Chop. Chop. Chop.......................by Diane Ogden

Many of my friends as well as acquaintances believe I am a bit "anal" regarding my hair.  For instance, nearly every time I have gotten it cut the past few years I am beyond upset for two months.  Let me give you a couple examples:  (I don't believe I am anal. I believe beauticians are taught the latest style and have no real artist ability any longer!!)  They cut the sides long, the back short.  I have gotten modified mullets, dog ear cuts, the last one I looked like Moe from the three stooges.

This was the last CUT!!  I pulled the bottom back into a long ponytail.  I have natural wavy hair that obviously shouldn't be cut like that~  I couldn't do much with it for two months. 

Below is another fiasco.

Sooooo.   Today I cut it myself which I swore I would never do again.  I watched some tutorials on You Tube and set out for the bathroom and the sharpest pair of scissors in the house.  I blocked off all the proper sections but did have a hard time with the back!  I suspect it is not a precision cut.  Joke of the week.  Given my hair is very thick it wont show. (I hope)  At this time it is drying.  And if I have any complaints it will be on me this time.  And it didn't cost me $45.00.

That would be about four months growth!  No regrets......STOP! I said, No regrets! 

The Rose.......................by Diane Ogden

I enjoy the look of roses as well as the feel and smell of each one.  They remind me of antiques, pearls, lace, gentleness and peace of mind.  Riches. A calm and safe place.  Beauty of every color. Velvet.

One of my clients is an artist.  She  enjoys painting people, landscapes, and animals in her spare time.  One day I spotted one of her finished canvas's.  It was a pink rose and pink is my favorite color.  I asked her if I could buy it from her.  She wasn't sure, but added maybe later.  I assumed  she may have had an upcoming art show. 

A couple visits later I told her I would like to buy that for myself as a Birthday gift.  I always buy myself something nice for my birthday. After all it is MY birthday.

Yesterday came and it was time for my bi weekly visit to Fran Klos.  When it came time for her to pay me for my services I told her to make the check out for $100 less as it was time for me to buy her beautiful Pink Rose for my Birthday gift.  She responded with, "Absolutely not, you may have that for your Birthday!"  I was shocked.  I am still not sure what I said as I am used to being the one that gives so when receiving, especially at that level, I was at a loss for words.   I think I said the standard OMG.  How classlessly tacky huh?  I may have said gosh vs God.  I probably added something like, "Oh you don't have to do that."  Jeepers I wish I would have stuck with OMG.   I recall her saying, "I am pleased to give this to you Diane."    And so I appropriately said, "Thank You Fran, this makes me very happy."

And so I drove home with great anticipation of hanging the precious gift, "My Rose."

 

 

The Fullest Pampers Box in the World................by Diane Ogden

For some time now I have needed to send my son in California a few items.  With the UPS and or FED X and or Post Office Rates going up up lately I sort of put it off.  The last time at the Post Office I inquired how much a certain weight would be to ship to Cali.  They estimated ten pounds for $35.00.  Not bad... I had expected it to cost a lot more. 

I boxed the items up in a Pampers box and headed for the Post Office.  The nice Postal employee-man who I have gotten to know over the years gave me the total and then checked my taping to his satisfaction.  As he tallied up the  I mentioned to him what was in the small box.  He looked at me with utter disbelief.  That is when I told him my son had better get those items out of that box a.s.a.p. next Friday or they will never be the same again.  After he agreed we both laughed at the craziness of how I got all those items in that small box along with a jar of my son's favorite cookies.

One J.Crew Navy Pea Coat: Size LARGE

One Columbia Winter Coat lined, for his camping trips:  Size LARGE

Three Banana Republic Silk Cashmere Sweaters:  Black, Grey, Plum. Size LARGE

And two very nice button down shirts:  Pink and White for under the million dollar sweaters.  
One pickle jar of Gma Tillie's German Pfieffernut Cookies.

