That Isn't Funny.... by Diane Ogden

Actually I cant think of anything funny this past week. I want to.....I am searching for it.....waiting patiently for it. What is it? It is something funny! Anything funny! The adventures of Old Christine wasn't even funny tonight. Nor was the calendar I chose after finally finding a 16 month stack of them...meaning I get the rest of 2009 which I need. I get home and I have chosen the only 2010 twelve month! Still no calendar and isn't it fun to return things. Not! The pile of cat pueck isn't fun either... suppose I should get to that soon. Just kidding. I know, that wasn't funny either. Add another stupid hair cut that cost as much as five oil changes. I thought I should faint at the pay out desk. Cant anyone cut baby boomers hair anymore. We don't want that bowl cut thingy. She cut all my long hair off. I even showed her a picture of "how not to cut my hair!" Well maybe she mis- understood the not part. My pony tail is gone and I liked it...I wanted it....this isn't funny. It's the third not funny hair cut this year. So guess what? I am not cutting my hair for a year at least. Now I can get my oil changed. The G.T.T. (German Tank Tromper) Man upstairs has quieted down....he got two notices from the office to stop it! And that wasn't funny. We shall see how his Saturday nite drunk and then follies go this week. That is a 3:00 a.m. G.T.T. I bought a sugar free brownie today... For someone who hasn't had any sugar/chocolate for over two months, I ate it all! Then a couple hours later I had enough gas to get me to Texas and back.... That wasn't funny. My dog is in heat....that isn't funny either. I am helping a client throw her 40th birthday house party on Saturday serving Margarita's...that might turn out funny. I am still watching and waiting for my funnies. They used to be there every day and if not I found them and made them as well. Must be just a little drought time in the funny waters is all. It'll be fine, life is grey sometimes. Better than black...ewww.

To Gracie From Lil' Bear by Diane Ogden

Upon checking my mail two days ago, I found a piece of paper stuck to the top of my mailbox. I wondered what the heck is this? I opened it and stood dead still in my tracks. Deer in headlight sort of! It was addressed to my little dog Gracie and was from one of my clients dog Lil' Bear. It was a doggy Birthday Party Invitation. Lil bear will be one years old September 1st. That being said... We are to r.s.v.p. and meet by the big rock on the grassy area. (central area of their condos) There will be treats and water. (For us or the dogs?) And gifts are optional!
S H U T U P!! I was still the deer stuck on the hiway in my complex Fourier when I realized I realized I will be going to this "function."
This is my client and she loves her dog.  Actually her Grand daughter who is 12 set all this up and did an excellent job. I was at her home today....on business, when I saw all these little treat bags for her doggie birthday party....there I stood doin' the deer thing again only on her turf this time. And on the refrigerator was a checklist for her party. And the last line said, "Have a good party," with a large check next to it. I will be at the big rock on the grassy area at the selected time Sept. 1st.  No matter, but I will tell you one thing for sure! If she ever has a wedding or funeral or litter shower, I will not be attending. This is the only "doggie duty" I will be succumbing to. See Gracie's personal treat bag below! (p.s. Gracie doesn't like other dogs)

The Monster Upstairs by Diane Ogden

inventorspot.com/files/images/big-foot.img_

This is what lives upstairs! This is what tromps around at 2:27 a.m. And all other hours of the day he is home. This is what causes me stress and sleepless nights and not the Seattle type. This is a man-boy in his early 20's living with a young lady and a small itty bitty "wiener" (dachshund) dog. How can anyone walk like a German tank? What causes the body inertia to hit the CARPETED floor to the point of waking me. Take into consideration I run a large cheap LOUD box fan next to my bed just for this reason....so he doesn't wake me. But he still wakes me.(and make note what it costs to run that large box fan every night) I have several solutions. First and worst is that I would like to be a man for an hour and beat the tar out of him. Yes beat him up. That is the level of "Tank Rage" I am at. My mentor would calmly tell me to bake him some chocolate chip cookies along with a kind note....I DON'T FEEL KIND! I feel very tired and this is the second night this week. He is disturbing my peace so maybe I should call the Po-lice. Maybe I should follow his tromping with my broom handle on the ceiling. Humm that would solve it huh? Not! Rather start an all out war with the German Tank ill mannered man-boy who walks on carpet like a stubborn farmer. He could be my Grandson by age... no respect....I feel like Rodney Daingerfield, but alive and not laughing. He is robbing me of my peace and as a side thought, this isn't healthy. Any ideas? Rent a pit bull, or be one with lipstick..eewww....I wouldn't even want to pretend I was like S.P. (Sarah Palin) Enough of the sicko ideas. Back to reality. I shall have a cup of hot tea and a half sandwich and try to recall happier days. I could hire someone....nah!!! My son says we are all one in this world and I must be kind so kindness is returned....And I was raised not to believe in "an eye for an eye." If I do I'll probably lose a tooth...(get it?)So any way I look at this I lose.... Why should I lose because I am fighting fighting. I should fight for my peace... eyes and teeth and all.. Where's my sling shot....Goliath is not going to win. If I just shoot The German Tank in the foot it wont count right? That is not considered attempted anything is it? Actually it would be looked upon as though "I was a bad shot," hit the foot and not the head so he ain't dead and will just keep tromping until I come up with an amiable plan. Obviously I am delirious from sleep deprivation at it is now 4:51 a.m. I have been plotting since 2:27 a.m. Positive stuff huh? Yeh, this will enhance my life further, sure. Pretty soon I can turn on a.m church service which might, and I repeat might pull me back on the good track. Until tomorrow night when the man-boy German Tank has to pee at 2:30ish a.m. No I wont wear ear plugs.....I wouldn't be able to hear the fire alarm or any other burglars if I did. OCD? Anxiety? Ya think? Or just Tank overload...

