Norweigan Leaning Tower of Slat Racks?.....by Diane Ogden

 

O -  M -  G  !

This is quite the site, isn't it? I have experienced this site several times in Madison, Wisconsin. And every time I experience it, my mind automatically suggests danger. Ya think? A slight wind, a slight miscalculation of the steering system, a sneeze, or God forbid another vehicle touches this Eiffel Tower on the roadway...I could be toast along with others. And would you take a look at the face in that side mirror? I am SORRY to say I expected it to be a South of the border face, you know, down Mexico way? (No offense of course) But indeed no. This was a true blue dumb donkey (butt) Wisconsinite. Even  an Okie I could have accepted this behavior from. Okie's don't be offended, it's merely from the jokes I have heard all my life and of course all the cars I have seen duct taped together in those parts, and of course my friend who pushes their old XR-7 in and out of the sun for the six large ferns they they store on its top! Now you get it? This guy must be Norwegian. They push their houses to start their furnaces. OK so that was a bad joke. My Dad told me that one years ago.
There must be money in carting around these slats stacked to the max. Doesn't it remind you of the people, (no not just the Chinese people), on bikes with mega huge bags of cans to return? Same story, different cargo. And as far as I could see there are only TWO straps on the sides holding this contraption together. The only word I could think of while sitting BEHIND it was....irresponsible...then I thought of myself and the effect of all that wood on my hood. Is that legal? It can't be! I'm not dissin the guy for trying to make a living but come on....this is an act only a squirrel crossing an electrical wire over a main highway would know about. Both are equally dumb, or maybe equally smart, depending on how one looks at it.
Let me just say until tomorrow......stay safe!    And get rich like me so you can give that man standing at the stoplight holding the cardboard saying he is down and out and would you / I help!  I get so anxious when that happens.  As it did an hour ago on my way home!   

DuctTape..................by Diane Ogden

 

You know your a Redneck when you buy a new car and "forget" to put insurance on it! (DUMB)Or your a drug dealer and dont need insurance?? I bet the bank would love this one....but then their just thieves like the insurance companies anyway... And we are working hard to save their sorry donkey's, (butts) so this guy can buy duck tape while they get millions in free bonus money. Cynical? Me? No way, I just think they should invent colored duct tape... starting out with RED!

And they have... But when I wrote this blog post years plus back -  they had not invented red duct tape. I figure I have about 900 posts of which most people do not go back and read so I pulled this one out of the archives because I thought it was really funny.  That duct tape is dang amazing!  I hear it even kills wort's. Stick duck tape on your wort and it removes it.  Takes a month or so but it works.  Wonder what wonder chemical makes said happen.  And if the wort is anywhere personal please do not duct tape yourself in those areas.  Wouldn't be good.  (In case a Red-Neck is reading this)
So til tomorrow, be safe, be well, and stay healthy, and get rich so you can pay your car insurance and or buy hundreds of rolls of red duct tape in case you need it. 
Laters.....

"Joby," ..............................A Short Story by Diane Ogden

 

