You Wont Believe this!.......by Diane Ogden

One of my facebook friends saw this today and sent it to me!  See comment below.  Made my day!

"We were following this today.  I took this as he was turning the corner.  It's hanging a little low in the rear.  I must have made the guy nervous
taking pictures because he did a u-turn and went the other way.  Too bad it wasn't pink or I would have bought it for you."

When my son saw the previous blog with the pink car and pink itty bitty dealie just like in this photo only pink......he said, "Would you really sleep in that Mom?"   I said, "Nope, but I would use it in my business as a gimmick to get more business!"

I love it!   So be well, be happy, be safe, and get rick so you can buy one heck of an RV to travel and or live in! You know the kind with a "terlit" and a shower and TV and all sort of good things.

Life is Physics from Beginning to End... by Diane Ogden

From:Sapphire's Moonbeams

Everything is energy and that's all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics. ~Albert Einstein~

 

Just know there is more and make yourself happy, keep yourself safe and be well.  

Major Surgery? Really?........by Diane Ogden

Went to the doctor today that I have seen for the past 34 years and who delivered most of my children. 

I went because I had some female issues.  Female because males bladders and baby carrier uterus's cant fall out their penis's due to over-working and over-lifting due to male husbands and partners who I must have been unconscious when I chose them because they were notsogood so I asked them to go away which meant I had to over work and over lift which made my female parts want to fall out.  I think that was what you call a run on sentence.  Whatever, you got the point and I got the message from the doctor of 34 years that I need a hysterectomy so he can tie up my bladder and then tie up the rear end also.  He said if he only fixed the one thing, the other thing will fall out. I said why do you have to remove the uterus?  He said because it is falling out also!  Ducky!  Best news all year.  And....that means two days in the hospital and 6-8 weeks off work.  What will I eat?  Who will pay?  And what about my dog?  My little dog who wont eat until I get  home at night because she is a 6 lb. rescue and has asthma attacks if she gets scared.  Not to mention there is no one to go with me.  Don't want mummie D and one never knows if daughter is speaking to me that month or not.  Son #2 is touring the world and we don't hear much from he and his girlfriend.  Son # 3 could help but is starting a new business in Los Angeles. Not a good time to leave.  Son #4 has a large family, job, etc...not much time for something like this added to his bill, and Son #5 lives far away.  OMG is this where the Van comes with all the nursing home folks in wheelchairs, to pic me up and take me home after surgery? Oh and by the way one of the X's is from Texas and one drives one of those Vans!  My luck he would be the driver.   Back to the important points? And whose going to take the dog out to pee and whose going to pic up the poop?  Not to mention I hope I can do that deed myself after all that sewing my parts back up. God I hope I can at least have a todie before and after all this mess.  I am going to smell like chemicals for days.  Doc says its an hour and a half surgery.  Holy Anesthesia I hope.  And this is all because of men.  LOL.   Of course I take responsibility for choosing poorly.  It's still their fault, all three and half of them.

Honking in Line at McDonald's......Really? by Diane Ogden

Okay so I make it a habit  not to ever call anyone names or shout at other drivers (where they can hear me anyway)  but today I made an exception.  I felt the need to stop at McDonalds for a diet coke. Yes I know they are bad for me.  To bad, I needed a lift and couldn't afford the surgical kind so I opted for Mickey D's coke and hopefully they really put something in it that works cause I needed it.  It is 10:00 a.m. Why was there a line at McDonald's at 10:00a.m??  Break time huh?  But all my life I heard that the Mexican folks took break time (siesta) at 3:00 p.m.  Yet there he was....the lil twerp in the lil truck trying to BUTT in.  Yes he was being a butt while butting in.  And he did!!  You know how McDonalds has the two lane honesty deal lane?  Where you take turns......one lane then the other, one lane then the other, one lane then the other.  Well lil Mexico decided he wasn't going to let Grandma in.  Yes I am old enough to be his Gma!  And just so ya know you can get a senior diet coke at the age of 50!  Hell I had a kid who was only 7 at that age!  Okay back to point.  The lil bad boy sure as heck inched as close as he could to the car ahead of him so I couldn't get my turn...  Soooo I do what I never do.......I hit he horn hard for a LONGGGGGG time.  I was in the mood of ....like...IDC (I don't care).  He hollered at me, "I ordered mine first,"   Reminded me of first grade, Me first, Me first, and he looked about that age which doesn't say much for what I did next!   I said loudly out the window of my Buick with white walls and mud flaps, "No you didn't you little sack of crap!"  Seriously I cant believe I said that with chest a busting out with pride.   Whose Gma would say that to them? 
He isn't my blood kin so I blasted him like an Ozark, Okie, Jerry Springer, low life type!  OMG.....but he still won.  And did I feel good about my actions. You bet!  I wasn't carrying a weapon thank god.
Little crudsbud person he was.  Ya think maybe it was something else on my mind maybe....nope it was him and only his butting in that set me off. Well okay maybe a couple other things too.  So be happy, be well, be safe, and get rich so you can buy a McDonalds franchise if you want and so you can ram the shit out of the kids car just because you have insurance!!  (I got that from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes.  Cant do it anymore cause insurance companies rule the world and they will raise your insurance cause the kid didn't have any.  That's your fault you know!  He jumps the fence in Arizona, he butts in front of you at Mickey D's and you pay all the consequences.  So don't do it.  Get your coke and let him be a butt and butt in and move on.  

