Today I Met a Witch..................by Diane Ogden

We all know that is the famous Lady GaGa.  And she is a dead ringer for the woman I am telling you about that came upon me today. 

She was a witch.  No not the put a spell on you kind of witch, although she definitely put something on me for about 60 seconds or so of my life.  She was pretty and fancied up lady driving a big honkin White SUV.  I was on a narrow city neighborhood street where two cars cannot pass each other at the same time.....  Especially if there are parked cars on either side.  And that is exactly what happened.
I was stopped behind a right side parked car waiting to turn left and also waiting for an oncoming car to pass through the narrow roadway.  At that time I look into my rear view mirror and see this woman
with the meanest look on her face.  It amounted to the old saying, "If looks could kill I would have slumped over the wheel."  Do recall there is a car coming from the opposite direction of which she could have cared less.  There were no yellow lines so she "gunned it,"  "gassed it,"  "goosed it," " put the pedal to the metal,"  'hit the gas,"  "floored it," "accelerated," and so on....she flew by me and toward that oncoming car with the speed of lightning all the time sending me HATE!  I was just trying to get to my first job.  I remained calm.  She was the nutcase that had to get somewhere fast.  She made it using some serious swerving action.  Sometimes I think those sort of people do better.  They just get on out there and "cluck" the rest of us.  No, I don't want to be like Ms. Stink Eye! 
I think we have all experienced an ugly person while driving.  Today was my turn.  So until I find something funny, this is it.  Be happy, be well, be safe, and get rich so you can have a pretty white SUV, and be happier than witch lady.  Laters.

Grandma's Wine Glass and Other Stuff....................by Diane Ogden

I had a day off today.  That is monumental!  I slept like a new baby all night and felt like a different person upon waking. I had no idea I would feel so happy getting one little day off but I was and am.  Probably the Springtime smells and sunshine helped.  I happily cleaned a few drawers and cupboards and while doing so I inadvertently knocked a bag of old hard brown sugar (that is exactly why I was cleaning out) off the shelf and onto the precious delicate, and the only one left, wine glass from my Grandmother Gillie who passed away in the 1980's.  Crash!  Done, gone, just like life sometimes. 
I used that wine glass with etched grapes on its sides for all sort of things besides wine. Toothpicks,
(I know not very ingenious or romantic) a beautiful flower floating on glass, Q-tips LOL,  Bobbi pins.  It didn't matter what I put in that wine glass, it made me feel closer to my Grandma Gillie.  She was the happy Grandma. 

She liked to smoke a cigarette on occasion and take a shot of whiskey now and then.  And fish, she liked to fish.  I still have one of her rhinestone hair combs, an onyx ring, blue topaz ring and her winter coat with mink collar and tails.  And a few memories. 

I am a person that gets attached to "things."  Its not the things but what the things are attached to in my mind.  So that being said, I am attached to things that are attached to things in my head.   
I am attached to my other Nana's little red velvet tufted love seat that my daughters cat has nearly destroyed.  I used to sleep on that  when I was four years old.  That will cost upwards of $1,500 to have reupholstered.  Good God.  Maybe more... considering all the buttons.  And Velvet runs mega cash per yard. I just cant take it to Goodwill or to the trash.  I just cant.  Here I am jabbering about the love seat when the wine glass just broke.  Maybe I should invite a "big guy" over to plop down on it so it will break like the wine glass and then I would/could/should throw it away.

I am also attached to jewelry.  I have cases of jewelry that I never wear.  But its so pretty I love to look at it.  My mother does that...... how is it a person can inherit jewelry hoarding.  Well I did.  If I had more time I would put it all to great use taking piece's apart and making treasures out of all of it.
But I don't for now.  So it will stay under my bed, in my wardrobe, and in the standing jewel case.

So this wasnt that interesting, or funny...but it will go into my blog book for someone to read someday when I am dead and gone!  Until then, be happy, be well, be safe, and get rich so you can  recover the dead Nana's love seat you used to sleep on when you were four but dont fit on anymore. Well not to sleep on anyway.  Laters

Ghost on Regent Street......................by Diane Ogden

 

