Are You Smarter Than a Veterinarian? by Diane Ogden

If you read the previous blog post you would know I needed to take one of my two pets to the vet considering we are having a drama casting happening aorund here. Along with the standard animal heirarchy  between a dog and a cat. One being out of her weight catagory by 2 lbs. Not fair huh?  That 's only in wresting and cage fighting. But then this is getting to that point so down to the storage bin I go, get the cat carrier, line it with a nice clean shower towel mat.....trick the cat and stuff her inside the tiny blue prison. I dont like blue...I need a new prison scary carrier for her. She begins the howling process of which I thought I was prepared. Not. We get a block away and I realize my "singing" to her is not really working so I stopped. She didn't.  I started again....she seemed to like it some. What did work was my putting as many fingers from my right driving hand between the prison rails so she could touch me.  There, it worked...so I drove with one arm eleven miles to the Vet.  We discussed her issues.  Ears, butt, hairballs, and of course the young greedy Vet had to find teeth issues.  You see hairballs and ear issues aren't bank breakers. Teeth on the other hand are! So they did an ear swap, tested it.. came to get her to clean her ears out.  Came back fairly soon telling me they decided to stop because she was turning blue.  Really.  They suggested I come back and have her put under ANESTHESIA $$$$$$$$$$$, have her teeth cleaned and ears.  I am still back on BLUE..how do you know a cat is turning blue...  I guess by their gums..I didn't ask.  They did mention she was salivating before turning blue. I understood and this time did not have to shove her into the little blue riding prison thingy, she dove in.  I knew that meant, Mom get me outta here.  I told her this was not a good thing.  At the front desk they tried to sell me some fish oil vitamins for her to help her ears in case its a allergy to food. Yet I am leaving with the same problem I came with. The front desk girl told me I owed $75.00.  I paid it. I left. On the way home I got pissed. What did I pay for?  Their time?  What about my time? I went there for services I didn't receive. Get real! They are closed and that is good as I need to think before I speak ......to them regarding this banking error they have made using my bank while doing so. By the way, I told the young veterinarian that the other vet was able to handle Lucy Cat... she didn't say anything. That is the key you know...  Silence puts the other person on the defense.  I wonder if they went to sales training school. I think so.  My Veterinarian, My Doctor, My Dentist,they all have a banking plan to get me to go thru the gammit of tests draining the account little by little until finally a result of whatever sort.  Of course I 'm right. It's called legal robbery. I will be calling them back tomorrow and looking for a new Veterinarian.  This isn't their first boo boo.

photo from: terriorman.blogspot.com

"Humping" Lucy

I have a 6 pound dog named Grace and a 9 pound cat named Lucy.  Suddenly one day after being outside on a poddie run, we entered the house and Grace proceded to chase Lucy down and "hump" her vigorously, even breathing hard while at it.  I truly had never seen such a site.  My daughters friends laughed far too hard and had grandeur ideas of putting this cat dog "humping session" on YouTube.  Of course I renounced such an idea.  The "humping" has gone on for about two years now.  Lucy could run faster or jump higher but she choses not to.  Well on occasion she decides she is not in the mood.  Is there such a thing as a "gay" dog and cat deal?  Sshheessh. I conquered with our Veterinarian who reasoned this to be a heirarchy issue...Grace wanting to be dominant. Ya think?  Well a few days ago I observed a 180 on Lucy's part.  She suddenly wants no humping from Grace.  In fact she is swiping at her and hurting her. Menopause? And now Grace is having some asthma issues over all this relationship "stuff." Could be fear! I would say I seriously need a doggie/kitty psychiatrist for sure.  What am I to do?  The household dynamics has become quite dramatic.  Maybe Lucy needs to see the vet? She isn't herself.  : (  On the positive "end," My Lucy has her very own private Hello Kitty Vibrator!

The Adulterous Husband (I found this going thru old papers) 1998

This is from 1998..eeww  Emotions 101
The Adulterous Husband: ( Obviously I had one and obviously I wrote what Sandra Bullock probably wrote on her journey back to an honest life!) I'm b- a- a- c- c- k- k! Hello its 2010, just happened to find some old writings/journals from twelve years ago.  Decided to share one or two...oh Lord there's more.

                The Adulterous Husband
There are millions of miles somewhere, but not here.
I clean it and reclean it, like many victims do...
I'm surrounded by tiny people, I yearn for the mature.
My toenails are red and gams clean shaven..for what?
I look forward to sleep, but cannot.
Will the world's fate find me in a corner?
Just to take me to another?
Oh Father, don't let me die of his confinement.
At the hands of a demon, a devil, a thief....
Or, did I invite the tragedy?
No!
A theif, a destroyer, a murderer used me...
I never knew.
Did the trash come in even though I cleaned and cleaned?
How can the winds blow when there is no storm?
I didn't see one.
Maybe ingnorance alone is to blame.
It's said we can only blame ourselves....
Do you suppose?
I missed the warnings...the Angels voices...
Who can you trust? Not a heathen.
Little hearts, big hurts, others to busy to see.
Statistics, whores, adulterer's...many
The woman at the well, Ester, The Queen..
I am sure there will be an outcome for he.
Maybe he will hang himself and not me.
Turning back I will never do, if it's not too late.
No one should bear this kind of pain,
No one should feel this kind of hate.
The little hearts mean more each day...
Angels guard me not be taken by stress.
For the likes of a fool and his flounderous test.
I'll serve myself and mine from this day on...
You spared me once more from a serious con.

Jack Passed Away...

