Troubles Build Character! by Diane Ogden

As a person passes thru each decade, be it two or six or eight or ten, they always hear the words, "Tough times build character!"  S H U T - U P already.   I have heard that saying for a couple more than a few decades.  I want you all to know that is why I have slowly become quite the character!!

 That is the only excuse I can think of.  When bad things happen to good people its to build their character so I have heard??   When tragedy strikes it will build you!!   When you lose everything, don't worry, your getting built!  And boy am I built.  Then after more decades of character building, your mind and body stay characterized, however your character body begins to wilt in all areas, inside and out....but boy do you die with one heck of character. Probably because it is so tired of working at its character.

 If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it round. Trouble creates a capacity to handle it. I don't embrace trouble; that's as bad as treating it as an enemy. But I do say meet it as a friend, for you'll see a lot of it and had better be on speaking terms with it. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

I am not on speaking terms with trouble.  Well, maybe a little.  That is why I am such character.  I am a builder....a character builder.  I run from it but it has a bigger motor than I do and it chases me. 
I would have the home with the two white rockers and the garden if I weren't such a character! (builder, that is)
I say those people who made up those sayings are nutz.  But then there is an excuse and/or a reason for everything including troubles.  I am sure troubles is just another word for a glass half FULL, (of troubles that is)   Just kidding of course.  Me, I have all I need.....of troubles that is.  Just kidding I said.

Associated Bank plus Jake! by Diane Ogden

I stopped at the bank today to do some regular business.  I told the teller I sent a nasty email to said bank for charging me to transfer my own money from one account to another!  The teller turned to a young man saying, "She is mad at you! She emailed you this morning!"  The young banker man said, "I don't even know her. I didn't do anything!"  The teller and I finalized the smart transaction of less than a million $. I was about to leave when banker man asked why I was mad at the bank.  I told him, so he invited me to his big fancy banker desk (I have one too) to research the theft of my own $ issue.  While he was checking me out, nawh, I mean my account of course cause I am a couple decades beyond him... I began to tell him that if I met him on the street I would know he was a very competitive man, possibly his own worst enemy, and possibly a critical person whose numbers and energies will help him get wherever he wants and needs to be in life.  His eyes got quite large.  I continued to do a numerological reading for him and his eyes continued to grow quite large.  He was amazed because I was right on! Then we did his X girlfriend whom he is not over, (a 3 year relationship ended by phone??) yet he is with a new love, who I did a numerological reading for!  eeww.  He makes calculated decisions, not from the heart nor from the HEAD and HEART!  Poor kid.  Possibly I poked him enough to where he might find his true self.  Not sure. He used to be a pro baseball boy who became injured and ended up a banker man.  Sucks for him he says. I say he just needs to wake up and live without the continual calculations.  Odd thing was my daughter stopped in at the bank that same day and told me she sat with a hot banker for two hours who helped her with some issues. Odd? Ya think?  My daughter lives in a different city, and I never stop and sit with banker boys.  humm
photo from: www.mennoweekly.org

A Little New Orleans on Sommers Street, Madison, WI by Diane Ogden

Sometimes I enjoy simply taking photos of things that make me happy when I look at them.
These statues grace a home on Sommers Street in Madison, Wisconsin.  I was hoping to capture the stream of water pouring into her handheld cup.  There were many more statues in the back yard but it was gated.

This is a normal home approximately one hundred and many years old.  It has been turned into two apartments upstairs and I suspect the owners live downstairs. 

Isn't the boy in knickers walking his bike under the Victorian light post AMAZING?  

I give these owners mega kudos for sharing their passion with all of us who drive by and live close.  The flowers around the house are equally amazing as the statues.  It must be blessed!

Lynn's Upgraded Porch! by Diane Ogden

This is Lynn's week for out with the old and in with the new.

