If I Die Before I Wake.... by Diane Ogden

If I die before I wake, someone better not use an ugly picture of me on the church bulletin or the newspaper obit or the funeral notice note card.   And I mean it too.  I do hope my God Father does not read this, or any of Berdie's close folks.  Although come on people...get real.  Didn't a one of you take a nice pic of Berdie in the few years.  I am appalled and embarrassed for Berdie.  She was a gorgeous woman most all of her life.  Even as she lay in the casket of which I should have taken a picture of just for this moment in earth time.  The hicks used the pic of her when she was admitted to the last dying mill (nurse home) and she had been sick.  I cant even keep it in my picture box it's so awful.  Her last picture for all who came to bid her farewell was kindly put icky poo.  I am sure Berdie doesn't care now....or does she?  Maybe she is laughing...  I don't think so at all.  Thank God the food they served at the funeral was good.  Really good by the way.  And the pastor knew her from their visits over the  many years.  That was good. But that picture "ain't" the Berdus (Berdie) he visited or I ever visited or any of her other relatives visited.  Whoever decided to use that piece of bad art may get a visit from Ms Berdie before she takes off for planets unknown.  They could have asked me, I am known as the picture lady as well as the "Happy News Lady!" Ya should have seen her all so pretty laying in that big box to be buried.  Hell they should display her somewhere as the most beautiful woman in the world for age 98!  Up there with Michael Jackson for God sakes... and all the other wax museum people.  They should have waxed Berdie for sure... Me, I would haunt the sucker that used that nasty pic on my last day here...of course unless God stepped in and told me to squash it D and move on....LLOL.  That means  "Lord Laughing Out Loud! Bet Berdie's not!

Blizzard of 2011 at My Window! by Diane Ogden

So this is Little Gracie Allen in a head on search for a place to make a morning poddie!  That poddie ended up smack dab in the center of  this sidewalk obviously, like where else was there to go? 
This event occured at 9:00 a.m. February 2, 2011 and as it did occur my mind wondered to the newspaper man that "usually" enters the residence around 4:00 a.m. and considering I live in the "dog building," what residents may have attempted to help their dogs relieve themselves before 5:00 a.m. which is when I overheard the little man with his little toy truck clearing the walks. Did you ever notice that girls don't have boy toys when they grow up, you know like little baby bulldozers, and little baby Caterpillar type plows,  and so on.  I guess someone has to be grown up but its still not fair.  Back to my point?  Where did those dogs go before 5:00 a.m?  The garage? Could be! 
The bottom photo is my apartment just to the left of the front door behind that humongous drift.

I Was Never a "House-Wife".....by Diane Ogden

House-wife!  What the H is that?  I could have said, What the heaven is that, but I don't relate the word House-wife to any sort of heaven I know of, in heaven or on earth.  House-wife! Sounds like someone who got married and then got housebound...locked up....stuck inside.... but then maybe that was the "way it was" in my prime of time life.  Now its House-wife of Orange County, or House-wives of New Jersey and Atlanta and so on.... Those House-wives are married to money.  Not men, money.  They don't wash dishes, clothes, or floors. They don't dust or clean a toilet, or cook, and they barely do their own hair for God in heaven's sakes, as my Grannie used to say. 
Those ladies just look pretty, rich, lucky and absolutely brilliant! Those are the Heaven's House-wives!
The others experienced something more like "Hell's Kitchen!" 

  DEFINITION: Housewife: 1) a woman, typically a married woman, who keeps house, usually without having paid employment. 2) The wife of a householder; the mistress of a family; the female head of a household.

photo from: http://www.fabbrunette.com/

P.S. Berdie died last night between 9:00 and 10:30 p.m Bye Bye Berdie I love you Forever