I was working alone at a clients home on Regent Street....There was a noticeable presence
in the room and that presence was behind me, to the point I would jump and turn to see who was there. Someone was looking at me so intently that the hair on my neck was standing up.
I tried to be reasonable. To say to myself, "Oh maybe its Tim's Mom checking to see how I am doing in her son's home." You see she passed on last year and her son and she were very close.
But this didn't feel like a friendly Mom you know? I couldn't think of anyone dead that didn't like me. Well, I didn't really think allot on that subject, but I sure knew something was in that house with me. Eeewww. I bet I turned around startled at least five times only to find nothing was there, that I could see anyway. Suddenly the two dogs that live there went nuts! Barking and running to the front door. Sometimes they bark at squirrels, mailmen, and this time I was hoping it wasn't ghosts. And this time I did go look....
Oh my God! There was a person walking to the front door and oh my God they reached for the handle to open the door. The dogs are going berzerko not to mention me! My mind said several things at once! Yes all at once! Now I know a person can see their life flash before them because I heard many instructions all at once! "Where's their phone. Get your phone. Get something to use as a weapon. Get a description.... Scare him...." and more. Then he ran away. I always leave the key in this particular door making it easy to lock when I leave. Today I didn't for some reason...A year of leaving the key in door and today I didn't. I wanted out of there soooo bad. I hurried to finish... opened the front door and four huge black crows came swooping over the house and driveway squawking like a band of bad boys...My thought was, OK whose going to die? Not sure where I heard crows and death went together but I did. I suspect I heard that old wives tale from my old relatives.
Did the ghost follow me out the door? Well if it did it was going to have to have lunch with me because that was next on the list. That is before I dropped a brand new roll of paper towels on the ground that rolled down the thirty foot inclined driveway and into the street. I should have taken a pic of that one... Crows screaming, a path of white paper what seemed a mile long and a lost unknown ghost somewhere on the property. Me...I was so outta there!

Angel n Aliens.............by Diane Ogden

Since I inherited Bob Ogden, the rescue cat, strange sitings are occurring.  Whether it is night or day my camera is catching spirits around Bob Ogden.  I know I know..... but it is what it is people.  Bob is blessed.  I think.  I truly hate to post a couple of these pics because I look like some one's brother but who really cares.  I have my good days and my bad brother looking days.  The key here is that I have at least fifteen photos of spirits around Bob Ogden.  Bob has to stay in one room of my apartment at this time due to the other zoo animals who might kill him or vice verse.  Good reason?  I go in and sit with him for about three hours a day as you have probably read from previous blog posts.  The reason I started taking photos of Bob is because he is so loving.  Even the vet and vet techs love Bob.  Just a different sort of cat is all.  And now I know why.  He is possessed.  I think by good.  Good with what I don't know.  People, angels?  Dunno, just know. Bob Ogden puts his paws on each of my cheeks...  Like he is saying thank you for saving me.  I say to him, so pay up the vet bill buddie, and maybe his good spirits will help do just that. I'll take a lotto spirit. Reminds me of a joke I heard long ago.  The lady prayed to God to win the lottery and he gave her overtime instead. And I got Bob Ogden. Okay back to my point.  One of the pics I took looks like an Angel, but beside my face and to the right of the photo appears alien faces. That is the first photo below. I am thinking I have captured something no one else has and may receive some amazing award. Well except the government probably already has alien photos.  Just kidding I think. Check out this photo and see the faces (on right above the light ) and the Angel.

 

I have many photos with swirling mist and such. 

 

This top photo has no spirits.  The rest all do. 

Just sayin!  These lights and shadows show up during the day and at night. 

I have many more photos.  So until I get a photo of more aliens...or ??  Be safe, be well, be happy, and get rich so you can help me pay for Bob's Veterinarian debt.  He gets "de-manned" on Friday.  Add it to the bill please. 

Easter Basket BLow-out.....by Diane Ogden

So I went to TJ Max to find something really cool for my little Grand daughter but there was nothing cool left there.  Wal Mart was not on my list of places to frequent the day before Easter so I opted for Walgreen's.  That the the Northern edition of the Southern Eckerds.  In I go!  I pick up the cutsie bunnie basket at $9.99.  I can handle that.  Then I start the search for its inerds.  Bubbles. Chocolate footballs, gum, chocolate eggs, M&Ms, a wind up bunny that does flips, a kit kat bar, and omg I forgot PEEPS! How could I forget PEEPS! I have five children that grew up loving PEEPS.  (Personally I hate PEEPS!)  My Grand Daughter called today on their road trip back from their cruise from heaven, stops in St. Thomas and so on...   telling me she hoped their Dad would stop tomorrow and get them some PEEPS on their three day drive back home!  OMG what is it with PEEPS.  PEEPS are sugared marshmallow critters with flavoring.  Okay....

So back to my point. I get to the checkout of the mini wal mart called Walgreens Pharmacy where the cutsie lil girl rings me out.  When I saw the total I about .......what?  Wanted to just walk out!  Wanted to say WHAT? HOW MUCH?  Wanted to say SERIOUSLY..  Ya, Okay, Right.   Wanted to cry but knew I couldn't.  Wanted to throw a public fit but knew I couldn't.  Couldn't believe it so I just pulled out the debit card and swiped it....calmly walked out thinking something was wrong.  The total was $37.00 and something cents.  I say it should have said, "Lady you have lost your cent's."(sense) 

I got home and found I was overcharged $6.00 and something (cents) sense! I still cant find where I spent $20 on items that cost 3 for $1.00 and some .99 each.  And now its all been wrapped up.

