The 3:30 a.m. Dark Monsters......

And not the ones under the bed.  I already put the mattress on the floor for those.  And the ones under the sofa, have been replaced with photo boxes and other such monster killers.  The ones in the closet get the door shut on them before bed and disappear in the light of day.  The ones in the shower with the butcher knife aren't real, I know that.  I got it covered except for the ones outside the windows and the doors.  Since I have no decent dead-bolts, I hate that word, dead.  For something that is supposed to secure life, why is it called DEAD?  That is soooo dumb.  It should be called the living-bolt, or the life-bolt, or monsterkeeperout-bolt, or tough-bolt.  But no, every night I click on the DEAD-bolt.  Makes me feel great, not! So I con-cocked my own extra bolt called a knife-slide.  I slither a long knife in front of the door and under the woodwork.  That takes care of the outside monsters!  Now I will go to bed and dream good dreams... to hell with those monsters anyway.  They will be back, just like they visit everyone in dreams and visions... from under beds, in closets, under sofa's just before they grab your legs never to let go. When they push you off your mattress and you fall two hundred feet to the bottom of that ravine, waking up just before you smash into a millions bloody pieces! Thank God...Safe once again....until the next time that is.  I do have White Light friends called Angels, or Holy Spirits, or maybe my dead relatives and friends, maybe an old boyfriend reincarnated....and so on.  Those two, the black monsters and the white friends come and go depending on me.  What I am thinking.  If I am thinking negative then the black monsters from everywhere....if I am thinking good and wonderful no matter what...then my white Angel friends or dead relatives seem to keep those bad guys at bay!!!  Its up to me... I hate that!! 

Super Glued Eye? by Diane Ogden

OK so you already know from the last blog post that I had eye surgery last week.  And when you have eye surgery you have to use eye drops of prednisone and antibiotics four times a day which I do.  Well if I don't forget which I do on occasion. I am to mark the chart for the first and second drops,  use the marker to put a check mark by each one each time each four hours for four weeks. Nutz, oh yes.  And they must be used five minutes apart at least! What can a person do for five minutes in the bathroom four times a day if you don't need to pee or poo.  OK Urinate or defecate, better?  Clean?  Rearrange the medicine cabinet that many times a month! NOT...Wash the floor, clean the shower, brush teeth, comb hair, la la la de daa....what?  So I put the first drop in and then carry they second ones to the computer desk, kitchen, toaster, cheese cutter, take dog out, whatever? AND then, watch the clock for the five minute time to pass and then dropie doo!  At some point in this process I decided to super glue the head back on my Angel which had broken off which I lost at some point and then recently found .... which I did.   Then I suddenly forgot if I had put the second drops in my eye or not.  I went to pic up the bottle  and drop the drop in the eye when I suddenly noticed I had the wrong bottle..  OH MY GOD I had picked up the bottle of super glue.  Sweet Jesus Lord God Almighty and Mother Mary! Did I cover it all. Nope, Holy Shit, now I covered it all for me anyway.  Can you imagine??  Super gluing your own eye shut and having to probably have another surgery. No way, I caught it... From now on I will stay in the bathroom for five minutes doing whatever I can think of.... just in case. 

Operation "Roy G. Biv" by Diane E. Ogden

A new chance to see Roy G. Biv!  Remember back in school they taught us how to retain the colors of the rainbow?  Red - Orange - Yellow - Green - Blue - Indigo - Violet! = roygbiv.  Well now I can see all those colors very clearly and brilliantly after today.  This is the second eye surgery which happened today...notice the before and after gorgeous photos whee-oo. So proud.  I was still out of it from the wonderful anesthetic cocktail some fellow named Mr. Lee gave me.  I am not sure what I said to him but my stand up routine went into "High" gear because everyone was laughing at something... I can only presume, (notice I didn't say ass-u-me), it was me.  I think I invited Mr. Lee to come home with me!  I am laughing now.  He was a kid, well a 35 year old kid... Am I embarrassed, nope.  I was interested in his powers of good sleep not his other powers thank you.  Sort of like Micheal Jackson took his anesthesiologist home with him.  I am just kidding. Well maybe if I were 35 again I would be more interested in his other powers but for now I am sitting in front of my computer with a patch on one eye trying to see the print. Hoping I will only need some of those cutsie little readers that sit on the bottom of your nose. You know all the different colored ones with rhinestones and shiny silver and gold beaded chains to hold them around your neck for just the right time when they are needed for phone books or small print on menus. 
Now all I need is the mini lift.  You know, the pulling of the jowels back and up.  Just a little.  Then I could see Roy G. Giv and once again recognize myself when I look in a mirror...

