Bullied: Nana's Rap Video by Julianna Rowe

 So I have never done this before!  Obviously!  I wrote this RAP song in the 1990's when my daughter was being bullied in H.S.  I lost half the song when we upgraded from Windows 95.  LOL.  My family told me to post this on Tic Tok but I dont know how.  Working on it.   So now my Granddaughter is being bullied in Grade School.  So I posted.  Probably needs some work but here it is. (Not on Tic Tok yet)

I Will Be Packin' a Gun!............ by Julianna Rowe

(This is a re-post from 2013) 

Today I am getting in my new used truck and driving to a pawn shop somewhere and buying a gun. Yes I am.  I am going to be packin'.  I am then going to bring that gun home after I line up all my computer, camera, VCR, DVD, tablet, laptop, photo do da days, printers, phones, smart phones, monitors, old Sony video camera, old Memorex video camera, Pinnecal studio, Dazzle creator, and whatever else has a computer based brain, and I am going to kill them all.  Shoot them dead.  Make wire kill.  And after that I am driving to Best Buy and spread their wirey ashes all over the parking lot. 
After that I may have the techno melt down I deserve to have.

I purchased a Honestech VIDBOX to transfer the hundreds, well sixty or so of VHC's and Poloraid movies to DVD.  I followed the directions and danged if I didn't get it up and running.  I then replayed to make sure they would work. Whalla...success.  So I continued making many until I had a nudge to make sure they would play on a different computer.  I don't have a DVD player because I watch Netflix.  I put the DVD in my laptop. I had to search to find where it went.  When I found it there were a few choices so I chose the largest file.  It took a long time to load as my laptop is older.  After it loaded and started to play there was NO SOUND!  Cute little kids from years past whose cute little voices could only be recognized if you can read lips. 
Then I tried to hook up a borrowed VCR to my new flat screen TV. I have several large VHS tapes that need transferring also.  Followed the directions.  No picture.  Tried AV, tried component, tried channel 4.... made sure it was turned on....pushed play, rewound...  just want to kill it is all.  Wasted last night and all day today. And yes I also hooked it up thru the new VIDBOX to the new PC with no success.
My Granddaughter is 21 now.  I have a video of her at age 4 doing Forest Gump just like Tom Hanks.  I am trying to post it here.  Hope that works or I am going to kill the new PC too.

 I think they wont give me a gun right away.  Something about background checks.  So by the time I get it I may have settled down some.  And then again maybe not.  Besides I bit my cheek in my sleep and it is horribly painful.  And the grocery stocker put Turkey baby food jars in with the Ham so now I have to drive back there to return the Turkeys because my cats don't like Baby Turkey, only Ham.

With that I will sign off.  Laters.  Be safe, Be well, Be happy, and get rich so you an hire a Geeker to transfer your movies to DVD.  And so you can buy a MAC.  Not that it would be any easier I suppose.  P.S.  I can shoot quite well.  My Granddaddy taught me when I was 9.     

Different Dimensions..... by Julianna Rowe

 

Once Upon A Time….. either inside my head or outside, I know not “witch,” lived the beautiful land of Killarney, Ireland.  The grasses around Killarney were the colors of every green and more in my hundred and eighty box of crayons from grade two. As I looked out over the hills and valleys the quilt called Killarney Green truly was.  I wonder if I weren’t in space momentarily, peeking outside where I truly lived, looking onto something not real. For its beauty was not being measured by what senses blessed my extreme intellectual level. Ah, maybe that is the culprit here?  Or was I in space having died of my previous matter of being?  Either way Killarney was my home now.  Or so I thought.

The cloths that held my new body nearly draped the ground. A long white apron covered part of the cloths and they flowed weightless as the gentle winds of Killarney blew a mist of salty sea water across my milkin pure skin. I was pure, humm.  Since when did that occur but it had so, I went with it because it felt PURE.  Clean.  And then I saw the others gathering this and that being busy like they each knew their intended jobs and did them.  And still in the back ground were those scenic patchwork green acres of land with the sea as a distant background.  I looked like one of those Amish women.

Then I observed a group of people sporadically painting a few of the rocks in the area.  They would stop on occasion looking at me for approval.  It was told to me through spiritual communication that I had designed the rock painting that needed my permission which of course I gave.  My creations were a magnificent display of art blending into the landscape as though from God thru me.  I was no longer in the long dress with the long white apron.

I heard a sound to my right and turned in wonderment of the sight.  How could this be?   A woman is laying in a stall in labor of child.  But it is an animal stall and she is having trouble birthing her baby child. There was no one to assist her.  I continued to watch.  One man came forth holding a tiny Bristol brush he instructed the other man how to use.  He told him if he gently as possible brushed the area of the woman’s cervix the infant child could be born without further pain and possible trauma.