It all started out as one of those adventure junket trips to an island far away for a weekend of something different and exciting. Sort of like the people that check in to the "game" Murder Hotel. Where you have to guess who the murderer is yet it seems so real... everyone dresses in character. This was very similar but on an island off South Viet Nam. We flew in and were escorted to our quarters that were less than I imagined. Lockers with our individual fatigues (interesting name for army outfits huh?) and helmets all put together with explicit detail. In fact one of the guests pulled out an extra helmet and for some reason he looked inside of it where he noticed something odd. He scratched off some crud covering a small area and as he did a name began appearing.....John Jungbluth Holt. What the hell? What? This is too weird! That was my Great Grandfather's name. He passed in World War II. This is supposed to be a fun and exciting little weekend trip including a war game. But come on, this sort of research done by people who merely set it up and gain a small amount of money isn't adding up. Our friend put the ghost helmet on and buckled it. Nothing was making sense and there was no turning back so he pressed on with us. We were given a vehicle several years old to do with what we purposed. Truly there weren't too many viable roads for its use. Danny, a part of our little junket trip, and our friend decided to take on the driving position. Me, I wanted to hit the depth of this adventure and go for the hills.The three of us did just that, with total naitivity in head and hand.
Maybe we forgot to read the fine print because we therefore entered the "fighting zone." Real and frightening, guns and terror. Ditches and dirty holes to protect ourselves in...and we did for an entire day and a half. Believe me we "knew" we had gotten into something way over our heads. Maybe the owners of this junket had stolen our identities and now were having us killed in this mock set up of a war zone. And we walked right into it. Oh God no one will ever find us.
The shooting had stopped long enough for us to feel safe to move on. To where? Survival had stepped in now and we just moved forward. Only to pass through a long terrifying cave and come out the other side to the old vehicle setting there in the middle of a field. Danny ran like a scared rabbit all the way to the car. I am screaming for him to stop as it might be wired to blow. He was out of control, ears and brain shut down...as was our other friends. Both youthful, and still long legged boys turned into men, (not quite.) Danny caught himself just as he reached for the handle...he backed up and grabbed a rock, threw it at the car several times. Nothing happened. He looked back at us as if to say, this is it no matter what. He reached for the door handle, opened it and got in. We ran quickly to our new found metal box. We drove across potholes and poor dirt paths when we came to what appeared to be a refugee camp. Tall fences, gates, one large building, and several tents. No guards. We drove into this complex as if we owned it. Definitely a change of attitude from our past couple days. Not to say there was no fear riding with us because there was. We reluctantly got out and left our metal refuge to enter one more possible refuge, or was it? Inside this building were many rooms of interest. A city inside a city. Very few people wandered about. Some seemed quite normal as if walking from home to school, or home to work... one women was babbling incoherently as she walked with two children. If she was part of "the game" she was a bad actor. She was saying "ga ga goo goo" and then say a couple rational words. I looked over at another woman who seemed quite normal to get some sort of reassurance, but when she caught my glance she exit-ed to what seemed no where. Were they secret passages, holes in the floor or what? We actually decided to leave because it was a to no where building. We ended up in a field, Danny sitting quietly in the car. I had discovered his ability to play this game we paid for wasn't his best quality in life. And I understood because "The Game" seemed out of touch with reality. But then wasn't it supposed to be? I suppose, but the danger we sensed did not appear to be in our imagination, rather real and intense. Suddenly I see a small figure of a human and I follow it. It is a child. A small boy child. He is dirty and sad and lost and dear God what sort of game is this? I pick him up into my arms and cradle him gently so as not to frighten him. Where is he from? Who would leave him out here alone? This is no game! I find I have wandered too far off from the guys... I carry "Joby," the name I called him, a long distance when I come to a ridge. The ridge is made of cardboard boxes and I have to climb it to get back to the car which I see in the distance. I must have gone the opposite direction in my adrenalin state after finding Joby, but at least it brought me full circle and almost back to the metal refuge. I sat Joby down and told him to stay I would be right back. I needed some help to get both of us through the maze of boxes. I ran to the car while continually looking back to make sure Joby was there. I screamed for Danny....I told him about Joby as quickly as I could. I said, "I want to take him home Danny." Danny sank in the seat as he turned his baseball cap to the side which told me he was still that long legged boy and not a man. I turned from him in my usual independent manner and sought after Joby on my own. When I reached the ridge Joby was gone. Once again a "man" had influenced me and I lost. I decided right then and there no man would ever again hurt my children or I. I was going to find little Joby and give him a home and love God willing I get out of this so called game and God willing Joby is real. There he is! He walking all alone in the field just beyond the ridge. I cried out for him, "Joby, wait, wait baby, Mama's coming."
Somehow I just knew he had no family. One of those Motherly instincts that kick in somewhere on an island off South Viet Nam. God if you get us out of this so called game I will never do this again...deal?" I scooped that little guy up and ran back to the ridge through weeds and bugs and dirt. We looked a mess and bloody at that. I climbed that cardboard barrier with all the force of a Mother saving her child from the rapids. Each step I took we fell back two or three. But again the adrenalin heaped onto me and from me gave nothing a chance for failure.
Then the fight was over. There was the metal refuge with the two scared little men sitting in it waiting for Ms. Warrior to appear. Surely they had no idea what had just transpired....no one did or so I thought. I placed Joby in the back seat center and then I climbed in myself. I told Danny to find us a way out of here now! He started to drive when a voice came over our radio and filled the car. It said, "Game is over, time up, you won the prize. Follow the road you are on 1.3 miles and then take the brown boulder cave to the exit ramps. Be careful as you cross the suspended bridge as it sways with the winds. Leave the car at the exit ramp. See you on the other side."
Now was that another frightening experience to experience? Or was it real? We had no choice, we followed the instructions. The suspension bridge was no picnic but we made it. I carried Joby all the way clutching him securely. He seemed like another part of me, attached at the heart we were. God forbid what was coming next? They would take him away wouldn't they? He was part of the game. Damn......
We arrived at the gates to a crowd of cheering people. What was this? Talk about Naive...I took the first prize for it that day. We found out "The Game" was all about Joby, a three year old boy who needed a home in America. The Game was about who would fight for this little man....and I won. I was crying at first out of fear and pain knowing deep down I couldn't take Joby home, he was part of "The Game." Then I was crying because I found out I could take him home. He was The First Prize and what a prize he is to this day. By the way, the name on the helmet? We were all researched by an adoption team from Europe so this game would seem more than real and even confusing. To see how we would operate under great pressure and even under what we presumed as dangerous conditions. I won....Determination and tenacity have always gotten me through this life, and now it gave me a new life. Joby.
 

