Genuine Adventuresome Disorder? GAD

I think I was born scared.  Some people are born free, but I don't know any of them, do you? Then someone "said" or wrote down somewhere that after we are born we should have holy water poured over our heads or better yet we should get "dunked" in blessed water to become free.  Free of the sins of our Mother's because the woman ate the  cursed apple in the blessed garden. S H U T U P! Give me a thorough break from that hooey.  I was not inebriated when my son was conceived, his Father was.  I would say that is something one would consider a "bad apple," or "cursed apple." Wouldn't you?  I may have come into the world with some generational bullsheep from this one or that one down the line but hey, I did'nt and don't partake of cursed apples...in blessed gardens. Only cursed men in other places. Well not any more since I became this intelligent being that got the holy water poured on me. Some say I am still not good because I didn't dunk it!  Not going to either, dont like water, even bath tub water that gets too deep. No way naddo no thank you anyway.  I have a strong suspicion, (sp) that I am blessed and loved no matter what apple I eat or what I might do.  So I try to be a good human being and not listen to hogwashy religions. My point was that I think I was really born scared.  My Mother said it was storming to beat the band or is that ban?  To this day I get freaky when storms come around too close.  I get freaky at allot of things that come around. Even if they don't come around, I imagine they are coming around.  They labeled it...with a couple words.  Anxiety or GAD. Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It's so much fun to have. You can have your own little movie's going all day long in your head.  The truck carrying logs ahead of your car will surely fall on you any moment. The elevator will drop in two seconds.  The gas pump will blow up and you wont die. The Tornado will hit your abode and while you are in the basement the cement will drop on just your car and the jaws of life will have to come, but in the meantime you may have to cut off your own hand. Seriously that is what GAD is.  The theatre will catch on fire while your watching the movie so I/you have to sit in the back row. The plane will crash over water. The car will fall into a sink hole before I/you get to work. The bridge will collapse and the car will fall into water water over my/your head.  Someone will crawl into the window, but they'll leave after they see me/you sleeping with my/your mouth open. That is a good vision.  I could go on.  This is why I can write. I see things that aren't real so I write them down and use the negative disorder and turn it into entertainment. The kid at the bank told me I should be on the radio. I said, "Why?"  He said, "So you can give everyone your funny daily pointers."  I had told him I am not as broke as a joke like it looks on his computer screen. That I hide it all under my underware so I can remember where I put it. You know, Under the Under. Using word association so I don't forget where it is.  I know I know.  Actually I do not hide money at home in case any hackers are reading my amazingly interesting blog. And don't try breaking in my home because I am expecting you. Remember, I have GAD. GENUINELY ADVENTURESOME DISORDER! I already saw you coming! I am ready. Fight or Flight for sure. I never know which I will chose.

photo from: http://www.thatwoman.wordpress.com/

Peter's Robot, Hal

Hey, Remember my friend Peter. The one who is agnostic and blames the Catholic Nuns for such a view of the afterlife, or better said, "The Nuns caused  him to believe there is "None" afterlife. He says ya just stop being, then get placed in different dust container next to the squirrels and skunks and simply are no more. No spirits, no ghosts, no demons, no angels, no heaven, no hell, nadda "NUN!" So Peter has to hurry and live life and make lots of money so he can go to New England and sit by the waters edge and talk to the birds. He wishes for a woman but I think the birds might be easier at this point in life. Because he cant find women who had bad "Nuns" when they were kids and believe in seperate dust containers like him. In other words they believe.  He says he wasn't molested by any Catholic anybody...just bad "Nuns!"  You know the ones that hit your knuckles with sticks. Ya, those. Isn't that where the term "BY GOD, I will beat your ars and knuckles!"  So what's a kid to think?  That by God's wish he got beat.  Yet one would think after 50 years or so Peter would have seen some spiritual goodness from the world of afterlife.  Guess not YET.  So Peter's latest toy in his financial plan to make it rich is:  The downloaded Robot. Note the word loaded!  Loaded with what? $$, or is the Robot Robber?

I think the Nun's might come in behind the Robot Robber on a scale of deceivership. Is there such a word? And Peter paid for the it, the robot money maker of foreign exchanging dollars. He named it Hal from the movie 2001. I don't remember it but everyone else will I am sure.

Peter talks 24/7. He calls and I listen. If I yell really really loud he will stop for nano seconds so I have to hurry and speak.  Peter is very smart. He should have used the money for the robot to go on Jeprody. I didn't spell that right. Darn blogger dismissed spellcheck! Peter has a photographic memory. He likes to ask me questions from our high school biology class full well knowing I will falter the answer and he will look smarter.  It's ok, he lost all his hair and can't find a woman who new Bad Nuns...so I let him look smarter all the time.  You know what?  I hope that Finanacial Robot makes him millionaire!!  Then I hope he gives me at least $10,000 so I can move to L.A. with my boys that love me! (Just for listening to him since 2004!)  He does tell funny jokes. Every joke he has ever known in fact. Problem is I can't remember jokes, so I just listen and laugh.

The Best Purse in the Whole World

I just got this gorgeous purse from my daughter for Mother's day.  I know, I know, it's a month late..but after she got it she decided to use it for a few weeks first.  I can't blame her....just look it!  Long as I didn't know "my gift" was getting used first allswell! Nothing funny about this, nothing newsworthy, nothing at all but a wonderful fun present. It's a Miche brand.  I don't know if that's good but he or she designer came thru on this one. Maybe something funny tomorrow.

