  I asked the guy why don't I just go buy a pair of those butt ugly Sketchers that look a little worse than these for 1/3 the price.  He was a knowledgeable chap.  He knew about every pain I have and nerve and tendon and what the doctors have told me word for word.  He even knew the docs suggested I had fibromyalgia.  I DO NOT and wont ever except that one.  And he knew that Sketchers was being sued by MBT for trying to copy their product when Sketchers product does not do the same thing for the back.  I don't know why it wouldn't. Its got the same rubber rocking chair sole (SOUL) as my new boots.  I just cant stand tie shoes and this one does look a little better than the ship looking Sketcher piece of chit shoe. Am I angry.  Yup.  Sometimes I say a few too many curse words when I get angry.  Guess this is better than a cane or a wheelchair and if what the kid says is true I will be able to go walking again soon.  Hopefully with a different pair of shoes on.  I hate these MBT's!  Better not be a hoax from Germany.   Probably not, hoax's are pretty much just from China and America.

The Ghost in Grandma's Kitchen! by Diane Ogden

OK so I couldn't find a photo of a ghost in someones kitchen.
But it was there I swear.  It was 5:23 a.m. and I awake with one of
those dastardly upper thigh muscle spasms. I prayed for at least 30 seconds for it to leave my presence knowing that doesn't usually happen so I leaped up! Stood there while it got worse, hobbled to the kitchen for water because that is one of the main causes of muscle spasms. Lack of H2o.  Also I read on Dr. Ott to drink pickle juice.  That was not gonna happen, but I did the next best thing.  Picture this 8 x 10 glossy of me standing in the kitchen in an over sized T-shirt, glass of water in one hand and chowing a pickle down in the other at 5:30 no less.  That is when I faintly heard my phone ring. 
S H U T U P, that cannot be good news at 5:30 a.m. and I RAN for the bedroom, missed the call, checked the last # and it was mother calling from the funny farm.  My brain fried like an egg in an instance because dad is in the dying mill (nursing home) short term after a kidney removal.  Mother tells me she was sleeping in the downstairs den when she was woke, waken, waked, whatever, by the sound of my dad's cane walking across the kitchen.  I said, "Say what?"  She said, "Diane, it was the exact sound of your dad's cane moving across the kitchen."  She told me she got up and went to the kitchen (braver than I am) and she grabbed his cane and walked it around and sure enough it was that exact sound. So she tried to call the dying mill to check on him cause she thought he might have died overnight and come to see her! No one answered. Imagine that.  She told me it was the erie-est sound and feeling.  I told her I would call dad and I did.  He answered. Said he slept good why?  I told him Gma had a bad dream and wanted to make sure he was alright.  Hell fire I wasn't going to tell him she thought he croaked and was walking around her kitchen thumping his cane at 5:30 a.m. this morning.  Nope...  They do say dusk and dawn is when the spiritual veil is lessened and "they" can come through more easily.  Something came through alright. 
I do wonder who was in that kitchen.  Man I wouldn't live out there in the country alone without an M-16 at my side at all times for nothin or no one. Of course an M-16 wont kill a ghost now will it?  It's already dead fred! I wonder who was in that kitchen.  I mean if your going to come visit in the dawn hours say who you be.  Otherwise what's it all for except for fear and who needs to wake up to that.  It is odd though isn't it that we both woke up at the same time. Hope everyone else in the fam is OK. 
I personally have saved the family ghost photos over the years.  Think I'll post some in my up and coming blogs.

Esther and The Colonel.... "The Barnyard Inn"

