Babb's Called...............by Diane Ogden

Babbette called.  She is a special person I met a few years ago through my son Chris.  My Dad, who has since passed loved her. Said my son knows how to pic a woman!  She, Babbette can sing like bird.  She sang "I've got a brand new pair of roller skates" for Dad and he went nutz with glory.  I wanted so much for her to come back and sing to him before he died but she wasnt able to.  Babbs is an intelligent gypsy.  She lives near the Redwoods in California....loves the sunsets, shaved her head to give her hair to locks of love and is now bald! But she cares not.  She has taught me more than any teacher I ever had.  Math hasn't helped me live the good life.  State History was stupid considering most of us MOVED hello! But english lit I do wish I would have paid more attention as I love to write.  I have two unpublished novels and several childrens books sitting in a drawer.  Maybe confidence is the answer. Ya think?  Attitude and confidence IS the answer.  Could you shave your head and walk around with mega confidence knowing who you are inside?  Damn right, especially if you lived in a small town in Northern Cali near the Giant Redwoods where if you merely brushed agaisnt them you would be changed.  The old "hug a tree" is small talk compared to a Redwood and its energy.  Boy would I like to be sitting at the base of a Redwood about now.  Since I am not I might go hug my slim and skinny palm tree out in the sunroom.  OMG!  Not even close, but who knows, maybe! If I were to hug any tree out in front of my apartment complex I would only have to hope no one is looking!  I have to say if I saw a woman out front hugging a tree I would ghasp and then I would quickly change that human thought and totally understand.  When Babbs came to visit once it was in the spring/summer when the birds had mated and baby birdies were being born.  Every year for 7 years the Swallows of Madison Wisco would attack, well okay, SWOOP on my dog and I every time we left he building. It was like they hated us and no one else.  Babbs said the Swallows were sending me a message so I listened and actually told them "I got  it," then right at that exact time a finch made a nest on my porch in a potted hanging plant.  No kidding, baby finches in there.  I had to water that plant very carefully so as not to water any baby finches.  I did some research and discovered (as Babbs had told me) that the finches bring peace.  They played interference between myself and the Swallows.  And by God and the Universe I have never been swooped on again since.  I am speaking the truth!  Seven years of those Swallows scaring my dog and I and Bam, DONE!  There is an old blog from about 09 regarding the Finches.  One day last week I was searching for a photo and came across a pic I took of the Father Finch. He always came to visit me when I came out onto the porch.  So I took his pic several times.  Suddenly now three years later I notice an aura around the Father Finch.  I suspect, no I know he was sent from the next world for me! 

Okay, So This is NOT Charlotte!.....by Diane Ogden

Told ya!  This is not sweet Charlotte.  I looked down and there is was by my pant leg at 2:17 p.m. this afternoon day. I instantly scooted away from Mr. S.P. Ider and ran for my camera.  Phone camera again as I left the good one in the car AGAIN!  I zoomed but I am not sure you can get a true idea of the size of this thang. Big and Bigger.  My helper said, "KILL IT!"  I said, "No way, its too big. That would be like killing a small dog and that would be bad KARMA."  She doesn't believe in such things so she again said, "Kill it!"   And again I said I couldn't do that. Oueey Gooey!  No!  I couldn't  take it outside cause I was thinking it might jump on me and then I would have to make a total scene by screaming, falling, rolling, and then jumping all the while removing all clothing until I am stark mayonnaise jiggly body naked. Not good. Especially if anyone around had a camera.  Well none of that happened and Mr. S.P. Ider ran off  very quickly to somewhere.  I only hope not to any one's bed ....eeeww, eewww.  Sorry. And I can only hope KARMA won't bring Ms. S.P. Ider to my humble abode.  So until next time be safe, be well, be happy, and get rich so you don't have to feel guilty about not removing the HUGE animal insect from someone else's home.  Maybe it was supposed to be in their path.  Ya think?  Ya, me either. 

