Part II: "Cinderella Syndrome" .........by Julianna Rowe

Hello My Name is Katerina and I have so much more to tell: Gangsters and Guns, The Hooker and Charlie Rich, The Dentist, Virginia, and the Mob. Here is where it begins

Part II:  Crestview:  “The Cinderella Syndrome”  

          Raised as a female in the '50's is self explanatory to some, but not to others. The majority of girls were raised to find a good husband and have babies. To be quiet, cook, and clean. Example: Lucy and Desi in "I Love Lucy!" (That was the 70’s, I was raised in the 50’s!)

         Tragedy for Katerina became familiar in those days  in the form of being a sexual party favor looking to fit in and be loved. (Not as in hooker by any means.) Crashing on occasion into a self-loathing victim.  The “Pretty Girl” Syndrome.  Searching for the glass slipper with a foot that didn’t fit any shoe, much less a glass slipper… anywhere.  Waiting for a break never looking in the proper direction, within.

          I didn’t know how.  I was taught I was trash.

          Everything was an outward leap, while in reality I was drowning in the rapids of life waiting for rescue. Only to be pulled further down river by self-serving men escaping death many times over. Those men were sharp as the Eagle who soared high above the river with sharp eyes that could see beneath the surface allowing it to dive to catch its unknowing prey.

          I would choose situations reflecting the unsuspecting game I was led into playing.  The victim.  Living in a continuing state of blindness to everything surrounding me, the people, the places, and events that deftly showed the chilling effects to come, all the time thinking I was getting when in reality I was in a city of garbage still searching for Crestview.  It wasn’t there, nor was it anywhere.  Have you ever searched for years for haunting spirit you couldn’t see? 

          Crestview in reality was a negative force.  I made it a “make believe” place like fantasy land like Disney World. It's all I had.

Chapter 13: The Love of My Life...................by Julianna Rowe

 This chapter could have been named Crestview II as the true story carried the same demons held inside the souls of each character including myself.  Those silent dragons kept me on a continual search for Crestview’s delusive dreams. 

Chapter 13:  The Love of My Life…..Really Wasn’t 

     (I remember the day he walked into the hotel restaurant where I and a friend were having lunch.  He caught my Crestview eye and I watched intently as he sauntered across the room.  He was a cross between Sam Elliot and Rhett Butler! He had removed his black Stetson hat upon entering and held it close to his hip as he moved. His shirt was crisp as was the sharp crease down the center of his denim jeans.  His dark leather western boots led not only his walk but called out to me with a howling I instantly yearned for from his touch.  And then he seated himself in the rich black leather booth, looked up, and our eyes locked.  That was the beginning of a true but treacherous and sad love story.)   

            I believe my mind had metal plates surrounding it not allowing any good sense of any kind to enter because I carried a deep love for that man from the age of twenty seven until four years ago. I “bore” that love through two marriages. Not that I didn't love my "hubbs" plural! I have heard we all have the "first love" or "soul mate" love in our lives. Personally I have come to learn we can love more than one person but in different ways. I could go into a long love story here that lasted "three years to life" (some call that a sentence)......add all the ups and believe me the downs....add the children hurt.....the flights back and forth from Oklahoma to Virginia every week.....the heart pounding races to the airport with what seemed like movie star red carpet encounters at the entrance gates bounding into the warm passionate arms of one another then building further to gentle yet firm kisses for all to view. Never knowing anyone else was in the building. Carrying luggage, sharing meals, drinks, loving tenderly....dancing closely, laughing uncontrollably, and best of all looking into one an others eye's seeing the reflection of only one of two. We shared a deep love indeed. 

           I have heard that money is the root of all evil. Pain and grief could be included in that circle of adjectives regarding evil.  

           The world says true and honest Love is all good and pure. So there you have my story, all "tied up” with a handsome cowboy who sauntered into a restaurant and looked into my eyes. Not all true and honest love lasts.

            Basically my story could be two sentences or even two words. Love or Money. Question mark. He chose the money and I was left with the grief and pain which I shall explain.