On occasion Esther and The Colonel oblige/resign themselves to ride together in his "blue" (Esther hates blue so The Colonel bought a new blue car) vehicle to a cozy German restaurant about forty minutes from where they live.  That's a long time for them to live together in the blue car alone and come out alive. They arrived safe, but not sound of mind, to greet The Colonel's son and his wife.  Praying all the while The Colonel's Grand would not make an appearance.  Not so lucky!  Here he comes...hold ya nose!  He smells like a wet dog in heat.  That would be because Harold has something against water that runs out of pipes and over the body to wash away smelly.  He also does not believe in deodorant. What? Hey, no one would care if he jumped in the dirty river, anything would help. 
Esther is absolutely beyond her wits as he heads straight for her arms.  And as he does, she is taking in oxygen as fast as he is stepping so she can hold her breath until he walks away.  But he doesn't walk away!
He sits right on down next to Ms. Esther.  She told me her meal was over.
The smell was bringing tears to her eyes.  The Colonel had thus far this evening did her brain in, and now his Grand was doin' the rest of her in.  Her mind kept seeing herself at her own wedding to The Colonel and that is when she lost a tear or two more right into her plate of stake and lobster. Someone asked her what was the matter?  She responded with. "Oh nothing much, it's just sitting here with all of you, that is getting to me." (she didn't say how) And of course they thought she was being sentimental and reminiscent. Esther excused herself to the ladies room to finish out her cry over how she got into this mess in the first place because right at this moment she felt like she was in last place. That is when she opened the bathroom door for some respite and was hit in the face with something worse than The Colonel's Grand's odor. OMG she thought...  what next as she backed out and headed for the outdoors and fresh air.  It must be a curse she mumbled as she strolled away from the barnyard inn.
You see Esther in anal....in the area of cleanliness that is.  All she wanted was to go to her clean nice smelling home but that meant another forty minute ride with the grump.  He was so kind and mannerly to the fam but when they got alone he was grump butt. I heard him myself one day...He was walking somewhere in the condo and Esther said, "Where ya goin'?"  And he answered harshly and with gruff tones, "To the bathroom, what's it to ya?"  Ooooooooooohhh. I told Esther to tell him to flush some of his bad behavior down with the rest of his chit. Might make him somewhat easier to live with.  I would call them "The Bickersons," but its not that good.  In fact I sense a large bomb about to hit the condo and that would or should be called D I V O R C E.  Nawh, only in their dreams.  The word that comes to me regarding Esther and The Colonel is "Stuck like a truck in the muck!" 
What's the good news?  Lexus (they named her Lexus cause they couldn't afford the Lexus car) the Grand on the other side of the clan started High School a few days ago.  Esther paid for Lexus to get her hair colored with The Colonel's credit card.  That was fun.  He wont get the bill until next month.
By then he will be onto something else to crab about.  The Colonel is 70% Archie Bunker, and 30% Scrooge.  Seriously.

The really good news is that Esther "loaned" me her mother's antique oak center table.  Esther hated her mother so I am not sure what all this means. I think the value of the table is truly not the value of the table to Esther.  I just hope it doesn't have any mean mother attachment spirits on it!  I don't wish to be any closer to Esther's clan than listening by phone. Her dead mother was mean and now she's got  a mean colonel to live with.  Me, I got the good table, on loan anyway, and material for the blog.  Maybe not a funny as usual but I'll get it back on track.

I am praying for Esther to get her little shabby chic cottage to live in with her dog Harry.

photo from: http://www.agiftwrappedlife.com/

Worst Blog I Ever Posted......by Diane Ogden

 This is half of something.  This is half of a union, a pair, a couple!
One white and one black.  One salt and one pepper.  Now I stand alone, really alone on a vast wooden table left to deal with life half-way. 
Salt was sitting on the counter attached to me, pepper, at the side by a strong almost unbeatable, unbreakable force called a magnet. We were like twins, inseparable, where one went the other usually always went too.  Silly huh?  Not really....just look at me now. Poor soul.  Not only standing alone now, but I'm black on the inside living in a white outer side!  This is no good life anymore.

After salt fell off the the edge of the counter and died a big smashing death, I knew it was over.  The life I had known for years was over.  I could see the person that shoved her off the edge was upset.  Standing there gazing at salt trying to figure out a way to put her back together...sort of worse than humpty dumpty or scrambled eggs.  There was no putting salt back together.  So I watched the lady sweep her up and drop her into a big white bag and that was the last time I saw salt.  I have an empty spot now.  Its right on my side where she used to be attached and sit every day, every month every year.

The lady that accidentally killed salt was talking to someone.  She was saying, "OMG, I hope those weren't a wedding gift, or maybe carried some sincere sentimental value.  What if they belonged to the deceased Grandmother, or they might have been a gift one of their children walked a mile to a store with only a few dollars they'd saved for months to buy a Mother's day gift for!" 

