Honking in Line at McDonald's......Really? by Diane Ogden

Okay so I make it a habit  not to ever call anyone names or shout at other drivers (where they can hear me anyway)  but today I made an exception.  I felt the need to stop at McDonalds for a diet coke. Yes I know they are bad for me.  To bad, I needed a lift and couldn't afford the surgical kind so I opted for Mickey D's coke and hopefully they really put something in it that works cause I needed it.  It is 10:00 a.m. Why was there a line at McDonald's at 10:00a.m??  Break time huh?  But all my life I heard that the Mexican folks took break time (siesta) at 3:00 p.m.  Yet there he was....the lil twerp in the lil truck trying to BUTT in.  Yes he was being a butt while butting in.  And he did!!  You know how McDonalds has the two lane honesty deal lane?  Where you take turns......one lane then the other, one lane then the other, one lane then the other.  Well lil Mexico decided he wasn't going to let Grandma in.  Yes I am old enough to be his Gma!  And just so ya know you can get a senior diet coke at the age of 50!  Hell I had a kid who was only 7 at that age!  Okay back to point.  The lil bad boy sure as heck inched as close as he could to the car ahead of him so I couldn't get my turn...  Soooo I do what I never do.......I hit he horn hard for a LONGGGGGG time.  I was in the mood of ....like...IDC (I don't care).  He hollered at me, "I ordered mine first,"   Reminded me of first grade, Me first, Me first, and he looked about that age which doesn't say much for what I did next!   I said loudly out the window of my Buick with white walls and mud flaps, "No you didn't you little sack of crap!"  Seriously I cant believe I said that with chest a busting out with pride.   Whose Gma would say that to them? 
He isn't my blood kin so I blasted him like an Ozark, Okie, Jerry Springer, low life type!  OMG.....but he still won.  And did I feel good about my actions. You bet!  I wasn't carrying a weapon thank god.
Little crudsbud person he was.  Ya think maybe it was something else on my mind maybe....nope it was him and only his butting in that set me off. Well okay maybe a couple other things too.  So be happy, be well, be safe, and get rich so you can buy a McDonalds franchise if you want and so you can ram the shit out of the kids car just because you have insurance!!  (I got that from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes.  Cant do it anymore cause insurance companies rule the world and they will raise your insurance cause the kid didn't have any.  That's your fault you know!  He jumps the fence in Arizona, he butts in front of you at Mickey D's and you pay all the consequences.  So don't do it.  Get your coke and let him be a butt and butt in and move on.  

Don't Step in the Poop! .......by Diane Ogden

Okay, so I take my dog out as much as humanly possible....  But if this human isn't possibly home my impossibly inhuman dog craps wherever I just had the carpet cleaned.  And this marking has my mark on it due to the fact I walked carelessly and without forethought of crap into the sun room to close the curtains after the 100 degree heat today foreseeing the 104 for tomorrow!  And that is when I felt that familiar farm squish toe duck shit feeling of poop hitting my foot.  Indeed it did.  Eeeww Eeww.  At which time I as a christian person said, "Effing Dog, Effing Dog, Effing Dog."  Then I said, "Wait, I haven't had my shower yet....okay cool, no problem.  Just let it dry and vacuum it up tomorrow....hit the shower and loose the poop. Just like the dog did.  Do I feel relieved like she did?  Notsomuch!
Now I mussant forget the cats I left outside with the door shut to the porch so they didn't bring in any critters to surprise me when I came out of the shower....  wouldn't that be the shits!  Awh a funny one finally.   So be happy, be well, be safe, and get rich so you can buy great soap to wash the dog doo off your feet. Life's dog doo and the real doo! Oh p.s. Bless my lil dog I do love her.... everyone chits!

Leavin' it all Behind in The Big Little Rig.............by Diane Ogden

Okay.....I want this!  But I need some cash to live on while I drive it across the United States.  I am a bit concerned about wind.  You know, wind that blows lil things away.  But then how often do you hear about VW bugs blowing away.  Or even people for that matter.  I could hide behind trees in this lil darlin.  I could drive it into a big rig.  I could almost drive it through a door and into a barn.  Under a park shelter.  Darn near under a big rock.  I bet it even floats.  Well, maybe not.  I have searched google and cannot find where to buy it.  I am going to buy it.  If I cant travel the country yet, I can use it for my work.  And what an advertisement it would be.  Tax deductible as soon as I put the daisy sign on the side...  omg I cant wait.   Will let you know when I find it and park it out front. Humm it may not fit in my parking stall.  O'well, small detail.  So this is a good day.  Be happy, be well, be safe, and get rich so you can buy little pink cars with a black and white checkerboard on top pulling lil bedrooms.  

