I Flippin Ran Out of Gas!!..........by Diane Ogden

Intelligent people do not run out of gas in the middle of rush hour traffic!  Well I am intelligent and I ran out of gas in the middle of rush hour traffic in the only available left turning lane.  I was so upset I said words they say in prisons!  My helper was riding with me which didn't seem to matter to the non existent filter between my mouth and my brain. 

 I couldn't find the non emergency Police number in my smart phone.  So I did the next best unintelligent thing of my morning and dialed 911.  When the operator answered I quickly stated, THIS IS NOT AN EMERGENCY.  Like heck it wasn't, just wasn't life or death.  I would have given a lot of $ to have had the senses to take photos of the faces people were making at us.  My helper wanted to crawl to the floor. Me, I was the driver so blame city was on my ass for sure.  No getting out of this one MaMa.  That is when in my rear view mirror I see a blue and white with flashings as well as with two wheels on the curb and grass trying to motivate through the mess of traffic I personally have created.  He parks, calmly gets out, puts his coat on, walks over and asks me what I would like to do ?   I wanted to make many funnies but I told myself as he was walking to the car, "Do not make jokes Diane! No jokes here."  And so I politely said I wasn't sure how to handle such a situation sir.  He told me to sit tight a minute and walked away.  Like I wasn't sitting tight.  Every muscle in my body was tight.  That is when another large yellow and white truck came up behind me as the officer pulled back a car length.  We were asked if we would like a ride to the gas station in all great hopes that was the only thing wrong.  You see my gas gauge is broken.  To repair it costs $500 plus. (have to take the dash apart)  And then my trip set digital light died so I cant use the mileage to gauge my gas usage.  I usually know when to get gas but FORGOT my daughter borrowed the Buick  when her car was in shop and she drove a good distance.  Whalla therein lies the answer to why this happened. 

Of course that did not make it any less embarrassing.  So we get to the gas station and we cant figure out how to get the gas can spout off.  Had to ask the foreigner inside who knew how.  Add it to the list of todays lack of intellect morning mishaps.  Then back in the squad car which was such a joy!  BARS! OMG! And a fairly dirty Plexiglas between us and "him."  I must say he was a very nice policeman for a change.  Some I have encountered are not. And for the record I have no idea how a person of weight (fat) could ever get into that squished squad back seat.  Scary tight place!!

Back at the car, the policeman takes off.  The road helper man puts the gas in.  .

( BARS!  Ewww)




And then he told me he was going to push my car through the light around the corner, and to the Home Depot parking lot.  And I have NO POWER.  Turning that wheel was ....no words next to impossible.  Might I add he was giving me instructions via a LOUD SPEAKER so all could hear.   

Then he gets out and stands by the passenger window and  politely tells me how to turn the key half way on then back off, then start it. It sputtered and died. He repeated instructions on turning the key back again, now half way, then start again. Sort of like a computer when its been shut down incorrectly. It has to think a minute to get itself back together. I might want to take some lessons on that.  Whalla it started and we mossied back to the gas station and filled the old Buick up with Gasoline! 

So....... don't loan you car out if your gas gauge doesn't work.  Or better yet put some gas in it the minute you get it back. 

Until my next mess or I find something I want to share, be well, be safe, be happy, and get rich so you can fix your gas gauge if it dies.  I am saving for a Honda CRV!!  Let you know when that happens. 

