Blood Pressure Monitor............by Diane Ogden

I went to the doctor last week because I thought I had an ear infection.  No details necessary..... He felt my jaw, he looked into my right ear for one half a nano-second and said, "You don't have an ear infection, you have TMJ."  I knew that, but I still thought I had an ear infection.  But I did not.  This is all good.  When I checked in and they took me to the little room the nurse took my blood pressure which was high.  Like 198 over 80 I think.  I have NEVER had high blood pressure in my life.  In fact I have low blood pressure.  Yet since December 15th, 2012 when I contracted (I really had no such contract with the flu and that was a horrible choice of words!) the flu my blood pressure has risen upon each visit.  (Three total)  This time the old country doc instructed me to purchase a cuff blood pressure monitor.  I waited a week and then did it because I don't believe in strokes.  Good strokes oh yes, bad ones no no.  I took my blood pressure when I got home from China (Wal Mart World) and yes it is made in China.  Makes me so angry.  Back to point.  It said to not eat or drink anything for a half hour before using.  Why?  And to keep my feet flat on the floor for fifteen minutes before using.  I get that one...no legs crossed stopping blood flow.  So I did it.  Pressure was 118 over 78.  Hey not bad.  I was thrilled especially because I have one signature left to get on my do not recussitate (I have obviously spelled that wrong and my computer doesn't even recognize it) paperwork.  Then I took it again before bed and it was 118 over 78.  Then again when I woke up.  Same.  I thought humm that's odd.  Through out the day I cursed China thinking I would have to return this little machinie gadget.  I got home this afternoon and picked it up from my nightstand and brought it and its box out to my desk to wrap it up for return.  There is more light out here .  That is when I noticed the clear sticker on the front of it.....and also the words PEEL HERE!
I am not a stupid person.  Contrary to what you might be thinking right now.  How could I miss that?  I did.  I usually blame that on print being black for instance car radios, TV controls on the TV, computer menu on the computer that is black, as is the TV and the car radio.  But this is creme colored, not black.  And my eyesight is fine with my specs that is.  Of course I feel like a idiot.  Jeez.
So I gently peeled the sticker off and sat quietly while it did its Chinese work on me.  The screen said, "Shitski I forgot, be right back."   137 over 75....that is because the dog was scratching my leg like crazy to pick her up.  I couldn't even say, "Stop it, I am not supposed to move."  That still isn't very high like it was at the country doc's.  Thingy cost me $45.00.  The better one Orion I think was $75. I did notice my little ReliOn was made by the same $75.00 company.  O 'well....  it is what it is.
Maybe I'll Etsy it, or rent it out when I'm finished.  Duh.  Hey, Be Well, Be Safe, Be Happy, and get Rich because its more fun.  You can buy American more often too.  

Moon Over Nantucket.............by Diane Ogden

Okay so that is not a moon and I am not in Nantucket.  (It was interesting how the purple spheres glowed all around the "Lightpole Moon." I should have cropped my lightpole moon. Sorry. I am the lady from Nantucket who always says "______  __!"   No I don't....I was just remembering that song I heard decades ago that went like,
"There was a girl from Nantucket.  No that's not it at all.....  this is it:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nan-tucket


But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
The man and the girl with the bucket;
And he said to the man,
He was welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket

Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
Where he still held the cash as an asset,
But Nan and the man
Stole the money and ran,
And as for the bucket, Manhasset

Of this story we hear from Nantucket,
About the mysterious loss of a bucket,
We are sorry for Nan,
As well as the man—
The cash and the bucket, Paw-tucket

Wisconsin Lottery (for squirrels)...........by Diane Ogden

Of course I wont leave the plastic bag on the Squirrel Lotto. I know they could choke to death on it. Lil yard rats anyway .... so one of my clients calls them. I would have never thought of that and since she has said it I cant forget it. Okay back to my point. It is wind chill of 25 degrees below zero here in Wisco this week. And the last snowstorm produced 18 inches. That being said I noticed my beautiful pewter nut dish sitting on the table still almost full of walnuts and those other ones I forget. I was not going to eat any more of them and I couldn't bear to throw good nuts away. I stood in the kitchen staring at them. Then I thought.....can squirrels break these nuts? Wait, how do they break nuts open? They can break acorns so they should be able to do these jobbers. Or maybe I should pack a little hammer for 'em considering I am going to this length anyway. So I get to my first client and pull out my plastic bag of nuts. She says don't leave that in my yard! They will all stay waiting to be fed more.  So I packed up my bag of nuts and took it to the next clients. (That is where I took the photo) but there weren't any trees so I packed up my nuts and they are back home with me again. These nuts are driving me nuts. What do I care about a few yard rats, I mean fluffy little cold hungry critters who may not be able to crack those big ones anyway.... 
I'll try again tomorrow. 
So until I find something funny or more interesting, Be Safe, Be Well, Be Happy, and just for shits and giggles Get Rich for a million reasons. 
P.S.  My movie didn't work last night because I rented a BLU RAY!  I didn't know it was a BLU RAY!! I took the movie back and they gave me the right one for my equipment.  The End. 

