Esther Has a Concealed Weapon! by Diane Ogden

Today I spent some time with Esther.  The Colonel was working so we had some girl time. Esther told me about her shopping spree at The Shoebox in Black Earth.  She was so proud that she "got" $500 worth of shoes for $200.  That's how us girls look at our purchases, in terms of how much we saved, not how much we spent.  The Colonel on the other hand does not. He says people who need that many shoes or million dollar homes have a disease called conspicuous consumption. Although Esther and I don't see the comparison between the two. That just shows you how off the charts The Colonel really is regarding cash flow.
Tuesday, The Colonel received the credit card bill in the U.S. Mail, upon which time he went into Colonel rage in his den and then spread out down the hall to Esther's room where Esther and Harry (the dog) were sleeping.  He was ranting and raving about money and how things had to change or else.  Esther pretended to be asleep until she could not stand his voice one more second.  She sat up in her king size bed, pulled her "big gun" she had concealed under the sheets and pointed it directly at the colonel.  She absolutely enjoyed his eyes getting as big as his mouth was.  She said, "Thank You for my four pair of shoes Colonel and for our Grand Lexus's two pair, I really appreciate them. Anyway there wont be enough room in your coffin for all our money when you go.  And I suspect you don't want to go today so I suggest you say "your welcome" and exit the building before I shoot holes in your shoes and you need to go spend money on new feet, speaking of conspicuous! And let me add, you are not the military police, or my Kingdom Cop, rather you are acting like the KGB and no one likes them. Get a grip and do realize I have a good grip going on too."
Wisconsin's concealed weapon law has not gone into effect yet, but then Esther obviously doesn't know that.  She wouldn't shoot The Colonel.  Or would she?
The names have been changed to protect the guilty.... Esther really just used her finger under the sheets to scare The Colonel. It didnt work! Good story though huh?  It was almost the truth with a hint of stretch is all.
photo from: http://www.marshallmavs.com/

Hidden Messages by Diane Ogden

It is toward the end of September, 2011 most of these flower bushes have turned to green and the complex will be cutting them all back shortly. 

I took Gracie dog out for her morning podie when I noticed this one brand new beautiful white bloom directly ahead of my front window.  I am not a person who scratches for signs from the Universe (don't let me kid you!) but this one was fairly obvious.  It said, "Good mornin' Ms. D.  Take note when you think its all going to hell, (dying out) there is always something good in the midst, for you."

Always watch for the hidden messages that are usually right in front of your eyes.  

That is my happy news for today along with proof in pictures. 

Messin' With my Porch Again, Fall 2011

Do you see the TINY sign above the sunflower wreath on the window?  That TINY sign says,
"Be Nice or Go Away"
I have a client with a LARGE sign just like my TINY sign.  I was so proud when I found a sign just like theirs on EBay!  I snatched it up faster then a duck on a junebug.  The pride part came in when I saw the price....$.99.   Yes, 99 cents and that is when I pounced, then waited  impatiently watching for it to arrive every day.  It never did.
But one day I rec'd a TINY package with a TINY sign in it that you are seeing in that picture to the right.  No one can pull anything over on me as you can see.  O'well it works.  I would still like to have a larger one for my entrance door.  It certainly says it all, for me anyway.  The good news for today ....I'm still upright! And if your reading this, so are you!

The Funny Farm Again.....by Diane Ogden

In case you do not know, the "funny farm" is where I was raised since 1900 and nevermind! I go there when I have to.  I go there to keep peace.  I go there when I need something from the infamous GRAINERY!  The grainery being were "we all" keep the belongings we don't wish to throw away.  The old awards, the old high school box containing love letters from our first loves and forever loves. sshhhh.  Baseball gloves, bats, ski's, snowboards, where mom (me) keeps five different stuffed animals loved by five different children in a plastic bedspread zippered bag.  Hicksville or what?  I picked up some fresh tomatoes....worked in the infamous grainery for three hours so as to not have to deal with the relatives.  Mother to be exact.  I do not have the wonderful relationship many of my fake facebook friends have with their M!  Enough of that. Maybe. 
I am watching Justin Timberlake and Lady GaGa on the season premier of Saturday Nite Live while trying to write about mummie and the funny farm...
I cleaned part of the grainery room where we all keep our goods.  The goods that HGTV tells people to throw away if you haven't looked at for 6 months or more. Not gonna happen. Keepin' it! All of it! The years of the JCPENNEY Christmas Catalogs, the bins of beads and jewels, the boxes or barbie doll patterns, the collection of buttons, the memories and trophies of all the sales  team and individual awards, gold goblets, gold dinnerware, rings, plaques.  My Grandfathers lunch pail that must be 100 years old by now, my 22 year old daughters baby clothes, my sons comic collection, a life size cardboard cut of Chubacka, and Bruce Lee, snowboards, Nintendo's, and last but not least, those frog guys.  You know those Ninja Turtles! I have a big box of them! Add an antique dresser or two, a couple junk boxes, tax records, and my son's (who is in prison) boots sitting on a dirty dusty sturdy shelf waiting for him.  Along side his boots, are my Grandmother's size 4 1/2 hunting boots.  She shot a bear for real in the 50's on a hunting trip in Wyoming.  Me, no way!  I don't believe in killing the wild friends.  Hell I cry when I pass a dead possum on the road holding its paws over its face, alone and scared.  I always say, "I'm sorry that happened to you (alone).  And then I continue driving to wherever I was going.  Then I find a way to smile and give someone a compliment when I get there.  Even if I am mad, sad, or otherwise.  I deal.  I could live in that grainery with all my STUFF.  Well only if it was remodeled of course.  And had a bathroom and shower and heat!  Yet my buttons and stuff are there, so I would be fine.

