The Secret Of The Universe

Twins .......continued.......by Diane Ogden

And so it continues.......
That room used to be called a "Sun Room" as it has windows facing the afternoon sun on two sides.  Just figure that window thing out, it works. Check out the before and after pics. Soooo....naturally I have a lot of plants who live out there and love it.
The plant laying on the floor was run over by the twin with the striped socks and the 70's flowered silk p.j.'s standing over it.   The part of the picture missing is the metal stand the brass potted plant was resting happily on before the massacre.  Also to the rear of it lay a pine tree on its side.  

The guilty twin kept saying she was sorry.  Of course I said it's alright honey, at which time she told me she wasn't talking to me, she was telling the dirt she was sorry.  Okie Dokie and I just ignored that.  Do notice the suede and fur Pottery Barn throw lying very close to said dirt! Frightening.
She actually cleaned it all up on her own after I handed her a large spoon and the hose end of the vacuum as well as showing her where the off button was when she finished. 

Then we all walked down to the apt. bin to get the queen size euro bed and as I watched them sit on it while it was blowing up, they noticed my little dog "humping' my cat and the twin squealing started. (sorry no photo of dog humping cat, although there is a video in bad taste)  That is when the one twin told me how Mason tried to hump her in the hall at school just like that.  I said, "What? What did you do?"   She told me she said,  eeewww! I also heard about Marc humping Jason's head at recess.  And I was shown a visual on how that looks.  Just what I needed to see.  Not! 
Is this happy news? You bet it is. No one's sick or dying and all is pretty normal wouldn't you agree?  The dog humps the cat, Grandkids tip over plants, little boys will be humping whatever they can find for infinity, and we have a ero bed they are pretending is a magic carpet and the other grand is sending me text drawings from afar. Its all good news.

The Little Dolls from Puerto Rico........by Diane Ogden

So one Grand stayed overnight Friday, was picked up at 3:00 p.m. today and two more were dropped off!  Holy twins, and one with a horrible cough someone tell me I will get some sleep tonight?  Oh,wait, son left two bottles of medicine with post it notes saying, "Do Not Give Whole Bottle!"  I think that was a joke....
The twins brought with them two little PuertoRican dolls that appeared to be hand sewn.  Cutest little buggers.  I said, "How cool are these, as I picked up the bloomers to check the details on how well they were made.  (I used to make little dolls that were similar so I felt as tho I had some quality control status on this here subject)  As I lifted the left bloomer leg I noticed a tag. Said tag read, "MADE IN INDIA!"   I tell you I started to laugh as I read it to my son who just stood there before me with the most dumbfounded look on his face I have seen in years.  He said, "I specifically asked that man if these dolls were made local and he assured me they were."  Yes son and I will sell you that bridge in Arizona or whatever that country song says. 
At that point I offered to CUT the tag off the left leg-ged PuertoRican doll from India.  I suspect he could have picked those up at a truck stop outside of town if he'd wanted to wait til he got home. 

Me, I didn't even get a T-shirt made in China from Puerto Rico.  It's okay, they put bad stuff in their cotton I hear.  And I am glad the girls are too old for show and tell or this would fall into the category of "Your Dad got snookered kids."  Shhhh they'll never know.  And I found my happy news for the day.

Red Rubber Duckies........by Diane Ogden

I love buying people things therefore holidays are my greatest pleasure so as to excuse and allow my over zealous giving spirit.  Valentines day I happened to pass some rubber duckies at the grocer store.  No kidding.  These little duckies have rotating  lites of different colors.  For real!  I was so pleased I picked up four of them.  One for me.  Cant you picture that 8 x 10 glossy of me in the bath with a lited rubber duckie (don't go there!). 
I purchased one for the littlest grand.
I purchased one for the littlest and only great grand.
I purchased one of each for my life job helpers small children......
When I went to remove the sticker on the bottom it read:  Small parts not for children under 3! 
S H U T U P   C H I N A! 
There is probably blue asphalt inside the rubber duckies to make them lite up blue.  Sshheessh chit
So day after Valentines Day I receive the sweetest gift from my helper workers.  It's the photo I have posted in a nice little frame, and a "sweet" chocolate rose which I am allergic to.  But so appreciative of the thought. 
(Do you ever get sick of, "It's the thought that counts," deal) 
I am totally impressed how those two wee ones posed with the rubber duckies for the pictures.  Is that Happy News or what?  Made my day!!
(Notice one has a white duckie and one has a red one)

The Limo and the Maintenance Man.......by Diane Ogden

Today was a happy day give or take the crap.  Ever notice how crap resembles carp.  And both are garbage creators, slash, eaters. Carp is crap and crap is carp.   Back to my point....  I look for happy things in the midst of every day life. 
I was standing in front of a clients home this morning when up the street comes, no not a knight in shining armor on a white steed duh!  A limo, a long black truck looking limo.  Some people think the new SUV type limo's are cool but to me they look like a long black truck without mud flaps.  Yet the idea of the limo itself leans the mind toward extravagant.  Mind you I am about to begin a days hard work which is the opposite of extravagant limo.  I think the driver was reading my mind because he slowed down and waved to me that wave that says, "Sorry lady!  Maybe next time!"  I waved and gave him the, "You know what you look."  Smiling the entire time I was.

