Mother's Day 2011 ....Card from Son #3 by Diane Ogden

I usually write about the odd and sometimes funny things that happen to me on a daily basis but this time I am sharing a beautiful and touching card from the third of my four sons that I rec'd this past Mother's Day.  I put it on the wall by the door where I can see it every day when I leave for work in this crazy world. Everyone should have a son like this who doesn't forget how important Mother's day is to all Mother's everywhere......

    " LOL, Well the hell with everything huh! Mostly everything is in the crapper right now but keep your
head on right and as low as the lowest point is the highest point will come soon after and boy will it be wonderful.  I love you with every cell in my body.  You have made an amazing man outta a crazy little boy rolling around on the kitchen floor with his pants down....wait, I still do that so never mind  about the rollin around with the pants down.  I wish I was there more but we all have our path and we must stick to it, so we can really want to help the ones we love.  Soon there will be a check in here (card) for $1,000,000 big ones. : )   Keep goin and stick to your guns, you made it this far. Love You and See you Soon! "  Signed Cody Ogden

Isn't he something?   So the Happy News for today is that everyone should be as lucky as I am to have such a son!  I have three other great ones but they don't write me words like this one does.  There should be a Happy Son Day! I like that. P.S. The million is good too....

Burndt Breakfast! by Diane Ogden

 This WAS the syrup I was attempting to warm before I poured it on my hurry-up-bisquick-pancake this morning.  I am truly surprised no one in the building called the big red trucks because everything smells like four large bags of cotton candy went down in my microwave.  Little does anyone smelling this know that is was a half of this tiny dixie cup.....  Now tell me if this is where a person says "My cup is half full or empty all gone?"  All I know is febreeze may not be able to cure this burndt sugar smell on everything in my home. I am now re-thinking consuming low-sugar Aunt Jemima Syrup ever again!  It looks like freeze dried dog poop!

Harry and I Rode on Edgar today! by Diane Ogden

Today was my day to be at Esther's house.  She was not home but she told me not to worry, she informed "Harry," her special dog friend that I was coming.  And indeed when I opened the door Harry was barking his ars off.  I said, "Hey, Esther told you I was coming, it's me DianeO!  Harry knew me and came flying down the stairs.  Harry didn't know that I ride "Edgar," (the electronic chair on a rail) up the stairs when I come to visit Esther.  So as usual I climbed into the electonic Edgar chair for my uphill ride when suddenly Harry jumps in my lap!  Oh yes I was shocked.  Not only is Harry heavy, but Harry likes to kiss every one's faces including mine. eeww.  While Harry and I are playing fair ride for doggies Esther is on a new drama mission with her condo ass'es (association) and the local detective's due to her and the colonel's neighbor.  He is an odd fellow who apparently does not like to take out his garbage for about a year.  The Colonel and Esther live in a real nice upscale condo with a downscale neighbor for sure.  There is oowwie goowie gunk running out from under his garage door which is directly adjacent to Esther's side of the garage!  Esther is having several hissie fits per day at present regarding the gunk.  Me, I don't live there so I am fine thank you.  The Colonel on the other hand thinks there may be several sorts of critters in the walls.  Oh my dear God, that did it for me....I will return when this is all taken care of.  At present there is an all points nationwide bulletin out for the fellow that used to live there until the stink sent him running somewhere else.  We hear tell he quit taking his meds a few months ago.  Poor soul.  The happy news for today is that I don't live there, Esther does!  Too bad so sad.  P.S. The Colonel went to his cave den to deal.  Esther went to bed with her dog. I got on "Edgar" and rode myself outta there.

Esther and Her Bears..... by Diane Ogden

Esther loves teddy bears.  Teddy bears of all shapes, sizes, and colors.  I would not be exaggerating if I said she has five hundred, yes FIVE HUNDRED plus bears in her and The Colonel's home.  And all about   her precious car windows.  She uses those only in times of need such as if her Grand daughter is sassy Esther drives to Grand's friends houses and up in front of her school with the stuffed babies in back of Buick!  Embarrassing!  That's the idea!  Back to the bears.  She wanted to name her daughters Yogi, Smokey, and BooBoo but the Colonel put his foot down hard on that one.  Sometimes I think Esther just wants to be a little girl again.  Why not.  There are
bears in her bedroom, her bathroom, her laundry room, her kitchen, her den, her porch, and the loft. There are NO BEARS in The Colonel's den room.  (Cave!)  Some people collect porcelain dolls, some marbles, some bottles, coins, baskets, and some little old ladies collect CATS!!  Thank God Esther only had five hundred plus bears.  What can it hurt.  Only the children and the grands when Esther decides to embarrass them with her imaginative vehicle bear display.  They deserve it for sure.
artcar.blogspot.com (photo of vehicle from)

