How To Make Your Own Bacon Roses (Gallery) : theCHIVE

How To Make Your Own Bacon Roses (Gallery) : theCHIVE

Pennies From Heaven at Wells Fargo! .....by Diane Ogden

As you recall, the Grand and her friend and I took all my change I have saved for almost three years to the big Green Coin Machine at Hells Gates of Wal Mart.  When I found out they would charge me a service fee of .10 cents on the dollar I said, "No Way Hosea!"  
Today I took all the change to Wells Fargo.  A nice young man Jonathan helped me carry it all in.  I asked the tellers if they wanted to take bets on how much but was told they aren't allowed to gamble or bet at the bank.  I thought that was funny.   Angie and Jonathan took all my money into a side room where the noise began and lasted a long time.  Angie came out and asked me how much I thought I had.
I said, "Ooohhh, $350 -$400.  I really thought $450-$500 but decided to play back.  She told me it was already past that and there were bags left!  I got giddy....  When the tinkling stopped she walked out and said, $763. 43 cents....how would you like that?  I said, "HUNDREDS PLEASE MAAM!"   
                       Now that is some happy news for today.   

Be Safe, Be Well, Be Happy, and by God BE RICH. I am.    Actually I had saved that money for a pair of Bvlgari designer eye glasses and discovered this weekend they have been discontinued.  I saved too long.

Pennies From Heaven? by Diane Ogden

Wherever they come from I save them, and nickels, and dimes, and quarters.  I have bags and vases and urns full.  Yesterday my Grand and her friend came to visit.  We decided to take all the bags, vases and urns to Wal Mart to their handy dandy coin into bills machine.  I did ponder whether China might not try to "fix" the machine so they could keep part of my three year coin collection.  But the bank was closed so I swallowed fear once again and headed the the infamous W a l M a r t from hell.  First we had to use the abandoned grocery cart from my parking garage.  No this isn't a trailer park and I am glad someone abandoned it because the darn thing comes in handy sometimes.  Like when I am transferring coins in bags vases and urns to China.  We get all the bags, vases, and urns into the back seat on the floor.  One tire is sitting low at this point.  We all climb in and truck to the gates of hell where the girls find a new non abandoned grocery cart and once again transfer the money from the floor of the back seat of the Buick to the cart.  And in we go.  The three of us just stood facing the huge green money monster machine with blank expressions of "Huh, what to we do now? We're all smarter than fifth graders!"  We read the instructions which doesn't offer what the small service fee will be.  This is where the smarter than a fifth grader comes in handy.  I stopped one of the foreign (nothing against foreign long as they can speak English and don't take my job!) return clerks and asked her what the "machine" from Sam Walton's greedy kids now charges to TAKE my change and give me bills.  It was when she said, "Whose Bill?" that is when I knew we were headed back to the car for sure.  And then she said we would be charged 10 cents on a dollar.  I said, "WHAT?"  Kind of sort of loudly. Then I said, " Bill says that's robbery!"  That is when we decided we should take our cart and run before they called security or the greeter.  Both scary. I would have been aobut $50 short had I paid the small service fee!  We get to the car and my Grand lifts the largest bag of coins up up and over the cart only to have it burst open at the seam of the heavy duty baggie and spread itself on Hells Gates assphalt parking area directly next to the Buick. We all three again just stook there starring at the mound of coins spread about.  I think we must have thought there might be a stampede headed in our direction because we all went into 0-60 instant overdrive.  I give the girls each a latex glove from the trunk and a whisk broom.  They got every penny, nickel, dime, and quarter with the exception of one penny stuck under the Buick tire, which I forgot to get it after I backed out!!  And if you can only imagine I forgot to take even one photo of this fiasco.  Even I am shocked at that.  I was looking for a photo online of spilled coins but couldn't find even one.  That is when I ran into the beautiful floors made from pennies. I even saw a shower floor made of nickels.  Isn't that illegal?  I am now re-thinking turning my pennies in.  I may turn my old oak table top into a glass covered collection of pennies or nickels. Or I may re-do my sofa table or my headboard, or my counter tops.  One never knows what I will do next when the creative bug hits.  I have been saving that money for a long time for a new pair of designer Bvlgari rimless frames for me face!  As of now the coins are still in the back seat on the floor waiting to go to the bank.  Not sure how I will get them inside unless there is a grocery cart somewhere on site.  Will let you know.  Until then.....Be Safe, Be Happy, Be Well, and hey, Be Rich!

