Worms or Pine Nuts.......by Diane Ogden

This would be a small section of my kitchen counter.  My Toshiba Notepad, my one tomato, one lemon, and one half a banana. My daily positive sayings calendar, and one small bag of fresh expensive pine nuts.  Pine nuts have the highest amount of protein of any nut and protein is something I need due to a bit of hypo glycemia streamin' through me veins on occasion.  One of the Grand Twins walked into my kitchen and said, "What are these? Worms!!"  I am a kind and gentle person most of the time but at that nano second in life time I wanted to say and do things almost illegal and here is why.  You all recall I live by association.  I cant eat dates because they feel like beetles or cockroaches going in and down and around.  I cant eat rare meat because it reminds me of the trauma I experienced when my father used to show me dead and mutilated mice hanging from a trap all bloody.  He meant no harm I am sure.  He enjoyed seeing me scream and jump up and down in total panic on my twin bed.  Farmers! shhesssh.  There's more but surely you get it by now.  I posted a blog called "The Umbilical Cord" showing said cord on a raw egg sitting in a pan ready to cook.  Nope cant eat the cord cause it started out to be a chicklet....  eeeww.   Betcha get it? Those expensive pine nuts shall never enter my facial orifice because my brain will tell my brain each little one of those is a worm.  
                                 Ooohweey Goooweey was a worm,
                                     A mighty worm was he.
                                He sat upon the railroad tracks.......
                                    Ooohweey, Goooweey!!
Anyone remember that silly poem from grade school?  Not sure we even jumped rope to that one.
There shall be no Ooohweey Gooweey in my mouth until I forget this and I do forget more lately than ever so there is hope.  Whatever is wrong with my brain I do wish I knew because this  association crud gets old... I like dates or beetles whichever. They just have to be smushed up in a cookie then I'm okay.  Mother said when I was little I used to make mud pies and she caught me eating a worm one time.  Why in the name of good sense would she tell me that.  Now I can add one more thing to the blame mommie list.  Yuk :(
I realize this is not good news and I am suppposed to find good news every day here.
Some good news no one will care about is:
Got my shower
Ate some angel hair spaghetti (cant eat the real thick stuff, looks like worms)
Dog is in heat yukkie doo
Cats fighting over who gets the cat tree in the sun
Can't find the apps on my smart phone but I WiLL
Happy Happy Day I say, the sun is out and I'm on me way !
Be Happy, Be Well, Be safe......

Shopping, Then the Awards......by Diane Ogden

Sometimes working can become hum drum mundane and we have to do something to stop that, move it, change it, bring it up up up, back to a glass half full.  So in my little corner of the world that meant leaving the dog and two cats to run off to Wal Mart for a paint brush and a pair of chinese made pants.  Then onto T.J.Max for a facial rejuvenator double AA battery running exfoliatre doo da day.  As well as some duck sticks for the dog and some catnip still on the vine for the cats. Must be like buying tomatoes on the vine. And one silver necklace for
M W A H! I love it.  Oh and a new teflon pan because I have apparently eatin' much of the last one. At least the bottom of it tells that tale.
I get home, take the dog out, unpack he groceries before the Oscar Awards begin....I take a tad of the catnip off the stem and crush it between my fingers per instructions and give it cat # 1 while crushing catnip for cat # 2.  I look over and cat # 1 has saliva stringing from her mouth onto fur and floor.  This would tell me the taste is bad bad bad....over the top of the top.  I only saw her do that one other time when I applied her revolution (for flees, ticks) down too far on her neck and she licked it.  OMG I thought she would die....and here we go again.  I quickly got some treats for her to take away the horrid taste or whatever it was making her salivate so badly.  She survived.  I think because God knew I needed her to because it was Sunday evening and emergency vets cost a new car.  Maybe I should eat some of that "stuff " on the viney stalky plant.  Then again how what that look with me salivating all over the living room carpet then running around looking for something to eat to counteract it.  That is after I have rejuvenated my face with the rejuvenater double AA battery doo da day.  Good looking face lift with saliva hanging from it. NOT!  The  awards are about over so I am going to sign off til later.  Except I have to say, "What was Angelina Jolie thinking when she blatantly STUCK her leg out of her dress slit like a dummie-slut over and over and over. "  I hear her leg now has its own twitter page.  Her leg looked like a skinny mayonnaise jar. At least spray tan for the awards hey.
What's the good news of the day?   I did not try the catnip still on the stalk, and the cat survived and I feel much better about going to work this week after watching Jolie act like she needed more attention. 
You all be happy, be well, and be safe until next time....