Mt.Shasta, California by Diane Ogden

My son is camping at Panther Meadows, Mt. Shasta, California as I write. I wanted to understand where he was and why. I came across this writing as I was researching on Google and found this woman's experience:

PART SIX John, most of the things that Mikel told me that afternoon were directed toward my personal growth. Unfortunately, my memory is not good enough to quote him word for word, but I am going to offer some of his thoughts to you, in my own words. I am sure we all realize that we are working simultaneously on several levels of existence toward the progress of the soul-self, the physical-self and the preservation of the school ground for those to follow. We are working toward our mass and individual spiritual growth, toward preserving our species, toward protecting and preserving our physical home (Planet Earth), toward getting beyond the duality we created on this Plane and toward reuniting with the Beingness and the Creative Source.We know there is only one power in the Universe-that which emanates from the Creative Source (by whatever name you chose to identify with). There are varying degrees of energy within that power which are identified as negative (black or evil) to positive (white or good). But it is the same line of power-only the intent differs.We choose from lifetime to lifetime which part of the energy line we feel will best further our spiritual soul-self growth and that of those we have chosen to work with. Once we pass through the rite of reincarnation we leave the protective womb and enter into an arena which is challenging, to say the least. We seldom bring memory forward with us on a conscious level so we are on our own where our development is concerned.Many distractions that take us away from our spiritual growth are presented by our teachers and those distractions become more enticing as technology progresses. We are given movies and videos through which we can live vicariously to experience the excitement we fail to find in our personal lives. We seek instant gratification much as we seek instant media reporting.We seek escape through legal and illegal drugs rather than through the pursuit of spiritual knowledge. The bent toward self has become a selfish one in that most of our desires center around physical and material possessions and pursuits. Smoke screens of all sorts are thrown up to occupy our minds. The list goes on and on but I am sure you understand what I am saying.Mikel told me to visualize the Universe as a jigsaw puzzle with only the border in place. There is a large box sitting beside the puzzle with all the pieces in it. Each piece represents a soul-self. It is up to me (each of us) to find out which piece represents me (us) and where it fits into the overall scheme of the puzzle. Only when all the pieces have been correctly placed into the puzzle will peace come to the Universe. If I attempt to place or force my soul-self into the wrong position, an imbalance naturally occurs. That imbalance causes a reaction such as the ripples on water-it not only affects me but it travels in a non-ending fashion and directly or indirectly affects everyone and everything in the entire puzzle (Universe). The search for our identity or place in the overall scheme of things, must start at our soul-self beginning if we are to find our proper niche in the puzzle. It is beneficial in each individual incarnation to delve into who we are, why we are here and what lessons we have chosen. But, unless we can see or visualize the whole picture, unless we can trace our progress (or lack thereof) from the beginning, we not only have difficulty in finding our niche in the puzzle, but we will have altered the shape of our piece and it will not fit into the puzzle in a proper manner which will enable it to enhance and support the surrounding pieces. Rather, it will cause discord and imbalance to flourish.On another level, we are approaching the introduction to soul-self forms other than those that we unite with on Planet Earth. (You must remember this was given to me some 30+ years ago. I had my introduction to some of those other soul-self forms by George Van Tassel at Giant Rock Airport in the form of "space brothers".) Again, those who are not evolved or open to growth will throw up barriers against a uniting with the new soul-self forms. These "other soul-self forms" or "space brothers" have always been around-much as our Guardian Angels and our Ascended Masters have. It is merely that another layer of the veil is being lifted and with the lifting of that veil, those whodo not want change in any form to occur on Planet Earth will introduce fear of the new soul-self forms. It is up to each individual to search that fear to ascertain if it is valid.These are a few of the thoughts that Mikel gave to me. I don't know if you have any interest in other things he said to me. If you do, let me know and I will give you more of what he said.I knew it was getting late and I needed to get back down to the valley. Mikel, sensing my desire to get back to my family, took my hand to lead me back to the tunnel. As we turned, I took one more look at the beckoning valley. There was a part of me that longed to stay in that valley and to once again flourish in an environment of love. But, my children called to me and I knew it was not my time to be with those below.As I emerged once again from the Mountain I saw that evening was descending upon us. I bade Mikel goodbye and set off in the truck to find Mother Mary and her group.John, I know this is a short one, but remembering all these things has stirred me greatly and I am going to close this section for now. I do hope I have explained things well enough to be understood. While the information is very clear in my mind, it is sometimes difficult for me to get it from my mind onto paper. http://onelight.com/telos/vishasta.html

