Happy Birthday to MWAH!! by Diane Ogden

As we get older birthdays should be celebrated with "Huge-er" parties verses lessor.  Huge-er because we are still upright and not ashes or six foot under.  Thus the older the bigger. Parties that is.  But that is not the way it goes is it?   We tend to try to forget we are getting older and brush the day aside.  Not me....I am so darn thankful to be here in this mess of a world at present.  Messes are made to clean up and it will clean up again.  You see, nearly every day I pass the Regent Street Cemetery and the Cress Funeral Home where two are being buried and one is being dug for!   Sure makes me thankful no matter what.  Once I'm on the other side (you know dead) I cant eat watermelon or cake anymore.  And I bet I will still want to.  I will look at God with that bit of a "stink eye" and he will look back at me with a bit of a forgiving "stink eye," and say:
You had your chance!  And behind his words I would spiritually read his mind....it would be telling me I had had my chance at many a thing and I blew some of them.  Sooo.....  I have decided not to do that anymore.
Go for the gusto.  No not beer......the gusto of life.  Laugh.  Live.  Love.  But don't charge too much on your credit card to get those things done.

Most of my family, the ones I like anyway, have moved far away.  They left me the leftovers no one wants to deal with!  But again, I am upright and thankful. As well as I steer clear of the "leftover" relatives.

What's my point?  I'll tell you what it is.  It is opening an envelope today at one of my long time clients homes and finding a little card all sealed up tight with my name on the front.  Sometimes that is awkward for me as I am usually the giver and have had to learn in life to receive better.  This was one of those times I felt like I was in a classroom life session.  I wanted to tuck it away and open it later but I knew I shouldn't do that.  So I didn't.  I opened it with a vengeance....like a child on Christmas morning.  A present!  For me!  All I usually get are four or five phone calls from afar saying Happy Birthday Mom. (Don't misunderstand me, I love those calls!)  But this was a real tangible happening right in front of my face.  Isn't this the sweetest ever surprise.  It touched my heart in a way sometimes earthly words aren't enough.  And I wanted to share......

  Diane Jungbluth- Ogden  born 11-22-47  and still thankful for everyday I am given....Its a GIFT!
              Present day is a Present.  I am blessed and so are you if you are reading this!!!

"Major"

It was 1985 give or take a year.  We were a normal family as far as that word goes.  One Father, one Mother, and four boys.  Actually five considering husbands are, more often then not one more kid to care for most of the time.  And this summer was one of those times.  He had lost his job and our beautiful family dog was chasing the UPS man daily.  Obviously we had no fence and the 5th child was not overseeing the situation very well.  Do realize the date....1985 meaning he was not a mature adult yet. Okay we have been divorced for 32 years if my math did that correctly. But lest ye know I have never forgotten what he did that summer.  He gave our dog away.  I wont elaborate because it wouldn't be nice at all.  When I finally tracked down the people he gave  our dog Major to.....they have given him away again.  I thought I would die emotionally.  We had our family photo's taken with that dog.  And it never left my heart all these years.

And then I met Grendel, who resembled Major.  We became instant buddies and the year was 2007.  He belonged to a client of mine. We would play ball, and I would brush him every other Friday.  I'd wash his stainless steel bowls as if they were my finest china.  I think it may have relieved my own guilt more than anything.  Although Grendel loved me and I him.  He would climb in the back seat of my vehicle if I left the door open too long.  And always run out of the house to greet me when I arrived.  Surely not because I always brought a treat.  In the picture below I am trying to get him to pose for a photo for the back of my business card.... Obviously it wasn't working but we sure had fun.

As the years past he grew weaker as we all do.  Now when I arrived he would get too excited and lose control of his rear section.  His rear section would go down almost doing the splits.  My helper and I would have to lift him up and steady him for a bit before letting him go on his own.  He couldn't play ball anymore and brushing him seemed to hurt somehow so that was out.

On days I was scheduled to be at there home his owner would always text me and let me know if he was not going to be there so I wouldn't worry.  I always said he was my Major reincarnated.  Even though I pretty much knew he wasn't.  Sort of my own private Disney fantasy.  God I always and still do cry at Lady and The Tramp.

So the last time I was there Old Grendel, age 15 was on the floor and couldn't get up.  The vet said this was probably it but the owners decided to wait one more day.   He couldn't even go to the bathroom on his own.  We had to put a sling around his belly and lift/walk his back legs for him.  I sat with him on the floor and discussed some of life and a lot of love.  He let me.  We used to sit out back on the deck (see pics) in total silence and listen to the beautiful sounds of nature.  Life.  I was and am so thankful to have known Grendel.  He and Major were my best friends ever. Wait, there was Barney dog, and Daisy, and Gracie Allen too.   Below was his last day on earth....

