"EGGS - by Willa, Wanda, Chestnut, and Becky".... by Julianna Rowe

"EGGS" ....

by Julianna Rowe

I went to buy eggs and that was my first mistake. There was a time when buying eggs involved walking into a grocery store, picking up a carton of eggs and going home. Apparently, while I wasn't paying attention, eggs became complicated. Now I stand in front of the egg case and have choices. White eggs. Brown eggs. Cage-free eggs. Free-range eggs. Pasture-raised eggs. Organic eggs. Vegetarian-fed eggs. Omega-3 eggs. Grade A eggs. Grade AA eggs. Large eggs. Extra-large eggs. Jumbo eggs. I don't want to interview the chicken. I just want breakfast. 

First, let's settle the brown egg business. I always thought brown eggs looked healthier. They look earthy and wholesome, like they were laid by a chicken named Henrietta who lives in a red barn and listens to classical music. Nope. The color of the shell has nothing to do with the quality of the egg. Different breeds of chickens lay different colored eggs. Brown eggs can cost more because the chickens that lay them tend to be larger and can cost more to feed. So much for Henrietta and her classical music.

Then we have cage-free. Doesn't that sound lovely? Cage-free actually means the hens can move around inside their housing instead of living in cages. Free-range hens also have access to the outdoors. Then there's pasture-raised, which sounds like the chicken owns property.

And have you looked at the prices? I took a picture at the grocery store because I thought perhaps I was hallucinating. $13.99. They were organic. They were pasture-raised. They were apparently tended by hand by farmers who care. For $13.99, Henrietta isn't laying breakfast. She's producing an investment portfolio.

Then there are the grades. Grade AA is the highest quality, with firm whites and nice round yolks. Grade A is also high quality and is what we commonly find in grocery stores. Grade B usually heads off to become liquid, frozen or dried egg products. So after researching all of this, I now know considerably more about eggs than I ever intended.

But somewhere along the way I also heard about fake eggs. Eggs supposedly manufactured to look like real eggs, shell and all. Well, THAT got my attention, so I went looking. There are plant-based egg substitutes. There are companies working on alternative egg proteins. There are all sorts of things being developed to replace eggs. But I could not find reliable evidence that somebody is secretly manufacturing fake chicken eggs, putting them inside convincing fake shells and slipping them into American grocery-store cartons. Which is probably fortunate, because if I ever crack an egg into my frying pan and discover that somebody manufactured the SHELL, I am finished. I will have Diet Coke for breakfast. 

After all this talk about grocery-store eggs, I should probably confess that I don't usually buy mine there anyway. I get them from a friend who has the sweetest chickens in her backyard. Their names are Willa, Wanda, Chestnut and Becky, and I get the prettiest green eggs from Willa. I know exactly where those eggs came from, and I appreciate every "blessed" one of them. They even have their own security department, two dogs, Clover and Greta. Greta is an older Golden Retriever who guards those chickens like they are her children. She has reason to because they've lost a couple of chickens to hawks, so apparently backyard chicken life isn't all green eggs and sunshine. Not funny I know.

After researching cage-free, free-range, pasture-raised, organic and $13.99 cartons of eggs, I think I'll stick with Willa, Wanda, Chestnut and Becky. Especially Willa and her beautiful green eggs. I know where they came from, I know the chickens are loved, and I appreciate every "blessed" egg I get.

The Happy News Lady 💛