STUCK PICKLES!! by Diane Ogden

Maybe it's just me! Or should I say, "It could be just me!" I dislike ever saying "Just Me!" As it insinuates I am not important even to myself. Therefore I shall say, "It's not me, its the pickle jar!" Have you ever, of course you have, used your forefinger and thumb to pull a pickle from the small mouthed pickle jar? Even if you or I use a fork the pickle still gets stuck sideways in the mouth of the pickle jar. Who designed that darn jar anyway? Obviously someone who doesn't like pickles. Add the fact that the jar is tall, not short and round like it should be. Better find a LONG fork or LONG fingers for that one. I may purchase some wooden skewer sticks just for my pickle eating days. Wait, that wont help, they still get stuck sideways on their way out.....I find its like a video game, my pickle predicament is. It all depends on how you make your initial attack or should I say descent into the jar itself. Its all a calculated mathematical move that takes great fore thought. It'll save you time and frustration no doubt. Unless of course you buy the baby pickles..... nah, they aren't as good and crisp and satisfying....the little ones go down before the flavor hits your tongue...and they aren't a challenge either. Not that I need a pickle challenge! They come right out of the jar no matter how you pull them out. Pickles and People seem to be allot alike don't they? The babies are easier to get along with and the adults are fighters who hold back if anyone is trying to pull them through the mouth of a pickle jar or any area they don't wish to go. I still like the big ones! Pickles I mean, not people. www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/

Great Grandmother's Ice Box by Diane Ogden

This refrigerator, a 1936 General Electric lives at the old farm and belonged to my Great Grandmother Luella Kline Baker Anderson. Make a mental note that my Mother is 79 years and that was her Gma!

It runs great! The family has gone through MANY refrigerators while this one keeps on cooling! Steady she goes year after year..no repairs, winter and summer in the garage. Through children and Grand Children and Great Grandchildren. Through party's and Christmas dinners, Thanksgiving's, New Years, Easter's, family reunions, tobacco harvests with many workers, Corn picking, bean picking, and everyday use to hold what the big honker in the kitchen cant hold because they just don't make them like they used to....

I Ate Beet Greens Today by Diane Ogden

Gracie Allen dog and I went to the old home farm yesterday... We came back with four potatoes, a small bundle of beets, two green peppers, and best of all some short fat all natural carrots. My fav are the carrots. Some years Dad grows carrots so big you can eat one slice of one carrot as a meal. Not this year, been too cold in Wisconsin for the garden to flourish as usual. Hope that doesn't mean we will get the 90's in September and October this '09! I love Autumn with its crisp air that seems cleaner than usual......Back to beets. Mother tells me to cook the entire beet with the greens still attached. (I would trust her more if she hadn't tried to poison me a few times at Holiday gatherings by using milk and cream even though she knew I am highly allergic to such! It was more important for her food to be the best then for me to!! Don't worry I forgive her. Heck she was only a child when she had me and that fact still remains many decades later.) (It has only been in recent years I found I liked beets) I wasn't sure whether to boil them or steam them?? I guess I could have Googled it or called the old farm but I rather decided to steam them. They were very good, the greens, stems and all...except for the few pieces of dirt here and there. I thought I washed them thoroughly but obviously not. Dirt is quite crunchy when that comes between your teeth and your beets...crunchy like rocks. eeewww. Not as bad as egg shells. I got past it, although I did "HOPE" it wasn't manuer!! Not funny! But then for all we know it might heal us of something we didn't even know we had... I mean hey, Mare Horse Urine makes us women beautiful and fun much longer..... how weird is that?