Baking Soda Cures E.D? by Julianna Rowe

 

“Baking Soda Cures E.D.?”  by Julianna Rowe

Pull up a chair, front row, no cover charge.

The other day I was minding my own business when I stumbled across an article online claiming baking soda could cure E.D. (erectile dysfunction)

My Grandma never told me this one!!  Is it true or did my grandma miss that chapter?

Short answer: nope, baking soda does not cause erections. That ad was pure snake oil with a lab coat on. I knew that!  And if I wasn’t totally convinced yet, I was sure I had found my next blogger post.

Really? Baking soda? For nearly 200 years it has quietly sat in our kitchen cabinets asking for absolutely nothing. It freshens refrigerators, helps cookies rise, deodorizes shoes no human should ever admit to owning, and even settles an occasional upset stomach. Then one day some mischief maker showed up with this online claim.  People get their kicks in mysterious ways these days.

Who looked at Grandma's banana bread recipe and thought, "I bet THAT'S the secret?"

Imagine the executives at Arm & Hammer walking into their Monday morning board meeting. "Good news," says the marketing director. "Sales are up!" Everyone applauds as he clears his throat. "The problem is...we're not exactly sure why." Finally, someone whispers, "Sir...apparently older men are buying six boxes at a time.

Then there's the guy who sees an AI commercial narrated by some robot named Brad.exe. "Folks, if a household cleaning product solved men's problems, the baking aisle would have been sold out since 1958. Costco would limit customers to two boxes, Home Depot would install velvet ropes, and women would start hiding baking soda the same way they hide the good chocolate.

And don't think this nonsense is going to stop with baking soda. Next week on the internet somewhere it will tell us paprika grows hair. Store shelves? Empty. Then oregano lowers your mortgage payment and banks begin investigating Italian restaurants. Cream of tartar restores your memory, but half of America forgets why they bought it. By Christmas, the spice aisle is under federal protection and CNN is reporting there is no shortage of cinnamon.

Grandma’s only dream regarding baking soda was to make great banana bread. No man in the history of humankind has said: “Pass the baking soda, darling, it’s about to get wild.”

So, you’re safe. Your grandma was still wise and instead of “male enhancement,” it’s more like “ER enhancement if taken in large quantities.”  

I can hear my grandma, from the afterlife: “If that worked, the 1940s would’ve been feral.” Imagine the romance: “Baby, light some candles…I’ll grab the baking soda…and my dignity, which I seem to have misplaced.” And let’s be honest, if baking soda caused erections, Arm & Hammer would’ve rebranded by now: “Hammered & Ready.”

My grandma absolutely knew this nutty ad wasn’t real. Me, I had to do some research! She lived in an era where: Men walked miles, chopped wood, didn’t need pantry chemistry to feel manly.

“Honey, if it takes baking soda, something else is the problem.”