Well Happy Easter and Happy Resurrection of my lost money.  Thank you Lord for the return of my losses..... (for the past 60 years thanks) And Thank You that you rose from the dead to show all of us there is life after death and Bunnies that bring stupid things that cost $37.00 a bucket. And dye chicken eggs and hide them on children for fun.  Literally..OMG.  Regardless......I love you. P.S. There were no chickens or eggs when they rolled the stone away right?  That's what I thought. But then there was no Santa at the stable where you were born either.  But at least he brings the idea of gifts of love that we exchange to one another.  What does the bunny have to do with you giving your life for us?  Oh I know.... Like in Alice in Wonderland ....we are all children who need to stop and pay close attention so we can grow and learn to take the right path... 

Ya, like not spending $37.00 on a small bunny basket full of junk to celebrate the resurrection of Christ.  Which means we can all have a new beginning each and every day.

Laters....

Government Clips or "Chips?".................by Diane Ogden

I have heard that the government, or China will be putting identification chips in our bodies at some point in the future.  Why my health provider now scans the veins in my hand before they let me in the office doors.  What is wrong with my face and drivers license and other such ID.  No, now they are scanning me.  I have had this secret fear I was chipped during my sleep.  Or while I had a medical procedure possibly.  And now I know it's true.  And to top it off they gave me a photo after they did it.  They think because they call it a clip I don't get it?  I get it alright, its really a chip that is programmed to exterminate me at a certain time.  They have my bank records and if I do not have over $250,000 income a year I shall be exterminated at a given day in time.  I know I'm right.  Just look at it. It is big enough to hold all my information since birth.What if its ALUMINUM? That causes cancer. Ten dollars says its from China and made of aluminum and nickle. OMG! 

 

Let me explain:  That is a photo of my recent medical procedure at which time they overdosed me so they could implant this killer chip.  It also tells them where I am at all times.  Damn thing has GPS.    I could be wrong but I don't believe so.  The only other explanation is that aliens have infiltrated our entire country through the Insurance Companies on down through all medical facilities, hospitals and doctors offices.  They have reprogrammed chips to fit on all supplies such as staples, probes, ear tubes, contact lenses, tampons, etc. Anything to be placed internally in humans, and have also been placed microscopically on all instruments used to enter human beings through all orifices of the body.  They know our every move. 

 

There are only a select few humans that are aware of this takeover but they have been programmed not to speak of it.  If they do they will incinerate immediately when out of sight of other humans.  That is what all the black cinders are that you think are just black cinders.  They are really human beings that tried to stop this insanity.  The only way to remain free of the alien chips is to never go to the dentist, doctor, or tattoo artist. It's too late for me, but maybe not for you.

 

I was actually joking about this.  I decided to google alien chips in humans and was aghast at how many google pages there are regarding this.  Some people really believe this to be true.  Jeezers People!  I was just joking I thought.  Maybe I was abducted the other day and drugged and chipped.  So if I disappear just look for a little black cinder with one shiny aluminum chip laying somewhere private.  Like a beach or my underground parking ramp.  Just don't step on me, I have had enough!  So until I uncover something enlightening or funny or happy, be well, be safe, be happy, and get rich so you can???   Be happy even with the alien or Chinese aluminum chip in your orifice.     

Colonoscopy and The Full Moon................by Diane Ogden

Well today was interesting to say the least. Not to mention last night after drinking the gallon of salt solution that left my ass foaming. That could have been from the one shot of Blended J&B Scotch I downed at 11:00 p.m. last night. Hey, I couldn't sleep. But that part of this ordeal (notice I say or-deal as a deal is something good, this was an OR notsogood deal) is over and as I walked outside at 6:00 a.m.to get into Jackie's new huge SUV touch tone everything, all the while knowing my paid for Buick in the underground was probably so beyond Jealous that I shall have to make it up to her somehow. Jackie, my friend of 30 years, from Florida was home for a visit. She was so nervous about getting me there on time that she came an hour early. I told her, Hell we have enough time to get to Rockford. Of course she laughed. That is when I noticed the full moon. I absolutely froze in my early morning tracks. I never do medcial appointments during a full moon. No never. You can die by bleed out from doing that. Hey my anxious button was in overdrive today. I saw the parking ramp caving in on us and rubble everywhere. When Jackie pulled into the parking slot (I could see the sky) I was sure we were going thru it and down to death.) But here we were heading for the dreaded poop shooter, alias, the Silver Stallion dreaded scope review. Of which I informed the doctor I had a different vision of what a Silver Stallion is. I told him/them that in my day, which means youth before butt scoping needs, I think they used to call Sylvester Stalone "The Italian Stallion." You know, Sylvester Stalone? The YOUNG doc just stood there looking at me.  I said, "Have you heard of  Arnold Swartzaneger?  Which of course broke the room into laughter. All except me who was staring at a syringe of something setting on a tray nearby.