I SOLD SANTA!.........by Diane Ogden

I did.  I sold Santa Claus.  S H U T U P!  Hey the government  sells our highways, and our ports, and I'm not so sure they really haven't sold California and we just don't know it yet Fred!  So why not sell Santa too.  Ohhhh like all the little kids will be sad huh?  Hey, I couldn't put him up in my small apartment any longer.  Seriously.  For almost a year he stood all lonely behind my Grandmothers red tufted love seat staring at me when I was in my office working.  That had to stop, so I put him in the spare bathroom.  I know that is really pushing the low button on life isn't it.  God what is this going to do to my CHRISTMAS KARMA?   I texted my son and said, "I sold Santa."  He texted me back and said, "What, YOU sold Santa!!!!"  I could feel the negative vibrations thru the phone text.  Come on, Santa deserved to be somewhere else but my spare bathroom hello Joe.  Being such a cutie that he is and he has so much to offer I had to do it. I had to let him go. Now I suppose I will be on the list of nationwide hated people.  Hang on, the story isnt over yet.  So I posted a note on facebook and low and behold (what does that really mean? low and behold?  I think its biblical, Maybe Santa is too and we just don't know it) an acquaintance from High School decided she wanted to buy him. Yes Yes I took cash for the old boy.  The friend and her daughter came to get him the same day.  Oh my Lord it was like so wonderful.  Like I found him an adopted family where he will be happy.  Children and dogs and the whole scamedal scamodel or whatever they used to say on Three's Company if anyone remembers that show.  You  know the two girls lived with the one guy show from the 70's or 80's.
  A N Y W A Y as Ellen says..... I sold Santa and he is gone.  But on his way being carried out, the daughter, Sarah, grabbed him by the balls so hard (trying to lift the old boy) by accident and his head blew off.  No worries, a lil duct tape and he's good to go.  Yes I lived in Oklahoma long enough to learn all about duct tape. That stuff had to be sent by God above cause it is a cure all!  It may not turn water into wine but it does everything else.  Even cures wort's. But back to Santa.  He has a found his way to a beautiful home in Princeton, Wisconsin.  He gets to watch the birds, and all sort of outdoorsy stuff.  Lucky STIFF!  So until I sell God, or the President, or one our Senators, be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich so you can buy Santa if you find him for sale on Face Book! Amen in case Santa is biblical.

Goodwill.............by Diane Ogden

 I have lived at the same address for nine years.  I moved from a 3,500 sq.foot home to an 1,100 sq. foot apartment and that might be stretching it, with one storage bin in the parking garage.  That being said, I have stuffed things into that bin, plus borrowed two others from young EPIC (large computer corporation) renters who mostly travel for their job.  There is no good ventilation in the parking garage so one of the tenants showed me how to hook up a fan in my storage bin and run it off the complex so my personal items would not MOLD!! That has worked out well so far.  I just kept getting more and more items piling up in the bins.  Sooo I took the day off!  Yup, I have enough food and gas so I let the $ go and stayed home for some much needed r & r.  Obviously I have a problem sitting still sometimes because I cleaned out all three bins.  Mine and the ones I borrowed.  Actually my daughter helped me thank the Lord.  Something very unexpected happened to me while I was cleaning out.  I found history.  The beautiful Victorian Christmas ornaments I placed ever so gently each year for twenty years on a 7.5 foot white flocked full tree.  The white birds, the pink and gold brushed glass balls, tons of pink roses, pink and creme colored ribbons, pearls, crystals, and many antique ornaments such as Victorian Skaters and cherubs.  I also decided to retire my old 1980 Montgomery Ward Sewing Machine!  You cannot imagine the things I created with that old girl.  After a while it was time to hit the blue plastic bins all stacked up in the corner.  Clothes!!
I found the dress I wore to my 15 year class reunion.  Do note the kid wearing it in the photo below and do note I will be trying that dress on just to see if it still fits. Then I shall prance around my small square footage abode in my dress and athletic shoes passing each mirror saying, "Good Girl!"

Then I found a box of 35 mm slides that my Nana left to me of all her and Grandad's travels around the United States. They both passed away many many years ago.  And there was my garden Angel, a gift from a dear friend, but no garden anymore.  A chandelier I planned to use in an outdoor display but I have no outdoor "no more!"  Planter boxes that do not fit on the rod iron railings of my porch. The tool box my dad put together for me which I KEPT and is pictured below.  My great great Grandmother's plant stand which I also kept.  A plastic Sterlite bin full of buttons. One of many that I collect for some reason.  And a small bin of potpourri hearts I create out of old vintage jewelry and vintage buttons.  I do wish I had time to do more of that.  Three Sears Catalogs which I also have a collection of.  About seventy five bottles of watercolor paints, brushes, and a color wheel. And would you believe my beat up box of AFLAC ducks when pressed scream A F L A C! Now that is a good memory of the time I was very successful in Oklahoma and Texas! The red box is the tool box below my Dad made me years ago as I said.  He has since passed away but I have the tools I need to continue my life.  The bottom and last photo is another one of the collages made from old jewelry and buttons.  A Western theme. Oh Lord I found my old work out spandex pants!  I may try them on too.  There was more, but you get the idea.  A lot of my HISTORY is now at Goodwill. I am sure only good spirits are traveling with my "things."

