My Aching Ass and Other Parts............by Diane Ogden

Okay sorry for the ass word but hey, I have other "A" problems such as Arthritis and so on. It used to be The Scarlet A on my chest for .....what book what that we had to read in High School?  Oh yes, The Scarlet Letter!  Now it stands for Arthritis and Assache.  KARMA?  Could be Sherman!

I have been looking for a gel top foam mattress at a reasonable (JOKE) price for some time now.

I have done research on these toppers. Some smell of chemicals. Some aretoo  hard, some are too soft, some are online as a GROUPON which I wont touch. 

I saw a 10% off at Overstock.com so I tried to find what I have found to have the best reviews which is the Sleep Innovations.....not offered. Bingo.

J.C. Penney has it but it' s pricey. I need SOFT like a feather bed. I am dreading going to bed tonight as I haven't had time to fluff the shitting hole I created in the topper I have now, with my own body form....  It is quilted, say like in squares and after a few days I have personally created my own private sink hole  for free .... and since I was sick over the weekend (still have a fever wha wha call the wha wham-bulance) I didn't remove all the blankets, comforter, etc and fluff the shitting hole away...might I add, turn it around and start over on the other side! I have had it. I wake up multiple times in the night due to this lumpy sink hole topper.

BUT it is certainly better than sleeping by the river in the Buick!!! And so...there ya go Rose buds.... That be said.....be Happy, be Safe, be Well, and by God get rich so you can buy a mattress or mattress topper and SLEEP so you can work and think and live especially if you have assie arthritis.  Sorry for the ass word so many times.  Love you Lord anyway.  I thank God for the word forgiveness.....it has saved me I am sure. But so will the gel topper.  One is flesh and one is spirit!  I am surviving both thank you.

All I Want for Christmas is.............. by Diane Ogden

Okay I could do with a bit of Ashton whats his name.  Sure I could.  No really I could.  And I would.
I think.  Or maybe not.  But then maybe I would depending on how I felt that day.  But more seriously, not that / that wouldn't be a serious encounter/endeavor/uplifter!  Yet all I really want for Christmas besides peace within and (without my new Honda CRV ) is that magnificent Nikon 1!  OMG I would take pictures of my toilet (empty of course) with that amazing piece of equipment.  I have a $179.00 piece of poop Cannon.  I had a $200 wonderful Cannon sure shot that I gave to my Granddaughter.  I thought I upgraded to the new Cannon but I was L-Wrongo Sherman. Possibly I should have done some camera researching online but I am overwhelmed by technology research and it doesn't come that easy for me.  I love ALL the new technology but I don't get a portion of it.  I want to!  I have googled my phone to death, I have googled my wireless printer to death, I have googled google....  And that is when I found Assie Ashton who married that cougar lady and free sailed until he got offered the "BIG ONE."  Job that is.  Hey that's KARMA..he gave her the "BIG ONE" until he got his back!  Naughty I suppose but quite factual I should add.  Of course that is my opinion from viewing from the outside for years yet I suspect it is a fair estimation of the situation.  Analogy could be:  Young wife works to put her husband through medical school...  he graduates, leaves her sweet side (ass) and marries some nurse.  See? That's an analogy.  Okay back to my point.... All I want for Christmas is a Nikon 1 Camera. ($599.00) Forget the Ashton whats his name who replaced Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men.  I see the half is grown up now and has found himself RELIGION!  Personally, I think God isn't so unhappy with a sit com that makes the world a bit easier to live in.  Makes people laugh. I will say there are some over the top comments as there are out here in "regular land."  Actually the show is cursed I think.  Charlie/drugs/stupid moves/kids grows up get religion then disses show and quits/ Ashton leaves the cougar/ she overdoses/he finds new love.....  sounds like maybe God didn't think it or think it was very funny after all.  Me.....All I want for Christmas is a Nikon 1.  Yes I checked the reviews.  No I didn't, I liked it cause it is white and I dislike ALL black electrical equipment including car radios have black raised writing on black. WTFrick?  Who did that?  Male or Female?  Had to be a young male designer  with no sense of anyone but himself and what he can see, or maybe he can read Braille. Even the side of my PC is in black on black.  Give me a break. OMG now I sound like that guy with the grey messy hair that died on 60 minutes.  Eeww Eeww  You now the Editorial dude?
Okay so Be well, Be Happy, and Be Safe....until I find another silly topic to bother you with......because anything that happens after midnight isn't any good.  I know.....my daughters fiancee died in a car accident a week ago coming home at 2:00 am ....no alcohol...just bum luck and wet roads.  I might write about him soon..... See how I joke about Ashton whatshisname when what really matters is losing a good kid like Derek Reible in a freak accident....    nite

HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL-with Vincent Price....by Diane Ogden

OMGOMG! My parents took me to this movie when I was about eight years old.  To a movie theatre.  It was such horror that they got up and took us out. What?  It was too late!  I saw a man fall into a pit of acid and dissipate. I saw a woman ghost standing outside a window and a rope moved all by itself into the room and out the window and wrap itself around her legs and YANK her down and kill her!  Terrifying hand come out of door and grab someone....and so on.   So why am I telling you this?  Because of the new Lincoln Movie with vampires and such. How dumb is that?  But then how dumb was the House on Haunted Hill?  Well it was entertaining but not for the little ones.  I suppose the parents didn't realize how this would affect me or the brother.  Maybe make it a point to rent this old one....A friend told me her Grandsons Mom took them to a Horror movie and when they got to Grandma's they wouldn't leave her side for one moment.  So she called the Mom on it.  Dangerous territory!~  But it worked.  And when I heard the story it reminded me of "House on Haunted Hill with Vincent Prince!? A good Horror Movie to say the least! I wont be renting it by the way. I remember enough of it to realize I do not wish to rent it ever again in my life!  Or any other lifetime either.  So until someone reminds me of an old horror movie or something my parents did badly (ha) .....be safe, be well, be happy, and get rich just for fun, and be CAREFUL of horror movies because they seem to stay with you for-ever! eeeewww   

PRIORITY MAILED COOKIES......by Diane Ogden

It takes three full days to make my Gma Tillie's cookies because the dough is put onto the cookie sheet the size of a thumbnail.  So a LARGE bowl of dough takes all day, early morning to late evening, to place them on the sheets, bake tehm, cool them off, place them in jars.  Then order the labels, place them on the jars, make the cloth tops, tie them on, add the little story and photo page, place in bubble wrap, lay gently in shoe boxes, add all the plastic bags you can find to cushion them further.  Get the boxes from the post office...look up everyone's address and fill out the address labels....  put the shoe box inside the Priority Mail boxes and add all the clean old rags and towels you can find to cushion them further.  Then tape them all up good and put them in car and  drive to post office again.   Several trips walking the eight or nine boxes inside in the rain. My turn at the window!  The lady tells me $15.45 for each of the priority boxes.  I was so upset I couldn't add it up in my head $15.45 times the number of boxes all stacked up ahead of me.  I told her WHAT?  She said I should have sent them in a regular box.  (Every other time I go in they tell me I should go priority as it cost less???)  And there is a line of people behind me.  I could have carried them all back out to my car, drove home, unpacked them all, ruined all the labels and started all over.  Packed them in different boxes. Blah, Blah, Blah

 NOT SO MUCH!  I would have saved a little $ but not enough to do it.  So I took deep breath and swiped the card! 
                 $104.80 to send my Christmas Cookies to Eight families.  Did I cry on the way home?  Nope, but I doubt I will be doing my lil tradition anymore.  I hate to let the Federal Government stop me from sharing Grandma Tillie's cookies but that is ridiculous.
And I have a couple more to send out!  S H U T U P!!

I am mad that the joy got stolen by the Post Office. Oh I forgot to tell you.  There was a little old lady in line that spoke up and said, "Hey, don't you know its not cool to bring that many boxes in here at this time of day?"  I almost spoke badly but I held it in.  Then she said, "Hope you can take a joke!"  Don't ya just hate those people that say exactly what they mean and then pretend its a joke. 

Well they are mailed.  I hope they get enjoyed.  So until the next time I make a million cookies the size of quarters, fill the jars, pack them up and get he sticker shock of mailing them......or I find something more interesting.  Be well, be safe, be happy, and get rich so you don't give a hoot what it costs to mail your wonderful Grannie's cookies!

I Flippin Ran Out of Gas!!..........by Diane Ogden

Intelligent people do not run out of gas in the middle of rush hour traffic!  Well I am intelligent and I ran out of gas in the middle of rush hour traffic in the only available left turning lane.  I was so upset I said words they say in prisons!  My helper was riding with me which didn't seem to matter to the non existent filter between my mouth and my brain. 