The Lovely (for my KARMA) Toaster Lamp.................by Diane Ogden

First of all I do not wish to ever hurt any one's feelings by posting a photo I have taken of their lovely property..  But Yet.....there is free speech and this one really calls for it ya know??  Come on.....a toaster lamp?  Really?  It is the ugliest or one of the ugliest items I have ever found myself to come into contact with.  Even though I have  a magnet on my fridge that says to respect every ones path in this Universe and I try to.  I respect this persons path.  I just think this lamp that is in their path with them is awful and unbecoming. It even says SUNBEAM on the side.  Dread full piece of history with milk glass accentuating its glistening glory.  Ghastly is all I can say. A toilet in some ones front yard full of flowers is better.  Only thing worse is a yard full of ceramic gremlins and other little critters with little Christmas lites strung around each and hanging this and that's.  Oh God save me. But then if that makes them happy you go people!  Me, I use those things to threaten my children.  I say:  Do as I say or I will put 200 Ty Piggy's the back window of my Buick!  Or do as I say or I will put Christmas lites on the grill of my Buick as well as buy and install a car horn that plays Here Comes Santa Claus and drive by your house playing it for your neighbors!  Might even pass by your work place....  Just Kidding!  Maybe! I actually have a bit more class in the ass than that.  Ya think?  Not sure huh?  Me either and who really cares?  I Do! I Do!  I just cant help but write the sillies.  Must be one of those days where the sky meets the horizon or the numbers say "its your day" to say whatever you want.  That would take too long. Soooo....be happy,be safe, be well, and get rich so you can buy a real lamp and not have to pretend your a hippie so you can have a this lamp by your bed so you can read "good books?"  Oh, and dream of toast!!  God I hope this person NEVER reads this because they are most likely the ONLY people who own an empty toaster cover lamp.

The Heaven's are on Fire..................by Diane Ogden

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I was driving home from work this evening around 6:30 p.m. when I couldn't help but notice the
sky.  Trying to drive and watch this strange sky was in itself an interesting fete, feet, feat??  I think the last feat is right.  You get it!  My first thought was that the Heavens were on fire but that is impossible.  As I come to a ridge it became even more stunning......it was a beautiful sunset, but the clouds were angry.  It was good and bad all squashed together.  Squashed would be my college word for intertwined with an  anger beyond this world and a meshing with a godlike energy from someplace we can only vision in a dreamlike state. Yah thats what squashed is in this context.  A beauty beyond the earth is what I saw.  And a horror racing to meet it to see who might come out ahead.  I wasn't frightened although I thought I should be as I had never seen such a combination of awesome beauty and fiery fear so close together. Well maybe my last husband and I would qualify.  Only in my mind but never in reality had I seen such fearsome beauty.  Yet there it was and I was driving and couldn't reach my real camera on the floor in my purse so I used my Samsung Galaxy II in a moving vehicle to capture these amazing shots.  The latter a bit blurry but shows the anger of the clouds.  So many colors....so many emotions of the atmosphere showing their power.  I wondered if anyone else saw beyond the limits of their minds  what I was seeing.  I wondered if my Dad saw it better than I did as he died a couple months ago.  So does that mean he is closer to it?
Or am I?  Was he scared? Was he in awe of it as I was?  Probably he was in awe.  It was like heaven and hell were about to meet for the first time and get it on and it was any body's bet who would win because each was equally awesome by my human viewing.  Of course I want to say the positive won, and it must have because I didn't blow up and see what comes next or see my Dad. 
The sun just continued to set itself in the west in a spectacle beyond my imagination....and the rain in the clouds dissipated and took its grey and purple hues with it....and it all worked out as it usually does, one way or the other.
So be well, be happy (the planet didn't blow up), and be safe.....and get rich so you can buy a better camera to take raging sunset photos of!

The Evil Renter......... By Diane Ogden

Okay so this is LuLu!  The Evil cat that I am caring for while my daughter finds an apt. where she can have said cat LuLu. I have tried everything to love and care for her the past ten months..  God help me.  She has destroyed every piece of furniture I own. My cat Lucy is terrified of her.  She has scratched me as I pass her by.  If she needed medical attention I would not be able to touch her to put her in the carrier.  Why?  I have no clue.  I gave her a home when she had none.  I feed her, talk baby talk to her, give her amazing treats, let her wake me up in the middle of the night when she sits on my chest and kneads my delicate skin at two a.m. thank you very much.  This cat is PISSED OFF!  She misses her old home where there were two little girls she slept with.  She is only happy when my two little girl Grands come and spend the night which isn't that often.  I have spent a lot of cash flow on repercussions of HER.  Plain to see what's wrong! She misses the caretaker she has had since she was a kitten. My daughter!  Whenever my daughter is around LuLu is happy and wonderful.  When she is not I found a great solution.  I bought a Calming Plug- In's (three so far) that are supposed to calm the cats. Over $100 big ones.  I think they drugged me too actually. (not really)  And that is a great idea for plug ins....  why not for humans too.  Anyway, daughter came to visit and when she comes LuLu gets double pissed off AFTER SHE LEAVES.  I am exaggerating because this is a blog.  Actually LuLu is a very sweet cat and mostly loves children. 