Crunchy Dead Scorpions.....(to eat) .....by Diane Ogden

While at a clients home last week I noticed this little square yellow sucker sitting on the counter with a bug inside it.  Seriously. I figured it was a rubber bug. WRONG!  It was a real dead scorpion.   I copied the website url off the back of the "crunchy dead scorpion inside sucker label." 
http://www.hotlix.com/   Oh yeh!  It's for real.  They also do ants and many other bugs inside suckers.  And for a mere $82 a box you can get a few of these dandy deals on bugs.  WHY?  Would you give your child a crunchy bug to suck on? Each to his own path I say.  Not that I can't comment on the pathway.
Actually this didn't make me sick like when I can't eat whole dates because they crunch and look like a beetle or cockroach.  Oh stop.
And, no I do not watch Fear Factor!  Never ever, no no way.
I do know a few people I would like to gift this crunchy little critter sucker to!!!!  Bet you do too.
The happy news for today is I am upright and above ground.  Maybe tomorrow will bring something more humorous. Or even later today.  I have to stop at Wal Mart so that ought to tell you something good is coming.

I Spent a Dime........by Diane Ogden

I have not spent a dime in two years easy.  I have spent a few quarters but only because I had to for a parking meter. Today I spent a dime because all I had was a twenty dollar bill along with a one dollar bill and  the checkout lady told me I owed $21.10 cents. Bought killed me over to give that woman one of the dimes laying in the bottom of my purse. Why?  Because I used to save coins as a ssort of "Christmas fund."  Then the children grew up.  But I started doing it again recently.
This stash of I would guess is close to $500 and will go for a fancy pair of eyeglasses I have been wanting for four years.  I suspect if I don't "get on it" the glasses will be discontinued.  A bit of procrastination going on and anyway I am having trouble parting with my stash.  It's like hoarding.  I am hoarding coins of value.  I hoard baby food jars for no reason although I did donate several hundred of those to a local daycare for the children to mix up their paints.  I don't hoard anything else. Since then I only have saved about fifty baby food jars.  What is the difference between hoarding and saving?  
Webster says that  Pathological or compulsive hoarding is a specific type of behavior characterized by acquiring and failing to throw out a large number of items ... (eeww baby food jars)
Webster says to save is to put aside as a store or reserve : accumulate
Not so sure eyeglasses are an emergency as I have two pair of regular eye glasses already.  So What!  Its my hoard of savings.  How I am going to carry this money to the coin machine is another issue.  A dollie, a wagon, (I don't have a wagon.)  I could pour it on a bed sheet, tie up the top and drag it down the hall to the elevator, across the floor to the car........wait, no way to get it into the car.  Even on a dollie or a wagon, no way to get it into the car.  Now what?   Wonder if BRINKS would stop by if I called. 
The happy news involved here is that I have a poop-load or so of money.  (Lack of a better term)

Stop Trying to Kill Me.......by Diane Ogden

I have been receiving emails from a couple different health "so they say" sources ....
I also watch Dr. Oz if I get home in time.....
Sometimes I catch the show, The Doctors.....
I have a couple health books on Green Nutrition...
I take my vitamins and exercise. (okay sometimes)
But come on, get real, take a break, think again, seriously!
Tonight I received an email or should I say a talking email video, line by line trying to frighten me saying NOT to take my regular vitamins with certain foods.  Okay I was listening but only because I DUH wanted to hear what was coming next.  Scary music on the background, deep voice over fellow saying.....Are you taking zinc? Well then make sure you do not eat too much such and such or you will get ZINC-I-TUS and that could be serious!  And make sure you don't eat such and such while taking Selenium or you will get Seileniumitus...  They even had the nerve to tell me to turn my speakers up because it was going to be shocking.  I am not kidding. They told me it might KILL me.  It could be lethal if I mixed too much lettuce with a certain vitamin.   What are they thinking besides GREED.  Trying to get me to think I am dumb and buy their dummerness.  OMG I remember that movie.  I truly can hardly believe the emails I am getting.  They remind me of my bank who thinks I do not know they are seriously holding back my bills and gasoline debit payments for days plus the weekend so I think I have more $ (cash flow) then I really truly have.  Heck, days pass and in a fast moving society we forget and that is what the corp's are BANKING on!  Maybe I will go viral and expose their dirty tactics.  Or maybe I will just move on to a local credit union.  I wonder if they use this poor man's low balance tactic.  I bet those big boys have a button they push for people with less than $1,000 in their checking accounts.  It's the middle class hard working folks that don't get what the Corporate bankers are doing that pee-disses me off.  I have learned to watch my checking account like a hawk on a ring of bologna.  Esther taught me that bad line. You know Esther of Esther and the Colonel?  The happy news is I am not going to die from taking my vitamins unless they are from China and have fillers of asphalt in them.  The China vitamin filler video I might just listen to! Do read the post "The Blue Douche from China!"  Check out this site regarding banks manipulating YOU.
http://www.wisebread.com/banks-manipulate-your-transactions-may-charge-you-1750-overdraft-fee

