Grumpy Butt Day in Madison, Wisconsin..........by Diane Ogden

I woke up at 8:05 with the same thought I went to bed with.  "Have to get to the car was with the Buick so I can sell "her."  She has no plates on her!  My daughter was here and I decided I hadn't done anything illegal for about 30-40+ years and this was the day for it.  We couldn't get the plates off the new Honda CRV to put on the old Buick to "giter" to the car wash so once more I made an "adult" decision to go anyway.  I put an old license plate from 2001 in the back window like the OKIES and the Rednecks do off we went down the road.  No duck tape though.  Got to the car wash and asked if they would vacuum out the trunk.  They said, "Yes maam that will be $2.50 more."
Good Lord I agreed.  No one smiled.  That might just be because I asked the lil Mexcian man with the vacuum hose in his hand if he could speak English.  I was so embarr -ASS-ed of myself.  Of course he said yes.  I should have known better.  It just came out of my mouth like stupid on rye. 

After such a social embarrassing moment we head on inside the Car Wash where they have two parrots who have lived there for as long as I can recall.  Probably at least twenty years. Seewee."  They came right down and twisted and turned their heads talking and clicking their beaks at her.  I went to the counter to communicate money with the young girl who must have gone out last night as she was sour grapes.  My Dad would have said, "Look at the puss on that face?"  Meaning she "aint" a happy girl person.  No matter what I said and all with a giant smile because I was happy I made the four mile trip and wasn't in jail for driving a vehicle without proper plates.  In fact with an old, I mean old used one (plate) sitting in the window.  At one point on the way a police cruiser pulled in behind me and I was quite sure it was all over but the booking.Turned out to be a security car, no po-po!  I know I would have only gotten a ticket that would have cost me more than the $75 plates needed to drive it until it is sold.  O well, we made it.  And on the way out, SeeWee's both said, "BYE" to us over and over. They were the only happy people we ran into at that car wash.  Even the customers were grumpbutts.  Must have been some bad energy floating around there.   Now all I have to do in go back out and get some FORSALE signs which I forgot!  Going on Craig's List today!!  OMG I have attachment issues.  Later on that. 

(My daughter has the ability to communicate with animals more so than most of us.....and so she did with said Parrots both named "SeeWee!")
So be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich so you can give your old cars away and not have to sell them.  Laters

 

"Folies Bergere" and the Parrot.................. by Diane Ogden

Two days ago I decided to purchase something I have wanted for years.  Why now?  Before the new used car payment becomes a part of my budget.  I bought a large beautiful colorful Parrot that sits in a ring.  This will go on my front porch this year.  He is so inviting. 

My next fun purchase is going to be a whimsical Boudoir Stool.  I have actually been looking for a larger table similar to this with long legs and high heels to no avail.  So for now this one shall be it for me. 

Probably not very exciting to anyone but me.  Yup I am very happy with my Parrot and my Folies Bergere Bouroir Stool...and my new used SUV. 

Laters.....

 

 

If I Should Die, Before I Wake......(Please let my bathroom be clean) by Diane Ogden

 

So what does my Bathroom have to do with Cemetery Lane? I will tell you. We are supposed to live each day as though it is our last, correct? Not too hard! I worked a long day today, came home a tad tired, walked the dog Gracie Allen, grabbed a bite of food, meandered into my bathroom for a shower, and noticed it was nasty in there. It is the bathroom off my bedroom, not the guest bathroom of course. Make up strewn about the counter, toothbrush lying out in the open, hot curlers with a basket of hot curler clips, and of course a blow dryer,  hair spray, a sink with spots of toothpaste, eeewww.....the mirror has specs of "do dah days" all over it. I was sure I would stick to the hairspray on the floor should I step out of the shower with wet feet. Dust on the towel holder....Along with yesterday's work clothes still aside the shower from yesterday. Lordie sakes alive! Should I die before I wake and anyone sees that mess I shall just die again. I pray the Lord my soul to take and get someone in here to clean it up before my family sees it. Who me? What a legacy that would be to leave in their last memory of me. S H U T - U P! But then there are a couple of kitchen drawers to die for also.  And we cant wash our underwear every day just in case we croak or a bus runs over us, can we? But we can be somewhat tidy in our homes and cars and minds just in case we bite the dust or ashes. Who thinks of all this stuff? Me, I do...the obsessive compulsive neurotic. I am not either, My Mother is.
So until we meet again, tomorrow or wherever......be safe, be happy, be well, and get rich so you can hire someone to clean your bathroom in case you croak and your family see's your dirty unders and such.    Laters

Have you ever been blindsided?