Techno Breakdown...................by Diane Ogden

So that is not me in the photo. Her boobs are perky and she has a waist. Just kidding so do I. 
      My photo would have be me and more wires, three TV's, one DVD player, one PC, and one LapTop. Me trying to find an extension cord to plug in the DVD player. Me holding the 32 inch HD not as clear as it should be TV extended out over the mantel balancing it with one arm while searching for the red white and yellow inputs that were upside down under a ledge on back of said TV.   None of which would play the movie "Hope Springs" that I rented today. I don't rent movies as I have NETFLIX but Netflix doesn't offer the movie Hope Springs. Last weekend I joined CinemaNow put out by Best Buy so I could watch Hope Springs on my PC. I even paid $3.99 and he movie wouldn't play. Same story diff day! I called my son in L.A. to help me hook up the DVD player which I did. I have never needed one because I have a tablet and the two computers I can watch movies on. So it was input red to input red and white and yellow blah blah. I messed around for three hours trying to get that movie to play somewhere. On my PC it just clicked. On the laptop same thing. The lil blue circle just kept circling and circling even after the movie was taken out. Scary as it was gone. When I put it in the DVD player that was actually hooked up a message came on saying it was unable to play that video. I finally called Family Video and he told me sometimes they get a defective video. YA THINK DINK! Three hours later tator! Breakdown clown! Clever Trevor! Freako Fred!  Okay...settle down.  I'm good.....   So until I have another breakdown or find something funny....Be Safe, Be Well, Be Happy, and get rick, (there I go again calling in Rick)  Get Rich so you can buy an APPLE and have the Geeks come and set the whole mess up for you.  Seriously. 

Feline Hairballs.................by Diane Ogden

.  Lucy has hairballs!  Big Bad hairballs and she peucks a lot.  She has a licking disorder called ANXIETY.  She is also a feral who wont let me give her the tuna tasting laxatone so I have to buy special hairball food.  And this is the hairball cocktail I mix every few months. Take the Royal Canin and the Newman's Own.  Those two alone cost me $42.50.  The IAMS, PURINA ONE, and whatever the other one is......I cant remember, but I bet they add up to the same or more.  And my kitty still cries when she poos....because there is so much hair trying to come out.  More hair than Poo the vet says upon  dissection.  I do my best to help her and love her through this life.  If she gets real sick she lets me take her to the Vet.  I Love Lucy!

Until I find some interesting news or happy news Be Safe, Be Well, Be Happy, and Get Rick, I mean Rich, (but if you know a Rick you can send him on over) so you can take your Lucy to the clinic and pay for the anesthesia and detailed testing to make sure she is okay.  That'd be about a Grand or so.

She seems healthy except her eyesight and poo-ing issues.  I will take good care of her. 

 

Trigger Finger.....................by Diane Ogden

I am not a person anyone needs to worry about having a happy trigger finger. With all the gun control discussions going on and for good reason, me, I have an unhappy trigger finger. Not a finger that is itching to shoot off any automatic weapon which I don't understand why anyone would need to have unless they were in the middle of warfare with an enemy country anyway. Or walking around Alaska waiting for a Grizzly attack. No mine is a pissed off tendon in my middle finger. Someone asked me if I had "shot" too many "birds" at other folks. Nah, I don't do that too often. You can get a $50 fine for doing that in traffic and that's the only place I would even consider doing that.  I am ashamed to say.