Guide to Beauty Charm and Poise by Ruth Tolman miladypublishing..by Diane Ogden

I ran into that very book today!  And it made my day!  One of my clients, in her 30's, brought it out and began reading it to me.  I told her that is the way I learned how to do things.  How to wear pearls and whether to wear dangle earrings or round earrings depending on the shape of my face.  And how to enter a room, and how to cross my legs, and how to smoke a cigarette, and how to be a lady and how to be a good wife!  LOL  
It did not teach how to act when you get drunk on Saturday night or any night.  It did not teach anything about  OMG's, or LMAO's, or FMI (which is disgusting).  Nope, nor did it teach how to wear shorts so short and low rise why bother.  Nope, it told how to be a lady!  A real lady!  Like Jackie Onassis and Grace Kelly and omg Mary Tyler Moore, and the "chic-a-lady" from breakfast at Tiffanies...         Make note the ladies of charm and poise would never use the word "chic-a-lady!"  I will work on that.  Considering my own personal experience growing up and learning some of these "OLD FASHIONED" charming ideas that we certainly need to put a fire under, and bring back to life.  And from my personal experience of my mother threatening to send me to "charm school"  over and over along with the threats to send me to reform school.  Eeww.  I don't think I was that bad! 

What I learned today is that I believe I might just open a "School to "Reform" young girls back to their Charming, Poised, beautiful selves ......via a judge!  Yup.... My school would be a place for delinquent teens to go verses jail.  And if the teen/ person didn't pay attention and or laughed at any or all, he/she would go to directly to jail without collecting $200 etc.  In other words they would have to learn how to be decent human beings or jail.  My wayward home for out of control teens. Example: "Now my dear, this is how you walk into a room, and this is how you speak clearly and enunciate your words with precious expression and voice control please, higher please....  Stand tall, do not cross your legs and no skirts or shorts that show anything that needs waxing.  No body piercing, no cursing, no antonyms, no naked photoshoots, no weird sex or sex talk.....think Grandmother!  Okay I am LMAO now.  Can you imagine if teens came to my Charm School and only learned 15% of what my Grandmother taught me out of fear of going to jail....(my take: they might prefer jail) our society could be affected to some degree and then the scary Muslims, not the charmed poised ones, wouldn't be so eager to blow us all up for lack of charm, poise, and minimal decency!  I get it.

So until more good or funny news, be safe, be well, and be happy.  And get rich so you can go to a real life charm school. 

Tit for Tat? ........... by Diane Ogden

 I am not sure what tit for tat means but it came flying into my head when I was thinking of a title for this post. 
Yesterday morning, Saturday, I awoke at 3 a.m. to reach for my sassy new Samsung Smarter than I am Galaxy II phone on the bedside table.  Not there?  I got up, walked, well staggered to the l.r. where I had left it plugged in.  It was now on the floor.  I retrieved it, turned it on to find a black screen.  The all feared black and or blue screen!  This is why I carry insurance on screens.  I was at US Cellular when it opened at 9 a.m.  only to find out the cat must have knocked it off the table and cracked the new screen.  They said, "$100 please maam!"  I said, (I cant tell you what I was thinking cause it is really bad words)!  I just bought it $300 plus 6 weeks ago.....  I haven't even rec'd the $100 rebate which is now a wash.   Anger along with gratefulness that I even had $100 came rushing into my full being.  I wanted to buy myself something this week.  Anything.  So I loosed the anger and set off shopping without any forethought whatsoever.  I don't suggest this by the way.  I found my brains scattering all about TJ Maxx.   I wanted new chairs, new bedding, new jewelry, (what for?) shoes, purses, LOL my brain went into overdrive.  So I left the building and bought a sandwich at Milio's...scarfed that down because the overdrive brain is connected to my mouth..... hoping no one was looking then went back to TJMaxx and bought a new lamp.  A necklace, some amazing, wonderful, scrumptious going to go get more Apricot sugar scrub!  I felt like a new woman after that scrub this morning.  And check out my new unnecessary mirrored needs to be dusted often jewel box and Oleg Cassini (who cares) crystal perfume containers.  I have a large jewel box but decided to keep the good stuff in this one so whoever breaks in can find it right away you see.  duh.
Am I happy?  Damn right I am.  I titted for tat.  I was irresponsible for a change.  God that felt good.  Hey, I could have jaunted down to the corner bar and did bad things there hello!  I rather hit TJMaxx and had a blast.  Now its off to the grocery store to fight all the Sunday go to church folks mixed in with the food stamp folks (its the 15th, I should know better then to go today!)
So until tomorrow or the next day, Be Happy, Be Well, Be Safe so you can shop, and for "crying out loud," get rich so you don't have to tit for tat whatever that means.... 

