High Efficiency Gain Original Scent for Breakfast by Diane Ogden

I threw a piece of all natural Brick Ovens Honey Oat Bran bread into the toaster oven, then ran back to the computer to finish my picture order of the new Grand baby to be sent to the photo store.  DING....
oh crud I bet I left it in too long and its over toasted...and sure enough, but I decided to eat hard toast vs starting over.  Ordinarily I use a plate but the photo order was waiting so I put the toast on the bare counter and quickly buttered, peanut buttered, and jellied it, grabbed a paper towel, scooted back to the online photo order. I took a bite and thought I smelled perfume but ignored the "still quiet voice" of some blessed Angel trying to warn me. Lord I wish they could thump harder from beyond.  I took two more bites and that is when my brain took a reverse to the previous evening when I poured some High Efficiency Gain into a paper cup on my counter while dripping several ghastly blue green drops onto the exact spot I buttered that toast.  Of course I should have cleaned it up immediately but I had worked ten hours and wasn't finished yet!  I mean come on who could miss those Chinese colors laying on the toasting area.  Me!  I missed them.  And when I realized I had eaten a couple or so drops I spit almighty! Even though I had already swallowed all. Worse then when you think you ate a bug and start spitting even though he be long gone down eaten.  I thought should I gag myself and attempt to throw up three drops of the High Efficiency Blue Green Gain Original Scent Laundry Detergent or should I call 911 or should I drink milk, you know how a lot of packages say drink milk if you eat poison. I am allergic to milk.  I decided to try to relax and drink some water, take the dog out, but my tongue felt funny like it had a blue chemical on it.  Nah, my imagination surely.  I then put a pizza in the oven because I need to go grocery shopping and it was between a pizza or a Dr. Prague's all natural broccoli pancake. eeww. There was no way I could do toast again. I think I am fine except I feel diarrhea coming on.  Surely that is from the anxiety levels occurring in my brain that have nothing to do with High Efficiency Blue Green Gain Original Scent Laundry Detergent going through my digestive tract.  Good God I need to eat out more often when I am that tired.
Actually I did, I bought Chinese last night, ate too late, woke up with bad taste in mouth so I made the toast that got buttered on the counter with the Chinese blue green detergent.  See, my mentor is right. The Chinese I ate that made me sick called in the other Chinese poison. Chinese attracks Chinese!  I tell you people, read those labels.....and do not ever pour laundry detergent around your food preparation areas.  I think I'm fine.  I hope that pizza wasn't made in China!!!

Redneck Baseball Cap Willed to Grand-son by Diane Ogden

OK, so this is one of the X-husbands, don't ask, just using the pic to depict what a Grandpa redneck hat looks like.  By the way he is now with a red head. Humm, maybe he was back then too.  Who cares...
So now that is shown, here is the story morning glory!  My Father is 86 years young in July...that would be two months from now.  He has developed cancer of the kidney of which needs to be removed.  He also has a heart valve that is in severe stenosis meaning the blessed thing is shutting down/closing up shop.  We had/have an appt. at MAO clinic of which his doctors have also shut down.  I suspect they are BID BIDNESS! You know the corporation's type.  Won't go into it except to say the man has been a bull all his life and now they are scrolling the numbers on him...

Hell, he could outwork me up until recently.  Sooo...Upon learning about Papa's health issues,  my 4th son, and let me make that clear as in one blog I got him out of the birth order....he came home from his stint in Thailand where he was a martial arts instructor to help the family get thru some of this insurance health-corporate bid biziness.  And to help the family emotionally also....  In fact he jetted to the farm one fine day (that he had previously planned out with others) to take PaPa Joe to Token Creek, Wisconsin.  Token Creek is a place my Dad speaks of quite often. He lived there on a rental farm with his Mother, Matilda Hiney Jungbluth and father Emil Joseph Jungbluth.  He had a little black Shetland pony he rode to school on ...and on the property was a Spring fed waterway that healed his Mother of severe ulcers. He has always talked of going back there. So Chris drove him to Token Creek.  And Chris filled up three gallons of Token Creek Spring Water for Grandma and Grandpa Jungbluth.  So far they have healed up Grandma's bladder issues.  PaPa Joe was so quietly happy he gave Grandson Chris Ogden his favorite baseball cap from Branson Missouri.  I mean this is BIG.... men don't give their caps away.  Even I know that .  I am posting a pic of Papa wearing his cap even while at the emergency room hospital! He loved his Redneck Branson Missouri hat!  Papa never shared much by the way...he wouldn't even let the Grands use his mower to mow for him.  Not sure what that was about, but he kept his possessions close. I suspect because he never had much as a kid therefore protected what he had earned with vigor. Yet he handed over his special top hat to the Grand that came and drove him to his favorite memory in life.  AMEN.

