Dancing With "My" Mop........by Diane Ogden

http://upchucky.org/      Music Time Machine

I received an email from a friend today.  It said, "This is a keeper!"  Then I saw a graph filled with 60 squares of years.   Which ever year I clicked on entertained me with the top 20 songs of that year.  Wow, I wish I had thought of that.  Instead I danced with my mop and I mean I danced.  If I could have figured out how to video myself you would at this point in time be laying on the floor LYAO,  (Laughing your ass off) (from my YouTube video, "How to Dance With Your Mop!".) My favorite year so far was 1961.  The mop really went nuts on that one.  Then in 1964 the mop became a microphone as well as a partner.  Eeww....forget that comment.  Maybe I will listen to some 1944 Bing Crosby and maybe I will get weird and dress my mop in a shirt and tie.  LOL   Hey, after reading The 50 Shades of Grey...S H U T  U P!!  Anything is acceptable.  Even dressing mops and dancing with them.  Hell even using them for a partner is on a lighter note then the shades of grey book one.   No I am not that weird thank god. And dancing with my mop was as delightful and most of all fun as was the music.   Hey, its not a pole, it's  a mop! I have been know to dance with my $900 Hand Carved  Bed Posts that was shipped to me from Europe. You must check out the site upchucky.com Time Music Machine. Especially if you have a bed post or a mop.  Husbands don't usually "get it", so use your mop!

Tangaa House in Singapore........by Diane Ogden

So my Granddaughter and I were messing around on the computer today.  She asked me how to change the background on my google gmail account.  I dunno how!  So I went to attempting to figure it out considering I am very tired of the green grass background scene I have experienced this past year or more.  While I am trying to find the setting for the backgrounds (which I never found, meaning I will be living with the green grass much longer) I discovered people on my circles whatever that is.  Then I found this photo on someones circle mail to me, again, whatever that circle thing is anyway.  Look at this house. Holy Cow!  That is a glass wall surrounding the pool in the underground den.  It absolutely amazed me.  I sound like a "Hick" which I am not..... but obviously sheltered from the rich and famous. 

That is when we  decided to get back to normal living. We garage-saled for a couple hours....purchased a Holister sweatshirt (Its 105 degrees outside) for $3.00...originally $50. God I love a deal.  Even tho I always get the ass end of deals from men, children, and or animals.  We found a crock pot for funeral cooking for $1.  We found rocks from a collection for .25 cents.  Oh and I got a Pink Columbia coat for $3.50.  God I love Pink.  And I like garage sales.  Not that I wouldn't like that pool.  Not so sure about looking at that wall of water considering I don't like water.  So, until next time be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich so you can buy new Holister sweatshirts, and new crock pots, and new Columbia coats, and a POOL above or underground.  Actually I can, but it's more fun to find a deal. Maybe not the pool...

From Peyton Place to 50 Shades of Grey.........by Diane Ogden

How did we get here?  I was in Jr. High when parents were hiding Peyton Place under sofa's and I was finding it and reading while they were gone.  It consisted of illegitimate children which is an everyday occurrence in 2012.  It consisted of incest they couldn't call incest as it was taboo to even use the word.  It consisted of abortion and adultery whereas now Politicians and President elects engage in and get caught all the time.  People picket abortion clinics all over the country.  And so on....  all the way to 50 Shades of Grey.  1956 -2012.  Shades used to be considered PORNO!  Now its a personal decision whether to use whips, chains, and handcuffs.... or not.  No wonder the Muslims want to blow us up.  Jeeezz.  The kids use the acronym TMI.  Ya think?   Too much information.  Nothing is behind closed doors anymore.  All doors are open everywhere.  And for some doors to be open this could be dangerous for the world. Actually it was dangerous for me to be listening to 30 or 50 Shades while driving home on the Interstate today.   Wow big major deduction huh?   Like whoever reads this doesn't know it already.  So what's my point.  I don't know.  I just know I am on part II of 50 Shades of Greys Perverted Sex.  The whole book so far is detailed sex beyond detailed sex. And I now know what "after effing hair" looks like.  That book is the post graduate version of Pretty Woman so far.  Rich hot guy billionaire finds virgin girl and wants to teach her how to be his submissive in the detailed red room of pain.  Aawhh, God must be flippin the tables in the temples....or he is just letting the human race devour itself.  Will I stop listening to the book.  Hell no!
It's damn good sex so far.  Haven't gotten to the sick stuff yet.  I'll make the call then...or I wont.  It's a best seller, imagine that?  And I just learned to download the Audio book app on my Samsung Galaxy II.  And I paid for it.  Does that remind you of my mother who eats all the food she orders because it costs money.  Isn't that a hoot? 
So until I find something funny or interesting, be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich so you can buy 50 Shades of Grey and either be disgusted or in shock or in lust.  Whatever, all doors are open. Sadly so. 