That lady carried on so long I started to think she might know I had feelings. Nawh, impossible.  Salt is gone and I will have to find a way to move on.  I have some other friends on the counter. A large brown wooden grinder and some new fangled plastic (probably from Wal Mart) with big salt inside it.  When they turn the top it makes noises and then salt like my old friend that got pushed off a cliff counter and smashed into a thousand pieces, comes out the top.  The new salt is OK, just not my cup of salt is all.  I will adjust to the loss.  Not so sure that lady will.  She was more upset than I was and salt wasn't even hooked up to her.  I think she was just a-scared the people that owned salt and I might be upset. She still isn't over it.  It's been a few months now and today when she came she sat me on the table and took some pictures of the missing salt.  I'm fine, she isn't!! 

Hells Gates! (Wal Mart) by Diane Ogden

No one is lying when they take these pics at Wally world..... I am telling you the truth.  I have my camera ready when I walk through the hells gates of that place.  It never ceases to amaze me what I see and it has nothing to do with China.  Rather its us-in's USA country folk.  OMG totally embarrassing. They shouldn't been allowed outta the shoot!  That's all I can say, but then again each is here on this earth for his or her own learning.  Does that only include the ones with class vs ass, the ones with smarts vs farts, the ones with more vs the whores, the ones with totes vs smokes, the crazies vs the babies, the nuts and butts vs putts, and so on....??  I am not a judgemental person but omg I cant believe what I see at Hells Gates when I HAVE TO go there.  I mean come on they have the only $4 prescription program. Even though I heard there is asphalt and paint residue in the meds!  Do I go anyway?  Sometimes yup.  But I dress well when I go for my Chinese blue asphalt ka-douches and drugs.  I lock my car, and watch certain groups of different color park right in front of the door with no matter of anyone else. Just sit there in the way!  IN THE WAY!  I and most others don't do that!  But then who cares, pull out the smart phone and take a few pics of Hells Gates People...better known as Wal Mart frequenters, grab a cart, stay away from those that fart if your smart, get out real fast before you see more a_s (then you want,) get your drugs, run from the thugs, swear to never go back, cause most of em on smack, All so crass, has to be why they show their  a_s, .....scary place, take along mace! China owns them! Cause they sell the drugs cheap, which draws in the tricks of the folks in the pics.  You have to go there to believe it!  Bless the greater!  That is the good news for the day... not necessarily the happy news. I took the photos from the website "the people of Wal Mart."  You have to go there before you die.  Put it on your bucket list for sure.  It's out of this world, or at least the one I live in until I need a $4 prescript. 

Dad's FalseTeeth in My Purse? by Diane Ogden

So my father had a kidney removed this week. My brother drove four hours to be part of the kidney removal scene. Its the only time we, my brother, mother, father, and myself get together. Not kidney's only, but any medical issues of the parents.  The nurse gave me dad's teeth in a plastic container full of liquid, to care for during the kidney removal. I looked at it, went to put it in my purse and stopped....the thought came and then the vision of the plastic container coming open and spilling all about me purse!  Bad memory (of dad) so I didn't put them in the purse.  I carried the blessed things down to the restaurant with brother, mother, and sister-in-law.  I set them on the table suggesting we get a plastic bag for them.  As well as handing full responsibility over to mother.  She acquired a white hospital bag placed them in the bottom and tied the top.  I couldn't help but notice they were sitting on her food tray.  Mother is 809, that was a typo, 80 years and all I could vision was those teeth going into the trash with her food tray.  And I said so!  She rarely likes my said soh's.... Then being a very anal human being, mother decides the plastic bag is too big for the teeth container size and goes to find herself a cutting object.  She comes back with a plastic knife and starts sawing the top of the teeth in the bag.  She gets it done after much sawing.  Now we have a small plastic bag with a twisty tie thingy on top still sitting on the food tray heading for the trash area.  My dad really likes his teeth by the way.  And mother secretly thinks he needs new ones.  He doesn't.  His teeth look totally real with gold fillings and a chip.  My point?  I was watching those teeth like a duck on a junebug!  Finally, mother put them in her purse!  Teeth saved through one last operation...I hope the last one.   This blog was one of those where you had to be there!  Either that or I am sleep deprived from staying at the hospital with dad the past couple nights.  I can't save my dad, but I saved his teeth!  That's my happy news for today.