OMG! or is it SAS? Which Toxic Phrase Would You Chose? by Diane Ogden

Everyone says Oh My God, or Dear Lord, or God dammit, or Jesus!! Whether they are happy or angry or sad.  Or they say, Holy God, or Lordie Lordie, or Good God! That scared the bejesus out of me," "Well for the God of heaven and earth,"  "Sweet Jesus!" "Oh my sweet Jesus/Lord," "Well for the love of Jesus," Oh my Lord, and on and on.

Why do people not take the name of Satan in vain instead of God.  I feel very bad if I slip in a moment, or maybe an entire day of anger which leads me to say God's name in any angry manner.  Would I feel bad if I said, "Satan Dammit?"   Or if I said, "Satan, Satan!"  How about "Sweet Satan!"  hummm, I dislike that one. "Oh you shitty Satan!" I personally like that one.  "Well for the hate of Satan."  Holy Satan, Dirty Satan, Damn Satan, Son of a Satan, Mother Satan, "That scared the Satan out of me!" Silly Satan, Savage Satan, Sorry Satan,  SAS= Sorry Ass Satan??  Well it just came to my mind is all.  Evil effing Satan!

I think I would need to choose one and stick with it or I wouldn't be able to train myself to switch this gear in life.  You know from saying OMG all the time to SAS. Possibly both and or all are basically toxic phrases.

I can remember a stitch in my life time where the fad was to say, "Fudge," when having a moment of anger or frustration. Now we hear "Shut the Front Door" even during Prime Time on TV.  I am not inclined to say that is progress, rather SAS has digressed us and we have allowed it.

The Button Extender.....by Diane E. Ogden

I do not know what happened, but I grew.  I grew 7 pounds of grow...  I must have eaten fertilizer.  No clue. What I do know is I had to hunt up my OLD button extender and,  my favorite Ralph's (Lauren) do not fit. I am back in the fat pants.  Well not that fat, but more than I usually have hanging around.
This means I will have to feel those nasty pangs of hunger during the day for at least 30 days.  That is what it takes for me to lose 8 lbs.  Protein for 30 days.  Cruds!  Or maybe I will just buy new clothes!!  Cut out one food I have been "fressing" on and forget it.  No....I will lose it like I always do all my life...10 up 10 down 10 up 10 down, swearing to never let it happen again but it does.  But it will never happen again this time.  Sure, that is why I keep three boxes of three different size underwear stashed in my closet, keeping one size out at a time.  6's, 7's, and 8's...  Not that anyone needs to know that.  Or which I am in at present! I hate fat.  It resembles lumpy sausage under the skin. I shall never forget the day Oprah pulled that little red wagon full of greasy yellow fat out on her stage depicting the amount of fat she had lost.  Knowing I have seven block pounds of that horrid yellow thick nasty stuff on me is too much to live with.  Therefore it will be gone!  And after it is gone I still have plenty to sustain me and my Ralph's. But not enough to push me over the top like that seven did! (I have handles and I never had those) see it has to go. I don't want to wear full body spankx thank you! My son is visiting from Thailand and put those nasty stars around my web cam dealie frame....  Just ignore it. Pretty hard to ignore 100 and some yellow stars.  Just like me trying to ignore that yellow gag-shis fat on my core body!

