Is This Frog Pond Holler? Or Madison Wisconsin? by Diane Ogden

 Frog Pond Holler is in Kentucky I think.  It's a blog I read if you don't mind a tad of cussin'. (www.mahalla.com) 
But this is Madison Wisco and this is a site from one of my clients windows.  I decided long ago that I wanted to take a pic of this moldy mess of a wall, and today I finally did it.  And all the time I was holding the samsung at the "winder" I was a hopin' them there friendly neighbors weren't watchin'  me!  You git it right?  That was Frog Pond Holler language I was trying to relay. 
I mean come on....what is that mess?  If you believe in green and ecology and all natural, GREAT, but mold and raggy isn't shabby chic folks, or even close to green, its mean,  it's nasty!  This is the view from my clients eating table.  Eewww.  
Second pic below is the view from my clients nice sweet back yard.  ME, I would put up a 10 foot fence or whatever is the legal height is inside the city limits.  Or maybe I would shoot 'em.. Okay so that was a bad joke.....
All they are missing are the legally owned chickens.  God forbid even the chickens would have to live there.  Jeez I hope they didn't see me taking pics of their happy homestead!   Come on folks, at least put up a new curtain to hide the nasty junk!
Oh, but wait, look at the wonderful WILD flowers. And the WEEDS!
Sorry, I think some people hide the word LAZY behind Love of NATURE. Ya Think?

Aliens Arrive........by Diane Ogden

tricksyknitter.com

Obviously this knitting pattern is not from an alien.  Rather it is all I could find on Google images that resembled what I saw in my dream last night.  The dream seemed fairly normal as dreams go which means it wasn't.  Yet it was until the end.  But then maybe this is how it is going to go in the end for all of us.  Usually I try to find humor to write about but this isn't humorous.  It is real.  At the end of my dream I sent my Granddaughter off with someone....her car had broken and she needed help.  I told her I would meet up with her down the way. (road, heaven, space?)  My dog Daisy was with me. Daisy passed away four years ago by the way.  In the dream I had been a little depressed and a man at a car dealership noticed this fact. He never said he noticed I was depressed, but mentally in the dream I knew that he knew. He started singing to me a funny song while he was working that waws all about me and making me laugh.  We ended up at a little diner having some food. Some strange things happened at the diner that were out of the ordinary. Then he left as he had a girlfriend to meet up with, and the dog and I were alone outside the diner where many others had gathered.  I started to become afraid and wished I had not sent my Granddaughter ahead of me because people said there was an electrical storm coming. What was the big deal I thought, yet somehow deep inside I knew it was something different than the usual storm. There was no lighting. Suddenly a large cloud of light similar to a cotton ball swirled in a circle in the sky and dove toward earth in the distance to my left .  It was as though that particular action opened up an invisible doorway to the universe and that is when I saw the first three HUGE lace blades come into view to the left, in the sky.  They looked like boat oars or more like windmill blades.  Three of them, two upside down and the middle one right side up.  The intricate lace pattern was something not of this world. I guess this dream reminds me of the patterns in the fields people say aliens make, "Crop Circles". Yet there were no round holes, all square. Similar to the photo I found above but much more in detail.  Then slowly more and more patterns started filling the entire sky until some of them formed two ships.  Oh yes, two alien ships similar to the huge round one in the movie "Close Encounters."  I recall saying to someone standing next to me, 'I wish I hadn't sent my Granddaughter ahead of me, I think I am afraid, and all I have is my dog Daisy with me."  (Who is deceased) 
I stood there waiting, thinking where was God in all these lace blades and lace spaceships.  Just standing there in awe of the out of this world vision/view.............................................. and then I woke up. 
I laid there thinking, "What was that?"  Holy Moly, Holy Cow, Holy what?  Any of the words I said seemed so hicksville, uneducated, worthless, compared to what I saw. I saw physics in action. Mathmatical equations in lace patterns. I saw inside the Universe.  And I did see this in my dream and I believe it to be real.  I do wonder why I got to see it!  And this is a truth blog, no fiction.