On my next scheduled visit to my client I found a card on the counter with beautiful words for
me..... It read:  " Thank you for all your love and support with our sweet old boy the last years."  Along with a $50.00 bill.  Which wasn't necessary but such a nice gesture of love, almost as if it were from Grendel himself.

Dear Diane

Dear Diane,
I am you. The part of you that makes decisions. The other part of you that has to live with those decisions as well. And also gets to feel how they affect you, good or bad.  I do want you to know I try very hard to get it right because feeling what you feel when it doesn't turn out as I expected is no picnic for me either sister.  You always joke and cover my side by saying you have eyes in your "ass" because you cant see anything until its passed...  Thank you but it is the truth.  Sometimes I cant see it and when I do I think I can make it all good as your license plate reads:  "ALSWELL!"  Even when it is not.  I never like letting your down. I watch you work hard to cover up the flaws I sometimes create in your life.  And then I watch you make everything okay for everyone around you.  I have made decisions that have affected your life in a negative fashion more than once and I am not talking about hip high red boots obviously not age appropriate.... no, I want to tell you how proud I am of you for taking my ishie decisions and turning them around for good or at least dealing with them until they fade into the abyss.  You and I have a fairly large file cabinet of errors in the Abyss State. That is if the Abyss is a State or Country or maybe just another planet in the universe where we get to file (dump) our waste.  Waste of time, waste of energy, waste of spirit, WASTE as in manure.  Worse.  Manure is spread on the earth to help grow vegetation. In our case, "Human Weeds."  No good to no one.  Our manure is spread to hurt us and that is why we send it to the planet of Abyss to contain it.  We must keep our eyes open as there are always new crops around us with manure making there way to us.  I can only pray you have not lost faith in this part of yourself.  ME! No not the manure part....the YOU part.  The ME part.  Everyone has a me inside them that messes up and the older we get the more mess ups we have put forth into our own private Universe. Not to mention the spillovers onto others Universe's.  I am here today to tell you maybe it is time you and I took better care of you.  (Each other) I like you Diane.  And I only want the best for you. Allow me to apologize for any decisions I have made that have hurt you or those around you.  And allow me to thank you for working so diligently with me in this life.  I know I haven't led you to a winning lotto ticket, rather you have found your own way to work overtime instead. Nor have I prized you with the best partner as has been obvious to all.  I have had to take into consideration that on your side of this duo is a woman who life goal is to take care of others.  You are the epitome of a giving loving heart. I have watched you throw yourself into a deep well more than once to save someone rather then throwing them a rope or a buoy.  The good book says to love they neighbor as thyself.  I believe you love yourself in spite of my sometimes incorrect decision making processing in our/your book of life.   You save plants, children, elderly folks, animals, and sometimes others that have more needs then you have to offer.  In fact at times your energy gets drained and that hurts me and you.  So maybe its time we get together, you know, heart and head all in one place all at the same time... I have learned through you that is the proper way to make healthy decisions.  Not one way or the other alone. Not just me or just you alone.   That is like a pizza with no cheese. Or a hamburger with no meat. Somethings turns out missing and leaves a bad or off taste in the pallet.  Another example is an unfinished painting. A car with three wheels.. A massage with no masseuse. A lover with no heart.  People around you with harsh words.
So from this day on you and I are going to work much closer.  And with your sense of humor, reserved and loving heart, and my brains, we can go far sister.  Get your roller skates on its time to move this happy healthy couple of us who have now meshed into one glorious human being. Mwah!
God I love you.  Why thank you. Nice outfit too.  Love Diane

"Son of a Grass Cutter"

Soooo.  I was at the cemetery today sittin' on Mary.  My 6th cousin who passed away at Verona's classy Badger Prairie Mental Asylum in 1918.  She had a child out of wedlock in the 1800's which led to her "Father" taking her child away.   She fell into depression at which time he placed her in Madison's Mendota Mental Hospital...later she was moved to Badger Prairie where she lived out her life.

Today I needed to find a quiet place to do some serious life thinking.  I considered the zoo.....then I decided on the Forest Hill Cemetery and Mary.  I stopped at Metcalf's grocery and bought Mary a rose.  I debated on what color....  That is when I spotted the Melon colored one....that was it without any doubt.  Then I passed a barrel of sample wine bottles... Yup I also grabbed one of those for Mary too.  Bet she never tasted wine in her life.  I was toting my own lunch bag, a rose, a camera, map of the cemetery, a small bottle of wine, and a milk crate to sit on which I did not use due to unleveled ground.