Well not that ashamed, but a lil ashamed. So what's my point? IDK. My finger hurts like the dickens whatever that means. I do wonder who dickens was and how he got hurt to have his name used for centuries linked to trouble. I am using a brace so middle finger doesn't lock either straight up bird style, or bent so as to make me freak out. OMG can you imagine my middle finger stuck straight up giving everyone in sight everywhere I go the BIG BIRD??  I  am holding it in a glass of ice water which isn't helping. Shit I don't want a needle of cortisone into the palm of my hand. I barely take an aspirin ever. But since I can barely comb my hair, ( omg you should see it eeeww) or wipe my blank.... I better find an answer soon. Isn't this fun talk? Automatic weapons to ass wiping issues. Now I am embarrassed and I have the urge to flip the bird at something. My dog? Nah... poor baby didn't do anything. Maybe the Christmas tree? Nah...And yes the tree is still up because I had to cancel Christmas due to the stupid flu. 

I don't own that Annie Oakley pistol set so no worries I might go downstairs and shoot up the trash room. No worries amyway as hand has no strength to even pick up the darn gun. A set of dishes would be nice. Break one at a time but then again that is all negative and a tad violent. I am not violent. Just mad at my finger right now.

I will be fine one way or the other.  I am afraid it might be the other.  So until I find something more pleasing to discuss....Be Well, Be Happy as the above photo states, Be Safe, (I haven't felt safe in public lately, more than a few times since the latest shooting of the lil ones) and get rich so you can take time off to rest and abate the finger surgery deal.  

My Masks...............................by Diane Ogden

 

What if you could wear a mask, leave your home, and no one would recognize you no matter where you went?  Who would you be?  Would you be the you that you are everyday?  Or, would the mask hide the person life has molded you into?  Obviously I didn't have a very cool mask to use for my little story.  This mask belongs to my Grandchildren.  I dug it out of the play box just for this!  I look cross eyed and yes I am all hunched up with Grannie and Grandad looking on behind me.  But seriously.  Take me for instance.  (Oh God here we go Rose!)  I could stand to have an extra dose  or two of confidence.  I wont blame my mother or anyone that ever bullied me. (The hell I wont!) I wont blame all the self hypnosis tapes and self help books I have read and listened to that didn't work.  (The hell I wont, I paid good money for them)  I wont blame God or my brother or old Uncle Albert. (Ohhh nooo, not this time no blame)  They, the writers, the people who say they know it all, and OPRAH all say I must own it. It being whatever I have done forever. Even if I didn't know I did it....dang I own it!  

I own whatever mess I have made. And I am supposed to find my authentic self.  Is that the one from the womb or the books and tapes?  IDK.  But if I could put on a real mask where no one new it was me......who would I really be.  Would I be happier, would I be sadder, (sounds like that old Peggy Lee song, "Is That All There Is My Friend!")  I personally think I would be different.  That is why actors do so well.  They are not being themselves.  I would be a bit crazy acting I think.  Laugh more.  Do stand up then if I wasn't any good no one would know it was me that wasn't any good.  And oh my of course that has nothing to do with anyone every telling me that all the time growing up ......OPRAH! The way I see it, some can overcome and go the distance like in Field of Dreams....and some have a lil extra difficulty doing that.  Me..... I'm good.  Just need to get out more.  I love an audience and I am my own audience too much of the time.   I don't need a mask.  Do you?  I think dying might be a bit like wearing a mask.  Then you get to be your authentic self except no one will know it.  Or see it.  Don't need a mask then Fred......toooooo late mate! Be well, Be Happy, Be Safe, and get rich and buy a fancy mask and go about one day being the rest of the person hiding inside you.  Or not... 

 

IS THAT ALL THERE IS MY FRIEND 

I remember when I was a very little girl, our house caught on fire.
I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he gathered me up
in his arms and raced through the burning building out to the pavement.
I stood there shivering in my pajamas and watched the whole world go up in flames.
And when it was all over I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a fire?"

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

And when I was 12 years old, my father took me to the circus, the greatest show on earth.
There were clowns and elephants and dancing bears
And a beautiful lady in pink tights flew high above our heads.
And as I sat there watching the marvelous spectacle
I had the feeling that something was missing.
I don't know what, but when it was over,
I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a circus?"

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is

Then I fell in love, with the most wonderful boy in the world.
We would take long walks by the river or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes.
We were so very much in love.
Then one day, he went away. And I thought I'd die -- but I didn't.
And when I didn't I said to myself, "Is that all there is to love?"

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing

I know what you must be saying to yourselves.
If that's the way she feels about it why doesn't she just end it all?
Oh, no. Not me. I'm in no hurry for that final disappointment.
For I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you,
when that final moment comes and I'm breathing my lst breath, I'll be saying to myself,

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is