Dumpster Diving..........By Diane Ogden

My Granddaughter was visiting one weekend.  She so happened to have brought her sweet young and ready to please the NanaD boyfriend.  Had he any idea what was in store for him he would have high-tailed it out of dodge.  I love the dodge thing, reminds me of the old westerns we all used to love.  Sort of like the Ford-Man I love!  Okay back to my point.  Before the Grand Daughter and her man-boy got here I took the garbage down to the huge stinky rotten bins in the small icky garbage room where my dog, if I take her, rolls her nose in the crap near the drain.  Obviously I do not take her with me to that room "down there" anymore.  I had my apartment, mail, car, trunk, building entrance, safe, jewel box, keys on a squibbly ring so as not to lose it.  You see I used to have a vehicle with keyless entry and I knew if I didn't watch it close I would lose my keys.  I did!  When I threw the garbage bad into the horrid dumpster the keys flew in along with it.  I did not realize this at that moment.  The Grand showed up with the man-boy.  I had realized my serious loss before they arrived and was contemplating plan b or c.  It was then that I recalled the last time I had keys.  And it was then that I looked into the youthful and willing to please eyes of Grands man-boyfriend.  He said, with all the masculinity he could muster considering his knees were still larger than his legs and he still was eating three plates of food a meal.  A man-boy aimin' to please and I took total advantage of his aimin' to please deal.  We carried my step stool down to the lower level (garbage room) where he opened it up and climbed to the top step, leaned over into the garbage and began rummaging.... did I feel guilty.  Sure. But not too bad because I didn't know him too well and it wasn't mwah!!  BINGO we got lucky as the garbage men had come the day before so the bin was fairly empty...and I got my keys back with little or no crap on me-self.  By the way, the may-boy is no longer the Grands boyfriend.  Hope I didn't have anything to do with that.  What's the good news?  He's gone. I have my keys...  ALSWELL

p.s.  I suppose I should take a new pic of my license plate as I am up to 2012 now stickers

"The Wedgie".......by Diane Ogden

 First of all let me say assuredly neither of these pictures are mwah.  Yet it sure felt like it this morning after I showered, threw my robe on and then a big stadium coat over the robe to take the dog out for a podie poo event.
Of course I looked weird but it gets the dog out before she goes inside, considering its winter and the carpet and the grass are the same color.  At least that is my excuse if she has an accident because I did not move fast enough to get her out.  That is why I go out in my robe covered with a big coat early.  Come summer I will have to come up with plan B.  Back to my point cause I am always getting off my point. 
Picture this 8 x 10 glossy.  Me outside bending over to pick up doggie doo's poo, then coming back to an upright position and immediately feeling the WEDGIE wad!  OMG I am outside in public because I am standing in the front yard of a large complex where a large number of people live and even if only one were looking out the window......no way was I going to dig out that hunk of terrycloth stuck in my butt. Nope no way.  So I waddled back inside like a stuffed duck, ripped that huge stadium coat off that goes nose to toes, and grabbed that wad outta there before it became a permanent fixture like those Wal Mart people.   How in the achhh eee double ell can men or women wear those thongs cause that is what a permanent wedgie is!! It's like rope over your private part. Why I ask? Why?  It hurts, it rubs, and it just "aint" normal.  If it were I wouldn't have worked so hard and fast to get back in the house to get it out of that private place.  Getting it out of the private place outside wouldn't be so private would it?   I do have to admit that I have a couple of pair of undies that are too big (thank God and myself) and they give the gift of a silk wedgie so I put a red dot on them and filed then in a box called "in case I ever need."  The cheeks would have to grow first and that 'aint' gonna happen.

"What was this girl thinking?"  Notsomuch cause it appears her left lobe and right lobe sank to lower levels.  Sorry whoever you are.  The picture is from http://www.poorlydressed.com/   Ya think?