EIGHT ITEMS:  I rolled the two coats up and stood them upright leaving a small space in the center of the box. I put the cookies between the two shirts I placed between the two coats  in the empty space. I did have to push pretty hard.  The three sweaters lay flat on top of everything.    (The size of the box also kept the cost down.)

Not very interesting huh?  Yet fascinating indeed.  I can pack a UHaul just as good. Not that that is any major human feat.  Hey, some people cant do it. 

I can now mark that off my list of to-do's.  It will arrive next Friday and hopefully the items will regain their shape as well as my son will DRY CLEAN those amazingly expensive sweaters!!

Til next time:   Be Well, Be Safe, Be Happy, and get rich so you can ship the scrunched up coats and such OVERNIGHT!  Not really.  That would have cost more than the clothes all put together were worth! 

Coffee Jolts ......................by Diane Ogden

It's Friday. I was happy to get home after a long week.  Had some hidden thoughts about doing nothing for two days until I noticed the kitty litter needed some serious refreshing in terms of a trip to the Pet Store for more Dr. Elsey's litter, which is the best I have ever experienced.  Not that I have really experienced using it of course, rather the time it lasts for my two felines.

I then cleaned the kitchen for the weekend and noticed I needed to water my several plants.  That reminded me of the time someone told me to give my plants some coffee.  It will make them happy just like it does us.  I happened to have some real coffee left in the cupboard from last year so I made a full 12 oz. cup which I then poured  on one of my plants.  I walked back to the kitchen and made another 12 oz. cup and poured that on another plant.  Then another, and two trees, and finally a spider plant and a palm. 

Suddenly the apartment smelled like hot dirt.  The smell of Hot Dirt does not smell very good. 

It was then I remembered why I had that plastic tub of real coffee left in the cupboard.  I cant drink real coffee.  It makes me sort of crazy!  I then thought to myself, as I looked up into the sun room waiting for the trees and potted plants to start making noises or moving around like the wind was blowing when it really wasn't, that they might get weird and crazy somehow.  I mean that is what coffee does to me and my friend told me to give coffee to my plants because they would have the same reaction as I do.  Little did that friend know I could end up at the E.R.  after a cup of coffee.  Its called ANXIETY.   So far no plants have freaked out, wilted, or died.  In fact they look real real happy. 

Wonder what would happen if I tried to make them happy with a Margarita!   
Probably not 12 oz. though.  I cant even do that.   I do wonder if I overdosed them with the coffee thing.  My friend did say to pour my leftovers on the plants. She didn't mention making each one a pot. (or a large cup) 

Not to worry, I wont be pouring Margarita's on my trees, or giving them coffee again in the near future (unless they grow a foot this month).  I might try pickle juice though.  They say that is amazing in many ways.  What I wont be doing is putting anymore chemicals on them or me.  They are a living thing like myself and my animals.  So I am doing some testing on my living plants.  If they die I may not drink coffee anymore ever.  I will change to Green Tea for my Tree's.

So for now, Be Safe, Be Happy, Be Healthy, and get RICH, so can counter act the KOCK Brothers takeover of our country.  You know?  The old fogies who are fracking our earth, using Roundup on our crops trying to kill us so they can make billions!  Or maybe use your money to move to an island or Norway.  They say that is the best place to live and where you can live the longest.  I wonder why?
Maybe no RoundUp there!  I betcha. 

Nite!

Open House..........................by Diane Ogden

I have this really sweet High School friend, well she was not a High School friend, but since the invention of facebook we have re- connected and are now friends.  God that was not a necessary explanation or was it?