Esther and The Colonel have 'the talk' by Diane Ogden

As you know from the previous posts Esther had her magnanimously expensive jewelry party.  She survived her shaking syndrome ladder cleaning Christmas light experience and prepared yogurt mixed with lite cool whip along with a fruit plate.  Esther doesn't cook she just lays things out like that and that is the real Esther meal deal. Or party snack, either way.  The Colonel does the grocery shopping so he can keep site on the outgo grocery cash flow.  He got upset the other day because Esther leaves a "night light" on near the steps.  Leaving it on would make sense so as not to fall. Not to The Colonel. "Costs too much, turn it off!"  Esther shakes her head as she walks away ignoring his cheap remarks.  So the party begins.  Her daughters and one Grand arrive.  All are looking through the magnanimously expensive jewel books.  Each in her own time says, "Ma, can you buy me this? Ma, can you buy me that?" Then the Grand says, "Grandmother, will you get me those and that too?"  Esther very pleasantly smiles all the time thinking, "Lord, I have died and gone to hell," and turns toward the yogurt whip, places a large piece of dunked fruit into it and fills her mouth conveniently so she doesn't have to answer ghoulish children.  Then Esther licks the lid of the cool whip. That way it never spills over onto her large chest because of  her shaking disorder. As I said in previous post, Esther shakes and spills everything liquid she tries to drink all over her tops.  She tries to coordinate lemon juice when she wears yellow and rosewater when she wears pink and so on. When I arrive at the party The Colonel is outside the garage with Esther's special dog Harry. He tells me its time for him to exit until much later.  So he and Harry take off for parts unknown.  Well Esther calls me today and informs me there will be "a talk" with The Colonel this evening because he went somewhere, she is certain he frequented a corner bar and left Harry in the car for over two hours.  Boy is there going to "a talk!" Cause The Colonel was popped when he got home.  He slither staggered past all those party women with what brain cells he had left and crawled into his cave den.   When Esther saw him staggering she headed for the closet to get "Hubert" the long handled fan duster for The Colonel's head!  But then she remembered she had guests!  That is why "the kill" didn't happen last night and "the talk" is probably happening tonight as I type/speak. O well this is why Esther gets what she wants!  So The Colonel can stagger.  But he staggered over the line this time cause he took Esther's precious Harry on his little sneaky drinking outing. Wrong move Colonel.

Esther needs Christmas Lites in June... by Diane Ogden

Yesterday Esther called to tell me she was having a jewelry party.  You know one of those overpriced to the moon money parties. Don't come without your money purse bag bank.  I told Esther I would come to her party.  (Just in cast no one else comes) Then she asked me where she could get some Christmas Lites. I obviously responded with WHY, it's June?  She explained how she finally after two years of waiting for the skinniest daughter to come help her, she would clean off the tops of her cupboards alone.  So out comes the ladder and up goes Esther.  Make a little mental note here that Esther has something called something...its a shaking syndrome.  No not Parkinson's, but she shakes like that unless she is lying down.  I told Esther to find herself a remote control bed so we could go places and the other plus is she wouldn't spill on herself anymore.  Orange drink, water, yogurt, various soda's all end up resting a top her large jugs that rest upon her chest.  Her boobs I mean.  The girl needs a bib and a de-boob job.  She would love that! We all excuse her spilling because while she is spilling she wears a four karat diamond, or is it a five karat diamond honking ring that The Colonel got her that way back when they were still "doin it."  (p.s. and liking  it)  Now she prefers to sleep with the dog.  In all good taste that is. Back to the Christmas Lites.  I said, "Esther, what are you going to do with Christmas Lites?"  She told me they were going on top of her cupboards in the red berry baskets cause the old ones burned out.  I told her ACE Hardware has everything, go there.  You have to picture Esther on a ladder, shaking, in her kitchen, cleaning her Christmas lights and baskets for her overpriced jewelry party while The Colonel is probably in his closet drinking to forget or maybe to remember. Whichever, he is quiet for a moment.  And that is always good.

photo borrowed from http://hiddenmahala.blogspot.com/

Away in a Manger Vedging on the edge! by Diane Ogden

This would be my dog Gracie Allen!  I was walking to the kitchen when whalla I looked down and there she was laying upside down on the Sheepskin Rug that lays over the edge of my sofa.  I grabbed the camera! And then the words I associated this picture with came to me.  No blasphemy intended of course. Cause God has a sense of humor!  Where'd ya think I got mine from.

Away in a manger, no crib for her bed
The little Lord Gracie laid down her sweet head
The stars in the outside looked down where she lay
The little Lord Gracie asleep on the sheep

The cattle are lowing, little Gracie awakes,
But little Lord Gracie no crying she makes.
I love Thee, Lord Jesus, look down from the sky
And stay by my Gracie till morning is nigh.

Be near her, Lord Jesus, I ask Thee to stay
Close by her forever, and love her, I pray.
Bless all the dear doggies in thy tender care,
And take them to heaven, to live with Thee there.