I asked what is in the syringe, and she said, Benedryl. I told her I don't do so well taking taht family of drugs.... but she shot it into me anyway. God they know when they can do whatever they want. I'd say this was one of those when times. Oh and they told me I could leave my socks on.

What? They don't know how many days I have worn those socks,or where they have walked, or what is on the bottoms of the. Made no diff and so socks went with me into the rotor rooter room. Just think, those socks that could have been dirty full of germs were two feet from my ass.. Jeez. And I had gotten a beautiful little flower painted on my big toe nails just to make them all happy while they "did my ass," but they said no leave your socks on. I said, "No,wait, the flower, W A I T....." And that is when they gave me the dose of fentynol and something else and Benedryl. People.....I don't take

more than a 200 mg. Ibuprofen and that is on occasion. HELLO... And then in a nanosecond I am gone with the full moon.

I wake up. No I don't wake up exactly. I open my eyes a little. Jackie tells the nurse in a loud anticipatory skinny skriek. "SHE'S AWAKE!" (Like I had been in a coma for months) Nurse comes in quickly as I suspect I have taken up one of their expensive move em in move em out beds for sleeping too long. Jackie told me she never saw anyone so out of it. Well I never felt so out of it either. They hustled me out of there on Jackie's arm. Jackie is the size of a fairy, which I told her while under the influence of fentynal, she could use an extra twenty pounds easy. Seriously. My Grandfather would have loved her.... He used to sing this little Popeye song that fits her to a T.

"I love to go swimming with bowlegged women

I'm Popeye the sailor man!"

Jackie has enough room between her legs for a mac truck to drive home, I mean through.

That would be Jackie. She might weight 85 pounds wetted down. Back to my point. We drove out of that place, me in a drug induced state and her trying to see over the steering wheel of the hog SUV she rented. S C A R Y!

She stopped and got me a Whopper and fries. I recall eating two fries and two bites of the burger. Do not remember getting into the SUV honker at the hospital/stockyard. (Or even getting out of at home.)

Finally Home...Fairy sized person walked me straight to bed with my clothes on and I was GONE with the wind! (The gases one gets from the air expelled into the colon from the silver stallion, now renamed, Black Stallion probe) And that is straight from the "horses" (doc's) mouth. That was 11:30 and I woke up at 3:30, still dizzy and drunk on something. I ate part of the rest of

the burger and limp fries, which I wished on that doctor (the limp part) for overdosing me when I specifically told them how sensitive I am to drugs. He was very handsome fellow by the way. So if anyone had to go up my, ass, I guess he would do just fine.

I only hope I didn't talk during because the procedure as I am liable to say anything. Why, because I had an audience. Everyone was laughing from the time I arrived until the drugs went into my vein at which time it was, bye bye birdie!

I have had many procedure's similar to this. None have I ever felt so "shitty." Actually I have no "shitty" left so that means I have never felt so just plain awful. I don't mean to complain, but I was looking forward to the vein injection due to past good experiences from said same. I was anticipating the best sleep I've had in months.  Notsomuch!

And I want cake and I cant even drive to get any. I wouldn't dare drive. I can hardly turn in my computer chair. Dizzy-Doris!

So they found two polyps and took them from me. They are being sent by courier or runner to some lab for cancer screening.

So here I am. Sitting in the lil apt. unable to walk far, and no cake. Hey, at least my ass has stopped foaming. Poor thang. (That was probably from the full moon ) My bad or not checking on that! Certainly not from the shot of Scotch. Okay so shot and one half.

I a deep breath, and then again. I survived the 2013 fentanyl/fentynal/midozolam conscious sedation procedure. What am I thinking?  (Assholes loud and clear!) I noticed they all had banker suits on vs health care. Anesthesiologists cost too much. Nurses don't. I have been cut! I had been reduced to one of the herd who got branded like a cow. I tried to turn and look in the mirror to see if they had branded me ass, or put a chip in me anywhere. No numbers on my forehead. Guess I'm safe. Yet I know they were watching... You know the ones. ( Congress) Bet they get an anesthesiologist.

So until my next procedure or I find something funny or interesting. Be safe, Be well, Be Happy, and GET RICH so you can rent an anesthesiologist the next time some cute doctor wants to play Sylvestor Stylone up your ass. Just kidding! Laters