            I thought I should die. Long story again.... humm maybe someday I shall have more time to write….. for believe me this would be a great book about the tall dark and handsome cowboy, and I shall add, upperclass cowboy whose Daddy rich britches gave him a choice, me or the millions of inheritance.  You see my love was in the midst of a divorce and the soon to be x-wife being wiser and rich put private detectives on him.  She had photos of the wholesome airport greetings, the sharing meals, the luggage being carried into my home.  Photo’s she showed Daddy rich britches.  I broke up no marriage.  The papers had been filed long before I came into any view. Her plan worked out well for her where as the photos helped her attain much of the family fortune.

          The saddest of all was my parents liked him. The children were allowed to go places with us.  The doors were opening for me to see my boys again.  And then once again the doors closed for my boys and I.

          He had purchased me a brand new 1974 burgundy and white Grand Prix.  Asked me to marry him...... until his "Daddy" stopped the gentle deep love, the travel, the red carpet meetings, and the marriage, the everything, in our tracks. 

         I was still working for Arthur at the real estate offices when I learned these facts in a motel outside a dusty small town in western Virginia, where he visited me one last time and was instructed to give me the family decision.  We sat on the edge of an old motel bed and sobbed together like two children. Cowboy’s Daddy chose new tracks for my / our life, and I felt like a homeless bum left in a box car on deserted tracks, alone to die. A lost Love can make a person feel like that. Yet as the years past he was always that little box of a dream I could go to when I needed. A fake hope.  My foolish faith was a photo in the second drawer of my jewel box and a chapter in my life book page 266. He was not my God but he was one of my earthly treasures I always hoped to meet again whether at age eighty on earth or in the heavens hereafter.

         Over the years we spoke by phone a few times, even met once. Oddly, the man I did marry lived in a small town in Texas where my Rhett Butler/Sam Elliot built and opened a Meat packing business one mile away from our home. Odd? I would say!! He had moved from his lifelong home in Virginia to this small city in East Texas, one mile from me. And I moved from Virginia with my husband to one mile from him.

           By then he had more children and so had I. The next time we spoke he had 14 Grandchildren and I had 6..... I knew then heaven was about the only place we might ever be together again. Yes I am laughing because the Universe was either trying to kill the demons of Crestview or trying to keep them alive.

            On occasion during a boring evening at home I would Google his name. Yes I did! And finally one night I found pictures of he and his family...all six children, the Grands, his still living Mother.....and Jackpot, I found one of his daughters on a Face Book site with his photo included. He was bald and I barely recognized him yet he still held that handsome Rhett Butler appearance of taking care of one’s self. The tailored suit and perfect boots. Looking at his photo I could still feel the warmth and safety of his arms and the softness of his lips on mine...my dreams smashed, my hopes lost, my years of deep wanting and memories crushed like a mile wide tornado came onto my screen and into the furrows of my mind and left me momentarily empty. Crap, now that's twice I am left empty by this fellow. My fault...I could have kept my delusional dreams and fake security forever if I hadn't hit that keyboard or joined face book. Now I don't even have a fake memory of a deep love!

              The Crestview money/demons won out again in the end.... for they were mightier than my fragile earthy dreams!  The moral of this love story is that it really wasn't.   By the way he always took excellent care of himself in every manner as I said.  I noticed in the facebook photos his wife was Really Really LARGE!  I’m sorry Rhett, that’s what you get.  

            I read he passed away a few years ago.  I thought I might get a sign from him from the beyond but I never did.  He was a piece of Crestview from the generations past that needed to be lived and allowed to die. I think.

I'll Never Tell...................by Julianna Rowe

I have a business called "A Green Experience," which means my clients choose to have their homes cleaned using all natural Green (cleaning) supplies. I have seen everything from "erp" and I don't mean Wyatt, in bathroom trash containers, to enough dog hair from one cleaning to make forty wigs. OK so four wigs. But I'll never tell. 

The other day one of my clients came to my daughter who works with me on occasion and asked her if she could clean the Green cleaner off his toilet seat after she cleans it with said Green cleaner.

She said, "Sure, but why?" He said, "Because I got stuck to it!"