The Snow Swiffer by Diane Ogden

I must be fresh out of material to use this one!  It snowed again in Wisconsin and all over this little swiffer duster I dropped outside my car where it laid for two hours.  Like I said, I have no idea why I decided to take its fluffy little picture because its really a no brainer photo and blog post today.  I think I shall delete this and wait for something more interesting for sure.  Really.

Freak Flower! By Diane Ogden

On of my clients gave me this Freaky Amaryllis for Christmas. I was so excited because it was a baby when I rec'd it. ( I hope they don't read my blog.) Actually there are two "Freaks," the other one stayed three inches tall stunted, and this one freaked out to the moon!  I mean come on, its not even pretty.  I recall over the holidays it just kept getting taller and taller and then started to lean so I would prop it everyday in the window, and take it out every nite so it didn't get too cold. Maybe I should have let it get colder so it would stop growing up. During the day I used the cat tree as a stake to keep it from bending. I noticed the bulb a top this towered stem looked a bit ragged. I wondered if the cat decided to do some munching on it seeing it was residing on her tower.  I think so  because when it eventually bloomed the edges of the precious (monster) bloom were ragged and unbecoming. 
I didn't notice my lampshade was crooked until  took this photo so this magnificent "thing" has had some value besides being an annoying chore every day.  The other runt is still a runt, no motion of growing in the least.  I am not a person that can put living plants in the trash, therefore the plants are taking over.  I have several.
One from a University Dumpster someone threw out and it was freezing so I brought it home and propped the leaves up until it figured I wasn't going to let it die so it lived.  Funny looking, but alive!

Then there is the rubber tree and the dracia something that I acquired after an acquaintance had a stroke. No one watered them for a severely long time so into the back of my car they went...the rubber tree had three leaves on it and the dracia palm was over five feet tall with one stupid looking bush at the top which hung over like drunken sailor or air force or army just in case anyone might think me prejudice regarding the armed forces which I am not, merely grabbing and old saying out of the air. Notice it grew a new stalk after a year or so. And two more plants from a Curves that went out of business! Anyway... they now thrive in my apartment where there is no longer room for them.  Believe me there are more plant stories, kid stories, man stories, but you get it.  I should be in the field of caretaker somewhere other than my apartment and should learn to fix 'em, then release them to the world!  Or not!

Jimmy Choo I Think I Love You... by Diane Ogden

Well what do you think?  Me, I about hit the floor and the door on my way down after viewing the price tag on these Jimmy Choo Shoes!  I could crown one tooth for that, buy a good set of tires, a new wardrobe, an Apple laptop, a new flat screen TV plus Blue Ray, one third of my mini face lift, a new sofa, a new bed!! Never mind the bed, a new mattress, a trip to L.A. to visit my boys, and on and on. 
But aren't those Choo's beautiful.  Would that be shoes in Chinese or Japanese?  Fact is I do not know where Jimmy Choo is from so I am talking out my left brain.  That is the creative side right?  If not forgive me and consider I meant the right brain.  A bit high in the heel for any one's spine deal.  But then we thought that when the 3" heels came out in the 60's. 
I am glad I met someone who owns a pair of Jimmy Choo's Shoes.  You should see the dress that goes with these Choo's.  Amazing.  I still rather have the mini lift.

I Did That! by Diane Ogden

Do you notice how the sign is bent considerably more than any of the other signs down the way? I did that!  In fact I did that a couple months ago.  I decided to be slick and back into the stall.  My Dad and I are great drivers until we start doing the "back up" deal.  That is when we should just not do it, is all. 

When this originally happened, I got out after I heard the crunch thinking my back bumper would have a UGE (Donald Trump type huge) dent, crease, or crack, in the back.  But nope, only a little paint gone in one area.  I didn't tape my insurance information to the sign, or tell anyone...what dummie would do that so they could pay the "city" or the UGE (Donald Trump huge) Store chain that Ty Pennington gets all those supplies from on Sunday nights so families can get big new homes FREE!  So why would I need to help those people when I don't have a new home and nothing's free.  I went into said store after I bent their sign way back and bought what I needed and left.  Then last night I had to stop at the same Ty Pennington Store and would you believe "MY" bent sign is still bent. So I felt directly at home, decided to back into the stall (I should know better) and stopped way far away from the sign I tried to kill two months ago.  I thought myself rather gutsy pulling back into the crime scene.  There is an old saying, "The bad guy always goes back to the scene of the crime!" And I did. Notice I didn't say criminal...eeeww.  Not me!  I cant believe they never fixed that sign.  By the way its a disabled parking sign that is now disabled.