The Vampire Tongue...... by Diane Ogden

Little ones can get away with an out of control tongue.  You know, that "thing" inside your mouth that is always there, and seems to have a  mind of
its own.  Recently I have met several "people" who really shouldn't have one (a tongue) that is connected to a sound box anyway.  Animals don't have the ability to put letters together in their brains, connect that to their tongues, and in turn connect that to their sound boxes and in turn speak sounds that are either naughty or nice. Or possibly they are merely dumb as (ass) like Mr. Potato Head with no parts.... Like I said, some of the species I have met lately should have fur on their skin. Truly most animals act more decent.  Am I angry?  No, just spent out with those human critters who have no regard for anyone but their own furry asses.  I have seen the "black card" used by a woman dragging an infant down a hallway at an urgent care because she wanted someone to carry him for her, yet she didn't ask.  Another pulled the same card and pulled directly in front of me at the grocery line.  I actually said something and there was a near altercation of two fuzzballs that time.  I guess I my tongue/brain/voice box fell off the proverbial Angel wagon.  I have also seen the "I can't do anything pregnant card" used lately....as well as the "lazy dog" card which leaves a puddle on my bedroom carpet...  along with "political cards" all over the place.  Thank God the "Charlie Sheen card" is finally slipping off the ass of America like a bad pimple.  That man's nards are in his mouth. He needs to bend over and relocate and readjust himself. I mean who would pay hard earned money to go see that crap?  I guess drug dealers like him would because that isn't hard earned $ like mine. I forgot to mention the "redneck card,"  the one's that need to learn how to read before they speak and should be banned from owning duct tape. Do I think I am better?  Damn right I do.  I can read, don't duct tape my car together, (I use super glue) don't snore in waiting rooms, don't charge people to listen to my drunken drug filled rages, (I do them quietly behind closed doors for free), and so on.  I have the "baby boomer card" and do listen to '60's music while dancing to it like a fool, yet I cant get up a flight of stairs anymore.  Humm, must be something to do with positive brain activity sending messages to the hips, legs, and feet! That's my "dance card."  Some of those other furry human critters should try moving their hips, legs, and feet instead of their nasty tongues. There is a full Moon!

photo from: http://www.marketingmotivation.com/
bottom photo:  mwah laughing at self

I Used to be a Dumb Cluck....by Diane Ogden

I do not recall where I got this picture but it's priceless!  Just look at that Man-Chick, I mean Rooster high stepping his feathery strut across that plank like a real man would ride a Harley or any motorcycle for that matter...Strutting a plank or straddling a Harley .....there he be with a herd of dumb clucks ready to follow that bad boy!  Can chicken's swim?  I really cannot remember...and if not these hens are dumber than dumb.  I used to be dumb like that yet I would never follow any man across a "river," walking a plank, especially because I cant swim and because I have learned some man-Chic's, long legged boys, (means not fully growed up yet man,) and even real men have led me astray across many a river, mountain, and stream! Obviously I allowed it, hello walk the plank blank.  Back then, and I don't mean yesterday or last month, this dumb cluck had a degree in dumbass. Now I have a degree in class and manners, (cant you tell,) but I still cant swim. 
Just look at those dumb clucks! Hilarious

Dad's in a Box in the Spare Room, by Diane Ogden

So I was at a client's home today, one I visit every other week and have for about two years....Nice people.  These nice people's Father / Father-in-law moved in with them after his wife passed away last year.  I met him several times and we had many nice talks.  Me being a Hospice Care Volunteer in the past plus having a soft place in my heart for the elderly allowed me to be a good listener for him.  He seemed lonesome.... Everyone worked all day which left him home alone.  He died unexpectedly between one of my visits a few months ago.  He died of pneumonia but really he died of a broken heart.  He told me it wasn't supposed to be this way. He was older than his wife by many years and was supposed to go first.  But he didn't and he was unhappy, so he left the planet.

Today I walked into the spare bedroom, the one he used to live in and noticed a medium sized cardboard box on the dresser.  I have no idea why but I peeked at the label for some reason other than being nosie ....  It said, Contents of box: Father:  L. Raymond Lacy.  I got the God bumps all over my arms and then I got the hair standing on neck and then I said, "M a r i a, come here, Dad is here!"  She looked at me like I meant a ghost of Dad was in the room which meant she was not coming in there.  I said, "No not the ghost, the bones!"  She said, "OMG."   There we both stood peering into the UPS cardboard box, then at the white box and the label that said in black type, "Father."   I said, Jeezers, How long they gonna leave Dad in the box? I mean where's the Urn?"   Even little critters and big dogs get a little Urn and get set on the Mantle.... I told Maria I knew he wasn't in there, yet he was.  I knew his spirit was sailing free from that box, yet there he was.....bones, skin, hair, eyelashes, and so on. Sittin right there in that box. Probably the Urn was inside the white box that was inside the UPS cardboard box. The same man I visited with every other week for several months. So be it.  It's not my Dad so I had to let it go and move on and remember the living Dad I used to visit and not the one in the box.
This isn't a very happy news story, but it's darn straight a fact! Eeewww..