That would be her old porch to the left (new on the right) which included an empty wooden bookshelf, a hot pink bucket, a snow shovel, (It would August right now) and the infamous metal folding chair which has caused her bottom some serious degree burns on occasion considering the porch is facing West afternoon sunshine.  I kept hinting what stores had comfy cheap chairs on sale.  She said, "OK!" Yet nothing month after month.  (Remember its August now)

Lynn informs me that mid week she will be going into re-do surgery.  I said, "Re-do what?"  She told me her boobs.  OMG!  New boobs because the old ones are slippin, well one is anyway, and the new national trend is back to the old national trend called silicone.  El-Na-tu-ral! But El-painful, under the muscle and over the something else.  I forget.  Her nurse friend is coming to nurse her back to health.  Not sure I like those words considering we are talking boobs.  Start overs:  Her friend who is in the nursing profession will be staying with her during her recovery time.  Considering this fact Lynn must have figured her porch needed a lift too? OMG did you catch that? Me too.  Sooo she calls me on the smart phone and tells me she got a new chair or two on sale.  I said I would be right out with my camera and my dog.  And by godly if she didn't clean porchville.  She even bought a new LED porch lite. This would be Lynn covering her head because I am always taking pictures of her when she has no make up on.  Wait until I get the after surgery shots!  No I wont do that, maybe.

Just think, it took surgery to get this done.  Oh and no more hot butts on this porch. Well, you know what I mean.  With all these upgrades going on Lynn is "liable" to get herself a new boy toy and an invite to the local Frosty Ball this here year!

I can tell you she is lhao as she reads that last line.  (laughing her a__ off)

Esther Says She is Going to Kill Hester! by Diane Ogden

Esther called me this morning while I was driving to a client, so I tapped the speaker button on my fancy phone!  Boy am I sorry I did that.  Esther was foaming at the brain because Hester borrowed her Buick again and was not back in time for Esther's appointments.  Hester has a nice new used Jaguar she parked in Esther and the Colonel's gay-rage because she is sure it is bugged just like everything she owns is bugged including her toilet paper roll as well as the outlets in her apt.  Actually I think she prefers to use Esther's gas vs her own cash flow gas considering she has been evicted from her cohabitation existence due to her excessive calls and talks to the several tenants in the complex.  She believes at least 35 of them have infiltrated the property mainly so they can stalk her, for the real stalker who met her a couple times three years ago and never dated her.  Poor sucker happened to be a delivery man to the complex she lives and stalks/works at who has no interest is Hester Bester.  Back to my point!  Esther finally gets her Buick back from Hester who pulls in an hour and forty five minutes late to Esther's driveway.  Esther motions with her shaking hands (do recall she has some sort of tremor condition called Hester tremors)for Hester to "GET THE FLOCK OUT OF MY CAR!"  Hester merely moves over to the passenger seat. Esther says, NO NO , get out bad girl who is late bringing my Buick home!  Hester says in her narcisstic voice, "How dare you speak to me in that tone in front of all those foreigner roofers working up there! (Like they can speak English anyway duh)  Esther pointed her finger at Hester and said, "Get out!"  Of which Hester did.  That is when my phone rang.  And then it rang again after the car man told Esther that she needed to hustle on over to the car wash and get all the clay off her Buick.  CLAY?  What?  Where does a person drive where there is clay in Wisconsin.  I think Hester drove to Arizona cause Esther said the gas she put in was GONE. 

Now Esther is blaming herself for how Hester has turned out crazy looney.  I said, "No No, it is all because of the auntie handing down the crazies. You remember Esther? The crazy auntie Alice you found sitting on the floor eating cat food. BINGO, DINGO!  You got yourself a generational nother one.  Esther told me she's had it.  No more blaming herself for Hester's narcissism and mental coo-coo-ville-ness, the correct term being psychcotic meaning serious.... hello.
Back to my point. Esther is on my fancy phone on speaker telling me she is going to Kill Hesther and saying the fluch word several times over.  I told her no no, only because I just got my bail bond money back from the Pottawatomie County for bailing the G-daughter out of jail.  No cash left for gettin' Esther out for murder in the planning degree.  I said calm her down Esther and just then Harry starts to barking and speaking in tongues of which Esther understands.  Harry needed to go out of the doors of the inside for poddie time.  So Esther and I talk for as long as the cordless can handle the distance....Esther says, This is a revolting development Di, and if I Die, the keys to the buick are in the back of the linen closet in the bag of depends!"  I said, "OMG Esther, do you use Depends?"  She said the fluck word to me and then all I heard was static.  Hum, Harry and her must of got out of range.....  "Home Home on the range, where the dogs and the Hesters do play...and maybe pay... The End 
The Happy News for today is that Esther won't kill Hester.  It's all talk.

photo from: http://erkerk.tunblr.com/
crazy nell photo from: http://cinemademerde.com/Alice_Sweet_Alice

Demon's Demon's Damn Demon's! by Diane Ogden

I want to say one thing.  There really are demons out there.  I know because just know.  I tell everyone I know to stay under the demon radar.  Same as under the police radar, not to implicate police as demonic of course not. Well....hhumm
Anyway, today was interesting to say the least. Today was toast. And it was toast because of Budfest, or bookfest, or rockfest, I cant remember the name of the fest, all I know is my daughters guy friend went to it and got so drunk he cant recall what an idiot he was.  The demon police called my daughter to come get demon drunk him, then told her he wasn't safe to come get.  So a cab brought him home and on the way he threw up in it which cost him $100. When at his home where he slept and threw up and slept and threw up and so on plus more, he became angry that no one took care of his sorry naken fat butt.  Then comes the demons out of his dirty drunken out of control body. How else would they get in huh?