Today I was picking up something in the sun room to take it to my Granddaughters who were in my bedroom. It has been a busy weekend meaning I have been going pretty fast at everything I have done so to complete the list of to do's.  That being said, I grabbed what I was after, turned around to walk back to the bedroom where Karli and Kennede were playing and something out of NOWHERE hit me really hard on the top left side of my head. Like a fist, to the place of confusing me.  I immediately stopping and looked all around and there was NOTHING.  NOTHING I TELL YOU!   I kept looking up and down and right and left. Nothing.  And I was hit hard!!  I immediately thought it was from the spirit world as I have heard of such things.  In fact it has happened to me in my sleep where something slaps my on my back or shoulder hard enough to woke me up. Dream or reality, it has happened more than once to me.  Some one obviously wants attention from another world.  Anyway!  The tears started to roll down my face as I became frightened.  This was no Angel of peace, this was a demon that smacked me hard.  Hard enough to give me a headache and I cant see a thing that could have caused it.  I even thought it might be my passed on Dad thumping me for something I said to my mentor about him. That was a mere momentary thought I assure you.

Then it hit me again....in my brain.  I had turned so quickly and as I turned LuLu, my daughters live in resident cat MAY HAVE LEAPED off the top of the antique wardrobe which is over seven foot tall and zeroed in on the top side of my head like a missile with all her 10 pounds to the place I had a headache as I said, and was confused also.  I noticed her over by the bar on the floor  now that I can think back. But that was fifteen feet from me and the fact it might have been her didn't dawn on me until five minutes after the missile hit (attack).  We had a major collision as she was in mid air. 

I would say weird....  She seems to be OK, nothing broken so far.  But then I haven't seem much of her since.  She may never sleep up there again.  And I may check on her whereabouts before I walk past there again.  I would say that was one in a million chance to happen. If in fact it did. And I thought it was satan's army whacking me out.   That is one fast cat ...... I must have been so shocked when it happened that I never saw or heard that cat jump.  And if she did hit me I never heard her meow, or scream, or hit the floor or run or anything. You know, now that I think about it.  Maybe she did it on purpose.  She is pretty ticked off at me for bringing that new cat Bob Ogden into this home.  And come to think of it, I never did she her actually jump or run off from me. So maybe it was Satan or ???  All I know is that is one of the strangest things that has every happened to me in my life. 

 

Sooo....until I experience another unexplainable thump on the head that felt like a real fist, or I find something funny or happy..... be well, be safe, be happy, and watch out for flying cats or satan's crowd.  Oh and get rich like me.

Laters

 

So I was to pick up my new used SUV this evening. Used Car Manager calls me and tells me he gets off at two and that my SUV will be delivered to them from the body shop (they repaired a keyed scratch) at five. I can come anytime after that. All I could think was omg the traffic from far west side to far east side at that time would be nutz. So I waited until 6:30. Gracie Allen, my 6 lb. dog and I drove cross town to said dealership. Got there and no one knew where my new used SUV was. I even walked the lot myself searching for my new used SUV. Nadda.

Everyone was looking for her (the new used SUV). Then the night manager called the day manager who showed up REAL FAST for mama mia... He searched for my new used SUV with no luck. Then he drove to the body shop down the road and drove back to tell me my new used SUV was behind locked gates and he was sure it would be delivered in the morning. I tell ya.....42 miles....well maybe 35 miles back and forth = 70 every time and I have two more times to go. Once to pick up my new used SUV no one could find.....and another to pic up my really used paid for BUICK with no plates. Okay....while the used car manager was out searching for my new used SUV I had to use the rest room. I had brought my lil dog Gracie along so off we went to the rest room. Why do they call it the rest room. I sure as heck am not in any sort of resting mode while squatting over a white porcelain or fiberglass pot! In fact while squatting, legs spread, pants grabbed so as not to have them catch the rain, all the while trying to bend down to find the one tissue link to grab and pull, all the while praying the one link doesn't tear and leave you to start all over.... I pulled, I got several links thank God. But I felt something wet on my right leg. I tucked my head down and looked between my legs to see turlet and noticed it to be off center between my legs. OMG I was not centered. I moved the body over a couple inches but noticed it might be too late. The poor maintenance man!! Who I have gotten to know from being at the dealership LATE so many times.