I couldn't stop laughing because I wanted so badly to say, "No , its not the Green Cleaner, its that you sit too long sir!

You have stacks of magazines, crossword puzzles, and pens, heck it looks like an office next to the toilet. My Grandpa used to say, "Either sit there and think or sit there and stink." Sorry but he was an old Farmer and when I was just old enough to read I saw that written (a tad differently) on the outhouse wall.

There really was an old Sears Catalog in Pa's outhouse for the purpose of wiping. I used to crumple up the pages and rub them together to soften them for obvious reasons. I was 6 years old!! If you have never wiped with a piece of paper you have missed out on a piece of life. But then I have never used a leaf and I don't figure I have missed out on a darn thing.

OK so back to what I have seen. Sweat so thick on walking machines it is yellow and no I wont clean that up! I have seen closets I wouldn't let the cleaning lady see. Now I know why my friends always cleaned up before the cleaning lady came. I love it when I see a beautiful black flat stove top someone used like they were cooking over a campfire. And I am supposed to figure out how to get a quarter of an inch of black crust off it. But I'll never tell. How about teenagers rooms where you cant see the floor for the clothes and glasses of water and bowls and trash and SPIDERS. One of my clients tells me I forgot to dust off the top of the furnace regulator. Yet the inside of the closet looks like a trash bin. But I'll never tell. Once I even got fired for cleaning the cats water fountain which was not fit for carp... You have to laugh at that one.

Then there are those people who have been blessed financially but don't take care of what they were blessed with...I am speaking of the tangible items their money buys them. I am in awe of the number of shoes people have, the organic foods, the pottery and artwork, the remodeling, the closets bigger than my bedroom, the seven bathrooms, and so on, but I'll never tell. I don't mind, I get to people watch and that is one of my favorite pass times and I get paid for it. I keep in mind that I nurture a home and that is my job. Whatever they do with it beyond that I can only watch for the humor of it all.
Above Photo is not of me, duh. Don't you wish and so do I! And make a note this  bottom picture was a bad day after the toilet went over and down the steps! Cute socks huh?

I'll Never Tell..............

The Stink From the Dollar Store..................by Julianna Rowe

I get up early, fix my lunch, take the dog out, not in that order.....do a resurrection on my face, dress....watch the awful news....check facebook of course.... emails and whatever else pops up. 
I pack my "Grannie Cart" with supplies for the day, the lunch bag, purse, and possibly a garbage bag that needs taking out, lock the door, open the elevator........Oh My Gawd!   It's bad enough when someone passes inner air...(farts) in an elevator then gets out and leaves it there for the rest of us! Not to mention someone else gets in and thinks I or YOU did it!  But this was worse.  Farts don't take my breath away, well maybe they do depending on how much Mexican Food you have devoured the previous day.  So do farts take my dogs breath away?   (I don't  think so, but of course I don't do that in front of my dog anyway).  Sure, right, Rita!

I surveyed the area thinking the cleaning people may have used some new "crap" from the Dollar Store when cleaning the elevator!   Hey when you/me have had over a 1/3 of my/your lung removed Dollar Store products are NOT on the list of good for me stinks.  And this stunk. 

I come home from work that day eight plus hours later.  Pack my "Grannie Cart" at my vehicle with the groceries I purchased along with a bottle of DeWar's Scotch as it had a $5 coupon off until the 30th.  Walked to the elevator, pushed the UP bottom and when the door opened there it was again!  A gallon of febreze must have spilled or the cleaning people purchased from the Dollar Store.  I pulled my shirt up over my nose and mouth so I could continue living till the dang electric box elevator got me to floor ONE.  I escaped alive.  Unlocked my apartment door and entered only to see my little dog begging to go outside as usual.

I picked her up and we headed for the entrance of the apartment building.  Opened the final door and got hit with the gallon of FEBREZE from Mexico or China immediately AGAIN.  And there sat the culprit.  A 93 year old man that lives on 3rd floor and grumbles about everything all the time.  But this day he was grinning happily.  My little dog was sneezing over and over and I was dying! 