They are in the house, in the air, in the toilet and everywhere.  He, the culprit, drunk from the fest, leaves.  His car died after his accelerator stuck, I suspect his windows shattered although no one mentioned that. As well as his head was spinning as in "Linda Blair."  Then his heart started racing, duh, ya think, then he was mean spirited, ya think? The front door of his house totally came off the hinges and fell apart, ya think? His one daughter, age 7 was scared because she said little angry boxes on strings were hanging in the air all around her head.  Call the asylum? No, call the Priest for crying out loud sakes.  What a bunch of chit.  My phone is getting bombed by the daughter needing demon help part of the afternoon.  Hey, I said I would pray.  After I pray for the demons to go, I throw up in my mouth and almost choke to death.  Oh great! Like that has never happened. I knew immediately I had gotten pulled into the green slime shit bucket of demonic dorks.  I survived but not without fear and discomfort.  At my next clients house my teeth started feeling like lightning bolts were striking them. I had to leave the job early to find a dentist and a few thousand dollars on the way to pay him. Then it suddenly stopped.  I text the daughter to see where she is.  She is on her way to her work out class.  My teeth are on fire from her friends demons and she is fine.  Well isn't that just the way it goes.  The Happy News of the day is:  I'm fine, I'm good, call the priest, do not call me and dump your demons on me
NA More! Not only all this today, but I found out my neighbor is having her boobs re-done and will be screaming "why did I do this?" Afterwards.  I will feel very helpless. Her Mom will be there, so maybe I should just be and feel helpless.  After all I didn't do it.  My boobs are just fine, it's hers that are going to make her scream.  Mine make me scream for different reasons. If I have to scream, too bad I don't have a fixed pair to scream over.  Maybe I will make her soup. No, No, she doesn't have the flu doo! Her boobs do. And I cant do anything for them.  And I wont pray so no demons come on her boobs.  That already happened. That is why she is having a re-do. I think this is a separate blog humm.   

Noises In My Head Come Out My Mouth by Diane Ogden

Yes I am one of those people whose thoughts sometimes come rolling out my mouth, but not before thinking, especially while I am driving.  The other day I was day driving dreaming about a few of the nastier people that have "un-graced" my life and a few that have ungraced other peoples lives that I know when suddenly out of my brain cells comes a strange little voice (I changed my voice because I am a very nice person who wouldn't think of saying nasty things about anyone, WRONG) The voice change just gives me a fake excuse for the bad thoughts that came out my mouth.  Hey, if the tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound? Of course it does. If I speak bad things and no one hears them, does it matter?  Of course it does! 

But I did it anyway cause I have some strange way of having fun all

by myself.  The little voice dropped a couple octaves and began

speaking to "the" nasty person bully:

"I am so blogcramed sick of your mouth.

Why don't you go jump in the neighbors pool and forget to hold your breath. 
I don't want you to die, just choke a little to see how it feels.

Hey, go dip your finger in hot mustard then lick it and scream! So you know how it feels.

Rent a truck and drive to the top of a mountain and run out of gas, or drive to Peru!

Go bury yourself in the mud like a sow like the shitty mess you made for others.

Throw yourself in front of a truck, but I don't want to watch, I don't like messes.

I wish you were a frog so you could jump away in the grass, far away, you green dumb frog.

I'm fine, your not!  But then your not driving and talking chit about an imaginary rotten bully person.

So what.

You should stop the bitching, day and night bitching.  Nagging ragging bag you are. Stop it.

You should go to a mountaintop so you can hear the spirit speak to you.  So you can learn  before you die.

The old saying is:  Live and Learn, not die and learn. Then its too late jerk off bullie butt.  If you die there is much unfinished business..... 

See:  I'm fine and your going to die with unfinished business. NOT ME...I just said it all and got it out.

I'm good!! I'm really good!