I only hope he didn't notice me going in there as he was next door at the men's rest room cleaning. Why is it called a rest room? No magazine racks that I noticed. And only low rise tissue holders. Should be electric ones like the hand towels. Motion detector toilet tissue. But then I suppose the floor would be totally decorated like a teens homecoming trees in their yards... "You been papered!"

Regardless, I finished......went to pick up my dog and put her right back down. I had peed miscentered, hit the edge of the seat which then sprayed all over my 6 lb. dog Gracie Allen. She didn't seem to mind, except she did sneeze a couple times.. I proceeded to PURELL my hands and my dogs back.....and then out we went to find out what solution to this situation was available...I know....I cant believe it either.

The manager knew the loaner 2013 Honda Civic he had given me two days ago while they repaired the long scratch on my now signed for new used SUV was hard for me to get in and out of. It is too low like a corvette and I am no youngen any more.... So he said he recalled me saying the Civic was hard to get in and out of so how about a new CRV.. OMG..... I said, "So isn't this going to ruin the feel of my new used Honda SUV? He laughed and said, "This one costs WAY MORE!. Gracie and I drove home on CLOUD NINETY NINE THOUSAND. I listened to XM comedy out of Canada and laughed all the way home. I don't want to go back and pick up my new used SUV Honda but I will and I will be happy... Poor dog! Always make sure you are centered when squatting in public REST ROOMS with no mag racks.  Those aren't rest rooms for craps sakes.  Oh that was a good line!!
So Be Happy, Be Safe, Be Well, and Get Rich so you can buy the brand new SUV with XM radio!!
Laters

The New Ride.............by Diane Ogden

The Happy News for today is I found a new ride. I will no longer have the oldest car in the garage.  Nor will I be the only one without a payment anymore. But I am happier. 
          

 Be Safe, Be Well, Be Happy, and get rich so you can find your new ride!    Laters

Buster............................by Diane Ogden

 

See, this is Buster! He has been sitting in my apt. for ten + years waiting for his best bud Chris (my son) to come get him. You see, Chris rec'd Buster as a Christmas gift when he was in High School. Okay move on 12 or so years later.    So finally Chris come home with a traveling partner Babbette. BUT...their car was overloaded with "stuff," so Buster had to stay.  I told Chris he needed to take Buster with them to Yellowstone. They had already traveled from L.A. to Sedona, to Texas, to Wisconsin, then New York, then back to Wisconsin, and now with Buster in tow, to Yellowstone. Personally I pushed for Buster! I felt Buster would give the many humans that viewed him a jolt for joy! Can you imagine seeing the amazing dog friend atop a car crossing country. Reminds me of the movie VACATION..when they put the dead Grandma on top the car (see below) and kept going. I laughed at that movie until I cried..and here we were again. BUT, no room for extra Buster/Grandma weight on the car.

 

Well shitski anyway. What a hoot this would a been huh? Buster trucking with the kids cross country, giving so many such joy! O well, Buster is now back in my spare bathroom sitting there alone again for God knows how many more years. I can't put Buster on top my car... I can't....wouldn't be the same!  Buster can wait, he's the best at waiting... he sat in Chris's room since the mid 90's...I better put a caretaker for him in my will for sure... I will!  Few years have passted and Buster now sits in my l.r.  I got bored last week and decided he needed some adornment.  Check out his new necklace!!  Ivory baby! Isn't he a proud boy. Or girl, actually not sure as he is not anatomically anything.  Humm, never really checked that in all these years.  The face just looked like a Buster.  In the wintertime I put him at my porch door.  Imagine any stranger that might try to 'break in" finding the face of Buster.  Works for me. 

So until next time, or until I find a funny, or some good news,  Be Happy, Be Safe, Be Well, and get rich cause its easier.. (I forgot to buy a lotto ticket, dang)  Laters