The old man smiles as he holds up a black bottle and says, " Can you smell my cologne? I been spraying it all around."   (Yes you have been you dear sweet old fellow.)

I responded, "Yes it is amazing!"  (I wanted to say NO SHIT SHERLOCK! But of course I did not.) Bless his Gosh Awful stink.  He was so proud.

He said he was waiting for his girls to come and witness the changes in his WILL.  I smiled as I opened the outside door to the building hoping to relieve myself and my dogs lungs of a sure death on the spot occurrence.  Jeez I didn't know when you got old your smeller went too!!  He obviously couldn't smell his overload on small town apartment USA.

We go outside and my little dog continued to sneeze for a half a block at least.  I shall Pray the old fellow stops spraying the elevator and front entry or maybe I will pray he drops it in his third floor apartment and it breaks.  I just remembered he has a fancy little red sports car which means he would just go buy more.  I guess I wont pray about it after all, I will just give it to God and hope for the best like I do everything anymore.  Once you have had cancer that's what "cha" do.  Guess come to think of it the smell wasn't so bad as having part of a lung removed.  I'm good. Thanks for listening.

True Hilarious Mom Burnout/Breakdown ........................by Julianna Rowe

I wrote this in the 1900's and happen to find it when I was cleaning out some old paperwork yesterday.

DAILY               WEEKLY         MONTHLY      TRUE HILARIOUS MOM BURNOUT    1992

call Marie or write                      Watch Joyce - Benny                  Pray all day all time
paperwork-menus                        cook                                            dishwasher 2-3x day
never take eyes off kids               change diapers  4-5x's                watch for am bus
watch for pm bus                          feed baby                                    pick up cat food (baby eats)
put cat food down (cats)               pic up dog food                          put dog food down
break up fights                              make sure doors shut (baby)      make sure gates shut (baby)
bain aids on owies                        answer telemarketers                pay bills
figure out money                          check on and call Grandpa          drive to tutor 2-3x week
school calls-Amber                      Go to track meets                        call for doctor appts.
check bank statement  
     