 I couldn't find the non emergency Police number in my smart phone.  So I did the next best unintelligent thing of my morning and dialed 911.  When the operator answered I quickly stated, THIS IS NOT AN EMERGENCY.  Like heck it wasn't, just wasn't life or death.  I would have given a lot of $ to have had the senses to take photos of the faces people were making at us.  My helper wanted to crawl to the floor. Me, I was the driver so blame city was on my ass for sure.  No getting out of this one MaMa.  That is when in my rear view mirror I see a blue and white with flashings as well as with two wheels on the curb and grass trying to motivate through the mess of traffic I personally have created.  He parks, calmly gets out, puts his coat on, walks over and asks me what I would like to do ?   I wanted to make many funnies but I told myself as he was walking to the car, "Do not make jokes Diane! No jokes here."  And so I politely said I wasn't sure how to handle such a situation sir.  He told me to sit tight a minute and walked away.  Like I wasn't sitting tight.  Every muscle in my body was tight.  That is when another large yellow and white truck came up behind me as the officer pulled back a car length.  We were asked if we would like a ride to the gas station in all great hopes that was the only thing wrong.  You see my gas gauge is broken.  To repair it costs $500 plus. (have to take the dash apart)  And then my trip set digital light died so I cant use the mileage to gauge my gas usage.  I usually know when to get gas but FORGOT my daughter borrowed the Buick  when her car was in shop and she drove a good distance.  Whalla therein lies the answer to why this happened. 

Of course that did not make it any less embarrassing.  So we get to the gas station and we cant figure out how to get the gas can spout off.  Had to ask the foreigner inside who knew how.  Add it to the list of todays lack of intellect morning mishaps.  Then back in the squad car which was such a joy!  BARS! OMG! And a fairly dirty Plexiglas between us and "him."  I must say he was a very nice policeman for a change.  Some I have encountered are not. And for the record I have no idea how a person of weight (fat) could ever get into that squished squad back seat.  Scary tight place!!

Back at the car, the policeman takes off.  The road helper man puts the gas in.  .

( BARS!  Ewww)




And then he told me he was going to push my car through the light around the corner, and to the Home Depot parking lot.  And I have NO POWER.  Turning that wheel was ....no words next to impossible.  Might I add he was giving me instructions via a LOUD SPEAKER so all could hear.   

Then he gets out and stands by the passenger window and  politely tells me how to turn the key half way on then back off, then start it. It sputtered and died. He repeated instructions on turning the key back again, now half way, then start again. Sort of like a computer when its been shut down incorrectly. It has to think a minute to get itself back together. I might want to take some lessons on that.  Whalla it started and we mossied back to the gas station and filled the old Buick up with Gasoline! 

So....... don't loan you car out if your gas gauge doesn't work.  Or better yet put some gas in it the minute you get it back. 

Until my next mess or I find something I want to share, be well, be safe, be happy, and get rich so you can fix your gas gauge if it dies.  I am saving for a Honda CRV!!  Let you know when that happens. 

I SOLD SANTA!.........by Diane Ogden

I did.  I sold Santa Claus.  S H U T U P!  Hey the government  sells our highways, and our ports, and I'm not so sure they really haven't sold California and we just don't know it yet Fred!  So why not sell Santa too.  Ohhhh like all the little kids will be sad huh?  Hey, I couldn't put him up in my small apartment any longer.  Seriously.  For almost a year he stood all lonely behind my Grandmothers red tufted love seat staring at me when I was in my office working.  That had to stop, so I put him in the spare bathroom.  I know that is really pushing the low button on life isn't it.  God what is this going to do to my CHRISTMAS KARMA?   I texted my son and said, "I sold Santa."  He texted me back and said, "What, YOU sold Santa!!!!"  I could feel the negative vibrations thru the phone text.  Come on, Santa deserved to be somewhere else but my spare bathroom hello Joe.  Being such a cutie that he is and he has so much to offer I had to do it. I had to let him go. Now I suppose I will be on the list of nationwide hated people.  Hang on, the story isnt over yet.  So I posted a note on facebook and low and behold (what does that really mean? low and behold?  I think its biblical, Maybe Santa is too and we just don't know it) an acquaintance from High School decided she wanted to buy him. Yes Yes I took cash for the old boy.  The friend and her daughter came to get him the same day.  Oh my Lord it was like so wonderful.  Like I found him an adopted family where he will be happy.  Children and dogs and the whole scamedal scamodel or whatever they used to say on Three's Company if anyone remembers that show.  You  know the two girls lived with the one guy show from the 70's or 80's.
  A N Y W A Y as Ellen says..... I sold Santa and he is gone.  But on his way being carried out, the daughter, Sarah, grabbed him by the balls so hard (trying to lift the old boy) by accident and his head blew off.  No worries, a lil duct tape and he's good to go.  Yes I lived in Oklahoma long enough to learn all about duct tape. That stuff had to be sent by God above cause it is a cure all!  It may not turn water into wine but it does everything else.  Even cures wort's. But back to Santa.  He has a found his way to a beautiful home in Princeton, Wisconsin.  He gets to watch the birds, and all sort of outdoorsy stuff.  Lucky STIFF!  So until I sell God, or the President, or one our Senators, be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich so you can buy Santa if you find him for sale on Face Book! Amen in case Santa is biblical.