Generational Twins?..............by Diane Ogden

I did not say gestational twins, I said, generational twins.  That is my Great Grandmother Luella Kline Baker Anderson.  And that is mwah on the right.   I must find a hat like that and then take the picture again.  How fun is this. And I thought Steven Tyler was my twin sister from a previous life.  I still think he is something kin to me from afar.
I don't know much about her.  Her father gave her into marriage when she was around 13.  She had three children, was married three times.  I have been married three times.  She cleaned houses for a living and kept a neat diary of her money exchanges.  I clean houses for a living and keep a neat diary of money exchanges also.  (I was an insurance sales for many years until I had the last child, 22 years ago)  We have similarities in many areas.  I wish I knew more about her.  She lived in Rockford, Illinois.
This isn't a funny story.  It won't add to your life.  But it did add to mine, so I posted it for me.
Be safe, be happy, be well, and get rich so you can hire genealogists to find out about your generational background (twin?)

The Little Bottle of Chevis Regal...... by Diane Ogden

This is a sample bottle of Chevas Regal.  Sounds more like the name of a dog breed but it is not. It is rather the name of a fine Scotch Whiskey which I enjoy.   One evening back in 1999 I was home after a long days work, children (five of them), foster children, two of them were close to sleeping.....   I felt the urge to have a glass of Chevas Regal.  But none was to be found. So I called my Dad and asked him if he would mind driving to town  and getting me a small sample bottle of Chevas.  And so he did!  He wasn't always an attentive father in my younger years, not saying he refused to get me  Chevas when I was younger of course not, just saying he was always busy.  So in my later years he tried in many ways to make up for his errors in fatherhood.  He ran errands, he went to the Grands school functions, he took them on hayrides around town, he brought me bales of hay and corn stalks every year for my Autumn Yard display, he held my daughter while she threw up blood all the way to the emergency room while keeping me calm also, he set me up a little red tool box with all the essentials I might need at my house, he re-wired lamps, he painted dollhouses, he taught me the different types of moons and what they mean, he taught me to be calm, to laugh, to not need so much.  He taught me to sit and listen, not talk so much.  He built me a fence.  He gave me a car. He gave my son his beloved truck when he found out he was going to die, because that was the only Grandchild he had left that needed something.  So now he could go in peace knowing we were all okay.  He died a couple weeks ago.  So tonight I got the little empty bottle of Chevis Regal out of the freezer where it resides and I filled it.  And I drank it.  Twice. You see I know to only have one or two because anything more than two is trouble.  More than two cats is trouble, more than two dogs is trouble, more than two cars, more than two mothers is yikes, more than two fathers means omg, more than two jobs, more than two husbands, more than two boyfriends, more than two children, more than two anything is trouble!! And its true that anything that happens after 2 a.m. is trouble.  So I remember that and never have more than two sample shots of Chevis Regal.  The label is worn off as the years have passed.  But then we all wear down as the years pass.  I will forever keep my little bottle of sample Chevis that my Dad left his warm house, drove his truck to town, went to the store and brought me an unnecessary little bottle of relief from a long day.  I am not sure I did as much for him as he did for me. Everyone loved him.  We should all be so lucky. 
So until I can find something funny in this crazy life, be well, be happy, be safe, and whether you get rich or not.... be still and listen.  (Be rich it's fun so go for it!)