I Lost My Planner! OMG! by Diane Ogden

Seriously....and at a place almost as awful as WalMart.  Its called corporate Woodman's in Madison Wisco. A grocery store by the way.  I set the planner down after I took the CASH out of it to pay, what a fool I am! No one pays CASH and this proves why.  I remember (which is rare anymore) getting the change back from from the "cachew cachew" machine, taking the dollars and one five out and I think putting it in the planner. Yes I keep money in my planner. I also clip it in there with a clippy dealie doo. A serious clippy dealie doo which didn't seem to matter today because I lost the whole darn thingy doo dealie duh!  Listen, all my clients, my gas receipts for the year, phone #'s, when my dog was in heat last, when I was (just kidding), when my daughter speaks to me and when she has sabbaticals against me and doesn't speak to me, (sad but true).  All sorts of information in that little do da day booklet someone has there creepy hands on.  I say creepy because my mwah name and number is in the front of it.  Arsbutts who found my money should have called already, but hey they wont because that class of human being butt doesn't want me to know they took the lousy little $30-50 dollars. 
I have decided to beat them.  I will email all my people and explain the loss and believe they will be patient and wait until I remember when I last knew them!  LOL OMG How could this happen. But then I don't have cancer, I don't have lost limbs, I don't have hunger, I don't work in Afghanistan, (and probably cant even spell it correctly), and so on......I merely lost my planner and have ways to correct that.  And I have food (my comment when people discuss the loss of $), and I have gas in my car, and my pets are well, and so on and so on......  Heck maybe someone will call saying they found it. That is after I prove to the Universe I remembered all that was in it!  Eeeww. Don't hold thy breath on that one. I have been known to fail the three word test several times.  God knows me!  And he loves me anyway they say.  So there!  Wish he would bring my planner back. (It is not as big as the one in the borrowed photo)  I wish I may I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight. 
WILL LET CHA KNOW.....

Bulletproof lenses! by Diane Ogden

This would be EyeMart, Madison, Wisconsin!  Dr. Funkhouser is in photo doing an amazing eye exam on Cody Ogden.  This part of the exam dealt with astigmatism, and as usual Cody made it into comedy central.  Then onto the choosing of frames. I said, "Is this going to be like shoes when you were a little man?"  It didn't take hours like it did when he was a child choosing shoes... omg we would try on twenty some pair of shoes.  He did try on fifteen pair of glasses but it didn't take hours. He found a nice pair.  Then the sales lady came and talked the sales talk....I have to tell you it was hilarious.  She went on and on...we were very patient and polite while listening, until she said, "Yes, you will have one years insurance for all repairs and you will receive bullet proof lenses!"  Cody and I both went into brain comatose for only 1 second, and then we started laughing and Cody started his comedy routine regarding bullet proof glasses that went on and on. He had this startled look on his face that changed to huh? That changed to get real lady!  His response to her was, "Did you say these glass lenses were potentially bulletproof?" She said that THEY (EyeMart) were working on that. Cody said, "Do I need bulletproof lenses? Do you all provide bullet proof lenses to our soldiers?" She didn't know. DOI DUH.  I told them he didn't need bullet proof glass lenses until he gets elected....
The young salesgirl never flinched which we found odd after we had took off with this hilarious bullet proof lens deal.
Maybe she has been trained to do this because Wisconsin is just about to pass the gun concealment deal...so I guess its time for bullet proof eyewear.  Me, I don't want to be able to see if I cant move....say someone shoots me.  See?
Just another way to sell a lens! 
And we sure had a good time with it.  What's the good news for today?  You do not have to pay $29.95 extra for bullet proof lenses at LensCraft in Madison Wisconsin.  I promise.  But you do have to pay. Heck, we got two pair for $149.95.  Now he will get a audition and be able to get the Lasix surgery repair he needs and wants.  Heck that is worth $149.95 isn't it?  That would make the Happy News Lady very Happy! As well as it would her son, Cody.  But for now he has new non bullet proof lenses.
omg how far will we go for a $29.95 buck?  Pretty far it seems.....  Scaring folks into thinking they will get SHOT in the eyes.  DUH