Then my sweet, very young manboy banker helped me fax some legal papers which after I left, said company called me saying very young sweet manboy banker obviously cannot run a fax machine as they only received two of four sheets.  So I run to my complex office to use their fax where I run into our maintenance man.  He asks me how my microwave is doing?  I said, "Fine, so is my toilet, why?"  He reminded me of the fact it was my third microwave in eight years. I said, "But I'm still on toilet number one!"  He had installed a small part in the third microwave that quit working within one day so the Frigidaire folks had to come and replace that same small part in third cheap microwave. He couldn't understand why his part didn't work.  I told him, "I suspect your itty bitty part must be defective." At which time the office girl could not hold in her snickers and the maintenance man loudly told me I had a dirty mind.  I do not!  I just find the happy and funny anywhere I can.  From Limo drivers to bankers to maintenance man-boys with little bitty parts that don't work. 

My Dead Mouse by Diane Ogden

That little rhinestone creature WAS my precious computer/laptop mouse that died a horrible death. The dog got it and shook it and shook it.  There were little baby rhinestones flying all over the room sticking on the walls and curtains. Done/Dead! I loved that rhinestone mouse. Not like you love your family of course (well sometimes actually more depending on the day)....rather how a girl likes her diamonds.  That dead mouse made me happy every time I sat down at my technology center which includes one dead PC, one large wonderful monitor waiting for its Dead PC to come back home and turn 'her' on again. One scanner printer, another better scanner, one laptop, and one Toshiba tablet.  The worse part is the built in mouse on my laptop doesn't work so well, then the rhinestone mouse dies, so I run to Wal Mart and buy a cheapee mousie while I wait for the new rhinestone mouse to come by UPS after ordering it online?  I tried to install an old PC wireless mouse on the dead mouseless laptop but no go. I lost the little teeny tiny USB dealie that makes those items work.  Imagine that.
I also have the matching glitzie stapler that is alive and kickin ars.  I'll all work out.  In the large scheme of life it's considered a very low issue, except to me..........Of course if something had to die within these walls I guess the mouse would be the safest to go!

Happy Valentines Day Diane O......by Diane Ogden

I have been wanting a piece of cake for some time now.  So......my brain simply said NOW and this morning I stopped at a local grocer I happen to be passing when I could no longer put the brain craving off. 
You should have seen all the 80 plus year old men walking in and out with flowers and cupcakes and cookies, I suspect for some nice lady back at the ranch or home in the nearby neighborhood.  Or maybe like me there was no one at the ranch and they were merely severely having a Valentine's Day sugar love craving.  I love worthless cake roses.  I have loved worthless cake roses  ever since I was a kid.  I know I know,  and they leave a greasy fat coating in your mouth.  Fat! Yup! Do not care I love wedding cake roses, birthday cake roses, Valentine cake roses!  4th of July cake roses and so on. 

So I am not going to wait eight hours until I get home to scarf this little darlin and her two rose up.  I am sitting in my car in the grocer parking lot eating this sweet on myself cake with the spoon I brought in my lunch to eat my no sugar Motts Grannie Smith Applesauce.  How embarrassing is that to tell.
So notice I get to the first rose(I moved it) and I am so totally excited.  Sugar RUSH coming!  I decide to eat only one petal so as to savor the two little roses upon my pallet.  I tried to scoop a petal off and discovered it was hard.  I thought, whaaaooo, my rose is old and hard.  Then I started to hit the center of the rose and it was hello rock hard and obviously made of plastic.  Had I thrown it in my mouth whole like I usually do, so I can roll it around and enjoy it for as long as possible, I could have broken a tooth.  What kind of jerk bakery puts plastic roses on an itty bitty chitty cake and charges $4.99.  Robbery I say!  Corporate Valentines Day itty bitty chitty cake robbery. 

I bought myself the cute little cake because its Valentines Day and I love myself!  Anyway I knew no one else would buy me one as I "are" a single person.   I removed the plastic worthless roses and gave my "gremlin" looking doggie the pan to lick clean.  Doesn't she look like she might KILL if I try to take that pan of crumbs and frosting away?  I didn't, she put her paw inside it to hold it down and licked it spotless.  Happy Valentines Day from the Happy News Lady....