This would be Jack~ My son and his wife received him as a gift a couple years ago at Christmas. He is part Jack Russell, Miniature Doberman Pincher, and Beagle! He was killed by accident last week. He was visiting the farm where the Grandparents live and he ran out into the road.  I experienced a teeny miracle regarding Jack this week.  I had given my old cell phone to my Grand daughter last November (2009). She plays games and takes pictures with it. But it locked up on her months ago and no one knew how to unlock it.  Last week I picked her up for a sleepover and remembered the phone. Asked her to get it for me so I could take it in to U.S. Cellular to get it unlocked.  She did.  This weekend I took it in and the lady was fixing it and said, "Oh what a cute picture." I said, "Oh, that's Jack, he was run over by a car and passed away last week. WAIT, are there any more pics on there?"  She found a grand total of ten. She turned my fancy smart phone off, turned the old slugger phone back on... emailed me all the photos of Jack @ $.25 each whoopie.... also unlocked it....and turned smart phone back on also.  And fixed it while I was there. She was a walking cell phone Angel believe me.  I took those photos and a very few I had and created a card at the above website for Jack's family.  I hope you enjoy it. And if you are interested in joining the Heritage Club please contact M. Terrill at 510-220-1463 for information and signing up.  Jack will be missed dearly and remembered always by his Parents and their three daughters. I will miss Jack too! He was one of a kind....

Pepe' Le Pew

This would be Pepe' Le Pew...or better known as Gracie Allen Ogden.  She is a rescue dog...half Pomeranian and half Chihuahua..or is it Chihauhau? Either way you get it.  I have had her for 2.5 years. I cannot poo train her.  I have her podie trained but no poo trained.  I have new carpet so she lives in my Bedroom all day while I am at work. As soon as I hit the door I take her outside and she podies.  We come back in and I let her run free while keeping a close eye on her, sometimes even keeping her in my office with me.  But when I walk back out to my living area, Whalla...Pepe Le Pew has struck again like a ninja burglar.  I keep a piece of carpet over the spot she has claimed as her  privately owned pooing section.  I'ts really bad when she has diarhea. OMG I think I finally spelled that right after 40 years of not doing so. I own a company called Resolve Carpet cleaner by now.  I just have no answers anymore.  The frustration level is that of sitting on the tarmack for 7- 10 hours. Nothing you can do but wait and clean it up. I know their small. But pew-y! And nastily unsanitary.

McDonald's Employee Mad at Me! by Diane Ogden

Today as usual I was hungry. I recently purchased a new cold pac lunch bag so I don't die from hot mayonaise. I put two ice cold pacs in it due to the extreme heat in Wisconsin lately.  Today I came out from the last client with great anticipation to eat my ham and smoked natural turkey with fresh garden lettuce, omega #3 butter, and Omega #3 MAYONAISE half sandwich!  I opened the new lunch bag, took out the sandwich and pickle only to realize it was warm! Indeed, warm.  I took one bite just to see if I might be kidding...spit her out in the pretty purple napkin then out the winder toward the old oak tree side the road.  Then the anger set in.  I must take after my Dad because if his food is messed with he is off the charts something. All charts. So I went to McDonald's and ordered a BigMac Wrap. Its a small, tad more healthy little thing than their usual oil soaked food.  I have to ask for it with no cheese and no sauce as I am lactose intolerant. Totally.

I also asked for Mayo on the side because if I don't they squirt one or two packets of mayo all in one spot. Can you imagine biting into that?  No diff than squirting two packets into mouth at once. It doesn't taste like frosting for sure! Not by itself ewww.  So I unwrap it and there is NO MAYO PACKET.  I think to self, o well, eat it the way it is, no biggy.  Then I take a couple bites and something not quite right. I pull over into a shady area and open the wrap. There must have been a hundred thousand onions bits in there.  I started scooping them out with my finger. Picture that classy 8 x 10 glossy!  By the time I finished what you see in the above picture was on that little bitty burger in that little bitty wrap.  I could'nt believe my eyes.  So I got out the trusty camera and did an Onion Photo Shoot.  Do not even try to tell me this was normal.  Someone was mad at me for asking for something special out of the ordinary.

I can only hope they didn't do anything else to it!  I should have turned around and gone back ....it came from McDonald's on Century and Allen Blvd. in Madison, Wisconsin...on June 24th, 2010 at 3:00 p.m. So if you were working that day on that shift. Shame the" hello" on you!

FORWARDS!

Many Forwards I receive in my email box are hilarious, marvelous, wonderful, amazing, interesting, informative, fun, and keep me praying so I don't have anything HORRIBLE happen to me for not Forwarding to at least 10 people in the next ten minutes.  Stupid threats can be intimidating.  Therefore I have lived in a computer world long enough to hate forwards!  Especially political ones. Old people send me Forwards about their bodies and its inevitable changes. No matter, I hate forwards. Sometimes I delete them before I even read them.  Maybe when I am 75 or 80 I will have time to read them before I delete them.  That is unless I get cursed for not forwarding the forwards before I am 75 or 80!  I don't believe in an email cursing me. Unless it carries a trojan virus that is. And that wont stop me from getting to 75-80 so I can read the cursed Forwards. Now....if you don't send this to ten people in the next ten mintues, your new Stainless Steel Fridge will take a crap. And if you don't have a Stainless Steel Fridge, then something awful will happen to your driver side windshield wiper! And so on!  Your firstborn is fine....I don't do bizarre or Forwards.

photo from www.forums.macn.com/