Hairballs Hairballs Hairballs.......by Diane Ogden

That would be ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS worth of cat food that will hermetically break apart hairballs in the body of my cat that has OCD hairballs.  Some cats may have GAD hairballs, but mine has both.  Obsessive Compulsive Disorder of the licking hair.  And Generalized Anxiety Disorder of the scared to death so licks the hair.  Result:   Cant poop!  Sits in litter box looking at me with those huge blue eyes and cries.  So I walk over and pet this cat like its a kid who needs to pueck which is what actually  happens due to hairballs in the belly also.  Poor kitty poo who cant poo.  And that is why I spent ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS to help correct this "tight" situation.  The food will last for and extended six months for sure.  I did get concerned today about where it is produced.  I mean I have had it with CHINA!  They killed my 19 year old cat on the last recall.  Now I hear they are killing dogs with their chicken jerky.  Sooo....I read each and every label.  IAMS is from Ontario, Canada.  Chicken Soup for Cat Lovers is from Meta, Missouri, Eukanuba is also from Ontario, Canada, and Purina One is fromVevey, Switzerland.   OMG....no china word in there anywhere.  That alone speaks cures for the purrs.  That and the $80 I just spent at Amazon.com for the Feliway plug in's that are "drugs in the air" to calm the felines.  Hoping they will be too drunk to lick anything.  Reminds me of an old Kris Kristopherson song where he wakes up in jail and his mouth tastes like he'd been lickin somethin sick and wrong.  Bingo.....that's what I am hoping for.  Drunk cats!  They will be healthy though.  A cat that cant poo is no good.  I do feel sorry for the other cat that can poo.  So far its okay.  No problems. No extra poo going on.  I give that one extra treats for having to deal.
Went to the local pet store today.  They informed me that are now changing over to all American made cat/dog/horse/sheep/etc. food.  Wow.  That is great news.  Maybe not as funny as me petting my cat while she is crying and trying to poo pebbles, but great news. 
So until I "run into" something funny or weird or entertaining...  Be Happy, Be Well (do not eat cat food or any food from China) Be Safe, (do not take any meds from China) and get rich so you can get a lawyer in case your cat or dog dies from tainted greedy American companies buying chinese animal food with poison fillers. 

Goosed in VietNam Down the Street...... by Diane Ogden

I stopped in at the VietNam nail place down the street for a fill on my nails and decided to get the second pedicure ever in me life!  They seemed to be getting busy so the person that usually does my nails gave me to his brother.  I think his brother hasn't done this so much and that is an understatement!  And I cant say I felt very comfortable with this fellow rubbing my legs and slapping them on occasion.  Oh and God forgive, I mean forbid, he reached up and turned on the massaging chair.  That was okay until suddenly something "goosed me!"   Oh yeah, goosed me a good three inches.  Thank God or whoever it was I was not sitting dead center on that chair or I may have acted like the Meg Ryan in Sleepless In Seattle. That would have been awfully embarrassing.  So I sat there getting the bottom of my bottom slapped, the middle of my body goosed, and the top of my body (brain) unsure if it was disgusted or trying to maintain control.  Finally it was over.  I was then escorted which I am sure was a sight considering my legs were like jello after the wonderfully horrible experience.  Now I am placed at the lite to dry my toenails and another lite above for my fingernails.  I was supposed to sit for ten minutes.  After 30 minutes none of my nails were dry.  No one knows why.  And no one had time to fix the problem. Personally I think he put oil on as a base coat thinking it was the base coat. So they kept putting more oil on my nails and sent me home.  You see the owners wife was being taken to the hospital to be induced considering she was 10 days overdue.  What had I gotten myself into?

Seriously, who gets a pedicure and goosed at the same time.  That's like going to the dentist and getting a pap smear.  S H U T U P! The worst part is when I woke up this morning my right big toe nail was crinkled and smeared from never drying.  And my fingernails were and are somewhat sticky.  I wont fix them because THEY OWE ME!   Boy do they owe me!  So until I get goosed by an electric chair again, or find something unusual to report, Be Happy, Be Safe, and Be Well...  and get rich so you don't have to ever have a chair handle your private end in public anyway.  ssshhheeesshh I never

Today we went ABOVE and beyond the call of duty!  We unscrewed a bathroom ceiling vent and as my helper held it down and brushed the mega dust off it..........."it" pulled itself (humm) away from it wiring.  Oh yeah!  I stood there starring up at her holding the vent and both of us looking at the exposed wires.  Not good.  While she was cleaning it I was saying, "Be careful of the wires , be careful of the wires."   After this happened I took the still dirty vent to the kitchen and cleaned it like new!  I emailed my client telling her to call maintenance and for Lordie sakes don't touch the wires.  Even though touching them would mean she would have to climb on a chair/ the toilet seat/ a step stool.  Still...... made me nervous.  What good is a sparkling clean vent that isn't hooked up.  Actually I left it proudly laying on the kitchen table.  What the hell was I so proud of?  We flippin broke it.  Some people are so into clean they cant see reality.  Me!  No I am not anal.  You know over the top on any one subject.