 So until I clean out my closets and under my bed.....be well, be happy, be safe, and get rich just for the heck of it.  It's fun!  p.s. I see I put the horseshoe on the Western collage upside down.  Crap, it cant catch the good spirits and hold them in for me.  I must fix that.

top photo from:  http://oneshabbyoldhouse.blogspot.com  

I Received a Blessing Today.....and Forever by Diane Ogden

My Granddaughter wrote this on her blog the other day.  I guess not much else in the world could have blessed me like this did when I read it:  Thank you Precious Bree... I love you forever.

A TRIBUTE: 
A lot of people have that one person in their life that means the world to them. It may be your mother, your father or even one of your siblings. For some its their grand-parents. For me, its my Nana!

I think since the day I was born she has been rooting for me. She saw something special in me (thank god someone did LOL). Since I can remember Nana D has been there for me through everything. Its almost as if I was her little gift from god.

I always tell everyone when talking about her that she is absolutely gorgeous and for being 60 something she damn hot. A 25 year old stuck in a 60 year olds body. No joke, I tell people that. I hope that I have her good genes and no one else's when i get up there in age.

As far back as I can remember its been her who has been trying to teach me the ways of life. When my mother couldn't care for us we would spend our days at her daycare and every weekend I would spend at her house. She took us to church and even taught me my nightly prayer. She would come in every night and tuck me in and teach me a little verse at a time until I had it memorized and then we would move on to the next verse until finally I had it all.

She was the one who would buy us our clothes and throw us huge birthday parties and grad parties. She even gave me her car when I turned 18 cause my mother couldn't afford it (that's what she says). She would call me up on the phone and we could talk for hours. We would sit in her big ole' bed at night and watch Jay Leno and laugh our butts off. I used to do her paper route with her and clean houses. Any and every time I was with her we would just laugh and laugh. Good therapy for the both of us.

Nana has always been the one to try and push me out of my comfort zone and get me to do bigger and better things. She was the one who knew 'I just needed to be a model'. I can always tell her anything and she'll listen and give the best advice. There have been times when we haven't spoke for months on end because we live in a drama full family but at the end of the day, she's my hero.

She works her butt off just to get a buck and she treats all of us with respect and love. I mean c'mon the lady has 5 kids and about 8 grand kids. She's wonder women. Not a day goes by that she isn't on my mind and not a night goes by that I don't wish I could give back to her in some way. I always said if I won the lotto, I'd buy her her dream home and car. She has worked too hard in her life not to be treated like a queen. And it makes me sad to see how some of us treat her. She's made mistakes, but haven't we all? Isn't the key to life forgiveness? Some days I wish she were my mother, but then again, if she were, I probably wouldn't be so kind right now. Funny how life works.

The day she leaves us will be the hardest day in my life. She is beautiful on the outside and has the kindest heart anyone should have. I want to be able to say I'm just like my nana when I'm 65. And I want to slap every single one of her kids for the way they act. But I could also slap myself for somethings I have done to her.

My point is, I think everyone should cherish their grand parents for they are the ones with wisdom and the ones who teach you what your parents missed. I love you Nana D, you are my heart, even on my bad days :)