Bye Bye "Birdie" by Diane Ogden

No not Ann Margaret or Janet Leigh in the original movie, but Berdie, you  know, Berdus Knickmeier. (And that's me with her in the photo about ten years ago.) She is in room 261 at the Nazareth House which I don't think has been painted or refurbished in many many years.  Money I suppose. Isn't it always a matter of money?  Green paper? Be different if it were hard gold right before "me" eyes, but its Green Paper that rules the world and Berdie's dying mill where she lives.  I know I know, this isn't happy news from this lady today.  Hey my God Mother is dying in a room all by herself.  They check on her every hour and a half!  No one called Hospice because maybe they are just hick's, I don't know. No wait, the Green Paper is why no one called Hospice. Her Green Paper ran out.
Hey! Nurses did put an oxygen mask on her so she wasn't grey anymore. Now she can live another day in that joint, struggling to die. Hopefully they will give her the "big dose" unbeknown to anyone so she can cross over.  They told me she was crying for her Mama yesterday morning.  That would be Tillie, my Grandma.  Berdie is approximately 98 years old.  She was OK until she fell out of bed because Wisconsin Law doesn't allow the 1/2 length bed rails to be raised at night. Why that's called restraints.  Dumb ass law! Restraints is tying down, not protecting elderly who are like children from falling out of bed..  So Berdie fell out of bed on her head....bye bye Berdie....  I love you forever. P.S. that is the same Nurse Home (Dying Mill) my Dad went to for rehabilitation after knee surgery and almost died because they never moved him.  Maybe Alzheimer's isn't so bad.  At least you don't know your in that joint! And it only hurts the ones you love. Take your pic.

Little Fake Focker Babies Numbers! by Diane Ogden

As you know from a previous blog post I have compared us to the Fockers.  A bit crazy, non conventional, yet go with the flow of the world, a tad eccentric, a bit hippie-fied, and also on the verge of upscale. And so on.  Which put together means soon.

The daughter and I are sitting in the doctors office waiting room, waiting for the blood test after drinking the nasty orange syrup that determines gestational diabetes.  In the interim daughter is asking old hippie Mom, who does simple numerology, which baby names are best suited to her personality according to the Greeks who invented numerology.  So I am adding up names on the front cover of the latest PEOPLE magazine...  Audrina, hummm....its a 1 - 3.... Great numbers but the 1 means Fake Focker Baby might butt heads with the new Fake Focker Mom?  Then there is the name Libby...3 - 9....great numbers, communicator and humanitarian. Same as the daughter.  Then there is Lily, good numbers but sounds like a dogs name. I cant remember all the names I scratched out the numbers of on that magazine front.  I think as many as possible until I ran out of writing space. 
I was also doing the crossword puzzle inside the PEOPLE magazine.  That is the first crossword puzzle I have ever done in my life. But then I have never ridden in a limo either. I usually opt for word search vs crossword.  Just like I opt for needlepoint vs cross stitch. In, out, in, out..no thinking, yet relaxing EASY! Like "Paper or Plastic?" I was like a kid at the zoo with that darn crossword puzzle...I almost finished it up had I not been requested to add up the Focker figures for the future Fake Focker family baby.   Still I was up there on a "high" cloud for finishing my first Fake Focker crossword puzzle.  I am smart, I really am.  (Note another angle relating to Sally Fields comment after receiving an award many years ago...."You like me, you really like me!" said in a childlike voice.  Boy when we mess up, sometimes we really mess up and in  a big public way no less!) So here I am in big public.....giving away my worst secret....I have never ridden in a limo.
                                             
"It is our choices...that show what we
truly are, far more than our abilities"
- J. K. Rowling

Random Cat Photo's.......by Diane Ogden

I can't give this fellow credit for his or her photo, because I grabbed it off of my I Google opening screen under Random Cat Photos. 
My last couple blog posts have not depicted so much Happy News from this lady until I came across this little lady....surely this is a lady cat right?  Maybe not, too laid back for a female? Whichever....I could only wish either of my cats or little dog would allow me this privilege.  Forget the shirt, I would be beholden to hold either cat in this manner.  One is a rescue and the other from a farm.  The rescue is a  very sweet Ferrell, not sure how to spell that one, but sure learning how to give her a quick pick up and put down.  Even after four years!  She has claws that is why the quick pic up and put down.  She begs for attention, but do not pic me up thank you.  She also eats one jar of baby food, Ham being the only flavor she will eat, every morning. The other cat is my daughters and is a cunning sort of creature. Stares me down eyeball to eyeball.  Another don't pic me up or I will dig in to get down.  So I just spend money and feed them, clean out their litter boxes, pet them as I go past.  Sort of like a couple of the husbands I used to have hanging around. I have to upgrade in all areas.  Its easier to get rid of a husband than it is these cats..... The dog makes up for it though. She only bites if I try to check her teeth, clip the poo of her boodie, clip her nails, and put a coat on her. Oh or a leash.  Who rules around here anyway?  Me or the critters? My mentor of 33 years taught me "anything for peace."  I think I took it too far!