Daughter getting her own apt. and that will be cause for  a bye bye LuLu party time!I have lived with evil cat for what some call OVERTIME with no pay.  Is it good KARMA? I flippin doubt it.  Road Kill is more appreciative of my tears for them then LuLu is for my loving care and treats!!  And that is the truth. I just couldn't take her to the pound where they would have injected her with a death serum.  She isn't any different than one of my three husbands.  I kept them too long too because I am a caretaker.  I just need to UPGRADE.  So until I come across something funny  or happy or interesting, be happy, be safe, be well, and get rich in case your Jerry Springer cat hates your sofa.  Shit happens so they say and now I believe it.  Will update Lovely LuLu as we go.  I have a feeling she will be just fine.  You never know if I am telling the truth here.  Or writing?

The Attic...............by Diane Ogden

I was at a clients home the other day when I came upon a door I had not noticed before. How could I have not noticed a door considering I have been to this home every other week for a long time.                                  I did consider it might go to a third floor attic room because this house is probably over a hundred years old at least. Yet I figured after I opened the door with all good intentions I would find merely the small duty of straightening out shoes and or boxes.  Notsomuch!  What I found was old unfinished stairs leading to a  large empty floor space that resembled a blown up version of the inside of a covered wagon from a century past.  As I was half way up the old creaky steps I saw it.  The abandoned lifeless shoe.  Laces tattered, the leather worn through in places.  It was similar to when I used to shop for vintage jewelry, especially lockets, in my making of collage pieces.  The lockets always stopped me "dead!"  I would always have to split the locket into two parts to be able to use them in my work.  This was not an easy thing for me to do considering there would always be a photo of a man on one side and a woman on the other from a "passed" time.  I was blessed with one of the remains of their lives together and I was in the process of dismissing that fact by splitting them, the locket apart.  So here I was again, in a vast cavern of old  musty wood and one leather shoe that once belonged to who?  I am a natural detective therefore if there is no concrete answer I have to come to one or my mind wont leave me without finality on the subject.  Who was the woman who wore the shoe?  Considering the ornate style of this three story home, now reduced to two apartments on each level, and looking at the age of it, I suspect whoever wore those shoes was a lady of substantial means.  But then again, it could have been the housekeeper's shoes who was having an affair with the man of the manor and lost it (Cinderella) while escaping just in time before the Mrs. returned from her daily social tea.  Yup that's the story.  Oh, I was going to continue up the steps to look for any other leavings when I saw several large but little turds.  That is when the smell of the word RAT came into my mind and senses and that is when I exited backwards down the old gray stairway and back to reality.  I love my little journeys! 

So until next my next journey or funny, be well, be safe, and be happy.  And run from rats of all kinds!~

Pillow Talk.................by Diane Ogden

I have a client and his wife that sleep with so many pillows I lost count. Trying to make a bed with twenty pillows is impossible.  I actually told the hubbs of the bed, one day, that they might be happier with a FEATHER BED!  Seriously.  So now here I am.....driving to Target and purchasing two more new pillows and one super super soft cover for my body pillow so I can sleep better.  If I added up the money I have spent for the pillows, covers, pillow top mattress's, puffy matress covers, and so on I could have bought a temperpedic by now!!  Jeeezz.  P.S.  My son, his wife, and all three of his children have temperpedic's! Me, I sleep in a hole!  A lousy cheap topper that doesn't work so well and that I sink into.  Guess it's time for me to get a, well a half a temperpedic anyway.....  You know, one of those few inch toppers to replace the pillow top with the sinking hole that has been turned too many times to work anymore.  So until I find a decent bed, be happy, I AM, and be well, I AM, and be safe, I AM, except for I need a decent sleeping hole.....and get rich so you can buy a temperpedic or a good old feather bed like Grannie used to have.  Except they don't clean up so "good."  Nite..... We'll see if the new pillows work tonight.