Thinking................by Diane Ogden

I was watching a TV Series on Netflix that tricked me.  (Series ended and no way to see the rest without paying through the ass!) You know, same way life tricks you.  Oh wait, they all tell me life doesn't trick you, it's YOU...you trick you.  I don't know about that.  I like to watch The Secret Movie, but I don't agree with it totally.  Like anything, there is that grey area..... My grey area is big.  LOL and I am fairly tired of LOL by the way.  And of BTW which I just stated in the last sentence.
So tonight I was struck.  No not struck like hit, or by lightning... struck, you know by thinking.  No not stinking thinking. Well maybe some.  Just life thinking.  hummp.  I was walking into my kitchen and got struck by thinking : 
Am I okay? idk
My hair seems very dry. Should I call and make an apt with the GP?
I think I am okay. But I do feel odd lately.  Not as happy as usual.  Not telling my usual jokes and making my usual funnies.  Am I eating what I should?  My hair turned curly.  Is it Hirshimotos disease? idk. Where is my son Chris?  I love him so much.  I remember the day he was born.  I wear his ring every day sending him love and calling him home. All Mothers should know where they baby boys are.  Even if they are thirty something. 
He has a girlfriend now.... I am happy for him.  He should call home.  My dream board hangs in the bedroom where I view it each evening before retiring and upon wakening.  Will I ever retire besides the going to bed kind?  Will I die before I retire? Tomorrow if I have time I would like some new clothes. Such a hassle.  I used to know just which store to shop in. Guess time passed and suddenly that isn't my store anymore.  Where do I go now?
I take a deep breath. Glad I can.  But sometimes wishing I couldn't.  Should I join Match.com?  Or Harmony?  Harmony ha.  Whens the last time I didn't pretend life was harmonious?  I could never play the harp. No I am not crazy or smoking anything weird.  Harmonious just happened to remind me of Harps.  Angels.  But then they are not of earth.  Or are they?  My Dad died. I ask every few days where did he go?  I think I know.  Life gets old.  I am getting old. But life is older than me or how I feel in my mind.  Will I meet and fall in love once again?  Sometimes, no all the time I THINK I might just have met my quota on the love thing.  Do you think God or the Universe has a quota for each of us?  Hell look at Elizabeth Taylor.  That would mean I have five more chances at this happy man thing.  idk.  That means I don't know.  Will I have a porch filled with pretty wicker furniture ?  Will I get the mini'-lift (face)I want?  Or will that cash go for the new vehicle?  Dumb ass question huh?  Wouldn't I look snazzy (notsomuch!) driving around all face pulled up pretty, in a rust bucket? Balance.  I say.  Do really think about what that means.  Facelift vs decent vehicle or rust bucket.  That would be life.  I wonder how long my lil dog will live. Or my cat.  They are my roomies you know.  What will I do when they go?  What will they do if I go first?  My dog wont eat.  Shit.  Sometimes life sucks.  Sometimes life doesn't.  Will that Owl that spoke to me really take/fly me home someday?  I could feel/sense/see myself soaring with him on the last journey home.  He looked into my eyes and told me he would take me home.  I hope so. He is he only owl that has ever spoke to me in my life.   Sometimes I look for signs.  Sometimes I don't.  Every night I pray/decide on good sleep.  I try not to clench my teeth.  I try not to be angry. At what?  At myself silly. Sometimes I say...."Forgive me Diane. Forgive me for not doing better for you, and your children."  ha.  That isn't funny. I meant to do better.   Its good to forgive yourself for the errors that  caused so many earthquakes in your soul and life. That's what The Secret says....Its your fault for wherever you are in this life.  Soooo.....
Wait. The Secret forgot to mention those of us who have evolved past our errors, yet must live in the bed we made.  And so I am.  Trying to smile all the way through the shit.  Have you ever stunk up the "rest" room.  Dr. Oz says that's life and poop is part of life.  I remember being seven years old and using the outhouse at Grandma Tillie's farm over by the Arboretum.... They milked cows for the Bowman Dairy here in Madison.  I could read then, and  on the wall of the outhouse (God that thing was scary, the outhouse that is) was written..."Some come here to sit and think, but I come here to shit and stink."  Awful huh?  Yeah I agree.  But it stuck in my head all these decades.  As did the sound of the early morning crows.  Whenever I hear the crows I think of Grandma's green shades over the old windows and her making eggs for me.  Oh and the writing on the wall deal of shitting and such gross talk?  I wonder who wrote that?  Certainly not any college educated evolved human being I can recall.  I didn't come from that stock.  I came from immigrants who farmed the land.  Some became wealthy, some became not so much and some were and are rednecks.
Some got educated. Some married into educated. Some married into money.  Me..... read between the lines.  They say you marry what you need to repair .  That is why you are here born to this earth.  Well I married my Father, My Grandfather, and then my Mother.  Did it help?  I sure hope so as I would hate/ no I would refuse to return to do-overs!!  Refuse I say.  I don't ever wish to do this life again. That said, I do make sure I wear clean underwear every day in case a bus kills my ass.  And I have been trying to make sure my abode is fairly cleaned out of any hoarding such as memory clothes from better times...like the 80's. Am I kidding? Maybe.  I have a box of memories that outgrew my jewelry box ready for the children's viewing. Rings my son made me in high school. My school report cards. Letters from my children, good and bad.  The card placed on their plastic tote in hospital when they were born. My daughters first baby hairbrush and shoes.  All my old credit cards.  The key to my favorite car.  Coins worth $.  Photos of the love of my life long gone.  That would not be one of the three \ of eight Elizabeth husbands.  I hope not to live my life out in a nurse home. (Dying mill)  Maybe I shouldn't pray before I merge onto the highway every day.... maybe that would be easier then any dying mill I have visited.
I look like my aunt Berdie.  That doesn't mean I will be like her right?  Right!  Am I happy?  Ya. Happy is a state of mind.  I am happy.  Just thinking too much sometimes.  Doesn't everyone? Or is this just me?  I watch movies.  I take myself away from my thinking to movies.  They save me.  From me?  Maybe so.  Am I normal?  Idk.  That is I don't know.  I think so.  Probably just low on Vitamin D.  The laughing vitamin I call it.  I watch Dr. Oz. sometimes.  I cant take all that stuff he recommends.  I think I need it but its over the top.  I tried to make notes.  Forget it.   I will go back to meditating . 

