I Lost My Lunch!...........by Diane Ogden

We had just left the house overlooking my lunchbox in photo below, when I saw a perfectly good wicker chair in the trash a few houses down.  One of my workers ran down to it, checked it out, and sat down in it making sure it was worthy of taking home.  As you can see it was.  No I do not have an SUV or a V-A-N or a Truck, I have a Buick.  Yup, a Buick my mother gave me.  FREE is good. Payments suck so I suck it up and drive the beast around.  Actually it is a decent car. It does not know I am a Lexus person and I wont be telling it for fear it will take a large dumpola on me.  Back to my point.  I should have video taped my two helpers trying to get that chair first in the back seat and next in the front seat.  We had all but given up when the mailman came passing by.  Bless his handlebar mustache and jolly face.  He looked over the situation and gave one line of advice that worked and whalla!  It was in.  But when I got it home what a joke that was pulling it out.  Sounds like a bad line from a bad movie.

I buckled up and away I went to the next client. And as I passed the mailman and we both did a thumbs up as he saw the beastly wicker chair in the front seat.  It wasn't ten minutes later when I was backtracking that same street after I discovered my peanut butter and low sugar jelly sandwich was GONE!  And there he was.  The jolly handlebar mustached postman was waving.  I stopped and inquired as to whether he saw the lime green lunchbox anywhere.  He affirmed he has seen something fly off the top of my Buick and he thinks it is laying on the tree line back yonder.  I thanked him once again, drove a block of two and there she was sitting all alone in the dirt.  I should find a man like that.  Two problems solved in less than an hour.  What a guy.  Only problem is he isn't here and I have to prime, duck tape, and paint that classy wicker piece.  Maybe I'll give it to mummie dearest for Mother's Day for the old homestead I was incarcerated at for about ten years of my teenage years, I call the funny farm.  I already got her a rooster with a chipped tail. Don't worry I'll fix it because she "be" a perfectionist.  No duck tape on the rooster and the stuff on the chair will be painted.  If she complains (its a given) I will re load it into the Buick and bring it back home.  Or not.
That's my Happy News for today.  I found some good garbage.  Be Safe, Be Well, Be Happy, and don't get even, get rich. 

Olay's Monkey Facial Hair Remover....by Diane Ogden

Okay so sometimes I get a little dramatic!  I have a little peach fuzz so I picked up the Olay hair removal kit and let it sit on my bathroom counter for a month or two scared of it.   Today something pushed me to use it whereas I discovered I should be scared of it.  I put the balm on to protect my skin like it said. Then I put the white creme on.  The creme that MELTS HAIR!  OMG it melts hair.  And of course the photo of me is a facial mask, not hair melting creme.  That would really be drama huh? Well I am finished and it worked pretty good.  I find I actually like the balm best. Made my skin all soft. Or maybe it was the monkey  hair that came off on the wash cloth (LOL, not) that made my skin so smooth and hairy-less. 

I will say that crap smelled like the old AMMONIA permanents we got as kids.  Its gotta be bad for a person.  That monkey hair better not grow back very fast because I wont be putting that Oven Cleaner stuff on my skin too terribly many more times in me life!  And I don't wear a bikini anymore nor do I have a man/friend so I wont be putting the dreadful melting lotion anywhere near my "kitty."  And if and when I decide to go to the neighborhood bar and pic up a fellow, which isn't likely to happen, I will spread on the magic monkey hair removal creme everywhere.  Until then, I am happy.  And I wish you the same.  Be Happy, Be Well, Be Safe, and wear something pretty sometimes so you feel rich.  