One of Five Visits Mom.... by Diane Ogden

That would be Cody Ogden.  The cook, the carpenter, the comedian, the cowboy, the camper, the capable, the coolman, the carpet layer, the cardio trainer, the counselor, the clown, the climber, the celebrity, the caretaker, the car fixer, the cleaner, the colossal, the charming, the cheerful, the clever, the cooperative, the cameraman and much more came home this to be best man in his friends wedding next week.  We went out to the "funny farm" and listened to Grandma complain and Grandpa complain.  Picked apples, fed the pony, brushed dog, picked green and yellow beans, and tomatoes!  Came home and Cody cooked up a smashing tamale burrito thingy!  Fried green and yellow beans with tomatoes and chicken breast in a garlic and herb wrap.  And today I made an apple pie.   The good news is ALSWELL as my license plate reads.  Were all upright with no complaints on this end of town.
Maybe something more funny will happen tomorrow. But for now its all good.

Friends and Family! by Diane Ogden

I, me-itis, mwah, try to find humor in everything!  Sometimes when I shouldn't!  But today was a wowzer day.  My neighbor two floors up and one door down and one across got fired from her job after 19 years.  Yupsie nothing funny bout that one.  She failed a drug test but doesn't do drugs.  And they said, "No seconds honeybunny!"  She turned in her keys, drove to her doctors office for another drug test to see what the HELL happened because that sure didn't arise out of heaven unless she wins the lotto today or tomorrow.  Next she came to my door, the HELL being unannounced to me .....It was when I said, "How are you doing today?"  OMG the tears fell like falling rain. 
Next my neighbor across the street called and was still in bed at 3:00 p.m. I said, "What!! Get up !"  She said she was laying there wondering why she had been born.  I told her, "Don't know, just get up and keep going."  Her child stole her credit card as well as that child, whose 42, has some other serious issues.  Nothing funny bout that one. 
My Granddaughter had her 11th birthday last weekend but no party for this side of her family.  So my parents (the child's not so great Great Gparent's get all bent out of shape and drive to child's home (after threatening to go to child's school of which I sent out a YUGE red flag that was dissed. Means disregarded) They went to child's home in pouring wind blowing rain to give her some presents. They didn't go in, they had her come out and get into the car and have a mini car party!  I shouldn't tell doi. But come on, whats funny about that?  Nothing! Sounds like someone wanted to make a statement huh? 
Me, I had a ball buying the Grandchild what she asked for, and asking her if it would be okay to drop it off at daddy's work which will happen today.  Holy Jesus of Israel and Egypt and Wisconsin. 

Soooo....the Happy News for today is.  We are still upright, happy or not.  Let people walk there own path and you walk yours best you can. Hard isn't it? And don't drive in the pouring rain when you are 80 and 86 to have a car party in the great grandchild's driveway that will make you look foolish vs what your goal was. And no clue on the drug deal, just pray it works out because those tests are many times wrong.  Cold medicine can show up as cocaine. Truth.  Snopes it.  And if you have a 42 year old child run like hell!  Move! Lock the doors, turn off the phone.  Now I am going to work before anyone calls or knocks on my door with any more good news.  This is a new day, don't let them all run together like broken eggs.  Split them up with a good nites sleep and move on.

You Look Fabulous! by Diane Ogden

This is my latest purchase.
Cost me $7.00 at Target!
Perfect!
I hang this in my kitchen so every morning I look at myself
and it tells me I LOOK FABULOUS!
Cant get much better than waking up to "Whose the fairest in the land?"  huh? huh?
So go get one of your own!  Then you can brag too.
It doesn't matter what I look like, those words emanate my brain cells and I love it.  Comes with a little purple ribbon too.  Doesn't matter if it doesn't go with my decor..... 
Mr. DeMille I'm ready for my headshots!
Probably more like "Where's the Beef."
I'd take that if I could take my mirror along.