Making the Animals Happy...... by Diane Ogden

This would be a child's room that belongs to one of my clients.  Sometimes my helper makes the room look very nice but leaves all these precious little friends unattended and in a heap of a pile on the floor, under the bed and so on.  So my new rule is:  You may not leave until you make the animals happy!  I was so proud of her for making all these critter friends happy so when that little boy crawls into his cozy bed tonight he will be safe, safe, safe!  And he will sleep with his happy animals.   Aren't they something fun! 

Ghosts... by Diane Ogden

I am sure there are more family ghosts hanging around but these are the only ones I have photo's of. The only ones strong enough to manifest themselves into the camera's instant shudder movement.  Apparently cameras see more than humans do, or faster anyway.

This is the largest manifest I have ever seen.  And I saw it!  Not with  my naked eye, but after I shot the photo.  Then I shot another and another each time looking at the screen and the air in front of me. There was never a visible cloud except in the camera viewer.  I told whatever it was to leave unless it was a positive force and took photos of it as it ascended over to the side and then up up  and away.  No it was not fog, seriously.

This photo is my Grandfather, Emil Jungbluth.  This is just before he passed on.  You can see the spirit of something in a beam type form coming directly down on him.  I believe it was a positive force readying him for his passage.

I have the same type photo of my dog, below who passed away from cancer. The same foggy form coming directly down from the atmosphere.   

I have many more....

My Brand New HIDEOUS Boat Shoes that cost a zibillion! by Diane Ogden

Yes they are that big!  And I cried all the way home from the store that sold them to me.  I hate them!  Of course I know I am not supposed to say that! Chit! Cursing them surely will promote the healing of my back they are supposed to offer with a guarantee wont it? And I just woke up to post this as I wrote it yesterday and they are still under my desk waiting for me damscramit. Did I think they would disappear like a bad husband. Yup I dreamed it.
My only solice is I can return them three months from now if I chose.  I bet I chose.  Me being a feminine type woman has ever gone out for this look.  The German marathon woman look. Nope nadda.   I am only doing this so I don't end up in a wheel chair and so I can sleep at night and work a few years longer so I don't have to live under a bridge in my car with my dog and cat (imagine a litter box in my car with my pillow), dumpster diving for my everyday needs.  Shhhesssh. 
I have to take little steps, balance on the center, don't lean backwards or its trouble in the city for me.  The straps hurt the tops of my foot and the backs.  These glorious hunks of rubber from Switzerland via Germany only cost me $235.00. That would be the $money I was saving for my new TV!! That is when I threw up in my mouth. I also had to have an extra pair for when I got out of bed at night (who could bend over and strap those contraptions on at 3:00 a.m.) and for snow covered sidewalks while I carry the other pair of rubber goldmines.  That pair was only $145.00 plus one pair of socks.  The sales person must have seen thru my usual jolliness and on into my brainshock because he gave me $50 off and I had a $10.00 coupon.  Whooppie chit! I still hate them.  I asked the guy why don't I just go buy a pair of those butt ugly Sketchers that look a little worse than these for 1/3 the price.  He was a knowledgeable chap.  He knew about every pain I have and nerve and tendon and what the doctors have told me word for word.  He even knew the docs suggested I had fibromyalgia.  I DO NOT and wont ever except that one.  And he knew that Sketchers was being sued by MBT for trying to copy their product when Sketchers product does not do the same thing for the back.  I don't know why it wouldn't. Its got the same rubber rocking chair sole (SOUL) as my new boots.  I just cant stand tie shoes and this one does look a little better than the ship looking Sketcher piece of chit shoe. Am I angry.  Yup.  Sometimes I say a few too many curse words when I get angry.  Guess this is better than a cane or a wheelchair and if what the kid says is true I will be able to go walking again soon.  Hopefully with a different pair of shoes on.  I hate these MBT's!  Better not be a hoax from Germany.   Probably not, hoax's are pretty much just from China and America.