So my friend is having an open house for her live in Father's 90th Birthday. (Bless her care taking heart!)
Fact number two or three is she lives 1.5-2 hours north of where I live in a super nice log cabin home.  With food.
That being said, I have been planning on surprising her with a visit to her open house.  Even considered inviting another of our H.S. friends along for the ride. 
But then..... I googled how to get there without driving the INTERSTATE which causes me undo anxiety due to feelings of abandonment when I see too far ahead where the road "don't" end.   Yes I know the proper grammar is, doesn't end.  So I googled GPS to her home without Highways.  The time would be approximately two hours up, an hour sitting or standing around eating due to lack of knowing anyone, and two hours back. Not that I do not know how to mingle.  Also having to cross one long bridge over water which could ultimately kill me due to my total fear of dying in water.  I know I know....fear it and it will come.  So erase that please. 
I have decided it would be and is more enjoyable calling her on occasion from a grocery store parking lot with news of this and that.  We both laugh much during these phone calls.  No bridges over water, no guilt on her end for not having time to sit / babysit me and whoever I convinced to take the trek with me.  I will say if I were retired and more laid back I would go, relax, eat a bit, stay longer, and get back home before dark considering I was the 1% whose cataract surgery messed up.  I  cant see to drive at night and would drive off the bridge and die in my most feared way.  Erase that .....now.  
Am I kidding?  Maybe. 
Have an amazing open house my friend!!  I will be thinking of you and yours while I bake cookies.
Be Safe, Be Well, Be Happy and get rich so you can hire a driver who isn't afraid to cross bridges! (over water)

ANOTHER WORLD.................by Diane Ogden

It was late evening when I departed Missouri headed for even deeper southern parts of this country with its so called freedom of everything. Somehow lately that was becoming a trend of the past. Government seemed to be taking over in an undercover manner that reminded me of the MAFIA days in the sixties. Same deal, different year. No public gunshots and bloodshed at the bars of brotherly love in Chicago and New York. No this takeover of the masses was not as smooth as it was hidden behind congressional doors. I paid as little attention to it as I could considering my inability to stop it. I did wonder on occasion, should I store up some water jugs and cans of tuna just in case. In case of what? I was never sure of what. I heard tell of secret concentration camps for the poor and those who didn't agree with the new world and their antics. Conspiracy theorist? No I was never one of those. But hey, come on, I wasn't blind either. Most people with any sense knew change was on the horizon and it wasn't coming from the then black President. The country was being run by old fogies hiding in the underworld of what we used to call democracy.
I had not traveled even midway toward my destination when my car broke down. I was in a small town in Oklahoma. I had all my papers in order for the border crossing into Mexico as well as I had purchased a beautiful villa on the coast, from a friend. That friend had made his way to Australia. One of the few less ruled countries in the world. Nevertheless, there I was in little
"timbuck40" calling for a wrecker and feeling very alone on the side of the road in the middle of no where'sville. The wrecker arrived within a half hour. A pleasant surprise to see a tiny little woman climb down from the cab greeting me with the standard, "Howdie do." Why she looked to be the size of a twelve year old. I had to giggle to myself. After all the necessary vehicle security hook ups we climbed into the cab headed for Okmulgee. I know, it sounds like the name of an old army stew. Rather it means bubbling water. This from Wikipedia: Okmulgee, city, seat (1907) of Okmulgee county, east-central Oklahoma, U.S. It lies near the Deep Fork of the North Canadian River, south of Tulsa. Its name (meaning "bubbling water") comes from a Creek Indian town in Alabama. It was the capital of the Creek Nation from 1868 until Oklahoma achieved statehood in 1907. Settled by whites about 1889, Okmulgee boomed after the discovery of oil in 1904 and is now a commercial and industrial centre for oil and gas production and agriculture (pecans, cotton, corn [maize], cattle). The manufacture of oil-field equipment, electronic equipment, small aircraft, and glass is also important. Oklahoma State University at Okmulgee (1946) is one of the largest U.S. technical colleges. Okmulgee Lake Recreational Area is to the west. Inc. 1908. Pop. (2000) 13,022; (2010) 12,321.

On our ride back to the city the woman told me all about herself. She had seven children. She owned the local tire store with an attached vehicle repair center. Her husband had run off a few years back and instead of wallowing in the self pity of it all, she started her own business. She then listed to me one by one each of her children's ages and duties. She had some dandy stories to tell me during our forty minute trek back. It was hard to get a word in edgewise, even so, there was much laughter in the cab of that shiny yellow tow truck that day. Upon arrival at the repair shop she offered me a loaner vehicle, at a price of course.