Lorna Doones......by Diane Ogden

So I have loved Lorna Doone's since I was like three!  Or sooner!  For several years I gave up on the little darlin's because I thought they had lactose in them and obviously I am lactose intolerant.  Not long ago I discovered I could once again enjoy the fat ass little shortbread squares called Lorna Doones.  I take six of them to work every day.  I work hard so I can.  I even married  a guy with the nick name "Dooner."  See told ya!  Dooner and I didn't work out so maybe that should have told me I should have stayed away from the Doones shortbread, and married the oreo dude.  Two weeks ago I purchased a box of the lil darlin's for $2.79 at the same grocery store as usual.  This week I went and at the checkout noticed I was just about to pay $4.49 for that same box of two packages inside the box of Lorna Donner's.  I said to the FOREIGN girl checking me out and taking my jobs and the life I have always known in America, AWAY (shortly, as I type). I said to said person, "WHAT, $4.49 for the Lorna Doones?  S H U T U P, No seriously Jane from India or Pakistan, or Turkey.....  $4.49?"   I asked her if her name was "Jane."   It's a commercial about people from India answering all our phone calls, nevermind.  So she double checked the price and said, "Yup, $4.49." I about did what I did when I had the flu last week.  But that wouldn't be so Lorna Lovely therefore I will be giving up the Doones like I did the first husband Dooner.  $4.49 x 4.3 per monthly = $19.31 cents a month for shortbread.  Nope, Nadda, No more!  Now if they raise the price of  a Margarita, I will pay it!  But Nabisco, your out, you went tooooo far.  It's not gas you know.  And if I had a place to store a horse and feed it, or if I weren't too darn old to ride a bike I would give up gas too. 

The Happy News for today is that in one week when the last box of Lorna Doones is consumed, I will lose weight.  Cool.  Until then, Be Happy, Be Safe, Be Well, and by whatevermethodslegal, Get Rich...and Loose the Doone's they shouldn't cost that much.  It just ain't normal.  It's a tad of flour, fake butter, sugar, baking soda.  All cheap, especially when you hire foreign people to work the cookie line.  I am not

 prejudice, just pissed.  Photo is Twin Grands and mwah!  They don't do the doones, that is why all the smiles.  They do Nutello!  That no good for nothin chocolate spread with two nuts in them to make them appear better for you and the Grands.  Nite

"The Coon and I" .....by Diane Ogden

I realize this is not a very clear photo but, and I say a big but! But I used the ZOOM-ola on my phone considering Mr. Coon was way too close when I exited a clients home to retrieve something from my car.
In fact "she" was directly across the street in a yard looking into my eyes.  At that moment I was trying to recollect from my minds memory if I ever learned how fast a raccoon can run.  Me, I know how fast I can run, just not sure which one of us is faster.
I had seen her earlier when I arrived and contacted animal control.  Animal control is like the P0-lice!  They had to get everything but my measurements.  Name, phone number, address.  Just come get the critter duhwad.  Then after I called I was sorry.  I got to thinking that raccoons usually only come out at night so maybe she is extra hungry because its spring and she has wee ones.  And I would be responsible for her being taken away and abandoning her wee ones.  OMG now what?  She was roaming from house to house, garbage can to garbage can, then walking up the street in broad daylight! Just then my phone rang and it was the animal control po-lice.  They told me they spoke to "Nancy" at the address I gave them (across the street from my clients)  And "Nancy" said the raccoon has been around for about the past three weeks not harming anyone or anything.  I mean, they reported to me the results of their investigation which consisted of Nancy.  Now I live in a large city of 250,000 people plus.  I am giggling at the small town results yet very glad "Nancy" saved the mama coon from my sending the Animal Po-lice for her.
Next time I will google it before I turn any coons in.  My Grandad is probably rollin over on his cloud.  He was a naturist.  Is that word?  You get it.  Dont cut down any trees and dont hurt the animals.  He may have killed a few people, but never an animal.  Just kidding.  Hey he told me he rode with Poncho Via across Texas. He was a cowboy but Poncho Via??  Now you know where I get  my storytellin from.  He was a Morrison from the Delavan, Wisconsin area.  Maybe I will tell you more about the old man next time.  Interesting fella he was.

Lifepath Number 1.......by Diane Ogden

Your lifepath number carries energies/vibrations that will follow you all your life.  To find out what your number and vibrations are simply add the month day and year you were born.  Example:
Walt Disney = 11/6/1946     1 + 1 + 6 + 1 + 9 + 4 + 6 = 28 = 2 + 8 = 1. 