The woman in labor had sent a message to her best friend to come and be with her but the woman friend ignored her summons and went about her business of chores and happiness.  She didn’t wish to be bothered with her friend’s pain.

The man who appears to be the overseer of birthing explained to the woman this new procedure that should bring on the birthing with less difficulty.  Telling her it would be somewhat uncomfortable but the result would end the misery.  She agreed and he proceeded to bristle the cervical area and within moments a child was born in the animal stall in Killarney, Ireland.  A land unknown to most.

One day the woman was walking her baby and came upon her friend who had ignored her pleas for assistance in the birthing. The friend fell into deep despair of crying and begging forgiveness for her lack of caring.  The woman forgave her friend but the others did not.  She was ostracized by the community because her true heart shown she had merely gotten caught and was not repentant at all. 

The man who lived in a room in Killarney was viewing all the same things I was but said nothing, only watched as I did.  Who was this man?  But then who was I? For in a flash, we were riding on the edge of a shooting star and the scene changed.  I was living in a different time and place once again.  This house was built of cement.  Possibly I transported to Italy? Or New Mexico? I always liked being in control of myself but this was something I knew I had to let go of and flow along with.  It wasn’t like I was in any river with crashing frightening rapids, more it was a trickling creek with tributaries the spirit had chosen for me to take off the main flow.  Most likely some form of learning or lesson and so far, it had not caused me duress.  At the least that was my summation of this movie inside my head that really wasn’t.

Inside my new stucco home, I felt safe.  The man from Killarney was still with me but not in view.  He seems to have his own area he viewed from yet I could always feel his presence.  

There was a knock on my door.  Before I had a chance to open it a man of another nationality pushed the door in and then another man doddled in behind him. They began pushing me around and I was frightened. I told them I was calling the police but of course they laughed when one of them took my phone.  The man that cared for me opened a porthole in the room.  Right out of midair.  I could see him laying down on something when he mentally summoned me into the porthole but not all the way.  I was told spiritually if I went all the way I wouldn’t be able to come back again.  The man was not all the way either.  I did as he requested and stepped into his domain.  I laid down next to him and noticed a very large tear coming from his left eye. He asked me if he could love me and I said yes.  His lips were wet and had the consistency of jello from many previous tears all held in one pocket next to his left eye.  I placed my hand on his face and wiped the tear that told his sad story away from him.  He told me how much he loved me and how everything was going to be alright.  I kissed his very wet lips for a long time.  I was pulled back by the interference of the police who had recently arrived needing to ask me more questions regarding the intruders.   The man told me he would be watching and waiting for me.  I asked him if he was dead?  Or was I dead?  He just stared at me with love, no words. 

The house belonged to my step Nana.  She was well to do before she passed away.  She was also overseeing my walk through this self-made movie set or heaven’s school, I knew not which. Maybe I was roaming in one of the twelve different dimensions spirit told me of but that I was also to be careful not to step too far into.  In my estimation that may have already happened.  I wondered if I would get to choose “witch” one I preferred or if the Universe was in charge.  I suspected the latter.  And what if the man didn’t love me and was a wolf in sheep’s clothing?  Either way I had to continue the journey.

I was over- cleaning when three people talked me into traveling back to Ireland for a business deal. Something about my calling to write so I agreed.  While standing at the airport or what seemed more like a train station, I felt the urge not to go.  I never listened like I should have to the still small voice.  No, I preferred the loud usually incorrect voices that seemed more REAL.  It was truly the opposite.  And so, we arrived in Ireland and I knew instantly it was a mistake.  We were not at the same beautiful Killarney, rather a stale building inside their cold apartment.  This was the second fear filled moments of my journey.

I snuck a legal pad from the tenant who convinced me to travel with them. I began writing to the man who said he loved me.  The man with so many tears, but my pen would skip to the place he wouldn’t be able to read my words.  I grabbed another pen and it did the same.  I attempted to tell him the trouble I was in and needed help.  I folded the paper and addressed the envelope to “somewhere” beyond the sea.  The owner came over and took it from me saying she would see it was sent.  My mind and heart were vacillating between flesh and spirit but I didn’t know it.

The man answered my letter with his voice.  He was upset I had left without warning, with not forethought of the dangers whether it be dangers of the flesh or dangers of the spirit.  Both existed.  I kept saying I was so sorry but he didn’t stop scolding.  He referred to me he would be back, to listen for him. He told me if I didn’t stop searching for things outside my true path he was going to give up and move.  I would not be able to find him.  I heard him and took his words to heart.  But I was still lost.