It was wheat harvesting time in that area. I had taken a drive out and about the countryside while my car was being repaired. There really wasn't much to see in that part of the country. Not until I came to pass a field appearing to have been partially flooded. Flooded with something besides rainwater. It looked like milk. A huge field of mashed down wheat soaking in milk. Oddest thing I had ever seen. I slowed down to the point I was creeping along about ten mph. There was a curve in the road and as I rounded that bend there stood two white animals. They were actually two of the most beautiful creatures I had ever seen. I knew I shouldn't stop and get out but I had to. Some force other than anything I had ever known was pulling me toward those animals. The thick milky substance in the field, and he odd looking animals, should have been totally creeped me out and I should have driven away as fast as humanly possible, but I did not. As I walked toward them I again noticed something odd. Their eyes were shining like tiny stars. Was I dreaming? No. I reached out to the smaller one what appeared to be a cow. The other was a large dog. Both very similar in size. I know, weird right? Each time I touched one of the animals it felt like I was in another world. A peace came over me that I had never experienced on this earth. I began to feel frightened. I backed away and I drove on searching for more white covered fields and or animals but there were no more. That is when I saw a ranch house and pulled in the driveway. I was in need of sharing my findings. There were several vehicles parked around the house and outer buildings so I felt rather safe. I am not sure why because at that point I should have been calling the authorities. The next thought was why? What would I tell them? Maybe something like :

"Hi, my name is, and I just passed a wheat field soaking in milk and two very peace filled white animals with sparkling stars for eyes." Ya right. Call the padded wagon people for sure.

So what did I tell the people who lived in this ranch house? Same deal? I knocked at the front entrance. I stood there for what seemed too long when a man finally answered the door. I recited my name as though that would be all I would need to do and he would understand the entire story. Of course not. Funny what our minds do to us when we are nervous and wish to escape. I proceeded to ask him what the milky substance in the wheat field adjacent to his residence was. And I thought possibly he had misplaced a couple of animals. He looked at me strangely not saying a word. I pressed my lips thin and raised my eyebrows in an expression as to say, "Well?"

He answered with, "Maam, I don't know what you are talking about."

I carefully and slowly reiterated what I had seen in the fields regarding the white milk and the animals, at which time he hollered very loudly for his brother Chetley. Yes Chetley. Who names their kid Chetley? But then who tells a story like I just had told to Chetley's wiener brother! Yes that was either my humorous side regarding the wiener brother or fear. Maybe both as I am seeing something strange in the eyes of the brothers and it "ain't" stars. They are thinking there may be a crazy lady at their door, yet her story needed to be checked out. They invited me inside and introduced me to the rest of the family. Said they were going to go investigate my story and I was welcome to stay until their return. I accepted. Sometimes in life it would be helpful to be able to see ahead just a few hours! If I could have done that my decision to stay would have been a very different one.

About thirty minutes had passed when Chetley and wiener hustled back into the ranch house with such intensity I felt twinges of anxiety rushing through my veins. They instructed the family to gather all necessary belongings along with family photos and load the vehicles.

I said, "Wait, why, what did you find out there?"

Chetley told me to stay in the living room and they would come and get me when the cars were loaded and it was time to leave. And then they systematically moved about the house and yard readying themselves for what appeared to be a long vacation. Inside I knew different. Something big was happening and I was smack dab in the middle of it. But what? I paced for a bit, sat for a bit, even turned on the television trying to disengage my brain and find that peace I had back near the "Milk Field."

As the TV came on saying "SPECIAL BULLETIN FROM NBC NEWS." The cars pulled out of the driveway without me! And before I could run outside to join them, a helicopter was over the ranch house with a loud speaker saying anyone left inside was not to leave the area. The area was now under quarantine. I whirled around toward the TV and there was my loaner car and the ranch house in grand 52 inch view. Who would ever need a 52 inch TV anyway?