Don't Step in the Poop! .......by Diane Ogden

Okay, so I take my dog out as much as humanly possible....  But if this human isn't possibly home my impossibly inhuman dog craps wherever I just had the carpet cleaned.  And this marking has my mark on it due to the fact I walked carelessly and without forethought of crap into the sun room to close the curtains after the 100 degree heat today foreseeing the 104 for tomorrow!  And that is when I felt that familiar farm squish toe duck shit feeling of poop hitting my foot.  Indeed it did.  Eeeww Eeww.  At which time I as a christian person said, "Effing Dog, Effing Dog, Effing Dog."  Then I said, "Wait, I haven't had my shower yet....okay cool, no problem.  Just let it dry and vacuum it up tomorrow....hit the shower and loose the poop. Just like the dog did.  Do I feel relieved like she did?  Notsomuch!
Now I mussant forget the cats I left outside with the door shut to the porch so they didn't bring in any critters to surprise me when I came out of the shower....  wouldn't that be the shits!  Awh a funny one finally.   So be happy, be well, be safe, and get rich so you can buy great soap to wash the dog doo off your feet. Life's dog doo and the real doo! Oh p.s. Bless my lil dog I do love her.... everyone chits!

Leavin' it all Behind in The Big Little Rig.............by Diane Ogden

Okay.....I want this!  But I need some cash to live on while I drive it across the United States.  I am a bit concerned about wind.  You know, wind that blows lil things away.  But then how often do you hear about VW bugs blowing away.  Or even people for that matter.  I could hide behind trees in this lil darlin.  I could drive it into a big rig.  I could almost drive it through a door and into a barn.  Under a park shelter.  Darn near under a big rock.  I bet it even floats.  Well, maybe not.  I have searched google and cannot find where to buy it.  I am going to buy it.  If I cant travel the country yet, I can use it for my work.  And what an advertisement it would be.  Tax deductible as soon as I put the daisy sign on the side...  omg I cant wait.   Will let you know when I find it and park it out front. Humm it may not fit in my parking stall.  O'well, small detail.  So this is a good day.  Be happy, be well, be safe, and get rich so you can buy little pink cars with a black and white checkerboard on top pulling lil bedrooms.  

Guide to Beauty Charm and Poise by Ruth Tolman miladypublishing..by Diane Ogden

I ran into that very book today!  And it made my day!  One of my clients, in her 30's, brought it out and began reading it to me.  I told her that is the way I learned how to do things.  How to wear pearls and whether to wear dangle earrings or round earrings depending on the shape of my face.  And how to enter a room, and how to cross my legs, and how to smoke a cigarette, and how to be a lady and how to be a good wife!  LOL  
It did not teach how to act when you get drunk on Saturday night or any night.  It did not teach anything about  OMG's, or LMAO's, or FMI (which is disgusting).  Nope, nor did it teach how to wear shorts so short and low rise why bother.  Nope, it told how to be a lady!  A real lady!  Like Jackie Onassis and Grace Kelly and omg Mary Tyler Moore, and the "chic-a-lady" from breakfast at Tiffanies...         Make note the ladies of charm and poise would never use the word "chic-a-lady!"  I will work on that.  Considering my own personal experience growing up and learning some of these "OLD FASHIONED" charming ideas that we certainly need to put a fire under, and bring back to life.  And from my personal experience of my mother threatening to send me to "charm school"  over and over along with the threats to send me to reform school.  Eeww.  I don't think I was that bad! 

What I learned today is that I believe I might just open a "School to "Reform" young girls back to their Charming, Poised, beautiful selves ......via a judge!  Yup.... My school would be a place for delinquent teens to go verses jail.  And if the teen/ person didn't pay attention and or laughed at any or all, he/she would go to directly to jail without collecting $200 etc.  In other words they would have to learn how to be decent human beings or jail.  My wayward home for out of control teens. Example: "Now my dear, this is how you walk into a room, and this is how you speak clearly and enunciate your words with precious expression and voice control please, higher please....  Stand tall, do not cross your legs and no skirts or shorts that show anything that needs waxing.  No body piercing, no cursing, no antonyms, no naked photoshoots, no weird sex or sex talk.....think Grandmother!  Okay I am LMAO now.  Can you imagine if teens came to my Charm School and only learned 15% of what my Grandmother taught me out of fear of going to jail....(my take: they might prefer jail) our society could be affected to some degree and then the scary Muslims, not the charmed poised ones, wouldn't be so eager to blow us all up for lack of charm, poise, and minimal decency!  I get it.

So until more good or funny news, be safe, be well, and be happy.  And get rich so you can go to a real life charm school.