I parked and headed for the plot in area 22 with a plain flat stone saying,  MARY JUNGBLUTH.
That is when I heard two horrendous motors starting.....and running directly for MARY JUNGBLUTH. and me.  Two huge yellow mowers disturbing my peace to say the least.  Not to mention the smell of fresh cut grass which is usually sort of nice but not this time.  Nope, I suspected I would have a lung full of green suet by the time this was over.  As I sat on Mary's stone with my large lunch bag on one side, the milk crate on the other, the rose, the wine, the map and the camera....I thought they would GO AWAY seeing I was a grieving cousin.  Well they did not.  They mowed up to 8 feet from Mary and me.

Had I been a more gutsy and creative today I would have started wailing and screaming in deep grief.  Maybe then they would have left us in peace and moved to another section.  I just sat there saying, "Jesus Crisis anyway."  Maybe the zoo would have been a better  option.  And if those two men on their boy toys throw one stick at me I will sue the sheit out of this place.  They "got" no manners.  Those sons of a grass cutters mother!

I cant eat my lunch. My nose if full of flying green pieces....and my ears are buzzing.  They have headphones on for noise reduction.  Notice no one was handing them out to me.  I came here to hear from the dead regarding my life direction which is bigger then grass cutting.

Finally the rude jerks left but not far enough.  They left their ripe grass odor clearly behind with me.  Terribly rude. 

I placed the rose on Mary's home knowing she probably never got a flower in her entire life.  I also knew the grass eaters would be back because they did leave a 5 foot patch directly at my and Mary's feet.  I just knew they and their yellow machines would blow her rose away.. They were now mowing in the next section but still very loud and intrusive.   I decided to say goodbye to Mary considering I couldn't hear her advice and mosey on down the way..  I stopped and watched the mower man come back and mow right up to Mary's neck.  The rose didn't move...  I knew Mary was hanging onto it!!

I decided to sit on the cement wall up the way from Mary, surrounding the Civil War boys.   I had my lunch, toasted the boys with Mary's sample wine, took some pictures of them and heard what I needed to hear.  Whether you believe me or not.  Doesn't matter. 

I asked them to show me a sign.  I took this photo and as you can see I got what I asked for.....
So.... when I find more Happy News I will be back.  Be well, Be Happy, Be Safe, and get Rich.  Makes it all easier.

Banana Bread II

I have not been writing on this blog for a long time..... I had taken a photo of the slimey banana snot...
Then I forgot to post it!!   Duh.
Here she is snotty nanas and all:

Banana Bread?..............by Diane Ogden

Making banana bread has been a lifelong struggle for me.  Mostly because I gave up trying 45 years ago.  Lately I took on the  dreaded task of re trying.  Too dry, too moist, raw in the middle was the worst and finally I forgot the sugar once.  I haven't given up.  In fact for the raw middle I tried less banana so we didn't feel like we were eating snot.  You know that oatmeally texture eewww.    Raw banana bread in the center...so I Googled what to do.   It said less banana... I tried that and lost the flavor so I stopped at the Organic section of the grocery store and banana flavoring was $8.50 for a small bottle!!  I don't think so.  The next week I checked at my regular grocer and found the standard "McCormick" banana flavoring for $3.50.  Tennie bottle.  I read the ingredients of which were all ARTIFICIAL and bought it anyway. Next time I attempted to make banana bread I used the BRIGHT YELLOW ARTIFICIAL banana flavoring.  OMG is all I can say.  I cannot believe I used that crap...... much less we ate it.  Not to mention it brought back childhood memories of eating those soft banana candies at Aunt Berdie's house.  Ewwww!!

Well.....believe it or not it turned out pretty good.  A little dry.  So this week I tried it again.  I had frozen the banana's because I was sick of trying to make good banana bread. I even considered possibly never doing it again for 45 years.  But just in case I did, I froze those black buggers.  I played busy until they thawed.  Cut the ends off with a scissors and as I attempted to peel the ripe "thang" inside the black peeling. As I peeled, it ever so slowly slid down and out the other end as it folded itself in half all limpy like. (is that a word?) I tell you the truth it looked like I had murdered a living thing or at the least was viewing the birth of something sick and wrong and was going to eat it as well.  The only word that came to my mind was cannibalism.  My significant other was watching the entire show.  I looked up from the massacre only to see his face all scrunched.  He seemed to be sensing my same thoughts.