Gathering my wits about me had not worked. I opened the front door only to see men in huge white suits covered from head to toe. Oxygen tanks in tow. Oh my dear God what is happening? The men told me I was under quarantine orders from the United States department of defense. Defense? I asked why please. They said they weren't able to give me any information at this time but that the quarantine was indefinite. They would be in contact with me if I needed anything in the meantime.

Meantime? Indefinite? Are you fricking serious? I started running through the house out of shear fear and panic. Then to the kitchen to see what food was available for indefinite which to me meant the same as the word infinity when I used to try to figure that out as a child. I had my phone but the charger was in the car. Was I allowed to go to my car? Then the tanks arrived. Yes army tanks outside on the County Road such and such. It was obvious this woman, me, was going no where.

The TV was now giving me more information than the authorities. It showed the field of thick milky substances and the two white peace-filled animals. Then the ranch house and my vehicle. I wanted to go to the front door and wave at the camera's but thought I had best not do that. I was a foreigner in these parts. I only said "howdie do" a couple times and that was just a mere attempt to fit in. Well I had found a way to never fit in, hadn't I?

The nights darkness came swiftly. Something I hadn't thought about in all the ruckus of helicopters, news crews, police and fire trucks.... and then they all disappeared. NBC Bulletin said the foreign white substance could be deadly and the only human being that touched it was in quarantine inside the ranch house on County Road such and such. Why I was terrified. Not of death from the substance, but of human beings coming to get rid of the only person to have touched the goo. I knew the goo wasn't bad. It was white and peaceful. Nothing like I had ever felt or touched.

Weariness had settled upon me. I fell into a deep sleep in the big old brown leather recliner. I left the television running as it helped the loneliness of the situation. Did the government think it was a disease? Who put it there? How did the two animals get there and why?

Just then a beautiful man appeared before me. I believe I was dreaming. Or was I? He told me "they" were from Another World and not to be afraid. The milky substance was their creation given to us, the U.S. as an antidote to the latest killing virus Ebola. The government would never know where it came from or why. Only I had been allowed that information.

I asked why me? The kind loving man told me because it was my time to have that special peace everlasting. I had been chosen because I was the closest human being to the area when it was sprayed. No one would have ever known if I hadn't told the rancher man. And by touching the animals I had received a dosage of anti viral medicine beyond the level any human could endure.... I would be leaving with the men in white and the two animals for everlasting life elsewhere. I had no fear. The peace I felt from the other world didn't exist anywhere I had ever lived or traveled here. I asked what about the people left here? Shouldn't we tell them about the healing from Ebola?

He smiled and said, "No my dear, they wouldn't believe. Each of them will come to a time in their lives such as you have this day. Their time to go to Another World and have everlasting peace. Are you ready to go now?"

And so we did, and it was forever peacefully beautiful.

Amen.

Liz-Sport in 1984.................by Diane Ogden

I visited my Nana in or around 1984.  She took me shopping as she had since I was seven. (On various occasions until I moved away.)   This time I was around thirty seven and visiting her from out of town.  (I cannot recall my exact age but that is very close)   We went to Dillard's, which is comparable to our Boston Store, North of the Mason Dixon Line.  Yankee's that we are.  Me, I'm a half-breed.  Raised half my life below the Mason Dixon Line and half above it. 

Back to Dillard's.  We had a lovely shopping excursion along with a fine lunch. 

My Nana passed away about twelve years later.  I had moved back to Wisconsin in 1988 and never saw her again.  But I still have the sweater she bought me that shopping day back when. 

The sweater is a Liz-Sport.  I am having it dry cleaned this month.  No need to frame it like some would the #4 Packer jersey.  It got a bit musty from the storage bin at my complex.  Not enough circulation.  I shall hand it down to a family member one of these days.  It is nice to have something tangible to remind me of what a fine woman she was.  She taught me what true class means. She was engaged to Gene Autry.  I know I shared that before.  But then I could have/should have slept with Buck Owens and sat on one of those swings on Hee Haw, but I did not.  God my Dad would have been so proud.  LOL.  I am laughing out loud too. 

                                                 Buelah (Pat) Morrison     Austin, Texas