Goodwill.............by Diane Ogden

 I have lived at the same address for nine years.  I moved from a 3,500 sq.foot home to an 1,100 sq. foot apartment and that might be stretching it, with one storage bin in the parking garage.  That being said, I have stuffed things into that bin, plus borrowed two others from young EPIC (large computer corporation) renters who mostly travel for their job.  There is no good ventilation in the parking garage so one of the tenants showed me how to hook up a fan in my storage bin and run it off the complex so my personal items would not MOLD!! That has worked out well so far.  I just kept getting more and more items piling up in the bins.  Sooo I took the day off!  Yup, I have enough food and gas so I let the $ go and stayed home for some much needed r & r.  Obviously I have a problem sitting still sometimes because I cleaned out all three bins.  Mine and the ones I borrowed.  Actually my daughter helped me thank the Lord.  Something very unexpected happened to me while I was cleaning out.  I found history.  The beautiful Victorian Christmas ornaments I placed ever so gently each year for twenty years on a 7.5 foot white flocked full tree.  The white birds, the pink and gold brushed glass balls, tons of pink roses, pink and creme colored ribbons, pearls, crystals, and many antique ornaments such as Victorian Skaters and cherubs.  I also decided to retire my old 1980 Montgomery Ward Sewing Machine!  You cannot imagine the things I created with that old girl.  After a while it was time to hit the blue plastic bins all stacked up in the corner.  Clothes!!
I found the dress I wore to my 15 year class reunion.  Do note the kid wearing it in the photo below and do note I will be trying that dress on just to see if it still fits. Then I shall prance around my small square footage abode in my dress and athletic shoes passing each mirror saying, "Good Girl!"

Then I found a box of 35 mm slides that my Nana left to me of all her and Grandad's travels around the United States. They both passed away many many years ago.  And there was my garden Angel, a gift from a dear friend, but no garden anymore.  A chandelier I planned to use in an outdoor display but I have no outdoor "no more!"  Planter boxes that do not fit on the rod iron railings of my porch. The tool box my dad put together for me which I KEPT and is pictured below.  My great great Grandmother's plant stand which I also kept.  A plastic Sterlite bin full of buttons. One of many that I collect for some reason.  And a small bin of potpourri hearts I create out of old vintage jewelry and vintage buttons.  I do wish I had time to do more of that.  Three Sears Catalogs which I also have a collection of.  About seventy five bottles of watercolor paints, brushes, and a color wheel. And would you believe my beat up box of AFLAC ducks when pressed scream A F L A C! Now that is a good memory of the time I was very successful in Oklahoma and Texas! The red box is the tool box below my Dad made me years ago as I said.  He has since passed away but I have the tools I need to continue my life.  The bottom and last photo is another one of the collages made from old jewelry and buttons.  A Western theme. Oh Lord I found my old work out spandex pants!  I may try them on too.  There was more, but you get the idea.  A lot of my HISTORY is now at Goodwill. I am sure only good spirits are traveling with my "things."

 So until I clean out my closets and under my bed.....be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich just for the heck of it.  It's fun!  p.s. I see I put the horseshoe on the Western collage upside down.  Crap, it cant catch the good spirits and hold them in for me.  I must fix that.

top photo from:  http://oneshabbyoldhouse.blogspot.com