Friends and Family! by Diane Ogden

I, me-itis, mwah, try to find humor in everything!  Sometimes when I shouldn't!  But today was a wowzer day.  My neighbor two floors up and one door down and one across got fired from her job after 19 years.  Yupsie nothing funny bout that one.  She failed a drug test but doesn't do drugs.  And they said, "No seconds honeybunny!"  She turned in her keys, drove to her doctors office for another drug test to see what the HELL happened because that sure didn't arise out of heaven unless she wins the lotto today or tomorrow.  Next she came to my door, the HELL being unannounced to me .....It was when I said, "How are you doing today?"  OMG the tears fell like falling rain. 
Next my neighbor across the street called and was still in bed at 3:00 p.m. I said, "What!! Get up !"  She said she was laying there wondering why she had been born.  I told her, "Don't know, just get up and keep going."  Her child stole her credit card as well as that child, whose 42, has some other serious issues.  Nothing funny bout that one. 
My Granddaughter had her 11th birthday last weekend but no party for this side of her family.  So my parents (the child's not so great Great Gparent's get all bent out of shape and drive to child's home (after threatening to go to child's school of which I sent out a YUGE red flag that was dissed. Means disregarded) They went to child's home in pouring wind blowing rain to give her some presents. They didn't go in, they had her come out and get into the car and have a mini car party!  I shouldn't tell doi. But come on, whats funny about that?  Nothing! Sounds like someone wanted to make a statement huh? 
Me, I had a ball buying the Grandchild what she asked for, and asking her if it would be okay to drop it off at daddy's work which will happen today.  Holy Jesus of Israel and Egypt and Wisconsin. 

Soooo....the Happy News for today is.  We are still upright, happy or not.  Let people walk there own path and you walk yours best you can. Hard isn't it? And don't drive in the pouring rain when you are 80 and 86 to have a car party in the great grandchild's driveway that will make you look foolish vs what your goal was. And no clue on the drug deal, just pray it works out because those tests are many times wrong.  Cold medicine can show up as cocaine. Truth.  Snopes it.  And if you have a 42 year old child run like hell!  Move! Lock the doors, turn off the phone.  Now I am going to work before anyone calls or knocks on my door with any more good news.  This is a new day, don't let them all run together like broken eggs.  Split them up with a good nites sleep and move on.

You Look Fabulous! by Diane Ogden

This is my latest purchase.
Cost me $7.00 at Target!
Perfect!
I hang this in my kitchen so every morning I look at myself
and it tells me I LOOK FABULOUS!
Cant get much better than waking up to "Whose the fairest in the land?"  huh? huh?
So go get one of your own!  Then you can brag too.
It doesn't matter what I look like, those words emanate my brain cells and I love it.  Comes with a little purple ribbon too.  Doesn't matter if it doesn't go with my decor..... 
Mr. DeMille I'm ready for my headshots!
Probably more like "Where's the Beef."
I'd take that if I could take my mirror along.

Esther Has a Concealed Weapon! by Diane Ogden

Today I spent some time with Esther.  The Colonel was working so we had some girl time. Esther told me about her shopping spree at The Shoebox in Black Earth.  She was so proud that she "got" $500 worth of shoes for $200.  That's how us girls look at our purchases, in terms of how much we saved, not how much we spent.  The Colonel on the other hand does not. He says people who need that many shoes or million dollar homes have a disease called conspicuous consumption. Although Esther and I don't see the comparison between the two. That just shows you how off the charts The Colonel really is regarding cash flow.
Tuesday, The Colonel received the credit card bill in the U.S. Mail, upon which time he went into Colonel rage in his den and then spread out down the hall to Esther's room where Esther and Harry (the dog) were sleeping.  He was ranting and raving about money and how things had to change or else.  Esther pretended to be asleep until she could not stand his voice one more second.  She sat up in her king size bed, pulled her "big gun" she had concealed under the sheets and pointed it directly at the colonel.  She absolutely enjoyed his eyes getting as big as his mouth was.  She said, "Thank You for my four pair of shoes Colonel and for our Grand Lexus's two pair, I really appreciate them. Anyway there wont be enough room in your coffin for all our money when you go.  And I suspect you don't want to go today so I suggest you say "your welcome" and exit the building before I shoot holes in your shoes and you need to go spend money on new feet, speaking of conspicuous! And let me add, you are not the military police, or my Kingdom Cop, rather you are acting like the KGB and no one likes them. Get a grip and do realize I have a good grip going on too."
Wisconsin's concealed weapon law has not gone into effect yet, but then Esther obviously doesn't know that.  She wouldn't shoot The Colonel.  Or would she?
The names have been changed to protect the guilty.... Esther really just used her finger under the sheets to scare The Colonel. It didnt work! Good story though huh?  It was almost the truth with a hint of stretch is all.
photo from: http://www.marshallmavs.com/

Hidden Messages by Diane Ogden

It is toward the end of September, 2011 most of these flower bushes have turned to green and the complex will be cutting them all back shortly. 