In the meantime, of this dimension, I wished I were not in, the female owner brought a dog into the larger of the rooms.  She sat him down and asked me if I would like a puppy.  I said I didn’t believe it was a good time for me to have a puppy and that dog was not a puppy.  She laughed a strange laugh like I used to hear a “witch” laugh when I was little. I decided words were not my friend at that time and stilled my fleshly voice.  Why weren’t there people communicating in the spirit like the others all had.  Oh God where was I because it surely wasn’t Killarney, Ireland by the beautiful patchwork hills and baby blue peaceful ocean with its mirrored surface reflecting the heavens and all it glories.  No, I was in some downtown coal yard that resembled the bad section or Detroit.

The woman continued.  She told me she could get me a puppy in less than two hours from this male dog.  I started to laugh when I realized her expression was for me to pretend, I believed. This was one of those times I imagined myself raising both arms and shouting.

“Praise the Wicked Witch of all wisdom and knowledge!”  

But of course, that was only in my imagination because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and needed to listen very carefully for my way out. But it appeared it was not time yet.

Witch lady took a syringe and injected it into the back of the skull of the dog.  The dog felt no pain and did not flinch. I did not cringe out of fear of retaliation. I did not want a needle inserted into the back of my head so I could have puppies or babies or anything.   I made myself remain calm as she inserted the long needle into the brain of the male dog.  He ejaculated sperm in an opposite direction than normal for a male dog.  She cackled at her feat.  The male dog had impregnated himself and within minutes she showed me an Xray of five puppies in a sac inside the male dog.  She cackled again saying they would be born shortly and I could have my pic of the litter.  I didn’t want a puppy, I just wanted to go back to the dimension I was loved in.  Not the one with bad men and police, or women of the old days having babies in the barn, or where witches lived and caused real and true horrors. 

And that is when I heard the voice of the man.  He gave me instructions how to escape the witches dimension and get back to the train station.  I had accidentally taken the train to Ausch- “witch.”

I did as directed and was home in a nano second or so.  I stood in a void staring going in a circle searching for the man.  I begged him to open the porthole again for me but he didn’t.  Had I waited too long and he moved away.  I cried, I pleaded, I threw myself on my knees in earnest prayer he would return for me.  Nothing.   Was this it?  I was on my own.  I sat on the grass and cried the same thick heavy tears the man had.  Why couldn’t I find him and why couldn’t he find me?  The loss and grief were unbearable. 

I opened my eyes, turned to the right, pushed the button on the clock that lit up to say it was 8:06 a.m. There was no man who loved me, no Ireland, no witch, no puppies, no train stations, and no help coming. Only the metaphors of a dream sent to help me decipher my own mind and journey.

Good Morning Flesh and Spirit….  But beware where you thoughts and decisions can take you. Dead or ALIVE 

I Have a Secret.......by Julianna Rowe

I dont know if my comments button works but if you have a secret I would love to hear it.  No names need to be added to the secret.  Here is mine. 

Before bed every night I spray a shot of Elizabeth Taylor's "White Diamonds" on my hair and a touch on my body in case I die before I wake I pray I dont stank!  

(In case they come to take me away in the black bag) 

 dianeogden.ogden@gmail.com  

The 10-10-10 Rule by John Tesh re:written by Julianna Rowe

 

The 10-10-10 rule

 I heard this on the 107.3FM radio station, Madison, Wisconsin, with John Tesh as the announcer. He gives little tid bits of more than grand info to all us listeners. He always was the all-American boy next-door apple-pie guy.  Anyway...John Tesh says.... whenever making any sort of decision it is best to use the 10-10-10 rule. I was ready for the rule when then the station took a commercial break and luckily, I was still around after it. John says when making any decision think about what the consequences will be in 10 minutes, in 10 months, and in 10 years. Then he gave this brilliant but average example. If your child calls you at work crying and carrying on because s(h)e needs you to be home for a special homework project they forgot to tell you about, or the need for a special dinner, or their boyfriend broke up with them, you must think how you will feel and how it will affect your life in 10 minutes if you leave work. How your child will feel or how your decision will affect your life and theirs in 10 months if you leave work and do what they wish, and considering that your boss may disagree is a concern also. Then how this will affect you in 10 years? Could leaving work early to amend the emotions of a child cause you any regrets? In 10 minutes will the child be over it? Probably not. Will the child forget all about this one evening? In 10 months? Probably. And in ten years could you have lost that promotion and all that goes with it, and the child has absolutely no recollection of the issue. Such as a large raise in salary that could change your life and allow that child that called with the tantrum a college education! Just an example of how making decisions on emotions can affect/ruin a life or two. Me, I am old enough to know that I wish I had known about the 10-10-10-Rule. I didn't and it did affect my life and my children's. Not that I ever left work early for a child throwing a tantrum.... but I do have 10-10-10- regrets. As we all do, I am sure and have made the best of it. The key is from now on I shall use the 10-10-10 rule for sure. A good rule indeed. Almost as good as the Golden Rule so, put the 10-10-10-Rule and the Golden Rule in a jar and shake them up and you have good decisions without a doubt. But do realize this. If the child needs you to be at a special athletic dinner or important live celebration in his or her honor and you chose work over them, that is a whole different bag of potatoes! Like John T says, 10-10-10 again and again.