It was at that exact moment he rose from his stool and exited the room leaving me with the dead and dying.  I gagged a few times as I "folded" the snotty mixture into the bowl of good sugar and eggs.  I could hear  him in the background laughing or maybe he was crying as he realized we are too new a relationship for him to say no to the dead bread. 

I hit the timer and went about some better business such as changing  bedding and eating red ARTIFICIALLY sweetened strawberry twizzlers.  Cant believe I eat those dang things considering they use beetles to color them.  I am not lying.  Its called Carmine (/ˈkɑːrmɪn/ or /ˈkɑːrmaɪn/), also called cochineal, cochineal extract, crimson lake or carmine lake, natural red 4,^[1] C.I. 75470,^[1] or E120.  See I told you!  Gag away...

     So the results are good.  Well, half good.  One is great the other might be a little snotty in the middle.  I wont give up.  But I will buy the organic flavoring no matter the cost next time.

Until then, be safe, be well, and get rich.  You can buy organic banana bread at $12 a loaf.

"Nightlights?"

Nightlights?........

It had been a very special day between my love and myself.  We spent a good portion of time that day walking along the rivers edge .  The sounds of nature had taken us away from the normal daily routine of cars honking, red lights, politics, and of course our jobs.  Somehow the earthly voice of a bird singing can compare only to the Angels we do not get to visualize.  And so it was that day we had regained a certain amount of peace amongst the living. 

We did the usual Jose and lime juice around 4 p.m.  Turned on the television only to turn it back off considering it was the new Jerry Springer now called Dr. Phil.  A young woman gang raped.  Her on one side of old Phil and the gang raper's on he other.  My guy hit the off button as I prepared dinner.

Then it was whirlpool time.  We are old-timer's, no not Alzheimer's.  Our bodies hurt on occasion.  Me with RLS and he with rotator cuff tear and upcoming surgery.  Neither able to sleep very well lately. I was filling the whirlpool with lavender Epsom salts when my significant other asked if I mind if he joined me.  Of course I didn't mind.  Once again we enjoyed a peaceful hour of roaring healing water rushing his shoulder and my legs.  I actually slept well after the Epsom's cleansed my body.  He on the other hand requires a more extensive fix.  An Operation. 

We watched one more show on the television considering we just got about a thousand Cable channels totally by accident along with a totally outrageous bill on purpose.  That took me an hour on the phone to straighten out.  But then we all know what Charter is like.

Finally time came to sleep.  It was dark with a ting of light from the parking lot cascading through the mini blinds of our third floor notsomuch a penthouse. We were cuddling, talking about this and that when I noticed a tiny light on the ceiling.   I didn't say anything to my guy, but I was mesmerized and continued to watch.  It would appear and disappear.  It moved over to the edge of the ceiling light.  Then to another spot.  It was then I swore to God and all his Angels and Mother that I saw a white ghostlike figure move in the hallway by the bathroom.  It was at that precise moment I decided to share the fear running up and down my body with my guy.  Not to mention my brain knowing for sure there was either an entity in the room or heavenly hosts.  I was not sure which.  My guy wrapped his arms around me as though he could ward off demons from other dimensions and I shrunk in his arms as though I believed he could. 

I started to pray.   I used the God given mad mother voice I hadn't heard from my larnyx in about 28 years or so....  I guess I suspected those alien visitors would respond.  I used the name of Jesus.  I used spirit talk, I bound and loosed.  They didn't leave.  We recited the Lords Prayer in unison like two scared little kids  in catechism class.  Or the Lutheran class I graduated from which was not offering up any sort of assistance in this case. Confirmation classes had taught me the benediction, some of the Psalms, the beatitudes and so on.  Not helping in the here and now of it all Pastor! 

Suddenly I said, "Is there a smoke alarm up in that area of the ceiling?"  My guy leaped from our duo fetal position, hit the bedroom light and whalla.  A tiny green light appeared ever so sweet and only now and then.  It then reflected off the ceiling light and other areas that even now as I write I do not understand. Nor do I "get" where the ghostly figure ran off to.  But then I still swear when I was five I saw Santa and ALL his reindeer one Christmas Eve out my bedroom window.  I mean it too!

We were very sad there were no Heavenly visitors to our bedroom that night.  You see when the little light didn't leave upon command of our God.....well that meant they were the good guys.  Almost wish I hadn't found the reality of it all.  We could all use a sign from the heavens now and then.....