I took Gracie dog out for her morning podie when I noticed this one brand new beautiful white bloom directly ahead of my front window.  I am not a person who scratches for signs from the Universe (don't let me kid you!) but this one was fairly obvious.  It said, "Good mornin' Ms. D.  Take note when you think its all going to hell, (dying out) there is always something good in the midst, for you."

Always watch for the hidden messages that are usually right in front of your eyes.  

That is my happy news for today along with proof in pictures. 

Messin' With my Porch Again, Fall 2011

Do you see the TINY sign above the sunflower wreath on the window?  That TINY sign says,
"Be Nice or Go Away"
I have a client with a LARGE sign just like my TINY sign.  I was so proud when I found a sign just like theirs on EBay!  I snatched it up faster then a duck on a junebug.  The pride part came in when I saw the price....$.99.   Yes, 99 cents and that is when I pounced, then waited  impatiently watching for it to arrive every day.  It never did.
But one day I rec'd a TINY package with a TINY sign in it that you are seeing in that picture to the right.  No one can pull anything over on me as you can see.  O'well it works.  I would still like to have a larger one for my entrance door.  It certainly says it all, for me anyway.  The good news for today ....I'm still upright! And if your reading this, so are you!

The Funny Farm Again.....by Diane Ogden

In case you do not know, the "funny farm" is where I was raised since 1900 and nevermind! I go there when I have to.  I go there to keep peace.  I go there when I need something from the infamous GRAINERY!  The grainery being were "we all" keep the belongings we don't wish to throw away.  The old awards, the old high school box containing love letters from our first loves and forever loves. sshhhh.  Baseball gloves, bats, ski's, snowboards, where mom (me) keeps five different stuffed animals loved by five different children in a plastic bedspread zippered bag.  Hicksville or what?  I picked up some fresh tomatoes....worked in the infamous grainery for three hours so as to not have to deal with the relatives.  Mother to be exact.  I do not have the wonderful relationship many of my fake facebook friends have with their M!  Enough of that. Maybe. 
I am watching Justin Timberlake and Lady GaGa on the season premier of Saturday Nite Live while trying to write about mummie and the funny farm...
I cleaned part of the grainery room where we all keep our goods.  The goods that HGTV tells people to throw away if you haven't looked at for 6 months or more. Not gonna happen. Keepin' it! All of it! The years of the JCPENNEY Christmas Catalogs, the bins of beads and jewels, the boxes or barbie doll patterns, the collection of buttons, the memories and trophies of all the sales  team and individual awards, gold goblets, gold dinnerware, rings, plaques.  My Grandfathers lunch pail that must be 100 years old by now, my 22 year old daughters baby clothes, my sons comic collection, a life size cardboard cut of Chubacka, and Bruce Lee, snowboards, Nintendo's, and last but not least, those frog guys.  You know those Ninja Turtles! I have a big box of them! Add an antique dresser or two, a couple junk boxes, tax records, and my son's (who is in prison) boots sitting on a dirty dusty sturdy shelf waiting for him.  Along side his boots, are my Grandmother's size 4 1/2 hunting boots.  She shot a bear for real in the 50's on a hunting trip in Wyoming.  Me, no way!  I don't believe in killing the wild friends.  Hell I cry when I pass a dead possum on the road holding its paws over its face, alone and scared.  I always say, "I'm sorry that happened to you (alone).  And then I continue driving to wherever I was going.  Then I find a way to smile and give someone a compliment when I get there.  Even if I am mad, sad, or otherwise.  I deal.  I could live in that grainery with all my STUFF.  Well only if it was remodeled of course.  And had a bathroom and shower and heat!  Yet my buttons and stuff are there, so I would be fine.

Making the Animals Happy...... by Diane Ogden

This would be a child's room that belongs to one of my clients.  Sometimes my helper makes the room look very nice but leaves all these precious little friends unattended and in a heap of a pile on the floor, under the bed and so on.  So my new rule is:  You may not leave until you make the animals happy!  I was so proud of her for making all these critter friends happy so when that little boy crawls into his cozy bed tonight he will be safe, safe, safe!  And he will sleep with his happy animals.   Aren't they something fun!