blanche devereaux.......by Diane Ogden

Okay so that is Blanche Devereaux.  Yupsie!~  And I am so sad at the death of her.  She is a part of one of my clients families.  God Darnit all anyway.  I am not sure of the lifespan of chickens.  But no matter its still darn sad.  I see those chickens every other week near the lake in Madison....next door to the lady hoarder whom I hope doesn't die before I do so I don't have to fight all those mice that will leave her house and head for my clients home...eeeww       I don't think Blanche was chopped off at the neck like my dad used to chop our chickens heads off after their egg laying days were over.  God forbid that should happen to us ladies. Humm well actually it does doesn't it?  We are considered over the hill when the ovaries shrivel up. LOL.  Let me tell you I can still move like a rock star even though those two almond shaped little shits are shriveled.  Thank God they did.  Cause I had enough of that mess.  Enough children to teach me about life, enough Grands to allow me the grace to teach em back....and parents passing so I can have a life of peace with all the above! So here's to you Blanche Devereaux and all the eggs you blessed my clients with.  God Bless your everlasting life!  So.....there ya go.  You don't get to hold the legs like I used to after daddy killer chicken held the Blanches down over an old tree stump and raised the hatchet in the air and then lowered it hard!!!   (Scream)  Then he would hand me the leg and show me how to pull the tendon so the chicken fingers would move back and forth.  Whoopie phoophie huh?  Not my bag of tea!  Then mother farmer would pluck all the feathers out of the body like skinning a, well a chicken.  It stunk for real........ smell bad.  Then she would gutt it out....pull all the insides outside and that really smelled amazing. NOT!   Then she would cook it and then can it.  You know, pressurize the body so it wouldn't spoil and put it in jars for later use. Like they do people before putting them in coffins.  eeww eeewew. Yup that is what would happen to Blanche Devereaux at the funny farm I grew up on.  And I don't like even killing a spider! It's bad KARMA.  How did I get born to that funny farm?  Who knows.  But I did. Someday I may know the reason.  In the meantime I do recall Regge Rooster and my Dad shooting him at the funny farm because he got toooo big for his bridges and tried to attack all of us!  Even my bestie dog.   So I guess this wasn't so funny but maybe enlightening.  So until I find something funny or interesting, be well, be safe, and be happy, cause no one is  chopping your head off!  And get rich so you don't think about what is really happening.  Like Blanche Devereaux's death ....  she gave a family good health and happiness while here on earth.  That is damn good stuff Blanche.  RIP old girl!

LuLuBelle...... by Diane Ogden

This is LuLuBelle.  Where do I start.  She lived with Gracie Allen (6 lb ChiPom) and LucyLou (rescue feral) when she was an itty bitty kitty.  Then she moved away with my 22 year old daughter to a house where people came and went, sometimes not so nice people.  Then she moved back with us again, and then out again!  The last couple times she got moved she FREAKED!  Daughter brought her back here a mental mess.  We thought she would remember Gracie and LucyLou but notsomuch.  If she remembered she didn't care cause she was mad as hell.  I couldn't touch her or she would attack my arm and hand.  She tore up everything in front of her paws.  My sofa, my chairs, my beautiful area rugs, my bed, my grandmothers antique red velvet tufted sofa I slept on when I was four.  Long assie time ago!  You are wondering why I didn't just throw her out the front door or at least take her to the HU-MANE society?  Number one I couldn't pic her up to kick her out. LOL.   Number two - I have a bad habit of rescuing men, children, and animals.  I stay far away from prisons if you get my drift!!  On occasion LuLuBelle will come into my bed in the middle of the night and sit on my chest.  I open my eyes to what appears to be evil sometimes.  You rule LuLu and I don't move.  Then suddenly out of nowhere like a bolt of lightning she sprints off my chest and in one long bound is gone!  Its enough to wake up the dead which I am wondering if someone hasn't inhabited her being.  Just kidding oh Lord I hope I am...   Okay so she is wounding LucyLou which cost me $266.00 the last time.  Its been ten months people.  Time for this cat to adjust.  Oh I forgot to tell you she developed a nervous disorder where she hysterical licking of his flanks and back which moves autonomously, like shivering. Its called Feline hyperesthesia syndrome.  I call it PTSD from too many moves and some abuse to boot.
Read more: Neurological Disorders in Cats - VetInfo

I bought some Comfort Zone Spray which helped some.  It calms them all down and makes them all new.  Notsomuch!   So after the vet bill of $266 for wounds to the head on LucyLou I came home with a Comfort Zone PLUG IN at $40.00 a crack.  And I am telling you that is working!  Although I think I need two, do the math - $80 a month.  I could have her declawed but I cant pick her up. doi.  She still rules.  Wish they had these plug in's for humans.  I'd still be married and have dental insurance.  Some things are better left behind.... 
As you can see by the photos we are making serious progress unless she is just trying to show me she's boss considering I had a lot of work to do on that computer today.  humm.  She is still sleeping on it right now.  I think it is because it is warm.  Hey, LuLu-B  I have a heating pad going on over here.  At least the keys aren't all xxxxxxxxxxxxxzzzzzz - ing ...and my Amazon order seems to still be on the screen behind her.  I had set a piece of paper on the keyboard which saved her and I a lot of issues.  Let's hope LuLu will turn a corner and become a loving (did I say loving??) part of this little family.  And when I wake up with her on my chest I see a different eye looking at me in the dark.