find dog-got out                          watch for Amber's cab
call social services                        write to social services                Social Worker Visit
social service paperwork              taxes-keep records                      laundry
Bob's here                                     homework til 9 daily                    conferences
sing  homework sheets                 get nails done                              check fire alarms
call Ambers Gma                         go to open houses                        find sense of humor
call vet                                          gifts for Birthday parties              talk to DeAnne
Pray with Kim                              make bed                                      do toenails
put make up on                             call for hair cuts                          set up garage sale
Check weather for school             Run to store                                  Find sitter for my doc appt
make eye pressure appt.               Don't cuss                                      catch the news
read paper or magazine                Eat                                                Fold clothes
Take a shower                              Check internet                                Check emails
do attendance report                     shut lights off                                turn heat up and down
exercise                                        Sand feet                                      Clean toilet- lots of boys
worry about retirement                 schedule surgery-dont think          Check on new baby
Call Chad                                      Help with school projects            Grocery shop
whose Birthday is it?                    Watch for state licensure                Watch ready for food licenser 
Chris's stomach deal with             Cody's brain                                  Lindsay's attitude
Write a book                                  Journal positive                            Watch Oprah
Eat                                                 Clean yard                                      try to watch Dateline
Rake                                              Mow                                              Vacuum and dust
clean girls rooms 1 x week           Apply for grant                              Get to classes once month
finish paperwork for license        Get gas                                            Change Oil
Take Vitamins                              Grandkids coming                          Dont smoke
No sex                                          Lin's braces                                    Lin's dentist/Bre dentist
Me dentist                                    Put video in                                    No Milk/Nick Allergy
Don't think                                    Make baby quilt                            Plan yard and flowers
play with children                        Be nice                                          Check in with Jackie
Cook                                            Go to chorus recital                        Go to bank
Answer phone                             Recover chair                                  Pray
Run to Wal Mart                          Horseshow                                      No sex
Listen to lies from everyone        Replace lights                                Hang over sink-nettie pot
laugh at all this                             Jackie's dream                                Go to the bathroom
wait for checks                            Beg for neck rub                              Roll on floor to fix neck
don't forget to lotion body            Do face mask                                Put tanning creme on face
Check with Carla                         dont grind teeth                              Sleep/DUMP troubles first
Sue, or don't sue                            check pulse                                    Remove Ambers glasses/sleep
lock doors                                    Paint swing set                                Shut TV's off after all kids asleep
Get mother's day gift                    call insurance man                        mark calendar constantly
pick up film                                  brush teeth                                    Lose the bra/hate it
laugh/cry                                       wash floors                                  dread some things/hope for others
don't complain                              hope for fantasy                            ignore reality sometimes
advocate for something                Listen                                            DON'T holler
start a business                             dream                                            lose weight
change sheets                               iron                                                wash mirror from people spit
trash day                                       love everyone                                search Ambers room for items
Go to church                                call exterminator                            clean mini blinds
clean off fans                               no sex                                              fix self cleaning oven
call attorney-WILL                     no burial plots                                  see a financial advisor
send a thank you note                 interpret the dream                          Call attorney/Cody's lawsuit
call doctor/Cody                         Computer out of ink                        Deal with day care parents
thyroid scan-radioactive pill       Call Dan                                        Make notes so don't forget things
find lost notes                              Fix Lindsays bike                          Call podiatrist/4th toe numb
return curling iron                       Buy stamps                                    Need Gpa/yard blower smoking
trim trees                                     Dog sick                                          Use God's Love on everyone
Listen to positive tape                 plan the day ha                                Do something fun when find time
be quiet                                        no sex (years)                                Read Psalms 91
Use time wisely                           take vitamins                                  Don't be afraid
Call Easter Seal Truck                Graduation gift                                Wash car and vacuum
Make good decisions                  Give good advice                            Give to God and don't take back
delegate authority                       FIND A NEW JOB                        Move to a desert island
don't be depressed                        eat 10 small meals                          Keep track of all this
go thru stack of mail                   throw away stuff                            find missing sock or buy new 
get new rabies tag                       get x spot fleas                                BREATHE
clean up yard of dog poop          budget better                                    cut coupons! Shut up! When
No sex                                         Update address book                      re-do photo albums
be thankful for all this                 Laugh and spread joy                      Be an example
fix meals for 13 people a day      Clean door knobs germs                                                       Sleep tight
  
photo from mariefrance.fr

Don't Pee on My Head and Tell Me it's Raining...................by Julianna Rowe

 That's right. Don't pee on my head and then tell me its raining! (Seems to be Judge Judy's favorite saying... She's not my idea of fair and decent though. More like dramatic and showy.) So unlike me, WHAT? And that's her paycheck so...it is what it is.

I  heard that phrase on a talk radio show the other day and at first I laughed and then I thought about it. And you know.... when I think.... it can become serious. Either a terrifying "true fiction" right out of the bowels of my brain, or a silly blogpost. I have always heard the older you get the less you care about what people think or say. Not "sa" sure! I flip flop on that one. Like I lose my patience with liars and cons and salespeople are the funniest. I have seen and heard every diff type of salesman because I have been around a long time. The faces change but the pitch doesn't. And I was one of the best in my day so there you go on that score. So I think I am smart? Yup I do! But I don't like anyone throwing dirt on my space and thinking its alright. Society has really changed since I was a young one. Do you remember when there used to be something called an "Accident." Now everyone is guilty and the more the better. There is allot of this peeing on everyone else's head and or legs and or space and it comes very systematically and politically correct! Feds pay prisons good money for those not so guilty people that had those "not so much" accidents! I could go one regarding many other little lion shops like doctors are now accountants. Reminds me of Gladiator days with lions of a different species is what I call it. And who can lie the best wins. In court, at the "cop shop," in the military, in our government, at school, at work. Amazing. It used to be just cons and bad people that did it. Now its 75% of our P O P, population! But I still wont tolerate anyone peeing on my head and telling me its raining. As for age and patience... who said that anyway? Now where's my little black dress so I can get on with this honest, kind, and happy day! I make it a point to dodge the yellow rain.

flickr.com/photos/voight-kampff/414487631