photo compliment of carf at www.flickr.com

I Met a Guy in "59........by Diane Ogden

Monday, October 22, 2007

I met a guy in '59,
He never handed me a line.
We've been friends for some 30 years,
Through thick and thin and many tears.
He had a marriage and several affairs,
And now is left with not many cares.
I went off and married twice,
Had five children who are very nice.
I had one child out of wedlock,
My life regressed to something like bedrock.
I didn't call him so he wouldn't know,
Or think of me for the seeds I did sow.
But I should have known better of my friend,
That his heart would be open and free to lend,
A shoulder, a word, a Moon to share.
But after it all, I wonder if I dare.
The wall I've built is thick and strong,
Even though I realize that's very wrong.
I'll open my heart to my dear dear friend,
But...give me more time for the wall to bend.
For my friend you are the best I've seen,
I wish I could have you and share a dream.
But I think I'll just sit and take some time,
To share with you some of my rhyme.
You've shared with me your deepest thoughts,
Something so special can never be bought.
So whether a friend, a love, or a heart to share,
Until and from, this day forth I will always care.
I wish I could remember your name.

Posted by "The Happy News Lady" at 7:16 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Labels: a moon to share.....
photo from www.flickr.com photos-by-sherm

The Rescue CR-V!.................by Diane Ogden

Yesterday I turned the "roots" of my hair orange-ish. So today I was on the other side of town in a salon sitting in a repair chair. 

Then onto Culvers for a fast food Chicken Cashew Salad with FRENCH not Ranch dressing.  Do recall they like to give me the wrong dressing whalla I am lactose intolerant and get home with no dressing.  I have learned not to drive away without checking.  People from Mexico do not always catch the diff between F and R.  No offense.  Then home to relax.

Later today I was checking my emails and found one from Wilde Honda. There was an SUV listed that was exactly what I have been looking for.   So I emailed them.  Crimany my phone rang within two minutes.  Now that's a true car salesman, except you haven't heard anything yet.  He talks me into driving clear BACK to his dealership on the East Side of the City where I was sitting in the repair chair this morning.  That is from far West Side of Madison to Far Far East Side.  Not only that but they close at 5:00 and it was almost 4:00.  I told him I have a business and everything is still in my car from last week.  He said that was okay, he would help me move it all to the new vehicle.  I said, but .......and then I figured as long as the car is that full I might as well take the dog to.  And so I did.  We made it at 4:40, walked in the front doors and realized I didn't get the salesman's name.  It was at home on my computer, or was it?  So the reception girls tracked me on the Wilde Honda Computer system and found Jerry the salesman.  Jerry is an Asian fellow who combs his, might I add every black strand completely up in the air.  You know, toward the ceiling.  He must have cement on it to keep it shootin in the air like that.  And it isn't that short!  Picture that 8 x 10 glossy!