I Think I Used to be Greek! ..................by Diane Ogden

See what I mean?  As the years have passed I realize I used to be Greek.  Yup must have lived before and I think my name was Venus.  Well come on, look at the resemblance.  Except for the pointing upwards duo that is.  I was taking a shower this evening and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and said, "OMG, I look like those women in the old fashioned portraits from Europe.  The ones with the voluptuous naked bodies.  Ah, Yawh I said voluptuous. And the only diff I see is they are always laying around on what appears to be tarps (linen bedding) and I am like never laying around naked on anything and always on the run working, writing, eating, driving, taking the dog out, or cleaning the dog poop up in.  Get it, in / out!  Yes she misses on occasion.  Back to my point.  What is my point?   That women used to be voluptuous and then went twiggy and I haven't caught up with Twiggy yet.  Not only that but women's feet have become much bigger through the century's...... and their brains ??  Hopefully both.   Did you ever notice how men's bodies stay the same through every generation and century.  Seriously. Their winkie doesn't get wrapped to make it smaller like the Chinese wrapped women's feet.  Nor do they have to wear a winkie bra, or be judged if their winkie doesn't stand up tall enough, hell there's a pill for that one! I want a pill to make my boobies stand up for 4 hours and then I would go to E.R. if they didn't go back down. NOT!!   I think evolution can hear men's  thoughts.  Whatever men think and or say is.  Sort of like when God said, "Let there be light."  There was.  Then something happened and someone said God is really a woman.  (omg) And the woman messed it all up.  She ate the apple or ate something and here we are!  Paying for all that damn incorrect KARMA.  Oh I am just joshing you.  Or am I, as I lean back and look down at my sweet Greek unacceptable belly.  I could pose for those paintings..... 
Well, be happy like me, be safe like me, and be well like me, and get rich so you can buy one of those cool Greek paintings so you can feel like me!   LOL

Humanitarian or Sanitarium?......by Diane OGden

I play around with numerology.  That means I can tell you what you are like just knowing your name.  I can tell you  more knowing your full name and date of birth.  That said.. My numbers say I am a humanitarian. Actually the truth be told I am a giver that gets in trouble giving sometimes. Like I rescue everything and everyone.  Dogs that refuse to eat unless I cook it from scratch and of course I have tried to starve her to eat dog food with no luck. I think that was a way too long sentence! Cats that you cant hold, men that are peter pans or worse, children with horrible life issues, old people that are dying, (hospice) and bunnies that need food and water due to the drought.  So I feed the cat a jar of Gerber Ham baby food every day @ $1 a day.  I cook for the dog....  I got rid of the men thank God and my brain sense that only took too long. What is my point?  I was outside talking to other dog walkers and saw a little bunny that seemed to be in distress. He/she came hopping very close to us humans which told me he / she needed something.  We are in a heat wave and drought.  That bunny was hungry and thirsty.  It wasn't even afraid.  Next morning I saw he /she across the street in broad daylight near the curb trying to find food.  Sooo out comes humanitarian mama.  I put out the bowl of water and lettuce I hadn't eaten along with carrots.  I came home later in the day and all the carrots were gone, and then later yet most of the lettuce was gone.  Guess this means now I will be not only buying one jar of Gerber baby ham but I will be buying a bag of carrots too.  Holy mother of all bunnies!  I know this isn't funny.  Well maybe it is!  What a weirdo insane human-itarian I am. (That sounds real close to sanitarium. Whatever....  Be well like the bunny, be happy like the bunny is today, and be safe like the bunny is today.  And may someone will help you the same way.  Not with carrots, lettuce and water...but with the love behind the intention.  And get rich so you can feed more than one bunny.  Like maybe the Ethiopians....God I hate those commercials. 

Popeye the Sailor Man .....by Diane Ogden

When I was a youngster in Austin, Texas my Grandaddy was my hero.  Little did I know he was no real life hero, just mine!  He drank Canadian Club most of the time but never missed work or got into any trouble. In fact that brown bottle with the pretty label sat in the front seat of his always new Cadillac between he and my Nana.  At parties he would drink a bit more and do amazing Indian dances and chants for the family.  He had one heck of a hardy laugh just like I do.  Sometimes too hardy according to the etiquette manual. 

I sing a lot.  To the cats, the dog, myself, and I find myself singing a song my Grandad used to sing. Why it stuck in my brain I have no idea....
It had a nice rthym to it just stuck in my head all my life duh....  goes like this:

I'm Popeye the sailor man,
I live in a garbage can.
I like to go swimming with bow-legged women,
I'm Popeye the sailor man!!!

Great memory huh?  Oh I have other ones that are better and some worse... just think this one is funny. Why the heck would I remember this particular little nasty song.

I hope I'm back to my blogging because I enjoy looking to find or make life easier with some humor.