 

I love roses.  Have you ever rubbed a rose petal? Amazing.  When I go to the fabric store I stop and...no not to smell the roses...I brush the velvet with my hands over and over. Feels just like real life rose petals. Like I am loving it.  Try it sometime.  I wonder how velvet is made. I should know this. 
I hope I don't lose my teeth in this life.  I like my teeth. They are attached to me.  People aren't.  They come and go. 
I have never had a new eating table. Tomorrow I am going to go buy a brand new eating (dining) table and chairs.  And then maybe a new sofa or not.  I need a new used car first. Whatever comes I will do.
I am merely sharing what my mind is thinking for a small moment in time.  Some good, some weary.  But in the end ALSWELL like my license plate has said to all since 1990 something.  And its true.  ALSWELL.  And I'm good.  There is more good to come.  I just know it.  Time to stop thinking and rest.  This was good. 

The LakeHouse............by Diane Ogden

I took this picture from the kitchen window of my clients Lake house.  The haunted Lakehouse might I add.  In fact I have three employees that won't go into the lower level of said Lakehouse.  Let me say I don't wish to go to the lower level myself considering there is a "ghost" down there that does not like us, me, visiting.  I say "it" is the visitor and "it" needs to move on.  But then they, or "it" doesn't seem to be listening so well to me.  If you have ever had an encounter with a ghost from the other side that isn't exactly friendly you will know it.  The little-iest hairs on the back of your neck, arms, soul, spirit, and brain will stand on end.  YOU WILL KNOW YOU HAVE ENCOUNTERED something that isn't of this world.  (Psssst, it isn't a good (god) feeling)  I tell my employees this "thing" cannot hurt them.  It can only scare them.  Heck life is scary every day in some way....but I understand that the non - understandable is "beyond" frightening.  I prefer the "beyond" folk that bring peace!  Not the ones that cause straight hair to curl.

The first picture is the real one.  The second picture represents the peaceful hereafter.  And the third one is the spirit that hasn't found its way out-a-here (there) yet..... "YELLOW!"  I recall the word "yellow belly sap sucker."  Not sure why that was used to represent a coward.  Are the spirits left behind yellow bellies? Or are they lost?  Or are they just too afraid of the unknown that they have to pass through to get to the precious beauty of the next dimension?  I believe the answer is all of the above and more.

So all that said and I left a lot out....be happy or don't be, be well or not, be safe or be afraid, and if your rich or poor is your deal..... I am all of that.  Happy, sad, well, afraid, rich and poor!  Next time....... If the ghost doesn't get me!

Is That The Moon? by Diane Ogden

Is this the most beautiful moon you have ever seen in a black and white?  Okay that is a bit of an exaggeration I know.....Or is it the worst newest Christmas decoration of 2012?  Or......is it a UFO?  Or an ORB?  Actually, I took this picture in the parking lot of the local grocery store!  It is truly the ugliest street light you've ever seen! Rust and all. But I was so excited to see some of the first decorations, I decided to try this upshot.  And how bout that,  it turned out pretty darn good.  The glare hid the rust and gave me a nice fake moon glow.         (Or moon over pole glow)  Either way I like it.  And I am rambling on so...the end