The DMV..... by Diane Ogden

The daughter's car broke down far far away.  Anyplace would be far far away if a vehicle needs to be towed home.  I pondered this "titanic" situation for ten minutes, then made the call to the step Dad holding in all forms of any sort or drama or emotions.  He is a "Viet Nam Vet x-user of the beverage" which means all must remain calm at all times no matter what.  So I did.  The result was his stepping up and handling.  Never did I expect him to step so high up as to tow it, pay all repair charges which equalled $1,100.00.  Alternator, battery cables, fuel pump, and all new valve cover gaskets!! New keys.  Meantime I am at the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles that has nothing on WalMart) getting a new title and registration  because daughter just cant remember why it isn't in the glove box.  The DMV was packed.  Every chair was filled.  Children were scampering about and boobs were prominently exposed as well as many  a man's beer belly present.  I was I-790.  There were ten I's ahead of me and at least 50 C's, D's, and H's.
I left my two workers alone to get this little job completed.  I expected it to take me an hour.  Try two!
And here's the killer!  When I finally got up to the counter and asked for a copy of the registration because its illegal in Wisconsin not to have it in the glove box.  The teller told me, "You don't need a copy of the registration in your glove box. It's not illegal in Wisconsin."  This means I left my workers alone for two hours which cost me extra......I paid for a title with no registration copy for no reason. I have the title somewhere in my possession.  I just couldn't find it that night and the step dad said I had to have it.  So...I guess for the $1,100 price tag I could hush about my two hour forfeit in time at the DMV slash WalMart side kick.  I would say that is GOOD NEWS.  A free car tow and total repair. The moon and stars and all Gods were on my side that day.  On the daughters side too.... being car-less isn't a good thing.  That sounds close to care-less now doesn't it?   Not sure the reference, just noticed it.  I was thinking we should never be careless with our cars or we could be car-less.  Doi. 
Be Happy, Be Safe, Be Well......  and find some good news and send it to me! 

The Trapeze Artist ......by Diane Ogden

 My Grandmothers third husband,  is that fellow with no pants on!  He worked for Barnum and Bailey Circus as a trapeze artist back in the 1930's.  And the little girl on the far right is my Mother. They called her Babe (some still do) but she prefers Alta.  Mother is 81 this year and looks like she is 61.  The lady in the dark pants in front is my Aunt Louella who has passed.  Who cares huh?  I know I know.  I just get a "kick" out of my Grandma marrying a carnie!  I mean come on a carnie?  Those guys scare me.  You know the ones at the local small town fairs running the rigged booths with no teeth, greasy hair, tatoos, and more tattoos.  Back in the 30's the circus consisted of the three legged calf, the fat lady, the midget, trick dogs, hoopers, jugglers, unicyclers, clowns and the main event....the trapeze folks. Whalla, enters one of the Step Grandfathers.  I don't care, I wasn't even born.  BUT here comes the big deal story....   It's 1973ish and I am jet-setting with some of the cities finest when a local judge and descendant of the infamous never known trapeze third husband of my mother's mother with same name "hits" on me hard.  Okay sorry for the lack of a better word.  I am proud to say I refused considering he was married and he was also the judge that decreed me my first and only divorce at that time.  Move onto 50 years from the Barnum and Bailey to 1987.  Same judge......same name.....his daughter, three generations later, introduces me to the devil in a five piece suit with blue eyes and a silver tongue.  One year later the world produced a child indirectly from that trapeze artist, yet of the 1930 Barnum and Bailey Circus right into my life.  I call that spooky connections = and it just keeps on a comin.'

The Lady With the Checkered Past......by Diane Ogden

We all come from somewhere, rather said, "The way we were and now are!"  Listen, I have many sides to my past and present.  Good, Bad, and Ugly!  I have some rich farmers on my side.  I have some floozies on my side, I have some circus folks hiding back there, I have some drunks, wait a lot of drunks in the bloodside background, most of whom are in the ground.  I have some fancy pants people in the background, Grandad Linley.I have a bear killer named Nana Pat see photo. I have a few criminals even.  A murderer from the 1800's, Great Great Uncle Henry.  A dancing man from the 1980's, Uncle Elm.  A sweet sweet uncle name Emil, and a Super wonderful Grannie named Tillie.  Grandpa Emil doing prison time in Leavenworth (for moon shining). You go Grandpa, make that moonshine the government said no no no to! Some losers along the way, some never to forget along the way. And many lessons learned from the research and photos and stories and memories of my own.  I know it doesn't look or sound funny. But wait till you see the photo of the floozies.  I cant spell that!  The carnies, (couldn't find photo) how bout that?  I'd say I am darn well rounded..... check out my other Grannie MoMo BELOW...I miss her...

So Be Well, Be Happy, Be Safe until the Lady With the Checkered Past returns......LOL and OMG

Funny? by Diane Ogden

I tried all day to find some good news or something funny. I even went to WalMart in search of fun and news.  Now that is really sick come to think of it.  Even so...there was nothing fun or funny there today. Imagine that.
I searched my mind for funny, nothin'.   It was just one of those days where nothing was funny. 
Maybe tomorrow! 
Until then, Be Safe, Be Happy, and Be Well!~   Now that's good news!! 
funnyphoto from:  graphicsgrotto.com