I have not heard from my client.  Maybe I should be the one to give a word to her first considering I started this mess.  I think I'm afraid.   Of what?  Going above and beyond the call of duty?
Not of those two wires coming apart and hanging out of the ceiling.  Sort of reminds me of cleaning a refrigerator and then suddenly it dies.  What good is that?  This is not a funny.  But then I betcha it will all turn out 100% wonderful because that vent was disgusting and maybe even dangerous.  Why it could have started its own little bon-ceiling-fire with all that lint to work with.  So we saved their lives and don't ever forget it.  Then again there are the whirlpool people tubs that need serious hot water and vinegar run through them for at least an hour to detox them so they don't kill someone.   Not funny huh?  I saw a license plate today that said, "ALSWELL."    It was mine!  And it is true.   So until next time I leave live wires hanging out of a clients ceiling, be well, be happy, be SAFE, and get rich so you don't have to deal with dirty bathroom vents. 

blanche devereaux.......by Diane Ogden

Okay so that is Blanche Devereaux.  Yupsie!~  And I am so sad at the death of her.  She is a part of one of my clients families.  God Darnit all anyway.  I am not sure of the lifespan of chickens.  But no matter its still darn sad.  I see those chickens every other week near the lake in Madison....next door to the lady hoarder whom I hope doesn't die before I do so I don't have to fight all those mice that will leave her house and head for my clients home...eeeww       I don't think Blanche was chopped off at the neck like my dad used to chop our chickens heads off after their egg laying days were over.  God forbid that should happen to us ladies. Humm well actually it does doesn't it?  We are considered over the hill when the ovaries shrivel up. LOL.  Let me tell you I can still move like a rock star even though those two almond shaped little shits are shriveled.  Thank God they did.  Cause I had enough of that mess.  Enough children to teach me about life, enough Grands to allow me the grace to teach em back....and parents passing so I can have a life of peace with all the above! So here's to you Blanche Devereaux and all the eggs you blessed my clients with.  God Bless your everlasting life!  So.....there ya go.  You don't get to hold the legs like I used to after daddy killer chicken held the Blanches down over an old tree stump and raised the hatchet in the air and then lowered it hard!!!   (Scream)  Then he would hand me the leg and show me how to pull the tendon so the chicken fingers would move back and forth.  Whoopie phoophie huh?  Not my bag of tea!  Then mother farmer would pluck all the feathers out of the body like skinning a, well a chicken.  It stunk for real........ smell bad.  Then she would gutt it out....pull all the insides outside and that really smelled amazing. NOT!   Then she would cook it and then can it.  You know, pressurize the body so it wouldn't spoil and put it in jars for later use. Like they do people before putting them in coffins.  eeww eeewew. Yup that is what would happen to Blanche Devereaux at the funny farm I grew up on.  And I don't like even killing a spider! It's bad KARMA.  How did I get born to that funny farm?  Who knows.  But I did. Someday I may know the reason.  In the meantime I do recall Regge Rooster and my Dad shooting him at the funny farm because he got toooo big for his bridges and tried to attack all of us!  Even my bestie dog.   So I guess this wasn't so funny but maybe enlightening.  So until I find something funny or interesting, be well, be safe, and be happy, cause no one is  chopping your head off!  And get rich so you don't think about what is really happening.  Like Blanche Devereaux's death ....  she gave a family good health and happiness while here on earth.  That is damn good stuff Blanche.  RIP old girl!

LuLuBelle...... by Diane Ogden

This is LuLuBelle.  Where do I start.  She lived with Gracie Allen (6 lb ChiPom) and LucyLou (rescue feral) when she was an itty bitty kitty.  Then she moved away with my 22 year old daughter to a house where people came and went, sometimes not so nice people.  Then she moved back with us again, and then out again!  The last couple times she got moved she FREAKED!  Daughter brought her back here a mental mess.  We thought she would remember Gracie and LucyLou but notsomuch.  If she remembered she didn't care cause she was mad as hell.  I couldn't touch her or she would attack my arm and hand.  She tore up everything in front of her paws.  My sofa, my chairs, my beautiful area rugs, my bed, my grandmothers antique red velvet tufted sofa I slept on when I was four.  Long assie time ago!  You are wondering why I didn't just throw her out the front door or at least take her to the HU-MANE society?  Number one I couldn't pic her up to kick her out. LOL.   Number two - I have a bad habit of rescuing men, children, and animals.  I stay far away from prisons if you get my drift!!  On occasion LuLuBelle will come into my bed in the middle of the night and sit on my chest.  I open my eyes to what appears to be evil sometimes.  You rule LuLu and I don't move.  Then suddenly out of nowhere like a bolt of lightning she sprints off my chest and in one long bound is gone!  Its enough to wake up the dead which I am wondering if someone hasn't inhabited her being.  Just kidding oh Lord I hope I am...   Okay so she is wounding LucyLou which cost me $266.00 the last time.  Its been ten months people.  Time for this cat to adjust.  Oh I forgot to tell you she developed a nervous disorder where she hysterical licking of his flanks and back which moves autonomously, like shivering. Its called Feline hyperesthesia syndrome.  I call it PTSD from too many moves and some abuse to boot.
Read more: Neurological Disorders in Cats - VetInfo

I bought some Comfort Zone Spray which helped some.  It calms them all down and makes them all new.  Notsomuch!   So after the vet bill of $266 for wounds to the head on LucyLou I came home with a Comfort Zone PLUG IN at $40.00 a crack.  And I am telling you that is working!  Although I think I need two, do the math - $80 a month.  I could have her declawed but I cant pick her up. doi.  She still rules.  Wish they had these plug in's for humans.  I'd still be married and have dental insurance.  Some things are better left behind.... 
As you can see by the photos we are making serious progress unless she is just trying to show me she's boss considering I had a lot of work to do on that computer today.  humm.  She is still sleeping on it right now.  I think it is because it is warm.  Hey, LuLu-B  I have a heating pad going on over here.  At least the keys aren't all xxxxxxxxxxxxxzzzzzz - ing ...and my Amazon order seems to still be on the screen behind her.  I had set a piece of paper on the keyboard which saved her and I a lot of issues.  Let's hope LuLu will turn a corner and become a loving (did I say loving??) part of this little family.  And when I wake up with her on my chest I see a different eye looking at me in the dark.