From Decoz.com/numerology:
The meaning of Lifepath 1:
Life Path.
You are a born leader. You insist on your right to make up your own mind; you demand freedom of thought and action. You have drive and determination. You don't let anything or anyone stand in your way once you are committed to your goal.
You assume the responsibility to be the protector and provider for those you love. You demand respect and attention and become irritated and even domineering when important things do not go your way.
You need to feel in command of important undertakings, and resist supportive roles. You seek the forefront and the limelight.
You are exceptionally creative and original and possess a touch of the unusual. Your approach to problems is unique and you have the courage to wander from the beaten path. You can be impatient with your shortcomings and those of others.
You are very concerned with your status and foster the appearance of success and self-satisfaction. The need to appear well-off propels you to strive for growth, success and the finer things of life.
You should watch out for selfishness, conceit and the over-concern with appearance. You must guard against overzealous behavior, anger and aggressiveness. If these qualities are not brought under control you could become excessively domineering, vindictive and even violent. You perform best when you are left to your own devices. Ideally you should own your own business and be your own boss. Hold fast to your life's dream and work with the determination you possess to realize it. You can become overly stressed by your driven nature. Be careful about the food you eat and maintain an exercise program you enjoy. Competition sports are often a healthy outlet for a person with your drive, particularly sports involving running and swimming. Don't let pride and overconfidence be your masters. Remember, your talents and abilities are a gift from a higher source, which should promote gratitude and humility, rather than pride and conceit.
More often than not a person with a 1 Life Path will achieve much in life as long as the drive, creativity, originality and pioneering spirit are fully employed!

Famous 1 Lifepath People: (From www.tokenrock.com )

Brad Yates, Dan Fogelberg, Dana Reeve, David Crosby, Dick Cheney, George Lucas, Jack Nicholson, Jacques Cousteau, James Ray, James Redfield, Jim Morrison, Larry King, Marci Shimoff, Maria Shriver, Martin Luther King, Jr., Nancy Reagan, Sally Field, Sally Ride, Sammy Davis, Jr., Sean Connery, Sting, Tiger Woods, Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks

The Twins Want Sushi!.......by Diane Ogden

Okay so I know Easter is over.  I know all the folks that passed (died) got resurrected because Jesus did and the "rock and rolled" away supernaturally and whats her name saw him in the garden. See I know my history. And I know my Grands didn't get their GrandEaster gifts until today.  So what! Long as it happened I say.  And it happened let me say.  The twins arrived after their soccer game.  They pulled off their socks while telling me they hadn't washed their socks in two games.  eeew. The cat wouldn't even deal with them when they put their foot near her face.  Then onto Easter gifts.  Walgreen's collage thank you cards. (One twin said, " Sorry Nana but I thought it would be more awesome."  I reminded her of how she dislikes writing out thank you notes...and how  I saved her from said life requirement!    And the 75% off chocolate bunny and the skittles and bubble gum. Then came the hungry mode.. Then one year older sister got dropped off. Then the tear the house up mode.  Then the fighting mode. Then the I'm bored mode.  Then Disney channel mode.  God I hate Disney channel.  But I deal.  Then parents came and all piled back in the truck to leave.  Then phone rang.  Twins bummed.  Don't want to leave.  Are you tired Nana? "Now come on, am I going to say YES I AM TIRED DUH.  I am old...and my helpers mother died so I had to do double duty and will have to for another week, and and and.....SURE THEY CAN STAY."   And it begins again. Hungry mode to tear up the house mode, to fighting mode, to "Do you have any extra toothbrushes, cause we haven't brushed since day before yesterday."   I then showed them how to use paper towels for toothbrushes.  They actually told me it worked!  Ya I know. So does corn cobs in outhouses or sears catalog wipes.  Forgot to tell you we did the storeroom run for the queen size blow up mattress.  Discovered it was in apt in closet.  Oh, and they told me how one of them kissed a boy on the lips!  Jeez.....and oh, don't tell mom or dad.  Ten years old.  No problem, Grandma's don't tell.  What can a little kiss at ten hurt.  S H U T U P!  Don't wanna go there. 

Some day they wont want to come here because of those kisses....so I will take my time gratefully just like my Grannie did.  She was my bud. Never told on me. I miss her even tho she did smell like cheese.  LOL  Hey she made butter from milk back in the old days... so I think that was the cause of the smell.  I don't care what caused it, I loved her and every now and then when I smell that cheesy smell I know she is near.  Hey it ain't a tuna smell so take that to the grave thank god! This is when they crawl outta bed and say, "Nana, will you drive us to a sushi bar, there should be one close by right?" OMG! Til next time when I know I know I owe you Lifepath ONE..  Be well, Be safe, and Be Happy, and oh yeah, get Rich.