Some days more than others.  So until tomorrow, be safe, be happy, be well and by GOD or whoever GET RICH!  Makes it all easier.  My Grandad was rich, at least until the IRS caught up with him. Dont worry Nana had a mess of $ hidden in the summer house freezer............

Humor is Hiding, Dear Mr. President... by Diane Ogden

I have not written a post for a long time because I was watching my father pass away from life "with" an agressive cancer.  He did pass.  And now I am faced with another life trial of helping my son who has been incarcerated since 2001 receive clemency.  Today is the day I have designated to write the President of the United States regarding:  So first I avoided by staying outside visiting with many fellow dog walkers.  Next I cooked fried potatoes, eggs, biscuit with orange preserves. Then I watched HGTV makeovers, and now I am faced with the real task of writing a letter to the President:  Cant put it off any longer, so here goes.

Dear Mr. President,

Before I begin please note I did vote for you. Your wife is amazing. Your children are precious and I adore the dog.

I am the Mother of inmate Daniel R. Hull #05136-090.  I am sixty-four years of age, Daniel is the eldest son of five, one daughter.  Daniel was convicted of armed bank robbery in 2001.  Let me say, I cannot imagine the fear it must have caused the innocent workers at the bank.  The same fear Daniel tells me he experienced when held at "shank-point" by several other inmates with no help in sight.  Daniel expressed to me he thought he was going to die that day. And that was his personal KARMA.  He told me he got back what he had physically and emotionally given to those innocent people at the bank.  He expressed to me that it is his responsibility to take responsibility for his every action in this life. 

The Daniel I knew years ago was an angry man who blamed everyone else for his sad life. Drugs and alcohol were his escape and enemy, therefore he went through several prison classes that have helped him come out the other side of that difficult mountain. He also conquered smoking. (ppssst)  (kay okay I will take that out)

Since being incarcerated this time I see and hear a new evolved "human being." No longer a victim, rather a life coach for whoever enters his precense on the inside as well as family on the outside.  He counsels his daughters, his Grandmother, his niece Emma,  and myself with his limitless wisdom. 

Daniel went against one of the "laws of the inmates" (Never help the Po-leece) to save a female guard from a serious inmate attack.  He lived in terror for his life from the other inmates for helping her.  Daniel was the medical overseer at the health workout center where once again he saved a man's life by insisting he get immediate medical care. He has an inmate following regarding his life coaching skills wherever he goes.

Daniel taught art classes in prison, as well as he earned his GED, he graduated from Blackstone College as a degreed paralegal with a student grade average of 95.58%. He also has a ministeral degree, along with numerous drug and alcohol treatment classes. 

Regarding our family:  It doesnt go without some dysfunction as most any other.  Daniel has three brothers who all do well in life and have never been in trouble with the law. One is in sales and lives in a local gated community, another is an aspiring actor and carpenter in Los Angeles, another is traveling the world with his girlfriend, and a sister who is also doing well.  Daniel has four neices he has never seen due to the distance of the prison. They love his artwork and strive to be like him. Daniel has two daughters that need him very much. (Age 21 & 22)  They have never had a father figure and Daniel and I believe, as many others do also, their still at an age where he can offer them the wonderful life coaching he and they have missed out on. One daughter is a waitress and the other is in school working toward her bachelors in child psychology.  Daniel's Grandfather (who raised him) passed away last week.  His Grandmother, age 81 is now out in the country on the farm alone.  She broke her hip and is having to clean the barn (one horse) of the horse manure carrying it out in buckets by hand, picking raspberries in the heat to sell to the local resturants, and working the huge garden.  I have spinal stenosis and cannot help her.  My brother and his children live four hours away.  Grandmother needs Daniel in her fraile years.  As a family we do not like her on the farm alone, but it is her choice to stay in the only home she has known most of her life.  Daniel's other Grandmother is 87, still works in the local WalMart office and has just recently become a positive part of Daniel's life.  (His Father and Paternal Grandfather have passed away) He has been offered a good job from his Uncle when he is freed.

Daniel's imprisonment has affected all of us in very negative and very positive ways.  The younger children have learned how drugs and alcohol can nearly ruin a persons life.  But they and we also have been blessed with a person, Daniel, who is now beyond belief an evolved amazing transformed "human being"  who tells the other inmates and family members to take responsibility for their own actions.  Most of all he offers HOPE and will not accept any negative talk or thinking around him.  He teaches others how to do the same.

Daniel no longer takes from life, he gives.  I am formally asking you, the President of HOPE and CHANGE to give Daniel clemency, a chance to make right his wrongs.  I know he will, because he already is.  You may not have time, but feel free to tell Mrs. Obama to check out Daniel's blog.  http://tucsonprisonlife.blogspot.com   Daniel was transferred to a medium facility in Pekin, IL a couple months ago. He has had no infractions for eleven years. 

With Deep Respect and Sincerity,
The Happy News Lady  (okay "captain obviously" I am not going to sign it this way doi)