So I gave him my drivers license and we test drove it with the dog.  Its a nice little SUV.  I noticed the rear view mirrors reminded me of those squibbly ones at the fair.  CHEAP. Made me dizzy.  And then I noticed every little bump felt like I was in a jeep.  I am used to the Buick.  Jerry told me the Buick is a luxury car and that is why.  Humm.  Then what am I doing here.  We drove to Office Depot and dropped his wife off some $ so she could buy some gummy worms.  Seriously!  She had a craving for them and had to work late.  Oh- Kay.

Then comes the numbers crunching.  Which I wont even go into because it was a joke.  Car salesman turn into comedians at this point.

The interesting part of the entire experience is this.  I asked for the car fax vehicle history report. 
I suspect I was drawn to this particular vehicle is because it is in my opinion "a rescue vehicle!"  Just like me to find a rescue anything.  From plants to animals to children, don't forget husbands, and now a vehicle.

It started out in Christiansburg, VA.  Then traded in at Bristol, TN. Then to the tri-cities of Johnson City, TN, onto Cookeville, TN. Then to Another dealer in Johnson City, TN.  To Monterey, TN, Onto Marian, IN purchased there by second owner....Sold one year later and in Irving, TX.  Then in 2013 sold at Auction in Chicago, IL.  Bought by Wilde Honda across town from ME! (only two owners, the rest dealers)   Now I figure that car has the wanderin' spirit on it!  I am sooo not a wandering person, maybe I need a little traveling bug? Not a VW but a bug under my donkey (ass) to move me a bit more.  I work and go home. I need a bug.
Yet I am rather apprehensive of anything that appears to need rescuing.  Even a vehicle.  So I put the dog back in the Buick and drove it home all the while noticing what nice clear side mirrors I have even though not heated....and how I didn't feel every crack in the road and there are many of those in my city.  They must need cash flow because the streets are bad in Madison. 

I was asked to let them know if I wish to apply for "it" Monday morning.  I wonder if I will know if I want it by Monday morning.  Probably not.   I have a million dollars so why settle. 
Be safe, be happy, be well, buy a nice vehicle, and get rich like me .....no worries.  Laters

Snow Angel.................by Diane Ogden

As long as it is still snowing here in Wisconsin, I decided to post one of my funny posts from 2010.

I was searching the web for a fairy bell (harmony ball) necklace...no not fairy balls! O' dear...look what I found.  Apparently the story is that his wife dressed him up like this, posted it and labeled it Snow Angel.

I think a bunch of our fellows should make the world a nice Snow Angel Calendar like the one the "older" ladies made in their birthday suits.   That was actually quite a lovely piece of work that created a lot of money for charity.  I thought that calendar was done in excellent taste. But then I also think the wife who dressed up her husband as the snow fairy was also done in good taste.  Just a little donkey (butt) action which is quite acceptable. 

polarbearstale.blogspot.com/2010_01_01_archiv                   Laters....

January in April in Wisconsin AGAIN!.............by Diane Ogden

 

Snow is only good for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and maybe a few snowplow service's. Oh and for skiers, and snowmobilers, and men who just got their new boy toy blowers, and tire stores, and overtime for city salt truckers, and sledders, and retired folks who do not have to drive or walk in it, and oh yes its good for Frosty the Snowman/women. Then there are the other people that too much snow might just cause issues for....ME! And my dog! She screams when she has been standing in snow for over 60 seconds, yet she wont poddie until she smells the podie of the other twenty dogs in the building. Too late, her feet hurt and she tears out back to the building screaming all the way and without poddie-ing. Back to the poddie pads.

This unreasonable snow in April is a pain in the "donkey". It belongs in the high mountains where people can go visit it vs it visiting us univited! I need to Google where the birds go in these overboard snowstorms and ice storms...... It is even cold in the house. Running the useless gas fireplace with no blower, a heater in the bathroom, a heater under my computer desk, and regular heat and it's still cold in here.... My two sons live in Los Angles! Need I say more. I wonder how much a UHaul cost these days. This MaMa is thinkin' hard if her "Lovely Lemon" could make it to Cali!

So until next time, be happy, be safe, be well, and get rich for sure.  And be thankful you live here and not N. Korea or the like.    Amen