My Panic Horn...... by Diane Ogden

This is a mock picture of Aretha Franklin, one of my clients cats who used to be an indoor cat and have now become an indoor/outdoor cat.  A fact I forgot I was told a month ago.  So today when I arrived and opened the door Aretha ran out like a shot!  I freaked!  Trying to be calm and follow Aretha into the back yard where the legal city Chicken Coop also exists was a joke in itself.  I am whining to Aretha....saying in the whinier voice, "OMG Aretha, stop please you cannot get lost on my watch, okay? Wait, stop!"  I did carefully catch her, pick her up all the time scared she would claw me like a crazed lion.  Well, she didn't and in fact she was as scared of me as I was of her.  I got her into the back door only to have the husband of the house call and tell me she can go outside.  So back out the front door she went!  About an hour later my helper was taking a break outside at her car....   I was working in the kitchen when I heard a familiar horn honking.  I knew I had not touched my keys.  Then thought maybe my helper had accidentally pushed the panic horn button while getting something out of the car...... but it wasn't stopping!  So I ran outside where I saw my helper walking back across the street to my car with her arms in the air saying, I don't know!
I got to my car and there were my keys laying on the front seat undisturbed and there was Aretha in the back seat scared nutz cause the horn was going off very loudly.  I opened the door for her and grabbed the keys.  I kept hitting the button and nothing happened.  My helper took the keys and hit the proper button.  I had been hitting the trunk button not the stop panic horn button.  I have anxiety issues and loud noises make me goofy nervous.  Obviously or I would have known the diff between a trunk and a horn button.  As for Aretha......she was back in the car twice more before I left for the day.  Imagine a black cat jumping in your car window and precisely stepping on that one tiny red button.  Hey, before I saw the cat I thought it was my dad who passed away in June sending me a message......trying to tell me not to go to the dentist on Friday.  I am not kidding!  (I have to have a tooth extracted)  Dad gets blamed for a lot of strange things in my life such as bugs landing on me and so on.  I know better ( I think.)  Guess I have to go to the dentist.  So until a black cat crosses my path or jumps in my car, or my Dad lands on my shoulder as a butterfly........be well, be safe, be happy, and get rich so you can have a $3,000 tooth implant (or not.) 

Chewing Chinese Penicillin....... by Diane Ogden

Yeah I know this is awful!  And considering the title you have probably guessed what it is.   I was on the phone with a friend listening intently to a story he was telling.  I also had a multitude of my own stories on my mind.  After all its Sunday and tomorrow is a new work week besides the tooth I have to have extracted and the groceries I need to purchase and the schedules and emails, and the cat that needs to be declawed who I am unable to catch and put in a crate!  And so on.  Oh and the rest of the laundry and dishes. Cant forget that.  Back to my point.  I am listening (obviously not intently) and notice it is time for the second daily dose penicillin pill.I usually eat something before I take it so it doesn't upset my tummy, not that anyone needs to know that much information.  While still listening I grabbed some cheese from the fridge. Notice the apparently uneaten cheese above the eaten cheese still with teeth marks. eeww.

I tossed a small piece of string cheese in my mouth and then decided on a small piece of cheddar.  I barely recall tossing the penicillin pill into my mouth after the cheese.  Suddenly my tongue is sensing a horrific bitter taste.  It took me all of two seconds to realize what I had done! My brain immediately said, "Oh my God China medicine from Wal Mart...its gotta be asphalt or dried white paint dust or pure poison for sure!" At which point I began to drop it out of my mouth onto the counter top probably also from China.  I know I know I have china-itis. Well jeez I just found out Chicken jerky from China is killing dogs.  So I went to my dog / cat cupboard and sure enough all my duck treats etc are from China where they eat dogs anyway.  So I have heard. And no I am not a redneck but I did hear they eat dogs. Back to my story.  Look at that picture. You can see the other half of the asphalt white powder paint with a dash of penicillin in it lying in the midst of my cheese.  YUK!

Considering the horrible taste, I grabbed new cheese, opened a strawberry yogurt and downed it, got some water and SWALLOWED a new China pill!  I'm good.   So until my next fiasco or I run into someone or something funny, be well, be safe, be happy, and get rich so you can buy American Made Penicillin. 

Princess, Princess, Princess.... by Diane Ogden

A girl is never too old to wannabe a princess.  A girl is too old if she never figures out how to leave the MAN out of the Princess word/effect/syndrome/equation!  That would be the used to be wannabe princess me who has evolved to the place of watching Will and Kate and appreciating the true sense of the word Princess.  Although I cant say I didn't enjoy parts of  the wannabe royalty ride.  Princess Grace of Monaco was who I always wanted to mentor myself after.  Some would truly find some humor in that.  But then if it pulled me "back" from some of my generational curses from hell to a place of accidental acceptance in some circles....well then hoorah for The Princess Grace of Monaco Spirit!~   My Grandchildren "twins" and I went shopping yesterday and they begged for tiara's.  So they got tiara's from Hells Gate China (Wal Mart)! And they let Nana try one on...  How fun was that as well as it reminded me of all those times I got to play princess in life. Although I have learned to leave the man out of the plan.  I can be a princess or a queen in my robe with a tiara on and have peace to boot!  I love peace.....    So until I find another old memory or new man to try on, or something funny which Nana's wearing tiara's is. Be well, be safe, be happy, and get rich so it's easier.  I am rich, by the way. 

 

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