 

atlantachristianweb.com/celeb_features/tesh.asp

Gut Instincts by Julianna Rowe

My friend and mentor tells me to make my decisions by using my "gut." You know as in "gut instincts?" Well it stinks alright because what starts in my head ends up like scrambled eggs or Humpty Dumpty that cant get put back together again....Or like a big ball of unraveling string. And we are all learning or have learned that what we think is what we get. Oh great, now I can think about how I cant be put back together again like Humpty or Scrambled eggs. Actually some decisions if made incorrectly without following the "gut instinct" could have those not-s0-g00d consequences. Yikes...how to cut the ball of unraveling string that leads to the heart and causes heart strings, and those strings don't live too far from the poor "gut" that is trying to unravel the mess and come out with a clean answer.

Sometimes I don't do anything regarding a decision which allows life to make the decision for me...again, not-so-good I have found out through trial and error. How much error can the mind and body handle? Pretty much from my experience. Not that I wish to experience such again. Letting life make my journey vs mwah that is! So, is my gut half full or half empty? Ask me tomorrow.

photo from: http://www.mothermetaphor.com/

 

Heartstrings.....

Dead in the Water.....

 The Eye of My Murder:  A Short Fiction Story by Julianna Rowe 

Part V:  Dead in the Water 

And then I heard the words, “Hi Baby.”

I whirled around only to see J.W. holding a flashlight under his chin to look scary like we used to do as kids. And that he did. Like the frightening clown face who hides his true intentions. I screamed as though I was about to be murdered. I was. If J.W. couldn’t have me no one could. 

Boomer was my weakness and J.W.’s way of getting to me. He wanted to make me suffer before he killed me.   He also knew my greatest fear in life was water.  So, that was his choice of weapon and I suddenly, knew it.

My mother had tried to kill me also but in a different way. She tried to kill me spiritually with words of my worthlessness and by taking me out of her WILL, giving my sister her entire estate of two million dollars. What had I ever done to her except look and act like my father? And that is a good thing because I wouldn’t have wanted to be like her in any lifetime.

My basketball court was now a fighting zone. Offense and defense were engaged in serious fucking battle. Satan had arrived. I was always taught he isn’t stronger than God but it sure looked that way.  What were my strategies?  J.W. was taller, bigger, and stronger.  But then again, I was always taught God is bigger. Bigger than J.W. So, I screamed at him the only way I knew who to fight

I screamed, “God, don’t let Satan have me. Forgive me for not seeing it!” 

I screamed so loud it hurt my throat, ears, and rattled my frail anxiety ridden brain. I believe those words hurt J.W.’s ears too because he stepped back, eyes wide, before he cackled a demonic laugh and lunged at me. As he lunged the damp ground caused him to slip losing his hold on me but I continued to fall toward the canal and somehow ended up hanging onto the edge of the cement wall trying with all my strength to pull myself back up onto land. His face distorted into a tight state of horror, eyes glistening on their own as he threw his arms straight up toward the sky in a sign of defeat then stomped on my already white knuckled fingers with his boot. He reminded me of Goliath from the Bible stories. That was the man I created and loved standing over me kicking me. I hit the dark dirty murky water hard. I was in shock. Surely God would not let me die of my worst fear. But then they say you get what you fear and I had gotten more than that. I had gotten J.W. with all his and my generational past demons.  And now my cat was alone and scared somewhere or J.W. had thrown him into the canal too. I was sinking, dying, swallowing over and over trying not to suck the filth of dirty dark green canal water into my lungs. 

I tried to tread the cold water but I had never learned to tread water even though I had tried. 

I couldn’t learn to swim or tread water due to fear but now it was life or death. J.W. stood on the tall cement embankment laughing at me in a horrible frightening demonic voice. He shouted to me how he had thrown Boomer in the dirty canal too. He shouted.

"Suck in the mud bitch because that’s what you are anyway".  