I Am Not a Hoarder...

Nobody saves baby food jars!  I do.  Since my cat started eating one jar of ham and gravy every morning I save them. I have tried to throw them away and I cannot.  I just know I am not a hoarder of any sort so there must be a reason. I used to save tall pickle jars and I couldn't figure out why. Just like these little jars! Then a couple months before Christmas last year I decided to send all my relatives my special deceased Grandmothers Peffer-nut cookies.  They are the size of a large thumbnail so the jars were perfect. I also put Grannies photo on label  and on jars.  Not that I could get cookies into these little buggers.  But who knows. It will be interesting.  Although I swore I had over a hundred by now. Must have hid them somewhere. I even thought of glueing them to the outside of a door at the funny farm (family homestead) to see if they would act as a solar panel. Or like in the movie "Baby Boom" when Diane Keaton moved to New England area and started making gourmet baby applesauce which led to her being a billionaire.  I know that's been over done already.  Buttons? I have a button collection for no reason also.  I am not a hoarder! They'd be great for little beads or jewelry peices. I collect old jewelry and take it apart...remake things from it.  Actually I will just wait and see what grand idea comes out of the universe for me to use these little glass jars for.  How about buying an old car and glueing them all over it. Calling it a Glascar....like Nascar.  Parade's and such. Just have to watch out for hail storms. Which way to glue them on....open end or closed.  Wouldn't want them to mold if glued on closed. eewwww.  But they would get full of water and bugs and leaves and dirt and bird poo.  Forget the Glascar like Nascar.

Bad idea or not thought through yet.  Like I said, I can wait.

"Sister's?"

My son Chad has a friend in life he calls his "brother from the other mother!"  I have a friend I've known since she was I think thirteen...who can remember that far back, although I usually can.  She is "My sister from the other mister!"  Mother didn't rthyme. Blogger doesn't do spell check anymore so take rthyme as it is as it's the best I can do on that one.  I wouldn't have called her my "Sister from the other Mother," because I wouldn't have wanted that mother for a mother.  No noun caps for her.  No disrespect except what's been handed out my way.  Back to being sweet, kind, and courteous.  I truly have no bio sister in life.  I have a sister-in-law whom I have rarely seen much of in the past 35 years besides we don't have much in common considering she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and I was born more less with a hunk of coal. She doesn't understand coal.  Coal to her is black and not silver. Back to being sweet, kind, and courteous.  DeAnne is her name.  I was married to her brother, he went away in '72 and I kept her as a forever friend.  She has been there for me thru every sort of life matter and purpose. Not that anyone in bloggerville really cares about this, it's posted more just in case she reads it. Of course I am laughing.  They should have a smiley face on the keyboard. What is the  matter with microsoft anyway? If you want to show a smile ya have to do it sideways : )
Yesterday I took a little 30 mile roadtrip with the little dog to visit her.  We took turns talking and sharing about recent experiences in life.  We laughed, the dog got diarreahhaaaa.. spell check where did you go? :(    She is hiding behind me in the photos because she QUIT SMOKING and gained a tad of 20 lbs or so...  She'll be fine...it'll come off.
All in all a nice day with nice people.  Brought home some garden lettuce and omg is it to LIVE FOR!
I don't buy much lettuce because most of it is "to DIE for!"  Full of e coli no thank you... 

Soup Cans and Brillo Pads

Have you ever cut yourself on a soup can lid? Or Green bean lid, or any metal lid? Billo Pad is made of long metal strings.  I know that!  But somewhere in my mind I forgot.  At a clients home, using a Brillo Pad on the stove they used like a campfire...I went to rinse it out and noticed a string hanging from the pad.  The "OCD" that tries to find a home within my mental walls, told me to get rid of that out of place strand of string on the steel pad.  Note that word STEEL...Steel is hard and sharp eh?  So I pull the string to remove it ....don't you know it cut the living bee jee bees out of my right hand middle finga! The blood was speaking to me all over the place.  It was saying duh wit lady...steel cuts, HELLO.. That wasn't string you dilly wadder it was a miniature RAZOR!   Felt great yes indeedy.  Just sayin, don't pull any strings off your brillo pads.  They are killer pads. Blood makers. Throb dobbers. Life stoppers for one day for sure. Try washing your hair with your left hand!  

OVERKILL...

   The bottom two photo's are my porch.....

I could have named this post Blackmail, or "How to Blackmail Your Grown Children." Me, I know how.  I have been known to threaten them with the use of 75-100 little stuffed animals called Beenie Babies in the back window of my car. And everyone knows my car because the license plate says "ALSWELL."  It really never has been but it is supposed to help in the area of positive workings for the betterment of self and others. I considered changing the plate to LF S SHT...but that might have been a bit over the top. Just thought it might turn things around. Back to OVERKILL...When I used to own a very large home with many rooms to play interior designer with, it fulfilled that life desire for me.  I downsized to a two bedroom apartment with a porch.  Each Spring I decorate that porch...but this year I felt I may have gone into a bit of overkill.  It wasnt until I was driving to a clients and passed this one small home....stopped, backed up, pulled out the Cannon Sure Shot and whalla! OVERKILL. This was my wake up call.  You know one of those homes with little deer and bears and skunks and ducks and roosters, and bright plastic fake flowers, wind chimes, and funky lights.  I came directly home and started removing itmes from what I call my "Macy's porch on a Budget!"  I have come back to earth thanks Grannie Overkill's yard....