He was then screaming how I was mean to him, how I tried to trick him all the time trying to make him think he was crazy and how I was a manipulator, and a whore like his mother.  Those malignant filled words gave me the will to fight.  The anger and hate of the demon moving J.W. to go to such hideous lengths pissed me off to the moon. I would be damned if I would die at his feet. He should be damned, not me! My spirit had already died many times over at his use of control and verbal abuse. Suddenly the spirit reminded me I knew how to float. I was freezing and terrified but I knew how to float on my back and so I did.  Then the spirit told me to remain totally silent.  After that, fear never touched me again for the next several minutes even though J.W. was shining the flashlight all about the dark canal waters trying to find me after my thrashing halted. He found me but what could he do? I remained calm and I do not know how except by God’s grace and my strong Guardian Angel’s arms.  J.W.’s light found me silently floating which made his evil go into high gear while he continued shining the horrible light into my face hollering more derogatory remarks at me, but I never budged.

He roared. “Here piggy piggy. You pitiful excuse for a woman.  You were born to spread your legs for all the boys and that is all your good for!”  

He was using every tactic he had used on me for years but with greater tenacity.

I had been afraid of drowning all my life.  Whenever I passed a large or small body of water, I feared my car would go into it all by itself. Or someone would venture from their lane into mine causing my vehicle to take flight into the drenk. I carried a hammer everywhere in case I needed to break my car window and get out. I unbuckled my seat belt whenever near water or crossing a bridge because that would be one thing less, I had to try to remember to do if immersed.  You know the rules, undue seat belt, unlock doors and window, open window, climb out, and pray you have no pets or children to try to get out also. I also prayed someone was nearby that would jump in and save me because I couldn’t swim. I tried to learn as a child more than once but fear held me back.

Sometimes we don’t get what we need until the last minute. The Bible calls it "Grace." That is one thing I had learned in life.  I wasn’t always happy about it, but that is and was the way of the Universe. He, the greater being, comes when you most need him and for me it was definitely the last moment.  But he also gave me strength at the exact second I needed it, and that is when he, J.W. came for me.

J.W. was still shining the light into my eyes mimicking the way he had always tried to control me with his manipulating tongue and bad brain. This time by using a flashlight in my face while he hoped to watch me die. Why? But I didn’t care why anymore.

It was then I started to think about Boomer. I was allowing the flesh to reenter which was a terrible mistake. All my mind could see was Boomer being thrown into that awful stinking water. Boomer flailing about eyes open wider than possible searching for my face, my being, to save him as I had done before in his life. Swallowing canal muck until his belly was so bloated he choked on the reflux of water overflowing his stomach causing him to vomit it up and back into his lungs. But I never came. I abandoned him in his death. Poor Boomer had died aspirating and thrashing that horrible dark canal alone. That is when I started losing control of my ability to float. The analogy came into my brain that the opposition stole the basketball on my court to freedom and I would never be able to make a basket or win a game again.

J.W. started laughing. I couldn’t hear it anymore as I was about to give up. I could hear a siren getting closer, and then more sirens, but it didn’t pierce my brain as anything that might help me. I had given up.

And then I heard a scream. A loud scream. The girl from the front desk was screaming at J.W. She threw up her leg and knocked him down hard. Apparently, she had taken self-defense classes. He never moved again until the police arrived.  I found out later she wasn’t supposed to work that shift but someone called in due to their car not starting. I say it was my God, Guides, Angels, Mother Mary, a few Saints, and the Holy Spirit.

She took the flashlight from J.W.’s hand and shone it on me hollering she found Boomer. 

That was it!  I started fighting.  Who would think a cat could save my life.  I guess it was KARMA.  I had saved his life and in turn he saved mine. In a different way of course but no less the outcome.

The firemen dropped a ladder and somehow, I learned to swim to it in that moment in time. Not that I hadn’t swallowed a lot of very nasty water.  Believe me the taste remains to this day.  But I try to associate it with the positive of Boomer being found and my life being given an umpteenth chance.  I am one experienced in chances.  I used to believe you could run out of chances but I lived to say that is wrong.

J.W. was arrested on charges of attempted murder.  He failed the mental tests for trial and was sent to a hospital for the criminally insane for fifteen years.  I became lifelong friends with the female desk clerk, Lori who got me into her self defense classes. My cousins became my closest forever family.  I got a job and a very nice apartment overlooking downtown where Callie, Boomer, and I finally found our peace on earth.  Oh, and I married the hot fireman who dragged me out of that filthy canal while I threw up green muck all over him. That is the kind of man to treasure and “I do”.  

 The End.